Saturday, June 29, 2013

Turning The Page...

I want to put a disclaimer up here.  With a day like yesterday there is bound to be confusion as to how important things are in the grand scheme of things.  Everything must be placed in the proper perspective and proper importance. 

I lost my job yesterday.  Got fired actually.  Not due to anything I did within the 4 walls of the place I work for, but actually things that happened outside the 4 walls of work, and things that happened while I was not punched in to work.  I was on my own free time to do as I choose. 

What are those things I chose to do??   Nothing really.  I was just doing my normal night.  Lisa was closing, and I was just doing my normal thing,  UNTIL she came home in tears AGAIN.  Being treated unfairly, because the new Office Manger and I quote,  "I don't feel people respect me if I am not mean to people"   Well she is that.  Is she respected??  Not by me FWIW. 

Anyhoo like I said I lost my job.  I worked for the place for over 19 years.  I brought a lot of energy, and a good work ethic, and it has stayed with me all those years.  I have worked in the same store with my wife Lisa since August of 1995.  Never once has there been a conflict until now. 

Perspective though.  It is a big box retail establishment.  A person as minor as me not working there does not affect that company at all, unless morale goes down a bit for a while at one store.  I am pretty sure most of the people there liked me.  I only didn't like a few of the people in the front end I believe. 

I had a good working relationship with the people low on the totem pole, and rarely did I have a complaint with those people the morning stockers.  They were actually a vital and important part to the success of my job. 

My job I don't feel I was as successful as can be anyway.  I was getting frustrated, and thinking of stepping down from my position to be a full timer in a dept.  again.   Where I had more control of being able to do a good job.   I don't have to worry about that now.   :) 

Also keeping things in perspective I made less than $13/hour.  If I can find one or two jobs that pay me close to 400/week I will be in the same boat.  I lose my vacation time, but I hate vacations anyway so that probably is a win/win. 

In the grand scheme of things it is not a big loss either way.   A very minor blip in this game called life.  

I have been asked to do far more important things anyway, and will continue to do so. 

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s. I will have a lot of time to get in shape now, and read and stuff.   I have to find some new jobs too.  

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya     :D      :D  

Friday, June 28, 2013

Time To Move On...

Well after 20 years with one company, I  definitely have to say it is time for Lisa to move on.  We have some new people who have come in, and they were gunning after her.   The new Office manager is a mean person.  I typically give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and at first she seemed normal.  Then all of a sudden something triggered her to be just mean and angry.  In a people business such as retail that is a poison atmosphere.  She is in charge of the people who the customers are the last to see.  If they are miserable and hate their job, how is that going to be for business??  For her to be backed in her schemes by the top man in charge is very short-sighted.  So it is definitely time for Lisa to move on. 

No reason to stay in a place run by miserable people.  The thing about our lives too is the amount of freedom.  We don't get paid a lot of money.   As a matter of fact neither of us have had a raise in like a decade.  You max out at a certain time, and there have been no across the board cost of living increases.  Gas is at $4 give or take now, but our cost of living hasn't increased in the last decade or so I guess.   ;)

Anyway Lisa currently makes less than $10/hour.  That is where part time max stops at.  That is a wage that can be replaced anywhere, so might as well do something she would enjoy more, and with better people. 

So in our society the idea is move on and on.  Make more and more money.  Eventually you get to a point where you make too much money to be able to replace at any other job.  You are a slave to your job.   When you are a slave to your job how would you be able to do what the guy was asked in the eye of the needle parable?? 

Like I have said life is one big trap.  The people who read this are not as strong as the people who were asked to do things centuries ago.  See what I mean??  You need a lot of help to just overcome yourself.  You are asked to take a small small blind step.  Also you have to hope above hope if after you are asked to do something you have the strength to have an obedient heart.  For me when I did what I did after the Garbage room at Bromenn Healthcare.  I remembered back to day I was a kid.  My step mom told me to count the amount of things I left on the floor and you will be grounded that many days.   I counted more than what was on the floor to show her.  I was grounded a long time. 

I remembered that, and in my heart I knew that was dumb.  I'll show you by punishing myself worse??  

In my heart was the strength to do what was smart, and not rebel.  I knew right was done right away too, although I was about to start the worst Summer of my life.  Is it written anywhere??   Every word is tested right??   "He who listens to the life giving reproof will get understanding"   "He reproves those he loves" 

Without hindsight we all would perish.  The thing about your journey is you can go on and on, and you will be allowed to go on and on.  I became as bad a a scribe and pharisee, and that was for a reason.

So anyway life is a big old trap, and humans are not strong enough to overcome.  In a World where all the answers are hidden we want to be able to believe in what we can see.  All the most important stuff that happens are not the things you see.  It is your thoughts, and your journey etc...  Not what you portray to others.  There are no points being accepted by Society.  I have been going on and on though. 

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!     :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.   I have time for a little run.  Jerry cancelled last night so I went for a shorter run than if we ran together.  So I can run a couple miles now on a day I typically wouldn't run.   win/win

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D     :D  

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Are Things Going In The Right Direction??

Good Morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay I guess.  I just had a good day off yesterday.  One where I got a lot of stuff done.  I relaxed some.  Made  a dinner.  I went to bed early, and I am well rested now.  

I don't want to get into the Texas right getting their religious hate on, because what will I accomplish??  I could throw out the sword to tell you how stupid the right in Texas are being, but that gets you nowhere really.  Religions of the World bring out more hate than love, and that is the truth.  Why??   It is not within our power to be and do right.  

