Just Start I Guess.

Today,  I have no idea about a title, so I guess I'll just start. I pretty much have no idea what to blog about either,  but whatever. I have coffee, my morning. I have a day before me,  and not a care in the World really. It's pretty nice to wake up this way. Nothing really dragging me down.

I don't know how a typical person feels when they wake up. I don't know if life is a grind. Gotta do this and that. I know many, most,  all people get tied up in responsibilities. Gotta do this and that. Gotta be a certain way cuz it's expected. Have to act a certain way. Have to smile, and make nice.

Not all people. Some people are just angry. I don't know what makes a person like that. I don't really have to worry about people though. I have my life. I have my days. The morning is always filled with promise,  and I rarely live up to what I expect to accomplish each day. I also rarely give a shit. I live a life with a clean slate. All the burdens one accumulates in life have been wiped free.

As a person I haven't been perfect. I am strong enough,  probably the only one, who doesn't accept "good enough".  I traveled the path where I learned of me. I know the shortcomings we all face. I know this though. There is so much a person has to learn,  but that path is blocked save one way. You can read all the books, eat all the veggies, stay current in all current events yet the learning is still blocked.

We were born destined to think a lot higher of ourselves than we should. Me too. No doubt about it. I learned the truth. Learning the truth of me I I know the truth of you. Me knowing this doesn't help you any. I cannot do for me what eventually will be done. I cannot help you in what you must do. You are alone in this World although people are around. Your thoughts are yours. I wonder what percentage of these we hide? 

A Saint none of us are. There is no grading on a curve as far as these things go.  Life is a pass/fail class. Instead of living like you have the pass nailed,  maybe you should look at the truth. See why it is you are on the route of fail.

That would help you the most.

Anyway. Today is another day.

Guess I'll start mine.

Cya.

Back To Normal

Good morning. I thought about sleeping in today,  but as I thought about it, I wasn't tired. I just woke up having bizarre dreams. Not scary, just weird. I feel in high spirits today. I think I may be allergic to days off.  Yesterday I had a day off,  and I wasn't sure what to do.

I got the things I wanted to get done, done. As I looked around there is so much more that needs to get done, but I wasn't feeling it yesterday. Sometimes I am amazed at how much stuff we should really do. Just typical cleaning stuff, and minor repairs. There are only so many hours in the day.

Anyway. Enough of that. I think now that we are really close to June that Summer is here. Jackets will be a thing of the past. Shoes and socks will be the first things removed when we get home. Longer days I guess, but I still go to bed early. I may be staying up a little longer.

We have some stuff to do, but I also like looking around our yard. We spend some money every year on perennials so new stuff is always coming up. Even annuals do start to go crazy.

I guess I am a homebody these days. Maybe it's an age thing. A day of work. Some time doing whatever. A meal to end the day, and maybe reading or watching something on the TV.

I cannot imagine being 70, and wanting to be President. I think the orange hair guy is probably close to that. Talk about missing out on life. People in elevated positions are pretty whack too. They think they make a difference.

They may make some sort of difference, but rarely good in the long term. A house divided cannot stand, well the same with the World right? 

The World hides itself in robes, and suits,  makeup. Parades, and pageantry. It's all bull shit. This World is just one big lie. Covering it's ugly insides.

I don't have to worry about that though. The World is not my master. As a matter of fact I am the enemy of the World. It may know it, but currently it is powerless to do anything to me. The weapon of choice for such things currently is trapped within me. Unable to do anything at all.

Anyhoo. Just getting something down. I cannot imagine how people do 3 day weekends. I can't think of anything worse.   :)

You people are crazy. 

Gotta run. I may do another coffee. Gonna read my book too.

Cya.   :)

Just Some Stuff About Nothing.

I am up at my normal time for a Monday. I just don't have to work today. I have a lot of stuff to do though. It seems like a lot I guess, but I can be done in a couple hours. So much we can do, and so much time we waste. At least in day to day stuff. In the big picture there is nothing we can do. It's all relative.

