In A Mood...

Well, I am in a mood today already.  You want to know why??  No reason really.  Maybe I am just sick and tired of people on the t.v. putting Olympians on some kind of pedestal.  Ummmm, they are just people.  they deal with the same shit in life everyone else has to deal with.  They aren't super human.  Many are genetically gifted, but they aren't humanly gifted.  We all are human, which means we all have the same type of flaws and imperfections. 

As someone who looks for truth in life,  I realize as exciting as the Olympics are the t.v. sure portrays them in an not so honest light,  and that drives me bonkers.  I mean for fuck's sake athletes are people too.  Your life is yours, their life is theirs.  You'd be wise not to have any heroes, because heroes fail in life just like everyone else. 

With that, I am going to get some coffee. 

Anything untrue in life just pisses me off.  You know how people just want to show their good side.  I do this and this and this, and other shit we just hide, because we wouldn't want people to see that.  That shit just pisses me off. 

The strong people in life are the ones who show all.  Don't expect to see any of that shit on the news, or in your Olympic coverage.  Fucking assholes. 

The World is a Fucking stage where everyone plays some type of part.  Eventually we will get to the point where we play the part of us. 

Regardless of what anyone thinks, that is what it is all about. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

I don't really give a shit what kind of day you all have.  :)   Told you I am in a mood. 

Later.   :)

Perfect Day...

Just a quick little update here.  I am doing my absolute favorite time off thing ever.  Taking just a Monday and Tuesday off.  I don't like taking a full week off.  I get out of my routine, and  it drives me bonkers.  So I did a lazy old day yesterday.  I watched like 5 movies or something.  We went out to lunch.  Watched another movie.  I then sat outside, and listened to music.  Lisa putzed in the yard.  We ordered pizza, and that was it. 

I have today off too, but I should actually do some work.  clean the house, laundry etc...

Any heavy stuff today??  No,   nothing really on my mind. 

Well let me explain something about me.  I have lived this life here, and have been doing this blog thing here for a while.  I do get angry sometimes, and for many different reasons.  I think I just try to help with this thing.  If I ever feel like no one reads it, then I sometimes think why bother with this stupid thing.  Sudden unexplained changes are never really good, it is like communicate you know??  Those always are taken as an attack against me. 

Oh well, just a little something.  If you read this, then you know me pretty well I'd think. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Need to get a 10 miler in today.   :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D 

Monday Monday...

I got the day off, and as of right now, I feel like doing nothing.  I feel like being a big 'ol lazy slob.  We'll see if I actually do anything.  I am pretty sure I have nothing today, but I will get some coffee, and we will see...

Okay, so I am back with coffee in hand.  Well not really, because I type with two hands, but you get the idea.  So yesterday I woke up, and had to run.  I planned on going 4 early miles instead of 3, but ran out of time, so I went 3, and then we did 12.  I woke up hating training for a marathon, because last week's run seemed hard.  I was in a good mood though.  My first 3 miles were muggy, and I was thinking toward the end of my next 12 miles were going to be bad.  (temps and humidity cooled as the time went on)

I forgot to get gels again, and didn't eat breakfast, so on my last water stop I put some coffee, and a can of beer.  I chugged 1/2 the can, and you know how good a beer tastes on a hot day after you are sweating and thirsty.  That is how it tasted.  I had one of those days too where the run felt fine the whole time.  An easy 15 miler.  My legs feel good today too, but I won't run.  I am off tomorrow, so I will get a long'ish run in tomorrow.  yay.   :)

Are there other things on my mind??  Sure.  You want to know where my strength comes from??  It comes from trust.  My journey was ALL about Your will not mine.  And after many hard times, and trials etc.. comes trust.  Trust not in myself, because I am not all powerful.  Trust that I know I cannot do anything on my own.  You see I am not a manipulator of events, because I don't need to. 

All lives are personal to us all.  They are solo affairs of types.  Even married people don't know each other all that well.  Communication is hard, because we all have a lot of hang ups as to who we are, and who we think we are supposed to be.  We want to put our best foot forward too, etc..   Look good in front of other people.  The truth of us is a big ole jumbled mess.  Like I said it would be easy if there were a manual, of do this and do that, and work our way to this and that.  It is a Journey though.  Where we travel through distance and time.  We are to trust the one who time  holds no power, because he knows better than us. 

I have no idea how this thing is going to get.  We'll see.  It should be interesting though don't you think??  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Lookeeee here.  Exciting baseball season, and football is around the corner.  Bears drive me bonkers.   :) 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D 

Next 3 Days Off...

WOOOOO  HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  I have the next 3 days off.  How awesome is that??  Pretty awesome I think. 

So, what is going on today??  Not much, but I will do the coffee thing and see what happens.  I know yesterday was a pretty heavy one, and that about life is tough.  Life is full of hard truths, and you can see why honesty = strength, because the honest darn fact about the truth of life is pretty hard. 

Okay hold on, I will brb.  

