Let's See If We Have Anything Today.

I doubt it, but you never know. Yesterday was okay. Nothing major to report. I didn't do anything particularly exciting. Maybe it will be our last really cold day. You never know.

There really is nothing on my mind at all. I am not particularly worried about anything in the future. I hope our refinancing goes quickly. We are at the appraisal stage now. I have no idea how much more they have to do after that. It seems to me they do more than they used to, cuz of the whole mess up before. I am not sure though. It's been several years since we've done this. 15 or so is my guess.

Really I just plug along with my routine. I am just sitting here watching life go by. People tend to place importance in all kindsa stuff. Our hearts lead our thoughts,  and our hearts we don't control. If we have anger than we figure we are right. Others are wrong.

A lot of issues to concern one self with. I think it must be tiresome. It is for me I think. It's why I don't really like to see too much. There is a spot you truly stand at, and the one you think you do. I gather you are secure in your own intellect,  and everything about you, but you really are blind to the truth.

I see this stuff squarely. I did my life where I thought I was smart. I tried to be good,  but that was out of reach. I was led so far along where I saw how small, and how little I really mattered. As far as good deeds I see it was out of my reach. I saw where all avenues end.

I can't take you down that path. As long as you are a product of this World you will never be much different than now. I can't take you through the eye of the needle,  and I couldn't take myself.

So anyway. Yesterday was a day. Today will be one too.

Cya. 

Time Moves On.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I did have to stop by the bank again yesterday. Lisa had to sign something,  but she forgot it at home. Turns out we had something else to sign too. I believe that is it for a while.

Yesterday I actually did get a few things done around the house, and I made dinner. I slept pretty good til midnight, couldn't sleep for a while, and then I'd sleep very deep for like a half hour with weird dreams. I'd wake up, and fall into another deep dream filled sleep. I am good at sleep. I know I hit the deep sleep a lot.

So you have the outline of my day. Work,  eat, sleep. Other than that not much on my mind. I have a day set before me, and it shouldn't be much different than others. Minor differences here and there I guess.

Whoever may read this can see my life is pretty uninteresting. I am more than cool with that, and I suspect others lives are much the same. As I've done this a number of years you may have sensed a theme. Maybe many,  but what I think you'll see is from any number of things being important, in the wilderness nothing is.

It's time we put on this Earth, and at our end we will wish we probably did good. I guess that is what I wanted well before my end. What I learned is to be good,  and do good things is not so easy. For one it is out of our hands. Another we don't even know what good is. The best any human can come up with is some Worldly pursuit or something.

Your story if you choose to accept it is not of your making. All your dreams, which in all honesty, you probably never dreamt are of no use here. Remember the hard little truth, at the end of the day SB champs are = to 3rd World prostitutes. Filthy rich Education Secretaries are = to a poor kid in Lebanon who grew up with bombs falling.

Life in the end is pretty much nothing about this World.  Yet we are born here, and are a product of this World.

How do we get from point A to point B. If only someone would have taught us how.

What we do now is go through the motions of life.  Day after day. In the wilderness you'll see we are all equal. One coin among many. Diplomas,  and trophies,  and any other thing you can imagine are worth nothing here. 

So, what is your next step? 

Mine will be to have another day. I've already did a lot of hard stuff to get here.

Anyway, I Spose.

Cya.  :)

A Day.

Okay, I have no idea what to do for a title,  and as to what follows next, probably less of an idea. Anyway yesterday was a day. It was pretty good. I did my errands, and just chilled. There are some things I could have done,  but I didn't.

Do I feel bad about that?   Nah, not really. I ended my day with a dinner, and sleep. I wake up feeling refreshed ready to start another day. So that is pretty much what you want from days right?   You want to feel good when you wake up, and I do.

As to significant things I do in my day to day, nope. I don't do significant things. This is life. It ends in one spot. The rich and the poor all end in the same spot. Superbowl MVPs are equal to poor prostitutes in 3rd World countries. No one really knows that,  but I know it.

I am not really a part of this World. I was set aside to learn other things. I did learn other things. Hidden things. Things I probably  cannot even tell you.  Anyway these days I like to have fun. I do what is expected of me during the day. In my free time I unwind.

I am not really interested in a ton of things.

Anyway, I am just getting something down. That's what I did.

Cya maybe tomorrow.

Let's Try This Again.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I tried blogging yesterday, and it was dumb, so I deleted it. I was going to get some stuff done yesterday, but stopped for beers after work instead. Lisa went out shopping so I figured what the heck.