Yesterday was pretty normal. I worked my Sunday job. I got out a bit early. Planted the rest of my garden. Gardening takes a little tlc. I've been pretty lazy in years past. This year I water things every day. I'll have to fertilize it too soon,  and pretty regularly thereafter.

Life goes on. Day after day. Plug along living out these days. Seems there should be a grand finale huh?  A culmination of these days leads to... our death. No one escapes it.

The terrible part of being me is I know what life stands for. I know what it means. I don't know a lot of stuff, but I know enough that all the noise in the World doesn't mean anything. People place importance in any number of things and it isn't. Collecting money won't help you escape death. You are on a crash course with your end. You will not escape it.

You'll find if you look that nothing really matters, but people are born a creature of this World. It takes a lot for you to not be. It takes a lot for you to not be a slave to it. It isn't in your power either to change you.

The World is made of fluff. It doesn't matter either. The World means nothing.

I don't know. I go on and on though. Apparently for no real reason. So I guess I'll do all I can. I'll go have a day.

Cya.

Just cuz.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Nothing major going on with me at all. I got some stuff done yesterday after work. Cut the grass, water the tomatoes,  cucumbers, beans, and zucchini. Threw some straw around the plants to act as mulch. I had some Coors Lites,  then tacos,  then sleep.

What do I want from a day?  I want my meal to be as good as those tacos were last night.

I don't think I thought of anything particularly interesting yesterday. I think the most important thing on my mind was to get the grass cut. I didn't want that weighing on my mind. Also to take care of the veggies. Oops, cilantro too. Almost forgot about that.

Today I work, and have to transplant a tree. Probably do ribs for dinner. That should be about it. I'll take Hope this morning, and read my book.

I can always dig a bit I guess to try to make my entry not a complete waste of time. I kinda live out my days. There is nothing epic about me or any part of my life. There is nothing epic I need to accomplish. The funny thing is I am still fulfilled. I expect the human experience is to seek for meaning. The funny truth of this is at the end you'll realize there was no meaning. You and I don't matter one bit. It may take your end to see this,  but I've already faced my end. Accepted the worst outcome if that is my lot.

Anyway what I am guessing is you don't know your own insignificance. I know mine. I know I don't matter. If you were to face your end this fact will make you sad. Me enduring two trials I am content with my little life of insignificance. I am not sad about it at all.

You, I am guessing are seeking the epic in life. There is no such thing. None of this really matters. The best you can hope for is a great meal at the end of the day. Watch your veggies grow every day. See the green trees go crazy this time of year.  I'd say have a happy heart, but I know that is not in our power. You have never stood in these shoes I wear.

You don't know what you are missing. Also it makes everything else seem silly kinda.

Anyway. Another cup of coffee,  and my book.

Cya.

To Blog Or Read My Book?

I don't have anything to blog about, so I should just read my book, but I guess I'll try. The most important thing yesterday is I got my garden in. I may throw in some carrots, and more beans, but it is pretty much done. I thought it was going to rain more last night and today,  but the weather changed. I'll have to water it the next couple days.

I find myself needing less sleep. I am staying up later yet still able to get up early. I got stuff for meals for the rest of the weekend,  and really for all of next week too. I have a day off Monday too.

All in all not too shabby. Our last big expense is done too. I saved, and upgraded my dental package. That was an extra $1000, but saved is the operative word. No financing. June is 5 weeks, and Lisa gets paid 3 times,  so we'll be able to save pretty quickly again.

Pretty good when the day to day goes pretty good.

Other than that not much going on. I don't have much to say. Outside of here I think I remain pretty quiet. Maybe I am just not interested in much. I see myself reading more. That might say something. That is more interesting than anything else?  

I got a show on Netflix I like a lot. We watch an episode or two or three. It is why I stay up late I think. Let's watch just one more, and one more after that. I still find myself getting up before my alarm. I think with stiff drinks you need more sleep. Who knew?     ;)

Well this update is dumb. It happens. Now off to my book. 

Cya.

The Direction From Here.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am okay. I slept good last night. I slept in a bit today kinda. Still up early enough to go to work if I had to, so not really sleeping in crazy. I was going to blog,  then not. Grabbed a 2nd cup of coffee, so I decided why not.

