Good morning. How's it going? I am fine. Yesterday was okay. I was a bit tired I think as the day went on. I think I woke up actually at midnight, and not sure if I fell back asleep. I did go to the gym, and had a good workout. My hard days are just doing 4 sets instead of 3 on my circuit, and that is what I did.
I drove yesterday. I was just about to bike to work, but it was raining. Yesterday seemed to be an overcast day. It's lucky I drove to work, cuz I had to pick up our cat at the vet. I didn't switch my alarm yet either, cuz originally I planned on not running, but I decided I will get a quick one in. My legs aren't fatigued so. It will be 4 days in a row.
Other than that not much. I am not particularly angry at anything. I don't really pay attention to the news of the day, and it has no affect on my life. I just live out my days, and the stuff in the World will continue on. I am sure people will consider me naive, but I am not the one angry over whatever it is people get angry at these days.
I find anger clouds judgement. A person cannot stand away, and look at things objectively if anger is in their heart. Anger is the fuel of propaganda. In my World it all is propaganda.
So what should one spend their time pondering? I don't know. Do what you want. Read the news. Watch the news people on tv. Get angry at stuff, I don't care. Unfortunately the news has no bearing on my life, and either do people. I am as I've always been I suppose.
I guess how I've been since this blog started up anyway. In a pretty good position. If anything has changed it is just i see clearly how little I matter, and what I do here. I know good is done here cuz it is made to do so. One can work with imperfection, but it helps if one honestly knows where they stand. The multitudes paint themselves as Saints contrary to the truth. Cling to better than such and such as a way to prove their worth.
I guess the ultimate truth for me is what I wanted most was not up to me. I was not going to build me into perfection, I wasn't going to sacrifice such and such toward perfection. I wasn't going to go into the wild to come out perfect. There is no avenue. Also, even though I wanted the path I must take, it still wasn't up to me whether I can take it or not. I guess I bared my cross so to speak, and the whole secret here was I was willing to be condemned if that is the plan. Not my will. That is what judgement is. Everyone pictures themselves in heaven as if they have a clue, and I have to go elsewhere. That is where one gets understanding, and I am willing. I'll be judged for the 3rd time, and trust me it isn't fun. No hope really you just accept eternity I guess. I had help the first two times as my heart was strengthened to accept my lot if that is the plan. The 3rd time I'll have help, and that will be the end of the current version of me. This too has been hidden for a long time. Centuries to my knowledge, cuz I know of no one, and I am sure I would have heard I think.
I don't know how or why it was hidden for so long, maybe cuz no one ever doubted the purpose of this life. My story is so long from the turn to now.
I figured at some point I guess I deserved something, and that is my final truth. I don't deserve anything. As others view themselves as Saints, and in the best corners of heaven, I know what I deserve as we all do, but my help chose to spare me, although it won't be without suffering. I was willing to go that route for decades, but perhaps I was naive in wanting to do it sooner rather than later. Security is what I wanted most, and I have that. The 3rd time will be no joke, and the first time nearly broke me. The 2nd time I swallowed despair as my partner, but the judges lie.
Anyhoo, guess I better run.
Laterzzz. :)
xoxo. :)
xxoo. :)
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