The people who believe they are on the right side of being right typically judge harsher than others.  The right in Texas have for a long time been about the worst people in the World. 

So anyway, I do not feel we are going in the right direction anyway.  This Shit isn't working.  The walk we have is one where we should be humble, but many are arrogant.  Many are right in their own eyes, and Love lives not in arrogance, or being self assured of where you stand. 

We are born into this World and brought up being taught we are special, and etc...   We aren't though.  We are just humans who are incapable of being the people who we feel we should be.  Oh, I guess we can add something to Society to help make us feel better, but Society is just that.  The best things the people of the day could come up with.  The teaching of man which is so flawed, and shallow, and short-sighted. 

So many bad things in this World, pretty much none of it is good.   The Sociology majors are wreaking havoc more and more, and I don't think people can see it.  Can't see the big picture, because you are blinded by the forest of Society and the general business of life. 

My instrument I play here should be leading people in a direction like while my guitar gently weeps, but you don't believe.  

You still believe in yourself and your fabulousness, and a Life where you think points are all over the place, and they are in actuality nowhere to be found on your own. 

I'll give you a little sword, because why not right??   Your journey is to get to the garden of Eden where you have no fear of everything about you being seen.  Whether it is your jealousy, your less than perfect body.  You jacking off to whatever, anything.  Everything about you is seen.  All the bad you do in your own mind.  

Now that is a journey in and of itself right??   Now the Garden of Eden is surrounded by 4 great swords.   He who lives by the sword dies by the sword.  The way there is only one.  I have been going on and on about this way,  This way is one where you cannot do it.  You are not smart enough.  We were born not smart enough, and there is no teaching of man and women that can take us there. 

Steps need to be taken, and that is a personal battle between you and you.  You know the way of victory yet you still want to choose the way of defeat??   Now who is the smart ones, and who are the stupid ones??

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!     :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.  I have a couple hilly races coming up so I am going to run my 800M hills right now.  

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Monday, June 24, 2013


That is how I feel about my blog this morning.  Boring to do, boring to write, and totally boring to read I am sure. 

Not much going on here.  Ken and I ran 9+ miles yesterday.  Our original planned route was actually 11 miles, although we thought that route was 9.  My routes are easy to cut.   A turn at the restaurant instead of the yacht club takes 2 miles give or take off our run, so that was easy. 

I have a month to get in shape for the BIX 7.  It is a hilly course.  An out and back where the back is up up up.  Goal is to break an hour. 

So anyway I got back from my run feeling great.  I wanted to see a movie, but all the ones I wanted to see I have already seen.  So I saw one I didn't want to see, and it actually was pretty good.  No names or stars in the movie, but it was suspenseful, and a good way to blow a couple hours. 

Lisa and I went out to lunch.  I had a few beers, and came home and watched the SOX blow a lead and lose.

How frustrating.  You ever think back to what could I have done different yesterday?? 

I guess a lot, but it is just life, and I am going through the motions, and typically I guess I feel pretty okay.  I know some truth about life, and it kinda is a downer in ways. 

So many things we as people are "supposed" to do as we get older.  grow up, go to school, get a job, and get married have kids, and live happily ever after.  That was my route.  I was going to take that way too, but then life happened. 

I looked and thought there has to be more.   I found myself alone, and I was going to make me the best person ever. 

I learned I cannot do it.  It is not within my power, and I learned a whole slew of other things too.  Mostly that life is pretty dumb.   There are no points for pretty much anything we do on our own. 

I know no one is fabulous.  I know our desire is to show we are special in some way, but we really aren't.  We are unique, but not special.  It is not within our power to be how and who we would really like to be. 

It is possible to be like that, but there are steps that need to be made. 

Oh well,  I am outta here.


That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  It is Monday try not killing all the people today.    ;)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D    :D 

Saturday, June 22, 2013

And Then It Occured To Me...

Hello all.  How's it going?   Me, I am doing pretty good.  I am running a little late, because I am going to go into work today, but I got a little time, and it isn't like I am actually scheduled anyway.  Sometimes reading about other people I get a glimpse of me, and how I am different.  

How am I different??  I don't worry about the future.  The path I am on is assured.  I use to stress that a long time ago, but I know I am in good hands, and I don't have to worry about a ton of stuff you worry about. 

I have bills sure, and here is the thing.  Our mind a lot of time is on the future.  What will be the best things I can do in the future, and what do I need to do to make sure my future is great??  Done and done.  All the worries are taken care of.  Our mind can think of lots of things to do, and there is always 2nd guessing. 

Am I lucky??  Oh yes I sure am.   There is so much to life that is outside our control.  No matter what you do, you won't be able to control it all. 

So what does that mean??  It means for a while you people have been unwilling to trust.  It has made your path harder.  You have things to worry about.  I know it is hard to believe, and I know it is hard to trust, but you read this, and you didn't believe. 

I have been through a lot to get to this point. 

I guess yesterday was a bit of a doozy.  Can it be??  Is he right?? 

I am afraid so.  That is how the story has played out throughout the ages.  Even though they be numbered as the sand of the sea it is only the remnant huh??

The numbers have never been good.  Our hearts say the numbers are good, because we feel that way.  We feel pretty good about us, because everyone else is really Fucked up, and they are fucking assholes anyway. 

Well, I asked for the mirror a long time ago, remember???  The mirror is for a reflection of you.  To judge you.  How are you compared to how you want to be?? 

A lot of complicated stuff goes into it.  I mean really this has been going on for years right?? 

It is you vs., you, and without help you lose.  I think the truth takes away strength.  Brings us back from the fake strength of being an adult to the little kid in us who finds ourselves in this big old World.  Nothing you put your mind to do will help erase your past and who you are. 