Okay, I am back with coffee in hand.  I have a lot of thoughts about this blog, and what this is, and I know the easier route is to pretend you don't see this.  The easier way would be if we could just all go back to the way things were, but that is not possible, and that is not the case.  Life moves forward, even if it appears the direction isn't looking good.  That also is trust too huh??  This is a good direction, although it seems hard.  You have plenty of examples in History, and one of my favorites was Anne Frank.  Sure it would have been better if she could go back to the way things were, but all that was out of her control.  Her life was full of some brutal truths.  First to be locked in hiding.  Second to be found.  3rd to be separated from her family. 

I know it would be so much easier if there was a way to work toward where we need to go.  It seems on paper faith is such an easy thing huh??  Actually work is a much easier thing, but it is the wrong way.  Faith uses time, and promises, and believing and trusting in one who is not bound by time. 

With work we can quantify, and gauge, and use things we can understand, and things we have knowledge of.  Faith will teach you other things.  Not all things are easy, and you have to accept that.

All this stuff leads to you being stronger, and also for you to build trust.  With increasing knowledge, and increasing wisdom comes increasing trust.  Some steps along the way are hard.  Accept that.   

There are so many lessons, and I don't want to wield my sword, because I know it is scary.  So, I will keep my sword inside.  I don't need to bring it out, because I have said it before. 

Accept what I have told you, and move on.  Know you are on the right way.  I know when I felt pretty bad outside the Bromenn Garbage room, it was comforting to know I was on the right path.  That was the start of my Summer of Discontent.  Not too many good days after that, and it lead to a bad night, and then a horrible 6 days, and then a horrible year. 

I think knowing you are going in the right direction should be comforting. 

No one said things were easy.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Gots nothing for a p.s.  Oh well.   I guess that will have to do.   :) 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D 

Tweener.

Okay this was a tweener.  I was thinking of staying in bed, and writing nothing, because let's face it, it is my life, and I cannot possibly have much to write about.  Saying that I will get some coffee, and see what comes out.  brb.   :)

Now as you know I just throw stuff down here.  I don't put much thought to it.  Today/ earlier before I got up I was thinking of some things, and it is a bit heavy, and I am not going to go into it, but I see how hard this is.  I think back to my time of going through my life, and there definitely was no vision.  I had no idea the meaning of any parts of my life as I was going through them.  I never knew the importance, and this blog actually gives you a vision of life.  What are some of the hard parts, and why are there hard parts. 

One of the big obstacles of life is we believe in us.  We are smart.  Some of us went to College, and learned the Bullshit we learned there.  Especially if we were Business majors.  ;)   We have to trust not in ourselves.  Not in our own knowledge, and not in our own wisdom, because there are higher thoughts, and higher wisdoms, and higher knowledge than we can attain on our own. 

Oh, I know that ain't easy, because we think we are pretty dang smart.  That is a step of trust too isn't it??  I never knew that, and I never knew the importance of my actions I took.  Most stuff I learned the importance of it later. 

This is a tough road, and I have given you a lot to think about, and yes as you can tell the journey of life is internal.  That is where all the important stuff is, and if you look inside you, I am sure you can see the hate.  You hate people who don't think like you, or don't believe what you believe.  Why is it easy to hate people??  Because they hate you back. 

When you look at your actions do you ever analyze the motives for it??  That is part of your internal stuff too.  The Whole World of believers want to prove that they do stuff for God, and the funny thing is if the believers were really smart they'd realize you cannot do anything for him he can not do for himself.  You all want to show some sacrifice of some sort, and that is not what he wants.  What he wants you cannot do, because what he wants for you is to accept as a gift that which you cannot do on your own. 

But hey, it is just this silly old blog I have been doing for a while.  Banging my head against the tree really, because I have been saying this for a while, but you put your faith in yourself, and that sure ain't the right way.  Trust in one is who you have to trust, but we all are too fabulous in our eyes to not trust ourselves.  That is why the journeys of life are so hard, because it helps open our eyes.  And isn't that what it is all about??  Helping the blind to see.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Going to work today and then I have the next 3 days off.   WOOOOOO!!!    :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D  

I Wonder What This Will Be About...

Good Morning all.  How's it going??  I am doing pretty good.  I have absolutely no idea what this blog is going to be about, but I am up, and I guess I will write something.  I am going to get something first.  Can you guess what it is??    ;)

So what is up with me??  A lot has happened since yesterday let me tell you.  Not really.  Just another day.  I ran early in the morning.  I was going to go 6+ miles, and went a solid 4, and run walked 1-1/2 miles home, cuz I had to poop.  I had a feeling going out, I may run into troubles, but what the heck.  It was cool.  Our nights are cooling down real nice, so I was going at a pretty good pace.  So much so my legs were fatigued at work.  Not from the distance, but the easy pace in cool weather is quicker than my legs are used to.  Now that is strange to me.  I also took Hope for a little run after work.  That was in the heat, and it was sluggish, but whatever. 

Then I did what we always do.  I am home around 3:00 or so.  I listened to music, and had a couple drinks.  Lisa relaxed a bit, went and got a haircut.  We made tacos, and that was it.  That is how my favorite days go.  Tonight I have a challenging run on trails. 

