D-E-S-P-A-I-R

That is what I felt yesterday.  I warn you here too, this is going to be one of them crazy sounding posts.  Crazy, cause I have to try and make sense of the things that happen to me.  Some things I know, but this one I don't really, but maybe I have a clue.  Now you know I have said before that sadness has to be accounted for.  I have done that, and I have taken people's.  Yesterday I posted this song It is Iz's "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" song.  I listened to it over and over again.  It tore me up.  Sent me into despair.  I cried and cried and cried.  I emptied my whole heart of everything, and despair was everywhere.  Despair to have me go hide.  Get rid of FB, Twitter, and stop blogging, you know the routine. 

I don't know why I had to go soooooo low.  Why???  What sadness was I taking???   Wanna know what I think??  I think I took a little bit of everyone's cause you don't want to look at it.  I took some more, because why not right???  Might as well.  I learned why we take sadness a little at a time.  If we took too much, which I was at the breaking point last night, we would rather be dead.  You take a little at a time, and for some reason it is important.  If you don't than I guess further down the road I take more, and all the way to my breaking point.  See I guess this is going to be done some way or another, because that is the plan. 

I also realize my signature line builds some people up, at the expense of tearing others down, so that is not my intention. 

That has me all screwed up too.  booo.


I'll figure that out I guess, but in the meantime have a nice day, and I'll see you tomorrow.  :)  in a manner of speaking.  :)

Long Run Saturday

There are few days as important to me as Long Run Saturday or Speed Work Wednesday.  Spring training seems to be a bit different than Fall training.  In Fall training I like to fill up my Monday with a 10-13 miler.  Spring I take Monday off from running, or do something short so I can get a 6 miler or so before Wednesday.  Reason for it??  No not really, I do whatever.  I like long run Saturday, and I like getting high miles frequently and early.  Yesterday I planned for, 15 and ended up with just under 16.  We didn't have a good turnout yesterday, and that hurts a bit.  Sharing the long run helps with keeping up a good speed.  At least for me.  So I ran solo most of the way out.  We were doing an out and back.  I went out to the 14 mile turnaround, which actually was the 16 mile turnaround, hence the 16 miles.  Kevin and Bob were out doing the 18 turnaround with lil Cathy.  They caught up to me at mile 9.5'ish I think.  They were going Marathon pace for them, which is 7:15's maybe, but Bob notified Kevin it was quicker than that.  Cathy trailed back a bit, and after the stop she ran with me.  For her getting 20 miles speed wasn't a concern, especially since those two dragged her the 1st half pretty quickly.  Her running with me made me go faster.  So her going slow, made me go fast.  Trust me I cannot hang with her.  Even her running slow was hard.  I yo-yo'd quite a bit, and when we were toward the end I was done.  I was going to do another lap with her, but I was done. 

Just a couple notes, up to 9.5 miles I was probably running 9:25's or so.  The final 6.5 miles made my total pace drop to 9:07, even with a few miles against a pretty stiff breeze.  So it definitely sped me up trying to hang with lil Cathy.  I kept thinking during the yo yo'ing to hang tough hang tough.  So my mind was helping me stay strong.  There was nothing at the end either, so definitely a good effort for me.  Like I say I like to get high mileage early.  I am hoping to get a little 4 miler today to put me over 30 miles, and now I am starting to get somewhere.  On Wednesday Alan has us going back to the cemetery to do what we think may be close to 1000's.  My goals for Bayshore I am not sure.  We'll see if I can get to 3:35 shape again.  I may not, but gonna try.  3:45 would still be a p.r. so would be happy with that.  How fun is this???   :)

Only thing missing would be long bike ride Sunday.  I always like to post my long bike rides, cause I am vain like that.  :)  lol   Other than that Lisa and I had a pretty nice day.  We saw a movie, and had dinner, and saw another movie.  Today I work for a few hours, and that is that. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  How bout them Blackhawks   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Like to throw extra of these for my Welsh friends.  xxxxxxxxxxx

