You Can Always Just Start Over.

So yesterday was another day. Just a typical Monday pretty much. I got my workout in. I did all the exercises at the gym. The pullups are either harder or just different enough to make me sore today. Not big time sore, but a little. 

I didn't drink yesterday,  and that was easy. I relaxed yesterday pretty good. I had two cups of tea when I got home. It's my new thing. I started reading a book. I made a simple dinner, and started watching Blacklist. I didn't make my salad, and I didn't do any cleaning. So basically I was able to start everything over. I had a good amount of steps in, and I didn't drink. Relaxing without alcohol appears to be something I can do. Also for the life of me, I cannot remember how I got off track. It seems I drank one day, and next thing you know it was like 5 days. Each less than my previous norm,  except Sunday, which kinda was my previous norm. 

Our internals can always lead you astray I guess. I am sure everyone has that battle on a regular basis. Not drinking vs. not drinking per se, but how I am thinking vs. how a decent person thinks. That battle. You know your inner asshole who has a good amount of control over you. Also the one that leads you to do things you'd rather not do. 

Whatever though,  I already know why those things are the way they are. I've known it a while,  and it just isn't even exciting. I guess most people think they are normal in some way, but normal compared to what I have no idea. I am nothing like anyone else, but I am not special in any way. Not better, not more deserving of whatever. 

I am just a person who took a different route long ago. It seems like nothing now, although I definitely had terrifying moments. Now I just do my day to day, which is easy. My life is not hard. Getting rid of my drinking thing is just something I do. It isn't always easy, but it won't change me any. 

Gosh I thought my answer concerning that was to be busy busy busy. Make a sacrifice toward more activity. Really I just need to learn how to relax another way. For the record reading, or watching shows is not some better activity. There is no purpose to it, but it keeps poisons out of your body. 

Life is an endless string of insignificant days. We can choose the insignificant things we do with our time. I guess I accept I cannot just busy myself with activity til it is time to sleep. I have to find something else to do with my downtime. You cannot run away from having downtime. Maybe that's how I got off track. I stayed busy doing this and that,  but when I was done I grabbed for a drink to chill. 

I'll have downtime,  and I just have to choose something besides alcohol. I think downtime is probably a pretty important part of the day. 

Anyway, a work in progress I am kinda. This guy here ain't ever gonna be perfect as I am now. I have to do something completely different to be that. I can't labor myself to perfection you know?  Although eventually that is where I am headed. This current version of me will be no more at that point. That will be very different too. So different I cannot even really imagine it, although I've had a glimpse a long time ago. 

Anyway, here's to another day with downtime. A thing I accept my day to have. I cannot run away from it. My body needs it. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.          :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeee.     :)))