Friday, June 9, 2017

Since I Am Up.

Good morning. I feel if I can get up early I should try and do this. A lot of days I don't have much on my mind. Today is like that.

Yesterday was pretty normal. I was busy at work. I was tired when I got home. I did my watering routine. It is kinda relaxing.  Dinner got kinda screwy cuz Lisa had a funeral, and didn't get home til late. I would have gone with her, cuz I thought it was at 3:00, but it was at 2:00. I didn't plan for the 2:00 time. It was the wife of an uncle on the Dads side. I kinda felt bad for him, cuz he just lost 2 brothers recently,  and now his wife. It wasn't a surprise. She was sick.

Her ending was the thief's ending. She knew her days were coming to an end. I thought about that yesterday. I wonder what that was like.

What did she do as a kid?  She got married and had kids. It's what people do. I am not sure her schooling. Her first kiss, her first crush, her first heart break?  Who knows what she thought about? 

If I were to view my end as the thief's end now, I guess I am doing what I want. I watered my veggies yesterday. I did some labor, had,a meal, and slept good. My end there is no shoulda,  woulda, coulda, cuz in the end  I am doing what I am here to do.

My life is different now than the one I was born into.  A turn done decades ago brought me down a different path. It has been hidden for so long too. I told my story when it was time. It was no longer blocked in my heart.

Right at the beginning It was Lisa's Aunt from her dad's side who lost her husband. I was blogging then. My first of 3 blogs. At the visitation I remember people were talking about who had jobs, and I thought of the dead guy. A lot of people I saw there have now passed.

Anyway, my life goes on. I have no questions about my purpose. I don't look back at anything. I am strong too. Strong, content,  and secure.

I Blogged cuz I was up. Someday you'll be like that lady who passed. You will see your final days. Currently I know where you stand. I don't have any idea now how you go from point A to point B. My story currently stands in the failure zone,  and it wasn't my fault. It will not always remain so, but I have no idea how that works. We will see.

Many will fall away or already have. I am strong too, so it isn't a major concern. People have pretty much zero affect on who I am, and how I feel.

I feel pretty good too. I am glad I get to water my plants and my yard. A life well lived I guess you can say. No false truths float in my head. I was changed away from that. Few will make that little step.  You are still a slave to country,  religion,  society, or whatever. Worse off is you are still a slave to you.

In the end you still gotta give up you to find a better way. It is hard. Especially since you are older and more entrenched in your life.

Seems impossible huh?  Yep, that it is  

Anyway. I'll cya.


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