You Really Never Know.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am okay. I've been battling an injury/health issue. So much so I actually went to a medi center to get it checked out.

It started out of nowhere,  and there was some swelling internally. I figured that is probably not a good thing. I figured it might be expensive too.

I went through a lot of stages, and eventually came to the final one. I cannot do anything about whatever it is, so we'll see. I was ready for anything even if it was bad, and expensive. Even too expensive to not doing anything.

Turns out it is probably just an intestinal blockage. I felt better starting yesterday, and I guess I'll be okay. They did a test on my kidneys, and that came clean.  They poked and prodded, and no pain.

So that was good. My blood pressure ran a little high, but it always runs higher when I am at a medical facility. The guy asked me how much I weigh. I thought how the Hell should I know??  I guessed 170.

Normally this shit doesn't mean anything, but once your age starts creeping up I guess you start wondering.

Other than that not much going on. Working, and stuff like normal. I guess I've said I have the wilderness in me, and it comes out in here. The area in life where nothing matters, and there is little of value. I guess I am to lead you through this horrible area,  and without help I wouldn't be strong enough to go through it.

Back in heimleblog days I spent a few more days in the wilderness. I gave up. I cursed God, and said I cannot go back there again. I was pissed. To do what I have done only to be placed back there again.

I had no idea that actually, is what I would eventually do anyway. First I had to overcome the 2nd time, and as you can tell I still don't know how my days will look.

The night I gave up my heart was taken. It was like a dream/vision,  same as when I hit the alligator on the head  3 times. I didn't know exactly what it meant, but now I know on our own we are helpless.

The last few days I got a pretty good vision of the human heart. It is selfish,  and uncaring. It is how we all are. We all are enslaved to living an existence of WIIFM.

A life of WIIFM is a dead end life. You don't control your heart though. If you did you would make it much better than it is now. You cannot hide it either,  cuz your deeds show you how you are.

So for whatever reason we are going through the wilderness. I assume it is to tear you down. A human existence is one of arrogance. One that wants the pageantry and accolades one can receive from the World.

On this route we are going to get different things. Things you don't even know is possible,  and things you cannot learn from this World. There are no workshops to make you a better leader or other horse shit like that. Throw your self help books away. They are a pile of shit. I wouldn't be against burning all those books.  :)

HAHA

That is it for today!!!      :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s. this weekend should be pretty good. Work, eat, sleep.

Love you All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.  :)

MWAH.  :)))

xxoo.   :)

Now for really really cya cya cya.    :D      :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz.  :)

Aloha.  :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo. :)

This Will Be A Struggle... Maybe.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing good. I slept good last night. I watched some movies yesterday, and read some. It seems I had more time after work to chill yesterday.  I don't really do much.

I kinda am a bit hobbled. So much so Lisa is actually going to make a Dr. appointment for me. I have an unnatural pain/irritation in my back. It isn't like a muscle thing, but something internal. Like a kidney infection or something. How you pick those up is, anyone's  guess, but there are by my count like 462 organs in your core,  so who knows??  I know it is a bit debilitating,  cuz I am popping aspirin.

Other than that not much going on. Another day is done, and another one is starting. Today will probably be very much like yesterday. I have no problem with that.

This World is kinda a crazy place,  and our lives are pretty ridiculous really. At some point in time I think most people wanted to make their mark in the World somehow. Just so we matter. So this life isn't just a complete waste of time.

Personally I know we don't matter much. One of the many who called this place their home. We are born into this World as imperfect kids pooping in our pants. On our road to growing up we never get any closer to the perfect thing. We are good at rationalizing shit though, so we say it is okay.  I am normal. Maybe for some they don't think it is okay so they labor excessively, cuz that will give us the respect of our peers,  and it will help drown out our bad thoughts,  and stuff.

Life is failure. People can win at various World type things, but we lose the battle vs. ourselves every day.

These days I feel many people want to prove their Sainthood,  but I am not sure what people look at.

As I wrote yesterday I currently have the wilderness in me. In the wilderness there is nothing of value,  and that is the lens I look through.

It makes very little important. So I don't care about politics, and the ways of the World. It is of no use, and it is of no importance. None of that stuff leads to perfection. It is things people do to waste time.

