Hello, and good morning. How's it going?? Me, I guess I am doing okay. It is still morning, and I am up, and have been up, so I haven't slept as much as I'd like. Not being able to sleep adds stress a bit to life huh?? I was thinking I want to sleep such and such hours, and trust me it was more than 3, and it ain't going to happen. I was kinda stressing about it a bit, but then I realized. It is just one day. I probably won't be that tired. I have had a lot of sleep the last few days, and tomorrow, I can sleep as much as I want. Also I thought too, I have plenty of time to get a run in before I start job #1.
I am enjoying a cup of coffee right now, and I will probably make myself another before my run. So I have had a blog a while. This one here the wait has been around for several years. The day it started, man was I in a good spot. I knew it, and I knew things were good, and there were several years where the blog was about certain things huh??
I'd have to go back, to the first few years to remember, but this was a running blog of sorts, because I ran. I biked some too. It was a blog for at least a year or two about trust and strength. This year if it was about anything it was about failure. The failure of this blog to do what it was meant to do. I blogged about half as much as I used to, and I think I was disappointed. I wanted so much out of people, and they gave very little. I was negative, and not very giving, and I'd say I wanted people to come out of their shell and open up, and be brave, and stuff like that, and it wasn't there.
As a running blog I think this blog is about failure very much too, because for the last several years lets face it, I am a great injured runner, but sucky runner otherwise.
If this blog is a failure, and my running is a failure, well isn't that just a microcosm of life. Our lives in many ways are failures. We are not as strong as we'd like to be. We are not as courageous. As to virtues which of us has any??
I read a lot of girl bloggers, and there is a disconnect in ways sometimes to how they view a random dude (me) taking an interest in a girls life. Guys are such a way, and girls know it, and that probably is why this blog was so very much about trust. It is what I have said before without it you got nothing. At least as far as I am concerned.
Remember what Olga said to me a few years ago, "I trust you, trust me" That was the quid pro quo that this blog stands on. That was the one in which people failed. From where I stood, and my lack of vision into your life I didn't get it. I couldn't stand in your shoes, and a while ago I blogged about overcoming the first time. Remember my lack of trust. "You can save yourself, but at the expense of your friends"
I said "God's Will be done" My heart felt I was doomed. I knew he'd save the others, but I was to die.
I think I just had a plain old simple heart back then. It was not strong enough to do what needed to be done. Remember after the Hospital my ordeal wasn't over, because I had to go through a physical depression for like a year or so. The energy all came back while I was stripping floors at Bromenn Healthcare. I remember it vividly, and I knew I was free to do as I choose.
You know one of the things I forgot about during the physical depression?? I was not free to do as I choose at all. I had to get to a certain point, and the point was if I am destined for Hell, please let me accept it for that which I deserve.
I am destined for Hell, and I have to accept it this way, so as not to blaspheme. It is the way to victory. I totally forgot about that, but that was a necessary step of mine.
Anyway I am just talking out loud so to speak. I have noticed a new beginning. A new year perhaps. It seems the year of failure is over, and we are back on track kinda. Not that we are anywhere nearer than when we started, but all lives are failures like the thief on the cross. The thief wasn't dead yet, so there still was Hope.
So this blog goes on. I know the direction, and I know how we will go. How it will look I have no idea. What you show I have no idea. How many will fall away I don't know. How many may find their way back I have no idea.
I do realize I have a closer connection to those who I have shared stuff with. I see them easier, and I know them easier. Some are very close, because their life has led them this way. Some are very far, because their life still is very much pretty much ALL about them. They have a long way to go, and actually it will probably be a hard road.
When the vision is poor it takes a lot to open the eyes, and that is just the hard truth about that.
Anyway, as we start a new blogging year, I guess we are in a better position than last year.
This year was the dead year, and maybe this new year will bring us a better year as far as all this goes. More courage for people. More sharing, and less hiding. There is a lot to our lives, and much we want to hide, because of its imperfections.
There was one who was really good at showing that stuff sometimes. Her life was just as imperfect as all of ours, but she was courageous as Hell to let us in.
I even gave her flowers on my blog like once or twice I think. :)
Anyway, I am rambling.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. I am not really excited about the cold weather coming, but I do love when you run in the cold, it makes you not think the cold is so cold later on. At least for me.
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
xoxoxoxo MWAH!!! :)