Take the mirror.  It leads in a good way. 

Remember in the race of life everything is kinda bizarro.  Strong is actually us being weak.  Us opening ourselves up to judgement.  Taking off our shell, and letting people see the real us. 

So things will get hard.  You have to know where you stand in the game of life, and you have to know the things that matter.  Keep a realistic view of things.  Some of the Shit you read on here will be hard. 

Okay gotta go.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has A  Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Thinking of doing the Bix 7 race this year.  U.S. Championship for that distance.   Doubt I'll win though.   ;) 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Friday, June 21, 2013

Now What??

Good Morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I finally slept through last night.  I slept til midnight.  Checked the Basketball score, and went back to bed.  I don't have any horses in that race so don't really care.  I was kinda pulling for SA, but whatever.  Miami wins.  Big deal. 

There are no rewards in Heaven for winning Championships, and actually no rewards for any sporting things one might do.  Bobby Knight was right when he told that kid praying.  "Hey,  God doesn't care who wins this game."  

The truth of life is like I said.  There are no points for whatever we put our mind to do.  You get no points for being "better" than another person in anything.   Life is a game of points like I said, and it is not within your power to score those points.  Whatever you put your mind to doesn't matter. 

If you read this blog you probably can get frustrated, because Dammit are we not important??    My whole life's Journey was to learn the true answer.  Not really.  None of us are anything special.  There really was only one who was special.  He came to suffer.  A whole slew of false religions were built around him, because it isn't even in our power to be able to understand what he preached. 

My eyes were opened a long time ago to be able to see the sword, and read the sword.  Oooooh, I thought I was special.  I was going to use my sword for all it was worth, and be the best person ever.  That thinking led me to the garbage room outside of Bromenn Healthcare. 

So I have had this knowledge for a long time.  A little knowledge goes a very short way.  Without understanding there is very very little you can do.  I have done a lot though somehow.  None of it was my doing.  I have been helped through my various ordeals, because  the one who works for our salvation is not us. 

Who can accept these hard things???   Who is willing to look at the unfabulous us??   It isn't what we have been taught by Society.  Nope, and Society doesn't teach the truth, and that is probably why we all are so miserable.   The truth helps.  The truth leads the way, but it isn't what we expect. 

Like I said the truth is a Bitch.  Few can accept it.  Few want to, because it means the great percentages of people are wrong, and have been for all time. 

It seems like a shitty story to our understanding, and it sure is.  Understanding is something we all lack, and like I have said before some serious Shit went down with that apple eating thing.  I have seen the serious side of stuff.  I spent 6 days with the one who started that apple eating thing inside me.   That fucker is serious, and he is pissed.  He doesn't want anyone to find out what the truth is.  He is more than happy with all the teachings of all the false religions.  He built his house on them.  You know where you have to build your house. 

You know the way.  Who has the strength and courage to do the tough stuff that needs to be done.  Who wants to score the real points that matter?? 

Anyone????   Anyone????  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Jerry and I ran our 6.5+ miler yesterday.  I have embraced the heat about to come. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D 

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Rushing One Up...

Good Morning all.  How's it going??   Me, I am doing okay.  Once again I woke up at some point in time, and watched the rest of the Hockey game.  It was 1-1 at the time if that tells you anything.  I am not horribly tired.  Yesterday I was pretty tired.  I still got some stuff done around the house though so that is good. 

Not much is going on.  I am feeling pretty normal'ish, so that gives me a pretty good view of how most people are.  I am different though, and sometimes I think about that.  How could I even explain??

Then you think of how I am, and really have been this way since way back when, but it was all hidden for a good many years.  Me just kinda doing the life thing waiting my time.  I knew I had stuff to do, although I wasn't really sure what it was.  I had absolutely no idea. 

So what is it I did, and have been doing??    Well I told the story of me for one thing.  I suffered through some more things for whatever reason.  Try making decisions of life when you know your future is different.  The things you do now are not important, and the best you will ever be will be in the future.  This year??  Next year??   I always thought it would be sooner rather than later.  Now I really don't know.  When I am normal'ish like now it seems my future is a bit longer.  When I get taken down a pretty heavy road it seems the future is shorter. 

There is another future me, and it is different than what I am now.  It will be the best a person can be.  Now I know that sounds crazy, because the World has a big pull on people.  It is hard for us to consider anything that defies the logic of the day to day. 

I think me feeling pretty normal makes me more patient I guess.  People have a hard road in life.  It is hard getting to the bottom of who we are not to mention dealing with real life stuff.  We want people to think we have our shit together too.  None of us really do.  We totally are not in control of ourselves, because we surely would be better people if that was the case. 

What does it all mean??  I am not sure.  Life is hard.  We all have a hard road.  We are complicated people, and we are hard to get to know.  At this stage of the game I don't know what your path looks like, and I don't know exactly how I fit in. 

I feel pretty good today though.  So I guess that is something. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  After game 3 I thought Boston was the better Hockey team.  I didn't know the Hawks could skate like they did last night.  The way the game was played last night I think the Hawks will be tough to beat. 

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya     :D     :D  

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Screw It, I'll Have Plenty of Time To Sleep In The Winter...

Good morning all.  How's it going??   Me, I am doing pretty good.   I went to bed early enough, but woke up in the middle of the night... like 9:00 PM., and watched a little Hockey.  So probably not as much sleep as I'd like, but that is what Winter is for right?? 