Life has a lot of time, and in the end wasting it is what we do. Why???  Cuz there isn't much to do. Nothing worth any points or being worthwhile anyway.

People still deceive themselves though. Is there happiness if in the long run we don't even matter??  Sure there is, but not if you cling to that which is untrue.

Anyways, I am outta here.

Later.

A Weekend In Singapore.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am fine. I had a weekend this weekend, and even though my title might suggest otherwise I did not spend it in Singapore. It is on my bucket list though,  so that is something.

Anyway very little happened this weekend. I worked like I do every weekend. I watched some movies. Read some. I was also bored some. We ate some meals. Oh, I slept some too. As you can see the excitement never ends in my life. Day after day after day of this stuff.

Kinda funny you live in this World. You have this life which actually is kinda a crazy thing anyway. Was there a first person, or did the World just wake up one day, and there are a million people for no reason?

If everything has a beginning than what is it?? 

So we are all up here breathing and stuff. Lucky to not be living during the crusades. Lucky not to be a slave,  or a serf or whatever.

We have our jobs,  and many may not be very interesting. Anyway we have a life, and it seems we should be able to do what we want,  but the World controls us. Weird how we live in this strange place with our one life,  yet we are slaves to the ways of the World. It doesnt seem fair does it??

Life has gone on for generations and generations,  and it doesn't even really matter. People live, and people die. We spend our days laboring,  so we can eat. We get tired so we must sleep.

No wonder everybody is mad. This fucking thing better matter, cuz it goes on for decades.

Unfortunately it doesn't matter. We all are just one of the people who put their time in the World.

Inside me is the Wilderness. I never really knew I'd have to carry that thing I lived in that Summer way back when. Even the wilderness cannot bring me all the way down,  cuz my heart is too strong. It is a gift I received when I couldn't go back in the wilderness. No clue I'd have the wilderness in me.

I don't know how my days will pan out. I almost want to say it isn't easy being me, but I guess it is kinda easy. I just have no road map. I know of no one who is like me, although I know others were. Their stories are missing though.

In life maybe you see some sort of prize in your future. I guess I do too, but there is not one thing I can do to get me closer to it. I just have to wait. I cannot tell you how close it is, but I guess til the last year or so I thought it was close. Now I have no clue.

So I put in my days.  I try not to be bored. I don't really have anything to accomplish,  except I'd like a good steady positive cash flow. More incoming than outgoing if you know what I mean.  I'd like to stay healthy,  as those are the two best things for me now.

As to life it is a pretty boring thing we do here. We aren't changing the World, and either is anyone else. Just putting in our time really,  cuz there isn't anything significant to do.

Politicians don't do anything Generals don't do anything. Mom's and Dad's don't do anything. We are just imperfect people,  and in our wake we create our own sadness. We reject people who like us. Friends come, and friends go. In our younger years we wanted to have fun.

My turn took me away from family making, cuz that was not my purpose.  From where I stand now, and how I've stood for decades family making would have been ridiculous for me.

If I didn't know it before the wilderness, I sure knew it after.

Anyway life is a thing we do. Typically people think they have it down pretty good, and none ever probably realized they would need to brace themselves to hear the truth.

For most life is this this thing we should enjoy. For a few life is just a test. Can you find your way through the maze??

These days I am not really sure who the few are. I gather most think in some way they matter, but the objects in your bathroom mirror appear more important than they actually are.  :)

I thought of that yesterday.  :)

Anyhooodles,

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  I think today is going to be a movie, and or read day. I need to cut the grass sometime too. I am over cutting the grass.

Love you All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.  :)))

xxoo.  :)

Now for really really cya cya cya      :D        :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz.  :)

Aloha.   :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo.  :)

A Day Came. A Day Went.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am fine. Yesterday I had another day. I did switch things around a bit. I watched a movie, and then read my book. In order to keep life exciting you really have to make major changes like that. ;)

Anyhooo yesterday was another non drinking day. I made an easy dinner, and was able to fall asleep pretty easy around 8:00 or so.

