Starting Another Day.

I am starting Another day. Yesterday was a bit different cuz usually I pick up a bottle of wine after work on Saturdays. It's the night I drink wine. Not anymore as Saturday will not be a drink night. Thursday or Friday will be my drink night.

Last night I cooked dinner, and got a good start in book 5 of my series. I also watched the movie one for the money, which was made from the first book in the series. I seem to be getting more and more hooked. Getting into the characters more and more. Also today I finally have the last of my Pendergast novels to listen to. I was on a wait list, but no more.

Having been down this road before I am pretty excited to be back on it. I save money, and I have more productive time. We will definitely get our house painted once the weather fully cooperates.

In a life full of turns I just made another. My whole routine thrown away to find a different one. Check it out. Kinda like the change in seasons, you don't want to look at the same shit all the time.

I don't know where it will lead me. Probably more distant. In life I suspect most of you want to matter,  and most want to be important.

The truth suggests you and I are in the same boat. We aren't. You aren't special,  and you are not some remarkable human being. Just one of the multitudes. All our stories are different though. Most/all are hidden though,  cuz no one wants the World to see the real them. Too scary. You are too flawed. Too imperfect. Who wants to show themselves if they can't wear Saint's clothes?   Too many judges and we aren't perfect.

You think that doesn't matter, but I KNOW it does.

Whatever. I am me doing my life thing. One man in a World on his own. Comfortable with me,  and not really concerned about much.

I'll finish my coffee, and get ready for work.

Cya.   :)

Been A While.

I haven't been updating much lately,  and it feels pretty good. This may be my new norm. I don't really have anything important to blog about. Nothing particularly important happening in my life.

I am thinking of not drinking mostly. Maybe one day a week like I did before. It would be really easy, except when the day winds down I do think a drink would be nice. I mostly would plan to do housework,  and yard work. Probably read more too. I am going through the books where Stephanie Plum is the main character. A normal girl from Jersey turned bounty hunter.

Her character is a good one. Flawed like everyone. It's a girl though,  and the author is female. Mostly I'd read books where guys are the main character. You kinda get a females perspective.

I haven't been running, and currently I have no running shoes. I already turned my running shoes into work shoes. I will go to the running store soon, and walk for them to get a good pair for me.

I am in no hurry,  cuz I don't expect my knee to hold up to any crazy training. If I don't run or spend a crazy amount of time in some hobby I wonder what else I'll do? 

Nothing really comes to mind, but I will continue to do the house stuff and reading. I still have 16 more Stephanie Plum books to read, and then I'll start something else. I do have my jobs too, so I have stuff every day.

My whole life from before I've gone through. Every part of us has to be dealt with. All our failures and hurts and shit. Probably the most important thing in your life to do. I already did that shit. It is behind me and no longer of any consequence.

This blog is of no consequence. Me, and my life either. I am way cool with that. I don't care.

So til next time. There is always a possibility there will be no next time. Maybe tomorrow I'll have one or 3 weeks from now. I don't know.

Blogging is probably dumb. I don't know. My life is.   :)

Haha. 

Cya.  Have a good one.

This Kid Is Alive.

Good morning. I am doing okay. I don't know why the last two days I've been waking up, and the previous week I was sleeping in.

I am alive. My insides are charged. How I feel on the inside is different than you. You I don't know. I don't know what life feels like to someone like you. On the flip side you don't know me. You have no idea how it feels to be me.

There is a great divide between you and I. There are so many important things in life,  except there aren't. The time we spend doing stuff is valuable,  except it isn't. The sacrifices we make are very valuable,  except they aren't.

Life is a time filled story that trillions have done. All end up 6' under. How is it we place so much importance in our life, which obviously isn't important?   A look at the numbers tells us the truth.

So we go on and on showing everyone how important we are, and our great deeds, but it is just life. We get thrown into this World. As kids we cry at the stupidest shit for hours on end. Across the street yesterday the neighbor lady had a kid yelling and crying mommy mommy mommy mommy. Who the fuck wants to deal with that?  

How is that loud mother fucker  going to miraculously turn perfect once he stops masturbating  47 times each day after HS?  It won't happen before HS ends that's for sure.

Life is ugly,  and all of us are flawed. Unable to be perfect. As a matter of fact we don't even know what perfect is. You may have some weird idea to it, but you really have no clue. Me either really. I know it is different than what I am now.

Maybe that is where you and I differ. I know where I stand as far as these things go.

Anyway, another blog. This is kinda boring to do I think.

Blah.

Cya.

I Think It Has Been A Week.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I've been sleeping in a lot so no blog. I liked it too. Secretly I wanted to always sleep in and never blog again, but I am up.

Not much been going on. Kinda decided to work on the house this year. No running or anything. I still bike to work most days, and that will mostly be the extent of what I do. Things pile up. Yard work, grass, garden, organize, clean. We have a lot we can do. Last night I spent an hour or two planting grass, and edging. On nice days I'd like to follow that plan,  and maybe read my books on rainy days, or do shit inside.

Our big plans huh?  I am sure I'll fuck that up often,  but in theory it sounds good. As easy as life can be it still is pretty fucking busy.

Really not much else going on. Living a simple boring life,  and I think the more boring the better. My life is pretty dumb, and you'd be a fool to want to read about it, just as I am a fool to write about it.