Yesterday was pretty fun.  It was a Monday, and I tell you after work Mondays are kinda fun.  I get out early enough.  I usually shop for a good dinner to make, and chill out.  I try and make Monday a fun day because Lisa is off, and why not right?? 

Tuesday is a run day, and Wednesday Lisa closes typically so Monday works well on that front. 

I took some pictures.  I know I know.  How crazy huh??  


Looking at life through the lens of a wine glass. 

purty flowers.   ;)

more purty flowers, plus a colorful plant. 

I made that a while ago, and this is my first pic of it.  

So, that my friends is a good day.  I didn't save the World, and I didn't make it a better place to live, but it was still a good day.  I am sure people are still killing each other, and the Governments of the World are still doing stupid stuff.

Sometimes life is just about the simple stuff huh??  We really aren't doing anything important otherwise are we??

Always healthy to have a realistic opinion of yourself and what you can actually accomplish, and what our true worth is.  I think.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All   :)))

p.s.  I'd tell you all I have an Instagram account, but no one reads this anyway, so why bother??   ;)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D     :D  

Monday, June 17, 2013

I Didn't Do Crap All Day...

So, I had a strange day'ish yesterday.  I didn't do crap, and it was a great day out.  Staying up late watching Hockey, while drinking perhaps a bit too much = a lazy me I guess. 

So what did we do??  For lunch we ate fast food.  I wanted to go to Wendy's, but Lisa made a wrong turn and we went to McDonalds.  Ugghhh, that double quarter pounder with cheese sat in my stomach like 100 bricks all day.  We then ate Subway for dinner.

I played stupid games on my phone.  Lisa did some stuff out back, so I hung out with her a bit.  Had a couple glasses of wine.  We then took Hope for a little walk. 

I actually stayed up for no good reason watching the NBA finals. 

So really I had a day where I pretty much did nothing good, nothing worthwhile.  I stayed up later than I should have. 

Here is one thing I guess that is pretty good.  I don't feel really tired, so today shouldn't be horrible.  I will be tired tonight, and should sleep good.   I AM NOT NOT NOT going to watch Hockey tonight.   I am going to bed.  

A day in the life of me is usually a bit different than yesterday, but I am still me.  Alive doing this thing for whatever reasons.  I know sometimes I bring some heavy stuff, but that is fine. 

I am not afraid of who I am, and what I do.  I am not afraid of the future, although it is probably going to be not so great. 

Life happened to me.  I dealt with it, and accepted it, and looked for higher reasons of existence than what I could muster on my own. 

I have been doing this life thing for quite a while.  I am so much different today than when I got the word my step mom was going to be dead soon.  I am a College graduate.  I have no idea what the heck I am going to do, and my Mom is will be dead, and I am really not that great of a person really, but that vision is clouded, because well I am smart, and the honest look of me didn't come for quite a while.  I had to become friends with Lora after the father of her Child just died. 

Many things happened in my life way back then, and it helped me be who I am.  I am who I am, very far along on the life thing, and I think maybe you may be at the earlier version of me stage of life.  Life is happening, and you see it.  It is different than you thought, and perhaps it makes you think of things differently than what you have in the past. 

Life is happening, and your eyes are seeing things, and seeing them differently.  There is one at work in your life.  Giving you a true picture of life and this World.  Don't be afraid.  Not all the things we see here on Earth are all that great. 

That is if for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  time to get ready for work. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D 

Sunday, June 16, 2013

So This Is How The Rest Of You Live...

Good Morning, I am tired.  I stayed up late to watch Hockey, and I have a routine.  A rhythm to my life I guess.  It is wake up early, do your stuff, and go to bed early. 

I like my routine.  It doesn't mean I am better, or that my routine is better.  It just works for me.  I am looking outside, and it looks like we got some rain.  That is good, because I weeded and feeded the front lawn yesterday. 

Anything new??  Nope. 

Anything going on???  Nope.  

I don't have a lot to blog about, but I have the day off today.   I ain't going to do anything crazy, but it is a day off, and I am going to enjoy it.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.   time to make some coffee.

Love You All  xooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D     :D   

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Coffee And A Blog...

Good Morning all/me, how's it going??   Me, I am doing pretty good I guess.  My coffee is done, and I am going to get it.  I will brb.

anyway, I am up.  I am not going to work today.  I wasn't going to blog, because I really have nothing to blog about, but what the heck,  that doesn't always stop me. 

How strange this blog is huh??  I have gone over 1000 posts on this dumb thing.  I am blind many times as to what I will write, but I search within myself and stuff comes out. 

I guess it helps in someway,. but it really doesn't do much either too.  There is a plan that is going to be done.  It sure isn't my plan, although I have always known the last thing I must do.  That is the one thing I did know.  I didn't know the other stuff at all.   Heimleblog and Journey, I had no idea.  Those blogs were filled with hard days.  Heimleblog especially.  Almost every day was hard then.

I wonder why that was??  What did that accomplish?? 

Want to know why I have kinda a laid back attitude??  I know there is a plan.  I know it isn't mine.  I know it will be done, and there is nothing I can do to change those events.  In that way there is very very little I can do. 

I know this, and I accept this.  I am not going to change the course of History.  I guess in some ways I am a part of what will happen, but that is for no reason at all.  I could be anyone.  It doesn't have to be me. 

I guess if you look at the big picture I am someone, but I am not really.  I am not special.  I am not deserving of anything.  I suffered stuff, and people sometimes feel life owes them for some of their hard times, but life owes you nothing.  The end of the Journey taught me one thing.  No matter what I do, I am still not the one in charge. 

