Anyway yesterday I listened to a Great Courses on addiction. Great Courses are basically audible lectures from College Professors. It explained how our bodies get addicted. More accurately is probably our minds. I found it interesting. Remember when I quit drinking, or tried, it was hard cuz of all these triggers. He talked about that, and why we have them. Listening to the course was like listening to me struggle during sober October.
I was definitely addicted to alcohol. I don't know what an alcoholic is. I don't recall ever calling in sick cuz of drinking. It's been years since I've been sick from drinking too much alcohol. My body could get a buzz, and fall asleep. I struggled to quit. The triggers were kinda brutal. Once I threatened myself with AA the triggers lost their power. They still can come somewhat. I was going to beat it I guess, and my body gave up. I don't know what you call me with my alcohol consumption, but I am 5 days with no drink. Today will be 6.
What I've noticed is I am starting to pick up sober triggers. Waking up to a different World trigger. A new outlook. I had another day yesterday of uncontrollable hunger. I don't know what that is about. May be just activity. During the Summer months my goal was 72 miles per week of steps, which included running obviously. I don't run huge miles at all. Hope for a couple miles each day basically, so it was mostly walking miles. working miles. anyway I start my last work day this week with 74 miles of a 72 goal. Add another 10 at least to that, so maybe my body is just hungry. Not sure. Too many new variables to say for sure.
I got my scale, and I am 22% body fat. At the high end really of where I should be. I put myself a goal of 15%. These things can be off by a bit, but I really wanted to see the change over the next months. I think there will be some. Especially if I don't drink anymore.
It is a new day today. I got a cup of coffee in me, and I have no lingering effects of drinking alcohol last night. I don't sleep as long so far, and that might start being normal. I have my energy which is still here, and sleep may be something I need less of without the alcohol consumption. We will see as time goes on.
I will tell you this. After 3 days in a row of ~14.5 miles in, I had no troubles sleeping the last few nights. Like I had 3 stiff drinks tired.
Anyway here is to another day. A day where I didn't drink the day before, and I don't plan on drinking today. I know others will have the Saturday alcohol consuming feeling. Not drinking is a feeling of empowerment. A drinker won't understand. One who was a drinker who no longer is will. It is a changed life really. A whole new World opened up. This type of stuff is the sober trigger. Alcohol can trigger us after work, but sobriety triggers our day. So far anyway.
One more thing. I am contemplating this book writing thing. The more I think about it the crazier it becomes. Who am I to think I can write a book? About what?
Does it seem as silly to you as it does me? I know in the past bloggers seemed to be bigger than life. How I don't know. Maybe it was just me too, I felt that way. Do some people think higher of me because I blog? I used to think that way of others. Put them on a pedestal type thing. They were a public entity I guess.
I don't know what people think of me, which doesn't really matter. I am strong and confident regardless, cuz of my help. My internal feeling. I don't wonder often, but because I do this public thing, do some think higher of me than they should? I have thought that way of others in the past. Writing gives them a personality we can see.
No stoic lives here you know?
Anyway I gotta get ready for work. Movie times are bad unless I get out early. I have no problem working late though. It's not like I have alcohol to come home to. :)
Laterzzzzzzzzz. :)
xoxo. :)
xxoo. :)
Byeeeeeeeeeee. :)))
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