Well, let's look at my life shall we. I always love talking about myself. :) Here is one of the things about me, and many of you know my story. After High School, I read the Bible a lot. Like I said before I have been spiritual for a long time, and I wanted to be a good person more than anything. Ready to live a nice normal humble life. My High School girlfriend broke up with me, and I think part of the reason, is my Spiritual/Religion leanings. I rebelled. I was always one who drank here and there, but not a ton. Well, I would drink to get drunk, but I didn't do it a lot. I'd rather hang out with Carolynn, plus I did a car paper route, and had to be at work at 3:00 am 7 days each week my senior year, plus. Like I said though I rebelled. I was willing to live the simple life. Be as good as I can be, and this happens. I strarted partying more. I smoked pot for the first time, and cocaine even. I did one year of Community College, and then it was College. Away from home, out of Dodge so to speak. School seemed pretty easy. My first tests were A's, and I though, holy crap this shit is easy. I stopped trying, and started partying a lot, and the A's turned into C's. So I went a couple years of screwing things up. I was under some self-prescribed pressure to always be a nice guy. If people wanted to have fun, than I would do my part. You would think a life of the party guy is that way, because he can't control himself. I think I just realized, you do things even when you always don't want to, because you want to give of yourself to your friends that way. If you go a little crazy, and have fun it is because you really want other people to have fun too. You want your friends to enjoy days of their lives that much too. Even if it hurts yourself.
For me college was about learning a balance between fun and work. It is a lesson I do try to teach people, that fun is fun, and that is great, but you still have to wake up the next day, and there is still shit to do. Not that I am great at that, because I hate doing projects around the house. I like my job job most days, and I try hard at that, and I like training when healthy, and I have had other hobbies in the past too. I play pretty hard too, but it is fun. :)
I remember going through some real up and down times during School. Me finding myself, and finding a balance. I mean real down times where I pretty much was sure my parents didn't want to see me on Christmas. I stayed in Normal, instead of showing up at home, because I felt I was a burden to my parents. I was too.
Slowly little successes helped me get back up. Getting a job, and working at a Wards near school. Swallowing my pride and taking public transportation, and even walking home if need be. Work, school, and I even found a girlfriend Katrina who was a hot young girl, and she and I dated for 2-1/2 years. She was great, but even when wanting to be a nice guy I failed her too.
Then the my step-mom is going to die. I never dealt with death before, besides my dog Toby, and you remember that story. Life looked different in those days. I mean one day I am this one person, and I get the news, and life takes a drastic change. She died on Dec. 26th the same day as Harry Truman. The last any of us saw her besides my Dad was Dec 25th, and on that day she looked like shit. Like she was already dead, but staying alive for Christmas you know??
So I deal with that shit, and Katrina and I finally break up, and My Grandpa died, and man I really wanted to be a good person, but look at my life?? I am alone now, but I feel relieved about it. You know much more about my story though, because I was working at the hospital at this time. I meet Lora, and I meet Natalie. I confessed my sins to the hot little blonde girl, even though it scared the shit out of me. I would have really like to be fabulous to her, but instead I showed her my Tiger Woods side. I learned that from Lora though. That bitch was honest. I like that, and you know that is to be respected. No one can stand up to honesty. It cannot be beat.
I guess I was going in a different direction with this than planned. I was going to talk about my life, and things I didn't understand about Jim when he lived with us in Normal, IL. One of the things I never understood about his life, is how could he not see Hal, and me find our Mojo, when he was right there. I don't get it. I think he did find his mojo at the end though, and then he was taken. His work was done.
That is it for today!!! :)
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