All decisions are not mine.  I went up to the ultimate turn in the World.  There was no one there to see but me.  What I wanted was for sure not the one thing I was asked to take. 

I said, "If it is your will I will do it"  

Now that was the ultimate turn, and no one has the strength to accept what I was willing to accept.  I went up against the judges for the 2nd time, and this time it wasn't accepting what I deserve.  This time it was accepting God's will whatever that might mean.   In this case something very bad. 

That path was narrow.  I would not have won without help, just like the night of the hospital.  I was going to my death, and going to Hell.  I was told I can save myself, but it will be at the expense of others.  In my heart the strength came, and I was not willing to save myself at the expense of others. 

"Your will"  Then I waited for my death.   Yeah it was real.  It was real as Hell, and then I woke up the next day.   That was one of the biggest surprises of my life.  After the 6 days in the Hospital, I had to suffer other things.  Then the energy came back. 

So my road was hard.  Those who have been given a lot a lot is expected.  I have been given a lot.  I have seen a lot, and in some way I guess I have done a lot.  I don't know all the things I have done.  Have I helped people in some way?? 

I guess, but I am such a small cog.  An  insignificant piece to the puzzle.  I guess there is comfort in knowing how very little I can do, and how very unimportant I am. 

I have accepted all that has come my way I guess.  Even still I wish it was all over.  It has been a long journey to just get to this point.  I know after my final thing I will be at rest.  I have lived a long long time being poor in spirit.  To learn to trust in nothing but one. 

That is why it is better to have all your rewards sent to where it really matters.  If we were to have all the rewards here, we would think we were something special.

Blessed are the poor in Spirit...

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!    :)))

p.s.   just cuz.  :)))

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Friday, June 14, 2013

Another Day Another Blog Entry...

I know I know, blah, blah, blah.

Some days I do like doing this, and I think it is worth it, and some days like today, I feel I am the only one who reads it, because it is stupid, which is pretty much how I feel about it today.

What is it about life we need to always always show our good side?  The one that says we got our shit together. 

Do we actually fool ourselves??   Can you see inside your heart??  The more I go on, I am guessing not.  The endless sun ups and sun downs, have our bodies and mind in a rhythm we don't see the Big picture.  Life is too busy, and yeah stuff may be going on, but don't you see the plans I am making??  This Shit I am doing is important, and IT MATTERS.

Yeah right. 

We were young, we were going to change the World, etc...   Well, you haven't and you won't.  Don't get me started on being a good example, because I believed at one time for that to matter, but it doesn't, because life has so much deeper stuff, but the day to day blinds us from it.

As we end our days on Earth we all will look back at opportunities missed, because we were so busy.  Not opportunities you are thinking about either.  Opportunities to find out some truths about life. 

Guess to go from point A to point B, you have to really have a different vision of life.  Everything has to shorten up, and you have to see your own mortality I guess.

As we view our end of days, none of what has been done to this point matters at all.  Actually in the eyes that matter you have done more bad than good. 

All these things are hidden.  Trust is a word, but you all trust yourselves too much I guess.  I am going to sacrifice this and this, and that and that, and that way I will accomplish ehhhh,  still nothing in the big picture.

Like I have said before, life is a game of points, and it just so happens on your own, you can score no points. 

In the end too the best we can ever ever hope for is we don't get what we deserve.  The scales of justice are true.  The scales of justice are balanced, but we don't have the eyes to see the balance, because that comes with understanding.  With our little minds, we can not on our own achieve that.

We cannot graduate past the Cartoon version of life.  That is how far we can go, and yet we still trust ourselves.

Oh to have a good set of eyes to see how this World really works.

The World was never good.  There was never a better time.  Hate has been around forever, and killing, and jealousy, and revenge, and being mean etc... 

We like it though huh??   There is not good or righteousness you can achieve on your own.  It is not within your power.  If it was wouldn't we all work our way to the better us in some way??   Mind you leading by example doesn't mean shit.  Your sacrifices are your own cross to bear.  In your mind you think you are scoring major points, but you are scoring none.

Life is really really dumb.  There is a way out of this horrible thing called life, and a way to a better you.   Some are looking the other way though, because I have this and this and that and that planned.

If you were given good information, yet you decided to take a different path, what would you call that?? 

You haven't even been asked to do what that rich man was asked to do, before the eye of the needle parable.

YIKES.   See how weak we are as people??? 

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!     :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!     :)

p.s.  I got a really good night sleep last night, which I needed after not wanting to, but staying up for the Hawks game the other night.

Love You All    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D    xoxoxoxoxo   :))

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Let's Talk Triathlon...

HA!!!   Psyche.    ;)

Good Morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay I guess.  I stayed up late last night, because I ran, and I didn't want to eat dinner, and then I stayed up til I wanted to eat dinner, and I still woke up in time to do this stupid thing.

Nothing much on our run.  Jerry and I did our 6.5-6.7 mile loop.  No knee pain when I run.  I still have a little soreness, but I can run.  My thought was to maybe get something in today if I feel okay, but I think I will take the day off, and we are running again tomorrow.  I am hoping to maybe do some light track workouts soon on my own, but I don't want to do it while I am having lingering knee pain issues.

Only thing I really have planned this Fall is a little local 1/2 marathon, and we'll see what kind of shape I can get in, and what else may be on tap.  So much depends on Health obviously, and I haven't been real lucky in that department the last few years.

Not much else going on.  I have to cut the grass today, and should do some more priming.  I probably won't do any priming though.  I have a book to read, and some movies coming from netflix, and I think I want to start watching some tv show on netflix.  There is a lot of stuff to fill our day huh??

