Good morning. How's it going? Me, I am fine. I am up so I thought I'd try this. I really didn't do much yesterday. I watered the garden. Still wondering about those tomatoes. Once they hit I am dead. I will have so many. My yellow zuchinni/squash things come at a normal pace. I cannot eat enough cucumbers. Green beans are nice, on any given day you can get a lot, but you can eat a lot too in one meal. I also played this stupid golf game on my phone. I didn't read or listen to my books, and I didn't watch tv. I dreamt a lot last night. Actually I have been dreaming a lot tbh. Nothing important or significant.
That is about it. Life is an endless string of days. Seemingly endless I guess. What can one do to make the most out of their life? It's a good question. I guess I had that question in my younger years. Life pulled, and my mind saw nothing, but the wilderness. I was solo, recently graduated from College, and the World was ahead of me. What To do?
Having dealt with death, and my own shortcomings I figured I'd continue doing my hospital job I had while still in school. I would watch, wait, and maybe try to be the best a person can be. What I was supposed to do was get an entry level position somewhere, or grad school. I liked school, so that is what I leaned toward probably.
I guess what got me in the end was as a person trying to be the best I could be, I sure wasn't. At some point I met honest Lora, and I decided to follow the path of honesty. You'd be surprised how all of us lie often. Fake smiles, and trying to always be in a good mood. I've told this story before, but I was talking to a pretty blond girl at work. Talking about girlfriends and stuff. Instead of trying to impress her with my Saintly traits I told her I cheated on my ex.
That too is something. A person who is supposed to be a good person shouldn't be thinking about sex with girls so much should they? You can carry guilt in anything.
What I learned is we have no control over our thoughts and desires. Stupid shit pops in our heads for no apparent reason. A human is a bundle of weakness and imperfection, but we package ourself as just the opposite. We are a mess, and the World turns us all into liars.
So anyway in my struggles I found the hidden way. It was with much help, because it's been hidden for centuries, and I surely on my own am not anything. I can't imagine what kinda shit life I would have lived if I followed my own devices.
So I went through a great struggle. Suffering much, I made it through two trials. Things you cannot fathom, because you haven't experienced the hidden part of life. Those who do psychedelic drugs may get a glimpse of some stuff, and maybe not. It is a side of life you don't do control. You have no knowledge of it, and you don't understand the forces involved. My struggles were probably not unlike Job's tale. The bet was won, cuz that was the plan. I will overcome 3 times, cuz that too is the plan. I suspect I enter Hell as the antichrist. If my past is any indication. My 3rd time will be no joke. It's the real deal.
I guess I found out about life at a time when I could have gone in any direction. Sure there was the Worldly side of me that had great ideas of an excellent life, but the quiet person in me that just wanted to be a good person won out. I walked in darkness, but little known to me my path was lit by a hidden source.
The light currently is inside me too. Invisible to you, but I can feel it. It is what makes it easy being me. I guess I'll eventually give that up for a bit, and get even something better. The timing is not up to me though.
Anyhoo, I guess that's good.
Til next time.
Cya.
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