So what else???  I know the most interesting part of my blog is how I dazzle you with the never ending fascinating things that fill up my day to day.

The Olympics are starting sometime soon. I don't really care. People who aren't heroes are turned into heroes by the tee vee. I find the Olympics to be one of the things wrong with the World. Not the athletes competing. Just the TV making these people seem like they are better than you and me.

They are probably better at some Sport, but big deal. That's just shit people do. They aren't heroes. They poop, and pee. They Fuck shit up in life like everyone else. If they win a medal they still die someday,  and their dead corpse has no use for medals. All things we collect, and place importance on do not stand the test of time.

There is one end for us all, and a wise person sees far enough into their future to realize not very much of this shit is important in the least.

Some may disagree, but really...  you do know in the real long-run awards collected don't mean shit right??  You only have so much room for trophies in your coffin. None if you are cremated.

These are tough things to look at though. We want heroes,  and we want to find something that matters. Are you strong enough to look at the truth?? 

Are you able to ask the tough questions??

Does any of this matter?  It amounts to zero points so I guess the answer is no.

Do I matter? In a World of several billion people you are worth 1 however many billionth as everyone else is. It is like one coin in a big pile of coins.

In even the larger picture there were many more people who called this place there home for a while. That makes the coin pile even bigger.

The World grabbed you when you were young. Said somehow you were important. Special somehow. You listened to the World as everyone does.

Out of nowhere comes this average person in all regards, who lived a life. Found the truth and accepted it. Labored with a labor that was not mine. My job was to tell the truth, and teach the hidden way that I stumbled upon.

Not a job I asked for,  and perhaps not even one I wanted.  It was my job to do though, and I've been given everything needed to be able to do it.

The "winners" are attached to the World,  and I find I have a listening ear from those who probably don't think they are necessarily a Saint.

I bet the truth is a nice thing to hear, cuz the truth states none of you are Saints. It is only the ones who know this though that listen.

The rest live in chutes and ladders land where the World is nice and cozy,  and you know??  Heroes made by suit wearers on the tee vee are just that. Heroes.

Anyway,

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  many people feel the need to hold onto the World,  cuz if that ain't real, what else is there??  You don't find out before the turn. That is why trust was important. Ya give up everything you know, in hopes of finding out stuff you don't.

I am afraid if you haven't been broken in life, chances are you don't have what it takes.

Love you All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.  :)

MWAH.  :)))

xxoo.   :)

Now for really really cya cya cya        :D       :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz.  :)

Aloha.  :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo.  :)

Movie Day And Stuff.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was pretty okay I guess. Work was fine. I have something wrong in my abdomen. It kinda hurts, but typically feels better when I am resting.

I don't know what it is, but if it is something bad that would suck. Yesterday I watched 2 movies when I got home.  I saw the Batman vs. Superman movie. I then made tacos,  and then watched the Hateful Eight. That was pretty much my day. I am going to drive to work today too just to rest whatever is my abdomen problem.

That's about it. An exciting day in this exciting life.  ;)

Oh yeah yesterday I didn't drink. As I am stopping it makes sense not to. I drank water. Although I wasn't really productive, but it was an okay day.

The days are kinda short. I noticed this last week during another movie day. Come home, and watch one movie, and it is time for dinner. Watch another movie, and it is past your normal bedtime.

I thought of just sleeping in, cuz I stayed up til 9:00 PM or after, but I guess I was awake by 3:30 AM, so what the heck.

It is why I am doing this thing even though I got nothing to write about.

I guess I can dig deep,  so as not to delete my dumb entry. :)

I take the barometric pressure of how things are going in life. How things are from what I write, and how other lives seem to be. People's lives go on. Day after day after day. I get the feeling people with questions can relate to this blog, cuz my life was never perfect, and either am I.

Many people want to stand up and smile , and say see me. I've made all the right decisions. One thing I know of life is it is never perfect. All decisions made do not lead you to the best place in life,  cuz there really isn't such a thing. All avenues lead something to be lacking.

Life is a movie that gets hyped up as we grow up, and those movies lead us to be disappointed.

A good question in life is you have one right??  You won't be doing this shit again??  How much of what we do is just a big waste of time considering we only walk this place one time.