Doreen and Jules.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Gina xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Starks xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Nikki and Kyle xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya.   :)

Quick Update

Just a quick update for ya'all.  :)  I decided to catch up on some sleep so slept in til after 5:00.  Yesterday was just a blast, and I had a good day overall.  I did want to clarify one of my statements, and it is a bit of a story.  I babysat Lora's new born kid one time.  It was the most worst awful night of my life.  Kid never stopped crying.  I realized then and there being a Father was not for me.  It isn't I don't like kids, it is I don't like being responsible for them.  We each are good at different things, and being a parent is not one of them for me.  That is all I meant.  Sometimes words are a double edged sword.  I meant what I thought about me being a parent to kids, not what you all want to do.  We all have different things we like to do. Sorry if any took it the wrong way.  :)

I know this thing is important, and what we do is important.  You all will be fine, so don't worry about that.  My friend Dan did a brave brave thing yesterday.  All will go well with him.  He was the guy I know who lost over 100 lbs. and ran a marathon.  2 as we speak.  He is a guy who is kinda like Alan.  Always has a million things he is working on.  Never able to fully focus on just one thing.  He kinda is doing that now.  Focusing on himself.  He isn't running so much now, but doing all kinds of other things.  Hockey, and weights etc...  Who knows??  But yeah he went from a 350 pounder 2 pack a day smoker to a healthy guy.  He is the one who holds the 5K 22:00 minute time I have been going after too.  How about that??

Hawks, Bulls, Sox  Woot!!!  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!   :)

p.s.  gotta love long run Saturday.  :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Like to throw extra of these for my Welsh friends.  xxxxxxxxxxx

Doreen and Jules.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Gina xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Starks xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Nikki and Kyle xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Beth and Oscar,  more for Beth kinda weird xo'ing guys.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Beth makes it every day anyway, cause the smiley is hers, and they are a team.  Barb makes it every day too with Awesome.  Love You all is Steve Rose's thing, so all who went there.  xo's is Gina.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo.  Must be Jen Gray.  Thanks for reading is Nancy O'Toole.  That is it for today must be the Gaals I guess.  Anyone on my RHS is good, even if I don't have a comment.  You all will be fine though, so try not to worry.

Olga is always good too.  Love her a ton.  :D   :D

Kim Sheirdan is part of Steve Rose's thing too, because she was totally there in spirit.

Stay strong, we all got this.  :)))

Chihak's are all related to Grandma Chihak.  Melanie and Stephanie Mae were that life line.

Special xo's for Boston Kim for playing along.  She has my kinda sense of humor.  Not for everyone, although maybe everyone finds that stuff kinda funny, but hide their eyes from it.  :)

Long run Saturday.  Have a good one all, I know I will.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

:))))))

This Might Be Long

You have been warned.  It will only be long, cause I may do that ABC thing.  Anyway, what made me think of this is Jacob stopped at the store yesterday. picking up some shit from the store for his house.  He asked what I was doing next Saturday, and I guess I am going to the St. Patties Day parade with him, and drink Green Beer after at the Curagh.  The Curagh is the Irish Pub located downtown, and it is right across from New Holland.  I believe the Curagh is owned by a husband and wife team, where the wife runs in our group.  Her name is Sophie.  This here is a marathon story for ya'all.  :)  Sophie is slower than me typically.  During speed work last year, she was always a bit behind me.  At Bayshore last year she was always hanging around Jerry and me.  She was going for 3:50, and I was pacing 3:35 through 15.  She didn't make it at Bayshore, but it was fricken hot.  She kept saying she felt good she felt good.  I was like everyone feels good at mile 6 of a marathon.  You want to feel good at mile 22.  Bayshore was too hot, and she missed it.  She got her sub: 3:50 at Grand Rapids, and got her Boston.  She will be one of the people there this year.  She is a tough little runner.  She passed me at Grand Rapids when I was all toast.  So did the girl who got run over by a car.  Good Shit!!!  :)

Guess I got time for the ABC Thing:

