Some Days...

Some days it is hard to even come up with a title. Yesterday was just a pretty huge day altogether. I got a little run in the morning. Worked a little extra. Had to rush to get the shit done even. I also sorta finished our garage. It's okay now in its finished state, but we will have to buy another box of circular tiles next Spring,  just to make it look better.

So basically I was on my feet all day. I had to climb up and down the ladder a million times. Over 15 miles yesterday just by living.

That was pretty much my day. Work,  eat, sleep. Today is a work out day, and also another run day. I have to can the rest of my tomatoes sometime this week too.  I guess I have been getting my stuff done slowly but surely. I wish we didn't need to do more circular tiles, but whatever.

I guess yesterday was just a pretty okay day all things considered. There isn't much else out there in life. You labor throughout the day, and have a meal.

I suppose we all in some way want to make a difference, but we don't. The World goes it's own way,  and there is no human who directs how it will go. Even at the highest levels decisions are made,  and no one knows the consequences. Predicting the future we cannot do.

I find in life people draw lines. I am on this side of whatever. I am right,  others are wrong. Lines divide,  make enemies of people using other lines. We all follow some pied piper somewhere, and in the end life is just about you. You answer for you, not your lines. If you could look back, you could see in the long run you just aren't that good.

A long time ago I saw a vision of my timeline, with a clear sight to my deeds. What I found was I wasn't that fucking great. You know when the time came for me to do what I was to do in life, I decided to be the best me I can be.

I found throughout the days my heart would change from here to there. I wanted to labor I think for a consistent heart, but that was folly. These days I pretty much wake up the same as always. It's groundhog day every day. Ready to start another. In that regard I guess I have the consistency in my heart I always wanted. Perfection is still out of reach from my hands. It is out of your reach too. I think it matters,  and I suspect most /all cling to good enough. 

You'll find in life the hard truth, that one you don't matter. Two you are not that great, and there is no truthful way to dress it any other way. The truth is pretty brutal really. A human has to recognize their weakness, and helplessness before they can move on.

I guess long ago I learned that. I wanted to impress that cute blond I was working with at the hospital,  but instead I let her know I was a piece of shit. Sure I wanted to dress a part to make me look a certain way, but I grabbed the truth instead. I used that as my crutch. I guess it's helped take me a long way. I suspect most people still try and dress the part instead of clinging to the truth.

Still to this day I ain't that fucking great, but the story isn't finished. I just wait for that,  and live out my days in the meantime. Also I am more established in my direction. I don't worry about my imperfections as I did way back when, cuz my heart is finally assured. It is what makes me strong,  and also indifferent.

I guess I once thought things would go a certain way, and I tried to grab people to have them come with, but everyone has their life to live. Everyone falls away to create their own life. I gave up my coin long ago with a turn. I didn't see any good path where I could make a good story. I suspect a few will eventually see that truth about themselves. The rest will go their own way, and it is fine by me. I am a vessel used in my story. I can't make me the way I'll eventually be. Very little I can do for me, how much less can I do for you?  Ya know? 

I can't worry about what I can't control. In that regard I guess I have very little stress.

Anyhoo, I guess I better go. 

Laterzzz.    :)

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)