Couple that with natural disasters and wars. Burglary, theft,  fights. You name it. Financial stress. Health stress. This one life we have, why is the World set up in such a way that anger is everywhere?? 

Shouldn't everyone be at peace cuz we share this brief moment in time together?  Plus we all have enough shit to worry about with death and illness, and natural bull shit like that.

Many people are filled with anger. Life isn't going in the best direction for some reason. My ideas are the best, and everyone else is dumb, besides these few people who take up the same rhetoric as me.

Do you know something about you. You are smarter in your own mind than the sheep who listened to Göebbels. You would never be like that. Your existence is tied up in propaganda just like everyone else. Everyone grows up collecting all kinds of leaven. It shapes us.

To those who can look back, and ponder their life. See where they are now compared to where they thought they would be 20 years ago. Maybe they have taken the proper steps in their mind, but one thing I know of all people. Life should have been better than what it was. We should feel better on the inside.

The inside is what it is all about. The outside is what people want to focus on, cuz we can make that shit look good. The inside part of us we don't particularly want to show,  cuz we were once a kid. Our inside is very unique, and very different. Very imperfect too.

If people saw our inside, then people can judge. Our very own unique self, people can trash.

I am reminded of that Pink Floyd song. -~~"if I showed you my dark side what would you do?"~~ 

If you showed your weak and vulnerable side what would people think??  I imagine there is great fear, cuz in life I've been hurt. It was major shit in my life. That is the one thing too. If you showed people your hidden dark side the one thing that can happen is people reject you.

You aren't good enough.

It makes me think in life people need support. Ya ain't strong enough to do everything on your own. Life is too hard, and we are too imperfect.

Anyhoooo.  Just thinking aloud.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  crap. Don't really have one. Oh well.  :)

Love YouAll xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.  :)

MWAH.  :)))

xxoo.   :)

Now for really really cya cya cya     :D       :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz.  :)

Aloha.  :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo.  :)
 

I Know I Have To Poop More, But It Isn't Coming Out Of My Butt Yet.

RHello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing good. In my no more drinking World I drank yesterday. No reason really. Lisa was going out after work. I had nothing to do, so I thought what the heck. I am happy to say I can drink or not. It isn't a biggie to me.

In my life I do not believe in the word "alcoholic"    people may drink, and if it makes you Fuck up your job that is dumb.  In life you gotta always wake up the next day and work. Period. I see some people have troubles just doing the work thing, even without drinking.

Cocaine you can get addicted to. Heroin, and cigarettes too.  Alcohol is just something people decide to do. You can decide not to too.

Anyhoo That is that. Yesterday was pretty uneventful. Work went long for the 2nd day in a row. The two "easy" days. School starts in a couple weeks so things will slow down a bit soon.

Other than that not much going on. Another day of work eat sleep. I am a couple weeks away from having my teeth fixed. I am surprisingly excited about it. No more worrying about that shit. Been like this for 1-1/2 years. I don't look at myself in the mirror.  :) 

You learn things in life. As someone who once was anal about flossing 1-2 times per day I lost the battle. You wanna hold on to your teeth all your life, cuz if you lose some you are a loser.

It is a good racket dentists have. They sell fear. It seems to me teeth are gross. A lot of nooks and crannies for bacteria to hide. When you lose your teeth your gums close up, and no nooks and crannies. You get a new set of permanent teeth, and no more root canals, or bridges, or things like that.  All those things will cost you more than your new set of teeth.

In life you really have to follow the money, and then ask questions. Where is the money going and why??  Everybody wants more and more money, and just cuz it is accepted currently doesn't mean it is good, proper, or right. In life you have a tendency to accept shit just cuz.

So anyway I was unlucky with my teeth, but I learned a few things. Life goes on.

I ran yesterday for the first time in forever. Trying to get my knee healthy, so I didn't run. I don't know anything yet, but I bet my long running days are done.  I don't care though. You take what life gives you. No sense pounding a square peg in a round hole. Just cuz you spent a lot of time doing something, it doesn't mean you always have to do it.

Maybe a good lesson is you take what life gives you. I suspect many try to force down what they think their life should be.

