Thursday, March 24, 2011

Heavy Heart

Sometimes when I do what I do.  Especially on a long bike ride, I wonder, and I think about things.  Like let's just talk about a couple summers ago.  What the heck was that about??  Do you remember about Lisa's side of the family?  Lisa's Aunt Myrna's husband died.  I went to the visitation thingy, and I thought about the guy who died, and others were talking about who still had jobs and stuff.  At the funeral Barbara and I decided to be FB friends.  We actually became pretty good friends for a bit too.  What is up with that?  We were not alike at all.  As a matter of fact Cathy and I were probably the more alike.  The type to let our hair down and get wild once in a while.  We even did a little cook out too with Myrna and Cathy, and I helped Myrna with some things around the house.  You know after Heimleblog I thought they hated me.  We saw Myrna once this summer in Saugatuck.  I asked how Olivia was doing, and Myrna had tears.  She brushed them away and left.  Cathy even sent us a picture of her kids when she moved.  What a different time that was.  You know there was that time when Lisa and Brian were in contact with that side of the family, and it was 2 summers ago.  Now do they have any contact??  I don't know about Brian, but on this side no.  none at all.  I mourned Dean's death twice for Barbara.  Twice.  Once at work too.  Want to know what I felt??  I felt I could almost be sooooo sad I could die.  I didn't want Barbara to ever ever ever have to feel that kind of sadness over her Father's death.  I didn't even know her father.  Barbara didn't either.  Perhaps that is the  sad part.  I heard Cathy cry at Dean's funeral, and I think that is because she knew her new born would never meet his or her Grandpa.  She may have still been pregnant at the time.

I don't think about those times much anymore.  What are them 3 up to??  No idea.  Let's talk about long bike ride through Saugatuck.  Never far from Myrna's Michigan house.  Steve Rose's dad lives somewhere there too.  The most I think about Steve Rose now is his sister Beth.  She has a great picture of Steve and her when they were younger.  I feel there is still some stuff to deal with.  She is a busy lady with two young boys, and a husband, and it seems she stays active with school musicals or something.

Anyway this is the shit life is made up of.  All kinds of things happen in life.  Life is more than breaking 22:00 in a 5K or getting a 3:30-something in a marathon.  It seems maybe perhaps some people train to not think about things, but others like a Beth Rose Mickel, and a Jen Gray, and a Mindee Elam do what they do, but still look at the other stuff.  You are being shown stuff too.  Keep your eyes open like these 3 do.  You will have great days like these 3 do, but keep the eyes open to the other stuff too.  Why??  I do not know why it is like this.  It is though.  It is a lot easier to deal with our sadness though isn't it, than to show our short-comings?  Maybe that is what it is about.  Maybe we have an easier journey to show our sadness so we don't have to show our flaws.  Sadness brings about compassion, and it says I desire compassion not sacrifice.  So maybe that is why.

Anyway, that is it for today!!!  :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. Western Conference Hockey is insannnnneeeeeeeeee!!!    exciting though.

Muchos respecto to Jen Gray, Beth Rose Mickel, and Mindee Elam.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Love you All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

hidden ones.     :)

these   xxxxxxxxxxxxx

for the rest of you too.    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya.   :D    :D

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