Wednesday, March 23, 2011

A Penny For Your Thoughts... :)

First off I guess I should mention a couple changes I made.  One is just a couple people were not ready, so took them off.  No biggie, when I go through a period like I did when I got rid of twitter for a while, some things may not seem to end well, but all happens for good.  I made a change this week too, and that was just because issues outside of my control.  I don't want to end up in that hornets nest, so I just left.  I'll let that shit take care of itself. 

So my year goals as far as this thing goes has been a fail of sorts.  All in all though, I think things are going pretty good.  Here is something that gets me.  I was talking to Selena, and Cory at work.  Selena asked me if I pissed anyone off recently??  I was like "huh"?  She said she reads some of my posts, like the one where I said I didn't like kids, and then had to clarify by saying I never wanted to be a father, so I don't like kids as in me being a father.  I throw my shit out there, and it really is my thoughts.   A lot about my life, and I don't want people to think it is about them.  That is the scary thing about doing this.  I mean by what I can tell, I do piss people off, and I don't mean to.

We also talked of Lisa's brother Brian.  I told them what he told me.  When he was in his final year living in Michigan he said it was either come out of the closet or kill himself.  I mean Sheesh!!  It is funny after the hospital, while Natalie was in Denmark, I hung out with her twin sister Alyssia.  They were like the O'Tooles not look alike kinds, but close.  Alyssia was really outgoing and funny.  She had a bunch of gay friends, and hung out at the gay bar quite a bit.  I think it was this time hanging out with Alyssia and her gay friends, that helped me be more comfortable around gay people.  One time Hal and I even went to the gay bar, just being kinda weirdos.  You know to ask the women to dance.  :)   lol.  Not much success that night.  :)  lol. 

I felt comfortable with Brian when he came out, and I felt comfortable with my ex-neighbor Rick.  We were like best friends while he was here.  He got to know a bunch of my other friends too.  We were all cool with that.  Anyway the point I wanted to make about Brian was, can you imagine growing up, expected to be some way, but always looking at your sisters George Michael posters??  That was his dilemma.  You fight and battle that shit, but you lose.  I imagine that is why many priests went into the priest hood.  The scandals lead proof to that.  It is easy to judge the gay people I guess, but what are the straight guys looking at on the internet??  So you see it isn't being right that matters.  You remember me and my Journey.  I wanted nothing more to be right, because I was fricken scared.  He wanted me to be faithful.  You wanna know what???  I don't even feel I was that.  I think he saved me in spite of myself, because so much stuff can overpower me.  There is one who overcame all, and that is what he does.  I have a lot of crazy sounding stuff I haven't even told you.  Like I said though, haven't stayed in the belly of a whale for 3 days. 

Oh also wanted to clarify some things.  When I say stand naked, I mean spiritually.  I mean being totally open, allowing everything to be seen.  You know what I mean??  Maybe that is hard to understand.  The night my heart was taken, it was my spiritual heart.  Another thing hard to understand probably. 

One thing I wonder about is have you been through the eye of the needle yet, or is that where this leads?  What did you see after Thanksgiving???  Something happened.  I remember even reading what you say is hard to understand what do we need to do??  That suggests something. 

What makes this difficult for me is a lot of my stuff happened early 90s.  It is fricken 2011.  Selena is right, I do like to know who reads.  I know it isn't an easy thing to confess too, and that I don't understand why. 

Whatevs though.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!  :)

p.s. Jerry and I were able to run a bit early yesterday.  6 miles @8:32 pace.  Who can understand running??  lol.   :)

Love You All!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

hidden ones       :)))

these    xxxxxxxxxxxx  :)

Christie too, because she comments on my blog a lot.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxo   :)

The rest of you too.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  :)

Now for really really cya cya cya!!!   :D   :D

1 comment:

Nancy said...

People read your blog because it is the one place that you can be open and expressive. Not everyone comments because they choose to or cannot relate completely. It is like a person trapped between who they are and who people expect them to be when it comes to commenting on things in this day and age. Also, you have to realize that people see, read, and comprehend things in various angles. There are people who claim to know you, but really know nothing about you because they tend to hear and see things the way they choose to and not how they are. Words get twisted and dialect is never really seen unless you explain yourself several ways 'til Sunday. Just keep writing and appreciate the release. If others cannot relate... so be it.

Hugs friend :)