My life is work eat sleep. I'll throw some other things in the mix in my free time. Life in that regard is the same as it has always been. We labor, eat, and sleep.

Life is busier today seemingly than it was thousands of years ago, but we still have the same questions. The answers in our minds are pretty fucking bizarre too. Any thoughts of our existence is pretty crazy. How did we get here and why. You get into that discussion, and every one sounds like they are high on some kind of drug.

No matter what walk of life you choose you got some pretty Fucked up thoughts.

I do too. I found the truth. I lived it, and I felt it. The truth is crazier than your current thoughts.  The story is completely ridiculous.

If you follow the truth all the way to the top you learn some things. You learn you know very little. Your first lesson in life is fear. Every lesson after that for the next billion or so is fear too.

In my case I overcame once. Things weren't that great. My energy came back, and once again my life was mine. It was pretty normal. I just did what most do. The difference with me is I knew I had more to do. Just not sure when.

When the time came, more fear, and more hard times. Once more up to the judges, and once more with help I overcame.

You'll find in the long run the one obstacle you will have to overcome is life. The thing you want most is the thing you give up. The first time it is just the simple you vs. you. The next times it will be you vs. the judges. The later ones you'll need help. You are not strong enough. The first one you get little help. It is your most important battle to date.

You vs. You. I used to stress trust and strength. Now I just see what happens.  My blog has gone on awhile.

Anyhoooo. I bet this was long.

Sorry.  :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  I wonder what today will be like. 

Love you All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.  :)))

xxoo.   :)

Now for really really cya cya cya       :D        :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz.   :)

Aloha.   :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo.     :)

An Update Dedicated To Dylan Zwort

Hello, and good morning. How's it going? Me I am doing good. Dylan asked me to add him to my blog as I was leaving work yesterday. He is one of the head cooks. A little known fact about Dylan. He touches my butt a lot, and I think he wants to touch my penis. So there. A little shout out to Dylan. Hope that's what he had in mind.  ;)

Anyhooo, so what's going on??  Not much. We saw the Jason Bourne movie yesterday. I read those books long ago, and the movies aren't really that much like the books. The movies are always fast paced. It's hard to tell really what's going on. The movies really are average at best. In my opinion.

Anyway, since I stopped drinking we went to dinner at a place that doesn't serve alcohol. Dennys of all places. It might be another decade before I return there again.

A couple things I noticed from not drinking when I get home. I am hungry a lot. I don't know if that is normal. Yesterday after dinner and a movie,  I was just dead tired, and it wasn't alcohol induced. Also throughout the day, and in the bike ride home I feel the whole World is open. I can do whatever I want.

Currently I am not sure what that will entail, but we'll see. As I approach the half century mark I like the freedom to do as I want.

It seems in life people tend to follow a path of getting more and more tangled in life. My path has led me to be less tangled. No one dictates anything really to my life, and I owe no one anything.

My life was all about the turn. After my energy returned my life was just a typical life most people do. Work, have fun. Tangle yourself up in various activities. There always was labor in my future. That was all locked inside, as was my story. I had no idea what my days would look like, but things definitely started up several years ago.

The wait mode is really kinda a trip. Remember when I won that race in a dream, and I wasn't happy. It was like the sperm race. A lot going after the prize,  but only one gets in. I wasn't happy cuz I was alone, and I wasn't supposed to be.

Anyway as years have passed since that time, I still remain alone. As to being sad, no. I am content, cuz this story isn't mine, and I can do nothing. The story will be played out, and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it.

Your main worry should be are you on the correct side? Are you on this train that gathers momentum? I assume Worldly anxieties are closer to your heart than anything else, cuz that is what people are slaves to.  You can't really escape it without help.

Currently my heart is strong, cuz no one really has a say in how I am as a person. My existence is tied up in one, and it makes everyone worth a coin in my eyes. In the end are lives are as significant as pocket change. Maybe someone can trade you for a gum ball.  :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  looks like I'll have time to take the Hopester. 

Love you All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.  :)

MWAH.  :)))

xxoo.   :)

Now for really really cya cya cya      :D       :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz.  :)

Aloha.   :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo.   :)