Thursday, June 22, 2017

It's A Better Year.

This year I seem to be doing more stuff. I water my tomatoes every day there is no rain. Zucchini,  beans, and cilantro, and cucumbers too. It really is all about the tomatoes. I water the front grass too.

I dont remember anything about last year, but I remember not doing that. It's almost July, and I was happy to get the lawn mowed. It's always a chore,  but it is good to get done.

Looking around though it seems I end up getting more and more things on the list of things to get done. Life is busier in the Summer, cuz in the winter outside of shoveling there isn't anything to worry about outside. I never thought of that.

Not for everyone. You can walk around any neighborhood,  and for some people winter is the season all year around. People don't spend a lot if time in their yards it seems to me. I could be wrong. Maybe everyone is at the beach. I wouldn't know, cuz I never go there.

To each their own I guess. We still want to paint our house. We need mulch. Plants still have to be watered, and grass too.

If I were to place a scale in front of me, and enter in the formula the amount of time ideally I'd like to spend on each activity that makes up my day to day you know what I would enter? 

Nothing. It doesn't matter. I am cool with whatever makes up my day.  I always end it with some down time. I don't have any regrets. I don't have any failure, cuz it doesn't matter.

Some days I get a good amount done outside of work, and some days not. I hold no guilt or anything,  cuz the pressures of the World do not affect me much.

Big fucking deal. It's just life. There are no trophies for "Best in day to day activities"  actually there are no trophies you keep. Plaques, and stuff don't mean shit when the worms are eating your remains.

Life eventually just breaks people. Too much guilt in stuff. No one has enough energy for perfection. If you look at stuff online you'd think life is just perfect for all in their Instagram framed life.
I wouldn't know cuz I don't do Instagram,  but I assume it is a World filled with pics.

I'd like to see a pic of your thoughts. How life breaks you down. How you want everything to look perfect,  but it is far away.

At this stage I do know one thing. Life isn't perfect. Frustration is probably something inside you. You don't control your heart, and I know how you must be feeling now. I know you aren't feeling perfect,  because right now life has to look ugly, because you have to want something better than what you are now.

You have to want more of life than what makes it up now. You want to feel content, but it is far away.

You are a mess, cuz that is how it has to be now. You are powerless to make yourself your best life. You might not know it yet,  but you will eventually.

Eventually we all have to learn how very little we control things. In life, and in our thoughts. In everything.


I am out.


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