We always think the stuff we do is the most important too.  We are smart, we have our beliefs, and we trust ourselves huh??  I think back and ask myself why me??   How can I be who I am, and do what I have to do??

Couple the things I have been writing on here with just getting people to believe, and trust in the way.  I am pretty sure what I write is logical, and makes sense.  I am pretty sure you never heard any of this stuff before either.  Is it a different way to look at stuff.  Ummmmm yes.

It is said teachers are held to a higher standard, and judged harsher.  So I knew I didn't want that.  Especially after that day outside the garbage room at Bromenn Hospital.  Yet here I am, and I am doing what I for sure did not plan, and did not want.

There is a little story there though huh??   I am able to do all the things I do with my help.  I am not talking about running and stuff, because that really doesn't matter.   There are no points for that.   I know the truth about life, and what it is about.  Like I said points are impossible to come by on your own.  Your hobbies and careers mean nothing in the long run, because what you deem to be important is not in the eyes that matter.  Life is a big trap in that we grow up trusting ourselves, and the things we do.  Whether that is blowing people up with bombs or any other things we do.

Life is a lonely existence.  No one knows you, and you don't really either.  Life is too too busy, especially these days for you to do what needs to be done.  Life leaves us all with a big empty feeling... until you make it to this place I am at now.

Even so this is not my finish line.  Still some more to do, well one thing actually.  It won't be fun, and it won't be pleasant, but I have been willing to do this thing forever.  Follow in the steps that were taken centuries ago.  The hidden thing I was sent to find many many years ago.

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!     :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!     :)

p.s.  Lisa closes, and Chicago style Hot dogs for dinner for me.   with sauerkraut and the works.   ;)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo 

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D    :D       xoxo   ;)    

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Coffee Is Ready...

Good Morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay I guess.  Trying to get back in the groove after a week off from work.  How did the week off go?  I think it went pretty good.  I didn't get the lazy blah blah feeling I get a lot when I take a full week off.  I stayed busy.  For me that is good.   I don't mind taking a couple days off here and there, but a full week is a lot of time for me. 

This blog among real life stuff is going to ruin your life.  All of us want the feel good stuff.  We are confident in us, we are confident in our direction.  I want my days to be filled with smiles more than frowns.  etc...

Like I was hinting at yesterday kinda, the World is full of all kinds of paths/avenues.  Your mind can think of any number of ways to go.  My path was very narrow, especially during my bad Summer.  There was almost nowhere/nothing I could do to make for a better me.  That is what makes me think you are smack dab in the middle of your life's journey, because there is nothing you can do to impress me.  You won't be the most caring.  You won't impress anyone with the amount of work you do.  Also there are secrets you don't know about, that make some of the things you believe to be true, actually kinda silly.

I do have to believe the only way to a better you is to get to the real you.  There are no points in anything you put your mind to do.  That is the lesson of my whole life.  Any of the good I have done was not of my doing.  I had to be led certain ways, and I had to go through certain things to get where I am today.  My path is wide now, because I have already been through the narrow path.    I try to help in the only way I can by supporting, but you gotta give of yourself you know??

Look at it through my eyes.  Life is dumb, and all the things we waste our time on is pretty dumb, but when you get to the real part of you, the best part of you, that is when I can help.   Don't look at life through rose colored lenses and don't look at yourself that way either.

A hard lesson is all the things we do are worth zero points.  All the hard efforts in life get you nothing.  The only things of value I have done were really done for me.  I know the desire is to do all in your power to be the greatest person ever, and that isn't in your power.  You cannot find the knowledge on your own, you cannot work your way to the things you must learn.  You stand naked on this Earth, and all you can do is hope a blessing will be bestowed upon you.

Don't ever mistake a blessing either, because receiving a blessing is something real.  Something you feel, and something no one will ever see you receiving.  You will know it though.  I received mine in 1991.  It didn't lead to a great life in this World, but it lead to a path that helped me gather many many points for where it really matters.

The hardest lesson of all is our life in the big picture does not really matter.  That is where you find your anger, and hate, and stuff, because we need to justify ourselves somehow, but that is not how it is done.  The path leads to the thief on the cross.  The answer is not I did this and this and this.  the answer is let me take a truthful look, and see what I deserve.

In that we all are on even ground.  All are  guilty.  It has always been the repentance that  leads to life, and you cannot be sorry if your heart is hard.  So you must go from point A to point B, because when you get delivered up to the Judges your heart has to be right.

It is the truth that sets you free, and well... the truth ain't all that great. 

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)

p.s..  I don't know what to make of the Sox.  So far they have played like a pretty bad team, and with our #2, and #3 pitchers out right now, I am not confident. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D        xoxoxo    ;) 

Monday, June 10, 2013

Things I've Learned...

Good Morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am ehhhhh,  so so.  Today's post will probably be a downer, because in real life the truth is a downer, and this is all I have today. 

Anyway the story of my life is one where I had to learn things.  I had to learn my true place in this World.  Who am I?   What does this life mean, and what am I worth, and what is a life worth??  What value is there in any/all the things I do. 

The answer is there is no value whatsoever in anything I do on my own.  The downer of life is you get zero points for pretty much everything.  Anything you put your mind to, may keep you busy, but you get zero points for it. 

Being a parent you get zero points.  There are no points to be had with what you do on your own.   You want to put a value on yourself... well some do, by working hard.  Whatever form that may be.  The form is really a kind of sacrifice, because our lives are filled with doing things we don't want to do. 

How many of you people are looking forward to going to work on this fine Monday morning??  You will go, because you need the paycheck, and stuff, but chances are you would rather be doing other stuff. 