A. Age: 44
B. Bed size: King, still not enough room for @ Lisa, me, and 3 dogs.  Fuckers make me sleep like a pretzel.  :)
C. Chore you dislike:  ALLLLLLLL    :)
D. Dogs: Jasmine, Cameron, and Hope.  Hope's vagina is bleeding all over the place.  Fucking kids dog.  :)
E. Essential start to your day: Coffee read blogs, blog, and yeah, guess it is a type of workout.  getting to work, or long run Saturday.  :)
F. Favorite color:  blue I guess. 
G. Gold or silver:  Do you really think I wear jewelry???  :)
H. Height: 5’8"
I. Instruments you play(ed): nothing. 
J. Job title:  Inventory Controller. 
K. Kids: None, I don't like them.  :)   lol
L. Live: Holland, MI  #2 best place to live,  #3 is Honolulu.   :)
M. Mom’s name:  Madonna
N. Nicknames: Pickle.  I guess people have been known to call me asshole at times too.  :)
O. Overnight hospital stays:  6 days P.I.C.U. bitch.  you know that story.  There may have been others, but as a kid maybe, I don't remember.  Probably not. 
P. Pet peeves:  Not telling.  :)
Q. Quote from a movie: "Bueller????   Buelller????  all I could think of.  :)
R. Righty or Lefty: right handed and left footed. 
S. Siblings: 2 brothers John and Jim. 
T. Time you wake up: M-F 2:00'ish.  am.  Sat and Sun,  earlyish.  :)
U. Underwear: boxers.  Never when I work out, so I make @ Lisa smell my workout clothes to see if they are clean.  I don't like that smell.  :)   j/k.   lol  
V. Vegetables you don’t like: pretty sure I like all veggies.  Can't think of any I don't like. 
W. What makes you run late: I am always on time typically, but I rush out the door, cause I am always forgetting this or that.  :)
X. X-rays you’ve had:  teeth, back, broken arm,  think that is it.  :)
Y. Yummy food you make:  Meat Loaf, Chicken Cacciatore, Lasagna, Homemade Pizza.  Double baked potatoes, or mashed potatoes.  stuffed mushrooms too.  :)
Z. Zoo animal favorites:  Fuck the zoo.  :) 

Yesterday was a bike to work, time trial.  Headwind.  Nearly killed me.  I made it to work on time though.  :)  Easy ride home, wind to my back.  Had some drinks, and listened to some music.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. running to work today.  :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Like to throw extra of these for my Welsh friends.  xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Doreen and Jules  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Gina xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Starks xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Nikki and Kyle  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

JPH cause she likes it when I call her bitch.   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   j/k.  she is funnnnyyyyyyy!!!    :)  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Boston Kim, cause she is funny too.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Christie too, cause she comments on a lot of blogs.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

All the rest o'yas too.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   :)

Now for really really cya cya cya.   :)

A New Corner

Alan went all out yesterday in finding a workout.  It was a paved sidewalk in a cemetery, that had no snow on it.  It was kinda like a track, but with inclines and declines.  We don't know how long it was, maybe 500M.  It was super fun.  Early Marathoners and Boston people had to do 4-10:00's, and I had to do 3-10's.  You forget how hard those 10's are.  2 minute rest between.  This cemetery was right by my house, so I drove to the aquatic center to meet, and drove home once I found out where we were going, and ran there.  7/10 of a mile warm up and cool down.  Good Enough. We definitely need to use that cemetery again. 

Few notes.  I felt good finally.  Running 4 days in a row is not something I typically do, but I felt pretty darn good.  I don't know my pace really, but I felt 7:30'ish.  I could be wrong, but it kinda felt like that, so I think I have turned a corner, and am starting to get in shape.  I got lapped on a 10:00 run by Kevin and Bob.  wtf???  assholes.   :)   j/k.  lil Cathy almost lapped me on the 2nd 10:00 too, so the early people are running pretty good.  Me and MWMFN ran home, and I told him I finally felt good after a speed work session.  Like I have turned a corner. 