This thing is/was about so much more though,  but you and I are different. I am a piece of shit imperfect person telling you my truth, and also kinda being a mirror to your truth. I didn't know everyone was a Saint though,  so what a waste of time.

No biggie though cuz time I have. Also in the wilderness I don't give a fuck.

Cya

Trailers For Sale Or Rent.

Good morning. How's it going?   I am fine. Yesterday was pretty busy. I had more to do at work than usual for a Monday, but I got out on time. We tried finishing our pickets replacement,  but it doesn't line up. It is Hope proof right now,  but we will have to adjust ~20 of them this weekend. I wanted it to be done. Oh well.

Our roof guy came over,  and we paid him off. In the end we are $6000 poorer, but we will never have to deal with that roof again. We bought good 30 year shingles,  and it looks good. We also got all our old ruined pickets in the roof dumpster. Lisa can take the not horrible ones and donate it to her work. As Spring is upon us we already got a lot done.

Not sure what I will do today after work. It will be nice out so I'll probably sit outside. Probably do tacos for dinner. I have a lot of things on my mind I guess. A lot of things I want to get done. Busy busy I guess you'd say, but I still have plenty of time to just relax. Every day still ends with dinner you know?  

Who really knows how people think. I feel I am pretty far removed. Did you do enough?  Did you sleep too much?  Did you worry too much?  Did the burdens of life drag you down?  

I suspect people seek out the perfect balance to life. The balance comes from your heart though, and that we don't really control. We can make rockets and stuff, and blow people up. Stay busy doing things in this World,  but we cannot control our heart.

Weird huh?  We seek out ways in the World to make our mark, and we never really question why our hearts fail us.

Anyway. A lot of questions to life,  and perhaps the right questions never get asked.

Why am I not better?

Guess that's it. Gonna take Hope this morning,  and hopefully have time to do the dishes.

Cya.  :)

Xoxo

In The End It Was A Pretty Lazy Day.

We did do some cleaning,  and laundry,  cooked a ham and stuff, but my first day off in 4 months was a pretty lazy one. Why not right?  I think that will be the case on future days off. Good to be lazy once in a while.

Like I said before though I am done with work early afternoon all days, so I still have all my days. I gotta check the weather today, cuz I was thinking there might be rain. Other than that today will be pretty normal. Nothing huge planned.

Nothing really on my mind right now. I did think of something earlier. A way I am different than you. I am this imperfect entity. I know it, and I know my personal route to perfection.  It iswhat I set out to do long ago, but the timing isn't up to me. Anyway I am not afraid of imperfection. I was during the journey, but I am accepted now. Secure in who I am. Even when I was scared I still was open. Have been since things started up during the running blog days, but fear is long gone.

There is a story being played out and I am powerless to make this story happen, although I will play a part.

How this all ties in to the end days I am not sure. Let him who hath understanding, and that is what I am after. That which is trapped in me gets let loose, and who knows?

I asked for the mirror several years ago, and the mirror is for people to look at them self. A mirror turned brings hate and anger, and I wondered if the whole World has the mirror and uses it incorrectly than the World is pretty ugly.

I don't know these things though. If people are mad I don't see it, cuz I am not mad.

I just do this life thing, and my story will be played out. I have no worries of that. When I spent my time in the wilderness I knew what was at stake. I knew the end I was desperate to escape. Fear was my crutch, cuz I knew too much to be secure. By knowing too much I knew where I stood.

In a World of Saints I knew I wasn't one. I also knew the World wasn't full of Saints. Maybe that is where we see things different.

Anyhoo.

Gotta go.

Cya.   :)

Xoxo.  :)

Something Different

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am fine. I got a good night sleep,  and I have all of today off. It is weird waking up in the middle of the night, and realize you don't have to worry how many hours til you gotta be at work. It's been a while.

Today I don't have any real big plans. Do some cleaning,  finish the last 50 pickets of our back fence. Nothing too crazy. I'll just be doing it not after working 8 hours.

Oh my gosh that is pretty much all that is on my mind. Yesterday got up to 77° according to my phone. It felt good to be in that weather again. It feels good we got a shit ton done with our house so far this year. New kitchen, sink, faucet, garage door,  opener,  roof,  fence. I have some windows to replace, and the house needs to be painted still, but that is all doable. We have to finish up our basement still, but that can be this Fall.

One can never read the future, but all things being equal we would sell our house in 5-10 years and live in a tiny house. A big house doesn't really fit our lifestyle. It is just more space. Space we don't need.  Of course things never really stay equal, and this World is probably on a crash course.

Are people still mad at stuff?   Do wars still happen?   Are people still killing each other?   That seems pretty silly and dumb. I cannot fathom that. I think everything is pretty wrong in this World, and I don't see a way to fix it. People are the ones who need to be fixed,  but people are all right and correct in their eyes.

I think everyone thinks they question stuff, but maybe they don't. If you still believe in Country and flags and stuff you haven't questioned anything. In the end you have to question it all. That means everything must be thrown away. That includes religion,  and the opposite of that.

It is a hard thing asked of you, because in these steps you learn fear, and doubt, and what it is like to be alone in the World. People have to help themselves first before they can help others. In doing that you'll realize there is very little you can do,  but with help the sky is the limit.

Then I guess you realize on our own we sure aren't worth much.

Anyhoo

I guess that's good.

Have a good one.   :)

Xoxo