The World is a really bad place.  It is set up in a really bad way.  It is set up in such a way where people are miserable a lot, because, well it is life.   A lot of the Shit we do is stupid. 

So the thing I learned that is the HARDEST to accept is our lives on our own are pointless.  We neither have the strength nor the intelligence to do what is good, because we don't really know what is good in the eyes that matter.  That is hidden from us. 

As a matter of fact the times when I did the best things I have ever done, I thought I was the worst person, and doomed to... well you know.  These things were hidden from everyone's eyes but one.  My work was for no one to see.  There were no pats on the back from any people. 

I have a running total of many many points.  All based of suffering for things that were not in my plans.  I have walked blindly for many years.  It hasn't been easy, and it hasn't been fun.  

It seems right now you are smack dab in the middle of your own journey, because very very very little of what people do impresses me. 

You don't nice your way to a better you, because you are not 100% nice.  You don't work your way to a better you, because.... ughhhhh duh.   You don't eat, drink, or anything your way to a better you. 

There is only one way to a better you.  You know the direction.  No matter what you portray as a person doesn't matter.  We are trying to get to the truth of you.  The stuff below the surface, and maybe even perhaps the stuff you are afraid of. 

I am trying to help, but you really have to meet me halfway.  You know??  

I am not a real fan of Triathlon, and race reports and stuff like that.  I can be a fan of you though, but we have to get to you,  you know??  

I try, and I need you people to believe, and trust, and accept the hard lessons you have been taught.  It isn't easy, I tell you that.  Chances are if you do the right thing, you will have a tough course, but it is the right way, and it is a good way, and you will be given all the strength to do the tough stuff you need to do. 




Saturday, June 8, 2013

Up Early...

Good Morning all.  I am up early, and although Mostly for whatever reason I usually like to blog today I am in a take it or leave it mode.  I had about the perfect day yesterday, and most of it was because I got a bunch of shit done, and it was Friday.   It was a nice day, I was taking stock of my life, and I looked at my upcoming weekend, and realized I am done already with all that needs to be done.  My normal weekend to do list was already done. 

My mood got ruined, because some stupid and miserable people treated Lisa like SHIT.  Big Business for you.  Instead of someone saying hey this needs to be done so many times/day.  (something really stupid btw)  They took 2 managers and a Store Manager to write her up.  WTF???  

The new people in town basically hate everyone at our store, but their assholeness will be reflected when people get to review them.   Stupidest fucking thing I ever heard.   Like I said though that is Big Business at it's best.  If there is a way to put a life and everything in a Database or a spreadsheet, than that is progress. 

Don't worry about the One manager looking like she just woke up from a big hangover everyday.  Dresses like complete shit, and looks like a fucking ugly slob.   No rules against that.  There is, but you can't fix ugly, mean, and Bitchy I guess.  

As was told to Lisa when she wanted to write something on her write up.  Something she disagreed with privately, well she was told she can do it here, in front of the 3 who were railroading her, because no secrets.   Well there are no secrets, and it is those words that made this story make it into my blog.   :)

The biggest secret is the main guy in charge is not free.  He is a slave to his job, because he can never ever ever lose his job, and make as much money.  His life is his job, and his paycheck.  Ahhhhh,  Capitalism please keep us all slaves.   That is progress.  

Anyway, yesterday I got my first run in for a while.  I was slow.  It was a start, and we'll see. 

Other than that not much going on. 

So I shall see you later.  :) 

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

People Say The Damndest Things... Oh, and Happy 1000

Good Morning all.  I am up late.  I didn't go to bed late.  Reason being???  Painting and scraping is hard work.  When I finished yesterday I was beat.  I am doing a good job of prep this time around.  Last time we painted we just sprayed her on.  It lasted pretty good for about 10 years, but now I am doing it right, and doing it old school. 

I am using an oil based primer for the whole house, and using a brush for every single stroke.  Why???  Technology bad??  I've done it before, and I liked the outcome.  That is a story for another day though.  Back then too we washed in gas, not Paint thinner.   Paint thinner smell doesn't last as long as gas smell does I've noticed.  Back then late 80's early 90's we still went out to the bar smelling like gas.   Who cares, when your young you are young, and BEEEERRRRRRR!!!  

Anyway today is my 1000th post on this blog.  I think it would be nice if all of you went back and read all 1000 posts today.   ;)  

After this week, I am not sure what I will be doing.  I am sure I will run again, and I tell you, two weeks off is not a bad thing.  I just don't want anyone to try and box me in.  You'll be disappointed.  The important stuff I do is probably here, and not training for some race in the future. 

Anyway, I wasn't going to blog today, but what the heck it is my 1000th post... for this blog.  I don't want to write too much either, because well, you have 999 more posts to read... at the least.   :)

Have Fun.

I am probably taking the day off of painting, and going to finish my book, and do other stuff.  There is a small chance of rain, and I am going to pretend it is like 95%.  That way I can take my day off.  I am really really tired anyway.   I only have two days of work left, and my goals for vacation week are complete.

Not too bad.

Laterzzzz gaterzzzz.  

As to people say the damndest things, I am just talking about sugar coating crap.  Not on any blog or anything, just some dude who constantly is saying shit that tries to make you think the World is a great place, and We are Kings of our castle so to speak.  Totally in charge of our future.  


Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Because I Can...

Good Morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I guess I am doing okay.  I got a lot done yesterday, and I was more tired than I thought.  I still have a lot to do today, but I have  a beginning and an end I have in mind.  I know how far I want to go today.  However long that takes.  I also have an idea as about tomorrow, but I think I can go farther than my plans tomorrow.  I am talking of scraping, and priming our trim eves, and fascia and stuff. 