So where do we go from here?  I don't know. I am just going to do my thing. I don't place too much importance in me, cuz I am just one person living a life. Like you all really. We are different though. I know what my life is about,  and I know the importance of it,  or lack there of.

I don't really have anything to prove to you. Unlike you I have no need to strive after wind. All our sacrifices = $0. You can't know that or understand it, cuz you have to travel down far along my path to get there. You seek for points,  and they aren't yours to take. You falsely tally up your points too, because unknown to you zero is the amount you have collected.

No amount of sacrifice will help you. The truth will help you,  but the truth comes with fear. If you have no fear, than your heart is really bad.

The World goes on. You don't make sense of it, cuz it just isn't that great. The World is divided cuz it will always be. People kill as a way to falsely think they collect points.

People falsely teach in weird outfits, and nice suits. They have great make up people to make them look flawless on the outside. They make you feel secure saying they have the answer and the way. Many are under their power. It takes a lot to overcome all the bad leaven you've collected over the years. Everyone is a false teacher too, cuz it is impossible for you not to be. You yourself unknowingly try to lead many astray.

The path of you is a very bad route. You have no idea. It keeps the truth away. Your 10.0 instagram fantabulous Olympic score doesn't mean anything.

In the end we don't mean anything. Somewhere along the way you have to deal with you. Instagram won't help. Make up won't help. Clothes, costumes, and uniforms won't help. You have no idea how lost we are just being born here.

A tough message. I know that. I lived it. Accepted,  and kept moving on. I did not go astray even though my future looked bleak. I was smart to be obedient,  even though I was mad.

Anyhoo. Today I have a day off. I have a split appointment. 9:00 for an impression, and the afternoon to get my final thing. Pretty exciting.

Cya.  :)

Another Post.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I am up way earlier than need be, but I feel I am done sleeping so.

Not much happened this past weekend. I read some books and listened to some books. I worked,  and stayed up later than normal. I tried blogging yesterday,  but it was dumb. I was tired yesterday too,  cuz I stayed up too late. Today,  I am up way earlier than I need to be.

Other than that not much going on. There is a holiday this weekend so I'll get a day off. I have a day off tomorrow,  but for an appointment.

If you want news of my drinking one day a week, that ain't happening. Instead of 3-4 stiff drinks though, I may have 3-4 coors lights. That makes a difference. It is basically like drinking water. You don't really get buzzed, and you don't want to drink much more of that. It gives you the relaxing feeling without the stiff drink stupidity. You don't end up stupid.

Other than that I read a lot. I have a meal, and I've been watching a show on Netflix. We do some cleaning and whatnot and we have some projects.

A boring life for sure, but aren't they all. Everybody in their mind is doing so much important stuff, but you aren't. There isn't anything really lasting and significant to do. You don't know that,  cuz you are a creature of this place. You can't see past uniforms,  and suits,  and clothes. You look on the outside,  and all the important stuff is inside.

Your World is pictures, and the most interesting thing about people is what's on the inside. What is in your inside isn't perfect. Even if you score a 10.0 in your instagram fantabulous Olympic score.

The thing I know about all people is you didn't do it all right. You carved out some little niche in life. It isn't totally what you expected, cuz you today are different than you yesterday. 5 and 10 year plans got jumbled,  cuz you thought you would always be the same. Maybe you are in the same life, but things sure look different than you thought they would.

Wanna know why. Your heart deceives you. It doesn't stay the same. You may try to force it to act in such a way... to keep a high score in your instagram Olympic score, but you don't control it.

You don't control you. Your mind has thoughts you'd like to block out. Things that may be inappropriate if others knew.

We can dress ourselves in acceptable clothes, but what can you do about the inside you? 

Why do you not have any control over you?  I know why.

Hint:  it is a pretty dark secret. The truth is pretty ugly. Some things I cannot really teach you while you are still a creature of this World.

End note:  I just used Instagram as an example. Do NOT follow me on instagram. I don't use it. I once had an account, but I don't use it anymore. I am not the type of person who really cares about pictures. Obviously.

Anyhoo. I guess that's good. 

Have a good one.  :)