Only problem with speed work is I don't eat after, and I don't sleep well after so that kinda sucks.  I may be tired, but surprisingly don't feel it.  We'll see how the day ends. 

Really don't have much besides that today I don't think.  Sometimes life is just  about getting a good workout in.  Some days as we look inside ourselves there is more, but today, that is all I got.

so with that I say that is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and AWESOME day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!  :)

p.s. I need to find my camera.  We have been getting some really cool sunsets lately, and I think, SHEESH, wish I had my camera.  I wonder where the heck it is....hmmmm

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Like to throw extra of these for my Welsh friends.  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Doreen and Jules  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Gina xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Starks xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Nikki and Kyle  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

All the rest o'yas   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

OMG my blog is so weird.  :)

Now for really really cya cya cya.   :)

It's A Festivus Miracle

Well for one thing I picked up another blogger.  It is a guy too.  What the fuck.  I "told" him via comments it is hard for me to pick up guy bloggers, cause girl bloggers are too fricken cute.  I read his last post, and he ran the same race as Oscar.  He negative split it too, which is always the better way to go in my dumb opinion.  I think he even beat Oscar, so that shows you he is fast.  I've known about him for a while, as he is friends with Beth, Oscar, and Kim Kim Kim.  I looked, and didn't see any comments on his blog for the last 3 posts.  Sucks being a guy blogger huh??  You girls all kick ass at this shit.  Anyway his name is Chad Holderbaum, and he is a talented tri dude.  Why do I read tri people, and I don't do tris.  fricken weird huh??  Oh well.

Speaking of Kim Kim Kim you should check out her last post.  I don't know what the hell she wrote in the damn thing, but the last picture with the frown face was super super cute.  :)  Don't tell her husband I said that though.  :)  lol

I want to say something here.  I trust Oscar.  I trust Beth.  I trust Kim Kim Kim, and I trust "Boston" Kim.  She is funny, and everything else.  I trust the tennis player Julia in Minnesota, and JPH.  I don't care what they do, I trust them. 

That isn't all exclusive, I mean obviously the O'Tooles I trust, and Jessica and others.  All my new bloggers are great, trust them.  I have picked up a lot, so don't even remember them all, but just so you know I am o.k. with ya'all.  :)  lol 

So anyway yesterday I just biked to work and back.  I think I made a decision not to swim.  It was a March day, it was sunny, and kinda warm, and I thought you know what.  I am not going to do any tri's.  I am going to run, and bike.  Swimming takes up so much damn time, and mostly I wanna be outside.  Something I want to do to free up time I guess.  I still like spending time at home with my wife and stuff.  I'll take my bike in, and get it geared up for the summer, and be a biker and a runner.  That makes me happy.  :)

Last night we ran on the snow melt.  We saw Bob and Matt run, and Helen was running too.  Matt was one of the guys who I forgot from the hill day, and he is recovered from an injury, and doing an early Marathon I think, but I don't know if he'll be 100%  I did 6 miles @ a little under 9:00 pace, and Jerry did an extra loop beforehand.   So he ended up with 7.5 miles.  My legs will probably be toast tonight as it will be the 4th day of running in a row.  Oh well, I'll do my best. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's  !!!  :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. for the surprise....

Love You all!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best!!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Like to throw extra of these for my Welsh friends xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Doreen and Jules  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Gina xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Starks xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Nikki and Kyle xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Kmineks xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

People at Steve R's thing  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You don't have to do anything else.  I'll try and put up to Nikki and Kyle on all the time, but if I don't I just am lazy, tired, or whatever.  o.k.  :)

Now for really really cya cya cya!!!   :)

Big Blog Tuesday. :)

First off I like these lyrics by this Avril Lavigne song.  :)