Yesterday was a pretty positive day as far as the painting went.  I think I can definitely get the whole house done this Summer. 

As to my title, I am thinking of not training for anything this Summer at all.  Why??   because I can.  Me not signing up for any races does not diminish me as a person at all.  I am free from any box I may be willing to... well box myself into. 

How does something like that happen??  I know the true value of myself.  I know the things that give me value, and none of it is what I have done really.   A lot is what I have been through, but I am not the author of that.  I am not the planner, and I am not the guider. 

For me life is the freedom to make any turn anytime.  None of the turns will change me.  I am who I am, and I do what I do, and I will still be guided in the way I need to go.  That isn't vision at all.  That is trust. 

You all have so much to learn.


Sunday, June 2, 2013

Nothing To Write...

Hello,  Good Morning.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I have absolutely nothing to write, but you know the story.   That doesn't always stop me.  I am going to make a cup of coffee first.  It has been several days since my last one.  

I will brb...

Okay, I am back.  I gots me a cup of coffee.  I am on staycation now, and I am actually looking forward to it.  I picked me up a book from the liberry yesterday.  I wasn't sure what I wanted, so I just started walking the aisles looking.  I picked up "The Black House" by Stephen King and Peter Straub.  It is the sequel to "The Talisman"   I remember I thought the Talisman was really good the 30 years or whatever ago when I read it, so I got that.  I also looked in my room, and I do have "The Talisman" so I will read that after. 

So as you can see not a lot going on in my life.  I do know some secrets about life, and I can just tell you in the grand scheme of things very few of the things you place importance on are really very important.  There is a lot of things to learn, and a lot of things you really need to learn, and there is only one way. 

There are no short-cuts, there are no "yeah but".  You have done wrong.  Like I said in the apple eating thing.  Bad shit was done, but we don't know how serious it was, because it is all a fairy tale.  So much knowledge and wisdom we have no idea about.  Don't even think about understanding, because haven't I been waiting since 1991??

Like I said I can do so very very little.  Your heart is wrong, and your head does not comprehend it.  You are on the path of the many.  It is a path of Society.  The best things that men with their own agendas created, albeit pretending their hearts were noble.  You want to follow the path where the leader is one of noble heart.  One who does have your best interest in mind.  Do you trust him???

So far you don't.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)

p.s.  Hawks play again tonight, and I think we are getting new phones today.   Yay.   :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Well I Definitely Had To Suffer...

Good Morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I think back to a time after Heimleblog, and before the Journey.  WOW, that was a hard time.  The reason I thought of this was my common theme lately of not being afraid of any of my past.  Overcoming all fears, and doubts.  That really wasn't the case always was it?? 

I remember being afraid of being judged.  I could barely go on.  I needed to be right, because being judged sucked too bad.  Then I had the Journey, and the end of the journey, and I knew good was done, and the wait started up right away. 

What were the things done to me??  Those who didn't believe, and those who did bad.  What are people afraid of??  They have seen things in their past.  They are afraid to look at the truth of their life.  I remember a common theme of Natalie was she was never good enough for her Dad.  Her Dad was one of the most self educated men ever.  He even told me he felt he was probably one of the top 3 smartest people in the World.  Something like that. 

He wanted to learn and know everything, but that is an exercise in futility, because it isn't going to happen.  History books are colored in some angle, you never ever really get a true picture.  He was great at Math, but all levels of learning don't reach a finish line. 

Anyway I remember the acceptance of Natalie by her Father was a big driving force for her.  He had his life though.  His life wasn't perfect, and he felt cheated, because of all his learning nothing but good should have happened. 

His arrogance made him step down from his Hospital Administration job, and being middle-aged he never found the same high paying job.  He dabbled in day trading, and lost big. 

The thing Natalie never understood was the acceptance she longed for was not because of her.  She was a tremendous person, but Her Dad had his own life, and worries to overcome, and that took all the time he had, and he wasn't able to be the Father he wanted. 

Katrina had other issues with her Dad, and those are the ugly parts of life.  Things we don't want to see,and things we don't want to hear. 

I did bad things to Natalie too.  When she was in Denmark though my heart was broken.  I wrote her letters every day, and she would write back like once every 2 weeks or something.  When she was in Denmark, I met Cathrine in Eau Claire, WI.  We talked, and shared beers.  We became pen pals, and she wrote back often too.  :)  We talked on the phone a lot too.  It was always a platonic relationship.  Cathrine had one of the most beautiful faces ever too. 

So anyway there is a lot to life.  We will surely be disappointed in things, because our life will not be perfect.  It will never live up to expectations.  We may feel jaded, due to unfair things, but you know there is an end.  Life will not be fair, and good things don't always happen to those who work hard.

Like I have said though, I have come a long way.  I have traveled great distances in my mind.  I was led on a crazy long journey, and I never ever in a million years thought I could be strong enough to do what I do, and be who I am.

My Journey was solo, which always makes it hard.  My hard walk will not be without good things.  Good promises, and things not yet received.

Anyway.  We have a long way to go.  Yes people have definitely made this harder than it needs to be, but all is possible, and I guess we will learn the power of forgiveness, and hard journeys do go along with learning a great deal.

Life is about a lot of things.  Don't confuse, and don't box yourself into  one little thing that means almost nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Oh well.  This was long.  I didn't mean to write this much.  :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  It is Brandy's birthday today.   yay.   :)   *the girl*   ;)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D    :D