Now What??

Hello, and Good Afternoon.  How's it going??   Me, I am doing okay.  Do you wonder how I write the way I do so often??  No??  Yes?? 

I mean it seems to me I go on and on about life and kinda how stupid it is right??  Does it seem like my heart is always kinda happy, and I have a smiling heart??  Does that make sense to you?? 

I have been that way a while huh??  I definitely hit the dark days for whatever reason.  It seems sometimes I have to deal with shit.  Mostly the outlook is pretty okay I'd say.   Then I think of some people I know, and you have those acquaintances who are in a bad mood like 95% of the time??  I honestly don't even like those people.   How much of our angered outlook can be changed by just having a more realistic outlook of life. 

Does it take the reading of 1000 History books to get a real picture of life??  I mean if you can get past the sugar coating Biographical Nature of most History books.  Remember when I used to harp on the Howard Zinn/Joseph Heller days all the time?? 

Howard Zinn was a real eye opener for me.  Talk about taking the rose colored lining from my eyes.   Joseph Heller was soooo important too, because in life you need to laugh.  You need to look hopefully with humor a lot at just how stupid this life is.  I mean what parts of Society can you really take seriously?? 

Before I Graduated College I wrote that mandatory paper, and I said I was stepping out of my upbringing.  Everything I was taught, I am throwing it away, and looking at life objectively.  That was one of those points in time where can I really lay credit to that thought??  That was part of me, and my journey.   See how so much of me is tied up to what I was going to do all along anyway?? 

There was a plan.   I listened.  I went through the tough times to have my eyes and ears opened, so I could look at things differently.   If you remember after me Graduating College Shit really just started happening.  Death, Breakups, and me all alone in this World.   Looking for meaning.  Can this life matter??

Who knew??  For so long much of what I went through remained hidden.   I knew I was going to do something.  I waited all those years waiting for what must happen.  Remember that vision of me hitting the Alligator on the head 3 times.   You know 2 times were major things.   Me going up to the judges.  I had no control of doing this.  I was just led that way.   How does one go up to the judges??   In my case they overtake me, and my thoughts.  It is always save yourself, or some version of it.  I was to be given the strength to not save myself.  As I prayed so many many years ago, if I am destined to go to Hell, let me accept it for that which I deserve.   That prayer was a necessary step. 

Up against the Judges you cannot win.  They are stronger than you, and you need help.  You need to be given strength at the right time, and you need in your heart the ability to accept.

After the 2nd time I knew almost right away I did right.  What a day that was.   Then good things for a long long time.  When my brother Jim died that was a tough one, because in my mind I had plans for him.  Who knew he was just going to be the thief.   You may think wow that is lucky.  His work is done and this sure ain't easy.   His life was pretty much shit though.   I mean he laughed a lot, but he was Fucked up, and could never overcome this shit part of life.   The horrible truth of life.   Isn't there something good out there??   Is there a perfect life for us out there??  No.   That is shit you have to come to terms with.   This place sucks.  Men and woman have created as good of a World as they can.  With all the poison that comes with unperfect leaven.  There is no right.  There is no good direction you can come up with on your own. 

Harsh truths, and harsh realities.   Then you think you are going to find that one perfect person right?  Don't all the fairy tales say that??  We all are not perfect, so you can damn well bet your family, and spouses, and kids and all that crap sure are not either.  Looking for that perfect life.  How can I be and feel better about myself?

There really are no good answers out there, and there really is not a great life.  I mean I have been blessed with a good path.   A path that leads to me being right.   Not just reckoned as being right, but I will be right.  The step I was asked, and I was willing to take so many years ago. 

It will be a horrible horrible time for me.   I don't have fear in my heart, and a lot of times I wish it was over.  Can we get it done with??   There is a plan though, and it has to do with you people. 

You have to come to terms with you, your life,  and everything.   Just follow along the yellow brick road of truth.  It is all you are asked.   Brace yourself though, because the truth sounds great, and noble, and all that right?? 

Brace yourself for the brutal hard answers the truth brings.  It will take courage to do this.  It will take courage to throw away all the crap in life you hold onto too.   This isn't some great noble thing we are doing here living this life.  It is a selfish World we live in, and you are trapped.   There is only one way out, and it isn't all that easy. 

So have courage, and be strong.   I have been asking this of you for a while anyway right??

Good luck and best wishes.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.  A lot of life's journey would be better off being solo.   Everything we get ourselves tied up into makes everything harder.  All things are possible, but you still have to be strong.   Not right,  strong. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D