Good morning. How's it going? Me, I am okay. I've been sleeping in this week, and it feels pretty good. Lately I haven't been drinking coffee much either. I don't know why. Today I have time to make it, but I don't want any. Coffee is strange with me. Sometimes I just know it won't do anything for me.
Yesterday I got all my clothes folded, and put away. I have a little area I hang up all my jackets too. Getting ready for colder weather. I still bike most days in the winter if able, so definitely bundle up. I am driving today, as it is raining.
I haven't been back to Chicago in forever. I thought about that, and part of that is I work a lot. I thought back to the last few years, and there was a period I guess we struggled financially. These days we do pretty good, but I never really felt the pull to go back.
I've seen my Dad, and brother, and his daughter, cuz they came to Michigan. I'll be going back soon. My Uncle died yesterday. His life was probably pretty tough the last few years. He couldn't walk so great with a MS type disease or something. He never really did a ton of stuff. He traveled some. I know both my brothers lived with him for a good amount of time in his various houses. He was the one who found Jim dead.
It is the natural order of events. One day we all end up like him. We will breathe our last. Our story is what happens from birth to death. It took a lot for me to see the true nature of things. What is my story I guess I asked at an early age. I didn't see one to make. I was not a very good author, so I couldn't author myself to a good story. I didn't know what an ideal life was. I stepped out of my upbringing just like I said I would. Threw everything away. I was a product of my upbringing, and society. Like that I could not see the World objectively. When I did see, I didn't like it.
The World was dirty. Imperfection was everywhere. What is a clean path?
In the end there was no perfect path. My story I guess was one of learning. I know the nature of all people, cuz I learned of my true nature. Left to our own devices we all can make some pretty shitty stories I guess.
We are selfish. Creatures of imperfection who hide things, and try to show off our "good enough" side. I went a step further, or many steps further, and found out the source of my imperfection. In a World where I wanted to make me the best person ever it was out of reach.
It was not in my power to make me perfect. It was not in my power to give me a great heart.
My turn done decades ago brought me down a path I did not expect. It was not easy in the least. I did make it to the other side so to speak.
There is a story I guess. It isn't very sexy really. I guess it is one man's quest to find the truth. It just so happens the truth was more than I bargained for.
As people we just are not that great. Settling for "good enough" is just that... settling.
Anyway life goes on. I'll be back for the funeral and stuff. My Uncle or mom's brother is the last part of that family we really had ties with. If I ever went to Chicago I had a place to stay. If we ever flew out of Ohare we had a drive to and from the airport.
I'll think about my Uncle I guess. We never really got to know him on the inside. He probably had secrets. He was nice, and a big help to my brothers. I can't help but think his life was kinda sad.
Anyhoo, I guess that's good.
Have a good one. :)
xoxo. :)
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