Good morning. How's it going? I am fine. I slept better last night than the day before. I was fine yesterday, just tired after work. I was even dozing a bit when I sat down. So, I got nothing done after work. Our new A.C. is in, and it looks pretty nifty. It was actually more expensive than my furnace I had installed. It is a nice luxury. Window air conditioners work fine, but we would have to section off our rooms, and bathroom. It wouldn't do our whole living space. 90° and humid is horrible to try and sleep in.
Other than that not much going on. I don't really have much to write about either. I guess if you remember me saying me growing up in the 'burbs of Chicago had no say in who I am. It played no part. The true can be said of people too I guess. No person helped shape me. A long time ago I went the way I did. It made me my own person I guess.
In so doing I lost all the baggage one carries from just growing up. There is nothing in my past that really matters I guess. I have no excuses for not being perfect. I am accepted I guess, and I guess it helps me be light hearted. We all are less than perfect, so who can anyone really impress?
In that light our lives are pretty boring huh? If are deeds are worthless, than what are we struggling for?
For one I guess I don't struggle for anything. I am not trying to make some type of name for myself. I definitely am not trying to be famous. I have no fairy tales I believe in to cloud my judgement. Out of thin air my heart is just content. A gift, and something in any daily, yearly struggle I could not make for myself.
As this goes on there is less and less of me, and one wonders if anyone will actually ever get to know anyone else. I let you know me, cuz I live in the light, and the darkness doesn't scare me.
We all are born in the dark though. Unable to see inside ourself. That remains the case too til your death. There is only one way to change that. I unknowingly went in that direction, cuz I didn't see the point in anything else. Most of you have lived long enough to know no one is perfect, and your hearts aren't perfect either.
In the end I really wanted to be a good person, but it was impossible. What does it even mean?
As I went my way my struggle was done with great fear, cuz I knew the end that was in store for me if something didn't change. Security before perfection. Who knew? I sure didn't. I was ready to suffer for what I wanted most. The end of fear.
My path was scary. The wilderness the worst. I am where I am now though, and this ain't too shabby. What that means for you I have no clue. We definitely are in uncharted waters. It makes me distant in a way I guess. You can't impress with deeds though. They don't matter, so where is our value?
Anyhoo, I guess that's good. I am afraid to go outside. I think one of our cats is terrorizing something.
Gotta run.
Til next time.
Laterzzz.
xoxo. :)
xxoo. :)
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