Yesterday was a pretty normal day. I may have been tired for staying up late,  but I definitely feel well rested today. Today I have to bring more shit to the bank. Copies of more pay stubs. I sent them 5 from my phone,  but they can't read it. Just when you thought technology makes things easier you still have to go old school. Either that or the people don't know how to expand the picture. Not sure.

Whatever though,  no big deal. My life is going on. It is sometimes kinda neat to sit at restaurant bar. You get to do some people watching. Some people gamble on various things. I don't know, you get a brief glimpse of people,  and I guess it's okay. Really life is kinda boring,  and I can't imagine how people suffer through it.

How much do people rationalize stuff?  People assume a lot to be important, but one of those questions that need to be asked,  is it?  Am I?  Do you want to ask those questions?   Are you afraid of the answer? 

I think you should be, cuz everybody starts off on the wrong path. The path of the World. The truth is something different entirely. It isn't this World is beautiful, and the stars are shiny, and nature is this majestic thing. It's more like this life is pretty much dumb when viewed from the World. When viewed from the truth it is pretty much just work, eat, sleep. Hopefully you are lucky like me, and your heart is cool with this simple truth, but I figure you probably aren't like me. Just cuz it took me a while to get where I am now. Also my help makes me the way I am.

So anyway. Something I learned from my brother Jim is all people are liars. Always want to show everyone how great their lives are, cuz they don't know to deal with a heart uncontent. You are missing something,  but you are not sure what.

Anyhoo, just getting something down. Today I plan on having a day. Since I feel rested I think it will be a pretty good one.

Have fun at work today,  and doing all the things responsible people do. School, bills, budgets, staring at phones,  staring at computer screens, sending emails, reading emails for those who do that kinda stuff.  :)

Later.    :)

Another Week Down.

It's been a week since I last blogged on a Saturday, so that's another week. Today is my short day of work. Usually only 4 hours. Lately I've been doing some house clean up stuff when I get home. It seems to work out well. We'll have a dinner, and that's about it.

I did do some thinking before I got up. Just thought of some of the disappeared people. I wonder what happens to them. I have no clue. Gone I guess. Live out their days doing whatever it is they do. It probably isn't good to be one of the disappeared people, but I can't do anything for them. Don't particularly want to anyway, cuz my work is done, and I just wait for my final thing. Whenever that takes place. Not really sure what has to happen before that either.

People will need help, and it won't be directed by me. In the wilderness you'll find nothing matters, and no one cares. The wilderness is what makes you see the false pageantry of the World.

The truth of this life is we matter very little. We lived a life believing in our importance,  but some day you will die, and you'll see there wasn't much really to life. We all had some fun. We liked some people,  disliked others. People never really reach contentment. Need this. And need that. Must do this, and that, then one day you are on your death bed.

What did any of it matter? 

Anyhoo, just getting something down. Now that I think of it I kinda have always been this way since the start of this whole thing.

People, and things may have been important to me at one time, but if they disappear no biggie. I can quit anything too like a hobby no biggie.

A turn I can always make. I am confident,  and secure in whatever I do. That probably is the best thing about the blessing I received. I didn't care at the time, cuz my life was in the balance, and shortly after I waited for my death. Chained up in a bed in a hospital. Strapped maybe. I woke up the next morning to my surprise. With a strength not mine I said the right words,  and overcame for the first time.

Overcoming is giving up your life for your friends. Not just this one, but accepting Hell as your final destination willingly.

I've done it twice,  and the final one will be the real deal. I will be the enemy of the World at this time, and some of you will know me then.

The disappeared I have no clue. I don't think they were strong enough.

Anyway. I guess that's it.

Later.  

My First Cup Of Coffee This Week

This has been a non cup of coffee week. I am having my first cup today. Some days I don't feel like it. Some days I just sleep in. You can pretty much assume if I don't have a cup early morning I won't have one. Coffee doesn't really do anything for me, but I do enjoy a cup occasionally.

Not really much going on. We are in the process of refinancing our house. Taking a little extra money out. The big thing is we are getting rid of a stupid home equity loan. Had it for years, and basically paid the minimum. That will be good. Less bills. We will basically be making a significant more money than we have to pay each month. We are old too, so we don't want or need any toys.

In the end I think we all want to simplify our lives. Less bills,  and less have to do this and that. Maybe that's not true. I guess some people take on more and more responsibilities. Join another group, another league, have another kid.

