Almost Don't Feel Like Blogging.

What happened Sunday happened before.  You remember the old guy who lost his wife of 50 years???  Why would I come home from that 5K, and think about him for no reason, and unload???  I don't know this guy.  I am a guy too, so typically like most men, if I weren't doing something for a reason I wouldn't give a shit just like any other guy.  I have told you everything.  I have told you things I was asked to do, and these things I did.  Sunday was different.  All the times before when emptying my heart, and remember if I was normal, I wouldn't give a shit like most men, I knew why I was crying.  I knew who I felt soooo bad for.  Sunday I had no idea.  I was just crying basically for no reason at all.  That is why I thought what I was doing was for all.  Shit ain't easy is it??  Fucking life really doesn't come with a how-to manual really.  We have it pretty good in a way, but still shit ain't that great is it??  So do what we do.  Enjoy the times where we get to do whatever it is we do. 

Do some people know??  Can the people tell when I took stuff??  I sorta assume they can.  People I took sadness from some were strong people who had a lot to deal with, and some would not have known how to deal with grief.  I even tried to take some from people, but they were more than able to take their own. 

This here is the scary part, some are falling off.  Can't hang with what they need to do.  Want to hide the sad stuff, bury it.  Some don't want to look at it.  This is where you need to be strong.  This is where you need to trust, because you won't be shown more than what you can handle. 

I think some know they didn't look, because after Sundays ordeal I asked Gina why are people hiding???  Why.  I asked her why me and her couldn't be friends??  Is it a big deal to be scared???  No,  even Gina, strong Gina didn't want to look.  So she is one of the strongest girls I know, and even she doesn't want to look at this shit.  No one WANTS to look at this shit, but you just gotta. 

The tough ones are silently readying themselves for the trip.  Can you kinda see it?  I think maybe it would help if you just laid down your hands and said I will look.  I am scared, and I don't like to feel pain, but I will look at what is shown me, because why not??  Wanna know something??  It will help you feel better.  Kinda like a race.  You bust your ass, you feel like shit during the race, but at the end you feel like a million bucks.

Be tough do this shit, and still do all the things you want to. 

It ain't easy, but like I said, you ain't going to be going to your breaking point. 

Good Luck, and I am here, and I am watching.  :)

cya tomorrow.  :)

Oh, btw, I had a shitty run yesterday.  3-miler, but I am going to get a good run in tonight, so maybe tonight will be better.  :)

toodle ooo.   :)   Is that a word??  Hope I spelled it right.  :)