Monday, September 16, 2013

Some Days I Look Inside When I Wake Up...

Good Afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   Some days like today I have absolutely nothing to blog about at all.   I look inside me, and things seem pretty okay.  My heart seems upbeat, so I guess I can blog. 

Not that I don't blog when I am in a bad mood, but it seems to me if I blog it should go okay.  Why do I blog??   A good question.   I know sometimes I make people mad about stuff.   I never know why. 

Want to know something weird about me??   Something that happened long ago, and it explains a lot of my confidence??   It was the night many Summers ago when I gave up.  I couldn't go on, and I couldn't go back to that place I was.  There was a warning a long time ago.   It went something like this:   " I wish you would realize you will pay for all the words you say on the day of judgement." 

cryptic huh??   I always wondered what that meant, but I have a feeling it was really about those 3 days, and how it ended.   I cursed,  I was sooo mad.   Why did I have to live this stupid life only to go back there.   It was the cruelest thing ever done to me, and I vented my frustration.   It wasn't the only time I have had one side heated exchanges, but it was the worst.   It was the only time I could never go on.   I couldn't do it. 

That night my heart was taken.   I don't know what that means to you, but it was placed in good hands.  Up above away from eyesight where no no one can get to it.  So I trust it.   I mean it may have taken a while, but I have been a certain way since "the wait" has started, and not afraid to go off on a limb. 

It is confidence I was given.   Confidence to go on and do the things I do.  Maybe that is the one enticing thing about who you are.   Don't you want confidence??   Don't you want to be assured??

You have to walk the plank kinda huh??   You hold onto this and that, because to let go means you stand alone.   You stand naked.   There is nothing to prop you up.   My life and I am worthwhile because I do???   I've done???   I am striving for??? 

I know I said a long time ago I was going to take everything away from you.   All the things you use to prop you up, because you have to stand naked, before you can see.  When I do take all these things away you will not feel secure, and you will be afraid, and really that is what it is all about. 

You live on your own merits.   The one thing you have to show for you is your life.   It isn't the stuff you show people etc...  it is everything.   Everything about you, and it isn't what the people think that matters. 

I have gone through hard stuff, and I have done hard stuff, and much has been written about me.  It is a nutty story, and I know what is asked of me. 

It has been a long journey to where I am now.   A lot of stuff I learned.   The hard thing about this thing is you cannot walk in my shoes.   You don't know the things I know, and you cannot see what I see. 

I am a couple steps ahead so to speak, and I don't know what to make of it.   I try to help in the little ways I can, but that isn't much. 

Oh well.   Not really a lot to say.   I know you hold on, and I guess it is scary to let go.   The scary blind step.  I get how hard it is. 

Oh well...

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  work today, and then 2 days off.   I think I can start running soon too.   

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D  

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