Pictures And Letters.

So, not really much has happened since I last did this thing. More of the same. Just living these days. Yesterday I saw something interesting I guess. I was downstairs finally collecting all the stupid paper shit I collected for a good 15 years or so. Insurance bill from Sept. of '96, I had it in my insurance file. Credit card statement from August of 2001,  I had that in the respective file for that credit card. Bill for roto rooter from like 20 years ago, I had that. Not sure where I filed that. I had 60 files or something.  I dumped it all at a paper gator thing by my house. It had to be about 50 lbs. Of shit.

Then I saw the pictures and letters. Pictures of me and my HS girlfriend dressed up for whatever dance. Me with my long hair sitting on my car with my soccer uniform on.

Down the road I saw pictures of Katrina my College girlfriend, and letters. For a good 2 years I was probably the nicest guy she ever met. Now that I think about it I don't know what a young Katrina thought about really. What did she think life should be like?  She was hot, and fun, and sexy. We would have done the married with kids thing, but I had shortcomings I had to learn about I guess.  My own shittyness as a person I guess.

My mom died, I graduated from college,  we broke up on my birthday one year. I remember I wasn't sad. I was relieved. All alone I was. Responsible to no one. My life was mine. That kinda was the beginning of my story.  You'd have to go back in my blogging to get to that though. It may even be in a blog I since deleted.

I saw shit I wrote back during some hard times. I thought it was the wilderness years, but the more I thought of it, I guess it was the empty year after the wilderness. My energy was gone, and life was the worst thing ever. During this time I met Natalie. I was never going to have a girlfriend ever again, cuz even then I was waiting for the final thing I must do. Overcome 3 times, and then Katrina,  and I can hug. She was one of the first 5 coins. My brother Jim was too, and he is dead. One of the 10 I collected, and he is gone. 10% of what I collected I gave back. Tithing too is really the sword,  but churches collect wrong coins, and people cannot see the sword for what it is. I am the only one I know who has done this,  and I didn't even know I was doing it. 

Anyway you cannot see the sword for what it is as you stand now. I don't have understanding so it is pretty useless to me.

Anyway for not wanting a girlfriend I fell head over heels for Natalie. She left for Denmark for a bit, and I missed her terribly. I wrote her every day, or close to it. One night while she was abroad my energy returned. Silliness and a care free life were mine. These were the dead years. Nothing of nothing happened. I saw Alysia, and I kept in touch while she studied somewhere in Italy I think. Alysia was Natalie's twin sister. Not identical. I had a letter from her when she was in Italy. I also had a ton of letters  from Catherine from Norway. We met in Eau Claire,  and I guess she was about what I wanted and craved at the time. A pen pal. We talked, and wrote letters back and forth. A lot too. We met one final time in Chicago. She met my friends,  and we had a fun weekend. We were never more than just friends, strictly platonic.

She is all married and in Norway. I am friends with her and her husband on FB.

Anyway it was interesting to go back in time. I guess since I overcame the first time writing was going to be what I did eventually. I had a bunch of shit I wrote during the empty year, and even stuff I guess when Katrina and I were together.

The blogging started with that one Sunday of me reading the running blogs. I didn't know it at the time, but that was the end of the dead years. I knew things were starting up again, but I never really called them the dead years til later.

So as you can see there still is a life here. I had more letters and stuff. I didn't reread a ton of stuff, and most of it went in the paper gator.

I have fond memories of the girls in my life. Carolynn I never think about. I was young, and in HS trying to find the person I wanted to be. I wanted to be humble, and I probably didn't want to masturbate 70-80 times / week like I did back then.    :)

Hahaha.  I keed,  but fuck young HS boys are fucked. 

Anyways today will be a day.

Have fun.   :)

Luv Ya's.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.   :)