I Need To Stay Away From The News...

The news is horrible, the World is horrible, and I hate seeing all the stupid Shit that goes on.  I don't think it is really burying my head in the sand as it is, things are really dumb.  This World is horrible, and people do horrible things to each other.  At the same time people have their heroes, and they really are not heroes.  They are imperfect people doing imperfect things, acting on imperfect information, and pretending this is "good enough".

It isn't.  There is better stuff out there.  Things you have no idea, and things you cannot fathom, because you cannot make yourself be the way you want/should be. 

You cannot train a million hours each week to make you a better person, and you cannot work 9000 hours each week to make you a better person, and you cannot read 800,000 books each week to make you a better person.  To become who you want/should be takes it being done for you.  It is a gift.  One in which...   geez, I don't know.  I know at some point I thought I deserved it, because I had to suffer so much.  That was my reasoning outside the garbage room at Bromenn hospital.  Do I do what I am asked, or be rebellious and show him.  I thought why make things worse.  I was mad, and in my heart I wanted to be rebellious, but I did what I was supposed to do.  Go out on my own and find my answers.  They were given to me.  Not at the times I designed, but at times not of my choosing. 

The one day I was asked to go out at night and walk on the track.  I don't remember if I really had to walk on the track, but I think I was to walk a good while, and I didn't want to walk to Anchorage, so I walked on the track.  I was given the building blocks that night, and I was done.  I didn't know I was done, so kept walking, and fell asleep on the ground.  I couldn't go anymore.   As it would happen I felt me falling asleep was bad, and I was horrible, and I am worthless, because I was supposed to walk.  That was the Summer.  Everything I did was wrong.  Judged every second of every day.  The Summer of my Discontent.  yay. 

Even still through my suffering I still did not deserve anything.  Why did it have to be so hard??  I don't know.  The answers are there, but do I really need to know why my path was so hard??  Nah... not really.  I am here to help.  I do it freely.  I don't want to know about your heroes, because they mean nothing to me. 

I have no heroes here.  If you do it is a character flaw.  One in which you are insecure, and you probably need to toughen up. 

Your life is you.  Your heroes will be no help on your personal journey, so take the rose colored glasses off, because it is all about YOU!!!

Got it???

Later.   :)