We are pigs. If we see a girl of moderate good looks we kinda just wonder what her "Ohhh" face looks like. :) I keeed. I think.
Anyway yesterday was work, dogs, and basically read. I am reading the complete Sherlock Holmes. I bought it a while ago, stopped reading, and picked it up again. It's such good writing. The books written today just aren't as good. I think it would be hard, but maybe fun to write about mysteries. Too bad I don't know how to write that way. It would be fun to try.
Oh, I listened to my Keith Richards book for a couple hours too. Reading takes up a lot of time. I had shit I wanted to get done, but reading takes away from other productive things to do.
Life is busy with any combinations, and permutations of things we can do. Can anyone navigate their way without guilt?
I feel mostly without guilt. I was thinking early on how easy it is to be 54. There is a pandemic that seems to be getting worse. Eating out almost seems dangerous. I don't miss eating out. Old people sometimes eat all their meals out. Anyway I rarely eat out anymore. Never really, and I don't miss it. I haven't been to a bar in forever, and don't miss it. Of course I never want to drink either.
The thing is I don't miss being sociable. That's the easy part for me. I don't miss people or anything. I like spending time with me, doing the activities that fill up my time just with life being busy. I guess work is sociable, so that's why I don't need to be real social. I am not lonely, and I am never really bored. That is why 54 is easy.
I don't look longingly at other people's lives, instead mostly just the opposite. I like my life, and I don't like the looks of other people's lives.
I work, which I like to do. It gives me money, and it keeps me busy. You know what it is though? It's my heart. My heart is fine with how my life is.
I know why I am the way I am. I didn't make my insides the way they are. It's a good thing to be like this though. It's impossible to be like this though without help. I've been this way so long though, I have no idea how others are. I assume a lot of different day different insides. You probably don't wake up every day with a sunny disposition. I bet a lot of life being acting. I remember that about me long ago.
In our minds we want to paint the perfect life. Our mind doesn't really know what that is. It is security, contentment, confidence, assuredness. Even still that isn't the end. The final thing is understanding. That is where perfection lives.
I went on the path to understanding. Maybe for the wrong reasons. I wanted understanding for the security most of all. I have that already though. I didn't know I could have it without understanding.
I was dealt with as an enemy for much of the time in the wilderness. It's a good thing to learn how miserable, and weak we are as people. I had no arguments against a bad end. I wasn't a saint. couldn't change that about me. My heart wasn't great. I could see that clearly. cuz I had a taste of a good heart. I was the thief. Deserving of whatever my end. Not deserving of my path I was on, save a turn, and being obedient. I was not the most courageous or smartest. Yet here I am.
My coin was definitely not a great one, but I was given a story where I am able to do good things with it. It's a good spot to be in, but still I am no great thing at all. You won't find any redeeming quality in me. I just ain't that great. I have that in common with everyone.
Anyway, I spose.
Laterzzzzzzzz. :)
xoxo. :)
xxoo. :)
Byeeeeeeeee. :)))
MWAH. :)
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