Good morning. How's it going? I am fine. Yesterday was pretty normal all things considered. I worked, sat outside, had a couple drinks, picked pretty close to my final tomatoes, did dishes, made dinner, watched one episode of my show, and fell asleep. It was a good sleep. I woke up at 10:00 PM, and had no idea who I was basically. :) just the wake up from a deep sleep thing. I was sad to see I only slept 6 hours and something instead of 8 hours. Oh well.
Not much really happening to me. Life goes on. Day after day. Not much for me to be concerned with. Life is not filled with a lot of decisions for me. I don't plot out my next course so to speak. There isn't much if any anxiety. I know other people are different than me, but I don't really know how. I cannot walk in your shoes. I am so far removed. I've been in mine too long I guess.
I pretty much just live out my days. I don't think I particularly care what others think of me. I know I am unexceptional, and I expect others to see me the same way. My heart is fine with things as they are. Unexceptional is fine by me. I stay active, but I can always do more. I don't go to bed with any guilt, and don't wake up with any. Typically I wake up, and I have another day ahead of me.
I guess we think our lives should be exceptional, but they aren't. Even if you are considered by a lot exceptional you probably don't feel that way. I guess we think in order to be happy we need to be all you can be, when really it's all about learning who you are.
Who are you? Someone unexceptional. You didn't pave the way to a content heart. You haven't mapped out a perfect life. Currently you are not the best a person can be, and like me you don't know exactly what that is. Like me you know you aren't it.
In my life I turned one coin into 5+5. Wasn't my story so I surely had no idea I was doing it. These days I have no idea what I do either. Is there a purpose to my day to day? I don't think so. Is there a purpose to this blog? That is a good question. I can't really answer that.
As you go through your life. If you were to look at it from your final moments like a thief on the cross you'll see there wasn't much purpose. You weren't perfect. Your heart wasn't always filled with the best stuff.
I can give you my story as I know it. At some point I was alone. Not a person to worry about but me. I was going to turn me into the best person I can be. Work, come home read the bible, turn myself into a saint.
That was impossible. Instead of becoming a saint I turned into a repentant person. I wasn't a terribly good person. As a matter of fact I could see enough to judge myself. I knew what I deserved.
I was scared, cuz I surely didn't want a bad end. Overcoming twice I accepted my bad end if that's the plan. 3rd time I follow along as others have done before. Afterwards I become the best a person can be.
It's a story that hasn't been done in a while. I imagine we would have known. The story may sound crazy, and trust me I've played the fool. I know.
It is my story. Created with a turn. A turn from the great life I could make myself to do whatever I am here to do. If there is a reason I am here, let me do that instead of anything else.
I had help. I was kinda broken in a way. I was alone, the world looked ugly, and I didn't see a point to life.
I had good vision back then you see, although the days were hard. They soon would be much harder. I lived in terror everyday in the wilderness, cuz I knew what was at stake. I was on the wrong side too, and I didn't want to be.
Here I stand now. I am fine. I have security as you know, and I still am not the best a person can be. As you know I didn't know that possible.
I speak of avenues you cannot see. These shoes of mine you cannot walk in. This story is so long I can barely remember what yours are like. This story was always about more than a day to day.
Currently I just live out my day to day. Everything is easy now.
Anyway, I guess I'll take Hope.
Laterzzzzzzz. :)
xoxo. :)
xxoo. :)
Byeeeeeee. :)))
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