Where to start?? Well yesterday was just an awful day. I woke up in a bad mood. I was running a little late, but no biggie. I started running to work. I got a block, and thought, why not take the day off?? I am not scheduled on Saturdays, so that was an easy thing to talk myself into. I thought I'd take Hope for a little run, and talked myself into going back to bed. :) I did not run yesterday. After I slept I watched two movies. I was in a pretty bad mood still though.
One of those days. Some shit just throws me over the top too. I see people have a dilemma, and we are split in two. We have an idea in our heads of what a good and decent person is "supposed" to be like. What they are supposed to like, and how they are supposed to act, but all that is in our head is what our own simplistic understanding brings us too. That stuff is pretty foolish, a waste of time, etc.. I see some stupid shit, and I am like really?? That is the extent of what the fuck you think about?? No it isn't, because your heart is leading you to another place. A place to find wisdom, but for some fucking reason you want to hold onto the simpler Bullshit that you feel is a safe place, but it is where fools live. Think about shit you think is "right" Now go to your heart, do you really give a fuck about that?? See what I mean?? You can throw away like 90% of the shit in your head, because it doesn't mean shit.
Follow your heart, and see where your thoughts lead you to. Just have a little bit of courage and throw away the stupid shit. So many of the things in your life you have no control over. There is no reason on your part that you did not grow up a kid in Africa who was malnourished, and in poverty. Nothing did you do on your part that you are not now a 15 year old fighting in Syria. You did nothing to make sure you did not grow up in Saudi Arabia where hate is the teaching of the day. As a matter of fact hate is the teaching of the day everywhere. I hate Republicans, I hate Democrats. I hate everyone in Afghanistan who is not part of the coalition of the willing. We definitely hate everyone in Iran. The nerve of them people being born in that Country. Let's wipe them off the face of the Earth. They shouldn't be going after Nuclear technology, because we would never do anything to them like we did to Iraq. We like brown'ish people. Doesn't our history prove that??
The world is full of a bunch of bullshit. It is ugly, and hate is the thing we hold onto, because it is powerful, and it makes us feel strong, but throw it away. You can actually throw everything away if you want, it won't hurt you. Why??? There is no such thing as happily ever after. The white picket fence is bullshit. All we strive for is vanity of vanities.
Something about me, and this will be strange. I have told you this before. I don't know why it is this way, but if you don't read this fine. If you do read this and tell me in some way you don't that is bad. Why??? I have no idea. I mean it is bad not in my eyes, because in my head I shouldn't really give a shit, but for some reason it is. It is the Iz night all over you know?? My brother Jim was a negative commenter, which is just lying basically, and I had to take all his baggage, which was very very very significant. I remember waking up the next day after the Iz thing. My Twitter was gone, and I defriended a bunch of people, and I was like WTF is going on?? I had no idea I took Jim's shit, until he died. I did not let him come live with us, because I couldn't handle another lazy person living with me. So he lost his last bit of unconditional love, and he was alone. Alone to find his way, and he found it. Just like Steve Rose, and the path is one of humility. What we show people in our head is ourselves trying to put ourselves on a pedestal. See I think this, I must be good right??
If you want to know what is good, it is the thief on the cross. A life wasted, but with humility he said I am getting what I deserve. The wicked and bad people were the ones on the ground. The judgers. That is you and everyone else. Your path is the thief, and trust me, you don't want to remain a judger. That leads nowhere good.
Later...
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