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

There are a lot of different areas I can go here, but I know I have a pretty sharp sword, and it is a good one.  I have a feeling most of you know it too.  I am going to tell a couple stories here.   I went through a  very tough time during my summer of discontent.  Judged every second of every day.  No matter what I did I was on the wrong side of being on the right side.  Every second of every day.  Who knows how long this went on, but can you imagine thinking the worst of yourself 99.99% of the time day in day out??  After you already suffered more than you ever had before, and not being able to tell anyone??  Having to stay away from your best friend to go find out some answers.  You wanna know what I think??  I don't think you will have to do anything that hard.  I think I had to struggle through so much stuff, so your path won't be as hard.  Sure ain't going to be easy, but only because it is scary.  Fear is a good thing.  Do you have fear yet???  Pretty sure you do.  Shit it is scary just reading this thing sometimes huh??  I know I know.

I know some of you want to worry about the Government and stuff like that, but trust me, that shit won't be around forever.  There is an endgame to everything so to speak, and we are nearing.  You will have to be strong, and that is what we are going for now.  Wanna know a good thing.  One with the best eyes leads your way.  Looks out for you.  He doesn't make it a non-fear way, but he knows what he is doing.  There is a plan for you, and all this is done for a reason.  I never had that.  I never had me, I was alone.  Scared to death every second of every day.  Despair always, but you will get strong, and you do this for your kids as well as others.  Lisa doesn't even read this, and she gets stronger and stronger.  :)

So anyway I wanna tell you a marathon story, and a life story.  Many of you know the story of Laura and Rudy Chihak.  I linked to the blog entry a couple of times.  Hold on, I'll see if I can find it.  Here it is if you haven't seen it.  I found out something last summer.  Now you know last summer I actually saw my mom for the first time since I was like 6.  Like I said we hit it off like we were best friends.  It is how I am, I have a shield of all things, because I have help.  I had help through my journey, and even back in the early 90's I went through some things, while you all were living life.  How about this little thing here, you get to do this, while still doing what you love.  Nice huh??  It should make for some good seasons.  :)

Anyway I want to get back to this story.  I found out Rudy, and Laura's Dad was a lot like me.  Life of the party type of guy.  Once you are the life of the party there is always some pressure to always be.  No one is always on.  Life of the party always feels pressure to be on for his or her friends cause they expect it of him.  I knew there was more to me.  I knew there was sadness in me.  You know if you don't look at your sadness it is just a poison.  It isn't easy to look at, because like I said people are afraid of it.  It is something you have to look at, or else nothing, but bad comes from it.  It festers, and turns into bad stuff.  Rudy, and Laura's Dad killed himself.  I looked at my sadness, and told my Dad about it while I was in college, and my roomate Dale at the time heard me tell my Dad about it.  I said no one knows me.  I confessed my less than strong side, and the healing began.  It sure wasn't easy, and my path was horribly hard.  I made it though, because the puller of the strings helps those who he loves.  Original 4 plus one.  (Barbara)  going to be a pretty tough road, but no tougher than what I went through.  When this ends you will be a big help to me.  I will leave it at that.

Wanna know how I know this blog is hard to read???  Only a couple people wished Lisa and I happy Anniversary.  I mean sure don't wish me, but Lisa is pretty nice isn't she??  I think so anyway.  :)  Fuckers!!!   lol

12 years btw.


That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :))

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)   (Gina's signature)  :)

Love You All!!

p.s., Blackhawks are in the #5 playoff slot as we speak.  Good to be a Chicagoan.  Good sports teams less the Cubs.  :)   lol

Love You all xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Like to throw extra of these for my Welsh friends.  xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Doreen and Jules  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Blogger Christie   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   u r pretty.  :)

Gina xo       ha ha Ha .   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Nikkie and Kyle.  Mostly for Nikki, cause it is weird xo'ing guys.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   :)

Starks  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   Jeff is easy to xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo.  lol

Everyone else too.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


In the words of Avril Lavigne:

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you

Now for really really cya cya cya!!!


One other thing.  I read everyone on my right hand side, but if comments aren't published on 2 of the original 4, then I will not come out of hiding.  I'll stay in my reader.  You have to let me know someway.  If not I will just stay hiding in my reader.