I've lived life long enough. I know there can be enough stress in life. The World can pretty much grab a hold of anyone.

I think we all want the key to life. What makes us happy?  What is the secret to life?  The question everyone probably seeks. A lot of people have come up with a lot of answers. I know my answer. I looked for a purpose way back when. I had pretty good eyesight too, cuz life was pulling. When I saw there was no purpose to life is when I found it.

You may think it was all peaches and cream, but it wasn't. I had no idea what I was getting into. I've seen things and endured things that many don't even think possible. There must be value in that cuz I couldn't tell people. The craziness about my story is what makes it solo. I couldn't turn to anyone.

I was made to suffer and endure some pretty hard days. It was all part of learning really.

Anyway so far it just led me to this place here. A place where I am different than you. A place where I have traveled far in my journey. Endured much. I've taken the proper steps,  and that's it. I've done my stuff, and it is time for others,  but really we are doing nothing, and accomplishing nothing. The World is kinda boring really. Day after day we toil for this and that.

Maybe we seek for some epic something to happen in life,  but it's just life. There is nothing epic about it. Trillions have done it before us, and they all ended in the same place you will.

No one succeeded in life. Life beats us all by bringing us to the ground. Turning us back into dust and ashes, although we were smarter than dust and ashes for a bit. It's what makes us arrogant.

Pretty silly.

Anyway, today will be a day. I think it should be okay. Tomorrow is my sleep in day. I am looking forward to today, and this weekend.

Guess that's it.

Later.   :)

Hey, It's February.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing okay. Yesterday, I had just your regular type day. So regular I wasn't going to do this. I was just going to sleep, but I was done sleeping. I figured I would try to do this,  but I thought I might just delete it. Not very confident I have anything to write, but whatever.

I kinda think what if I didn't do this anymore?  What would I do when I wake up so early?  This I guess.  :)

I wake up today not knowing what kind of stupid shit is going on. I usually get most of my news from social media, and really I don't see much, so that's good. Most of the time you see people getting angry I guess. Going out of their way to prove their side is right, and the other is wrong.

I lean left in my thinking,  so that is how I am. If you look at me I guess it is easy to see what I am about. Work, eat, sleep. Not much more to me, and really not much more to life. Maybe that is what it is all about. The more you go on the less there is of you. I kinda feel that way. You know how I've said there is less and less of me?  

When I say I am poor in spirit I am only full on my feet. Now you don't know what that means, but I've been like this for a great while. It used to be I was vulnerable this way. Only time I wasn't was during the dead years, and after overcoming the 2nd time. That coincides with the start of this blog, and that was several years ago. How I am now I can not carry much. So after my 3rd time I get a new wineskin, that can carry everything. I will be full then. Overflowing as it were.

It is all as it is written, but it is written in spirit terms, so you have to be mostly spirit to know what it means. That's me. I know a lot about this stuff,  but I still lack understanding, and that is what I've been after all this time.

What I write here means you are nowhere. You are still the person born to this World. Been there done that. I'd be just like you if I didn't take the steps I did in the early 90's. I had no vision, no teacher, no one to ask for help. When I wanted someone to help me there was no one. My journey was solo, and I had no one for help, except my help. Unseen, and unknown by all.

I was led by great fear. I suffered for a long time. My time in the wilderness was tough. You cannot even know. I remember after overcoming the first time I became arrogant,  because I had no idea what I was doing. I was almost cast aside,  but one interceded for me, and i did that for one other too. That was two blogs ago.

There were a lot of people I've come across doing this. The percentage of people who disappear is pretty high. I don't really know what that is about, but I just have my life. My work is done,  so I live out my days. I don't have anything to accomplish,  cuz my journey is over, but the wait.

On a strange note the person I interceded for I told her I'd wait for her. I didn't know what it really meant when I said it. There is no manual for my journey. My heart led the way. She was one of the 2nd five. The only one who didn't blog. I don't think of her at all. Years probably.

There is nothing to me really. Nothing important at all. Just a guy with a little life. I wait to do my final thing. And the timing is not in my hands.

Others wish for money, and security, and I wait to suffer, so I can become the best a person can be. Security I already have, I kinda guess since I have help I will never lose it.

You never know.  I don't know exactly what I will be walking into. I just know it takes a lot to just save little old me.  A whole story decades long. A story that got lost for centuries.

Anyway, I guess that's it.

Cya later.