A day in the life huh??  I guess I have to say I am at peace with myself.  I am not striving after this and after that,  striving after vanity of vanitys.  Why??  well 2 reasons.  That is the end of wisdom.  The nothing really matters.  It would be great if all people were like that I am sure, but it is not with us.  You see my story.  It had a lot of years, and a lot of struggles, and a lot of stuff in it.  This life is/was not empty.  I made a step though, and it was one of trust, although I didn't know it at the time.  As my life was going all I wanted was to be something special.  It is a big World, and I wanted to make my mark, but how??  I looked at life, and I didn't see much in it I liked.  What is one to do?? 

There was a promise made to me too.  He would save me out of any snare I found myself in.  There were a lot too.  Remember me being in a sword fight, and only having a utility knife, while battling those with Hattori Hanzo swords.  I was not going to win that one.  I did ask why I was given that promise.  I thought it was when I said no to the promotion when asked to do so.  It was actually me wanting that promotion, and knowing that would be the best thing for my life.  I want I want I want, but in a battle with my self will I said your will, not mine.  That was it.  I overcame myself, and the rest of my journey through my 2 trials were what??  At the time I needed I said the right thing.  Your will.  Remember I was going to die, and go to Hell.  There was a way out though, I could save myself, but at the expense of my friends.  In my heart and in my head was put the strength to say Your will.  If I go to Hell that is fine.  I was going to die and go to Hell.  My friends were to be saved, but I was broken.  Imagine waking up the next day in the Hospital, and being alive.  There was no hope, and nothing, and here I was alive. 

Remember Jim said I had Mom casket face that night.  I was dead in a way.  Jim was with me in the hospital.  I was going to die, but I asked him if they could take the restraints off me.  I didn't want them. 

The other was I was to be the worst of the worst.  In me was the strength to say Your will.  Not of my doing.  I overcame the first time, and maybe I had help.  Not sure of that.  Maybe I had to make a small step of overcoming myself.  I remember that wasn't easy, and after that everything seemed to be done for me. 

A lot of stuff to life.  Life isn't only what we see either.  There is more that goes on inside you than you even know. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I am going to make something for breakfast.  I am fricken hungry. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D    

Rough Start To The Week...

Hey all, good morning.  How is it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I finally got a good night sleep.  I slept like crap on Monday.  Really, I woke up around 8:30 or so, and checked on the Sox, and then kept checking, so I didn't get enough sleep.  It is so much easier when the Sox suck.  :)  How big of a Sox fan am I??  Weekend is over, so I haven't watched any Olympics, and don't know who won what, although I see girls won Gold in Gymnastics.  Don't care.  I didn't even turn on the tee vee. 

Yesterday when I got home from work, I went into the bedroom to pet Jazz, and all of a sudden it was 2 hours later.  I didn't run yesterday, and as a matter of fact I didn't want to.  I have a schedule of running.  Tues, Wed, Thurs,  and Sat and Sunday.  I am flexible.  I missed the last two Saturdays, and yesterday.  Could I have run?? yes.  Does it mean anything I didn't run??  no.  Did I have a good day anyway??  yes. 

What do I know about me??  I know a lot about my whole life.  I can be brought back to many times of my past and remember them like yesterday.  Can you??  It is so easy for me, and I wonder if others do that too.  Those who read this know a lot about me.  I have let you in on a lot of stuff about me.  For what reason??  I am not really sure.  When you do this type of thing, you tend to sometimes think you are interesting.  Those are the good days, when you feel pretty good about yourself, and sometimes you think you are just weird. 

You know there is a battle going on within you.  Maybe many battles but here is one.  There is you.  The real you.  It is someone who wants to come out of their shell, but also doesn't.  The greatest desire is to come out, but also our greatest fear.  Why is it our greatest fear??  You know you have flaws.  You know you aren't perfect, and you know the World judges.  Being judged is the worst, and it sucks etc..  Stepping out of your shell is hard, but necessary.  Why??  Not really sure, but it is good to let things out into the open.  It is good to bring things to light.  Something that stays in the dark the whole time is??   nothing really.   Garbage. 

We all are guilty of wanting people to only see our fabulous side.  We all are ignorant as to what actually is fabulous.  Our idea of fabulous is whatever fairy tale understanding we believe fabulous to be.  Truth and honesty is fabulous, but we don't always feel fabulous when we let people see our truth, and our honesty. 

You really have to trust in truth and honesty, and that kind of stuff, because all steps in that direction are not easy.  Because at the end of the day what I have been saying.  Trust is better than all your actions.  Trust is a blind step.  A blind scary step.  A step when you do something, and you don't feel all that confident about it, and all that strong. 

Tough has nothing at all to do with whatever you do on a race course.  Tough has to do with how you deal with life. 

The race course means absolutely nothing about life.  Your life is all the stuff you try to hide.  You can see people trying to come out though, and being scared a bit.  I hear you. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  good thing about waking up early is I get to run before work.   yay.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D