Hello, and good morning all. How's it going?? Me, I guess I am doing good. I have big plans for the day which means basically I have a bunch of crap to do around the house, and also I have nothing really on my mind.
So anyway life kinda is a strange thing. Does anything even matter?? If I take a look back at my life, and even maybe just a look back at this blog. Does it do anything?? Isn't my life just a story of just going along, and boom something major happens, and everything up to that point doesn't matter. On a number of occasion my life was brought to a point where I actually had to suffer to a point where it sure would have been better if I was never born. Endured some scary stuff, and was even made different.
What does it matter, and what have I accomplished?? What would I be today if I didn't do the things I have done?? I have no idea.
I have said a lot of things on this blog, and does that even matter?? There really isn't much to me at all, and maybe that is the final journey to the truth. Our lives, and ourselves become so small as to be almost invisible. Our lives end up being empty, because that is actually what we bring with us when we die. Nothing.
I don't mean that in a horrible way, because I don't feel horrible about it. We all hold onto stuff though right?? Maybe try and shrink our lives down so we feel some type of control. If I could just be a good spouse, parent. Be good at my job. If I can pay my bills on time. Whatever, we hold onto all kindsa things and they don't matter in the long run.
We've been taught certain things about life, and even taught to put significance in certain things, but is it the truth?? Who taught us these things, and who taught them these things??
I would think if you could boil life down to one thing, wouldn't it be to be the best person you can be?? If that is the case how would you go about doing it?? Well as humans all we know is some type of sacrifice. I will show the World my worth by doing this. The truth of all of us is inside us. What do you see when you look inside yourself?? Is it less than what you would want?? Do you wish you were better??
Life is two things really. All the things we show the World, and all the things that go on inside us. All the things you show the World don't really matter much, because the most important stuff is what we are thinking inside.
I bet a lot of times it isn't what we would want.
If there were a way to make you a better person would you drop everything to follow that road??
The proverbial fork in the road, and you all thought you would take the path less traveled huh?? Well that takes a certain amount of strength and trust, and probably what you lack most.
But hey what the heck.
Anyway, today I am going to take the Hopester for another little 2 mile run. I have no great thoughts of getting in great shape, because I am not certain of not having to shut things down again for a month or whatever, so I will just plug along and see what happens.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. I work tonight, and have tomorrow off again.
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Sunday, June 8, 2014
A Taste Of Reality...
Hello, and good morning all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. Now yesterday after finishing job #2 I was tired. I mean ready to pass out tired, but I didn't want to go to bed at 2:00 PM, so I stayed up. I have no idea how late, maybe 5:00 or so.
So anyway I was looking at my numbers of blog posts. Last 3 years were in this order. 280,290,300. So far through May I am at 50 entries. So I thought about that a bit. Sometimes when I start thinking my blog sucks, I go back and read a post or two, and then I think it isn't horrible. Yesterday I went back and read a post or two, and it seemed horrible. :) HAHA So it is a sucky blog, and many times before I thought it was an okay blog, or I was just really tired.
Who knows and who cares?? I don't really know what to make of my blog to be honest. It must be different in some ways, as I am different. I thought about some of the difficult times in my life, and everything was always hidden. I know what I was going through, but no one else did. After the final thing I do, nothing will remain hidden. The World will know me at that point, and I will be the World's enemy.
I know these things in my head, but sometimes I think people hate me anyway, and I probably have good reason some of the time.
So that is what I am thinking, and where do I and this blog go from here?? Good question. I've lost my blog mojo, so I definitely don't post too much. I know some things of how life is heading, and the direction we are going, but you cannot see it. Maybe you cannot even feel it.
Anyway my life has a purpose, although as I am now I can do soooooo very little. I have a message that says we aren't as important as we think. We don't do much of value, because what is valued after we are dead??
Of all the things accumulated, and accomplished which of these things will you bring with you?? After you are dead you are naked of all things. As you judged so will you be judged. If you lived by the sword however failingly you also will die by the sword.
Like it says the Garden of Eden is surrounded by 4 great swords, and there only is one way in. If it were possible to work your way into it I would have done it.
That is a lesson of my life too. I suffered a lot to get to the point where I was at in life. Been through a lot of things I wouldn't wish on anyone. A hard path for sure, so you would think I deserve something huh?? What I learned when overcoming the 2nd time is nope. All I've done up to that point meant nothing. If I wasn't given the strength needed in my heart to do the right thing at the right time, I am toast.
Also the only way I can accept this with a happy heart is because of what was done that night several years ago after I gave up. Also another lesson, I cannot be, and cannot do what I am supposed to if I didn't have help.
What does that mean for you?? Maybe what I have been saying all along kinda. No matter which way you dice it up, and gussy it up, and all that, we just are not all that. Life is not all that either, but we got to put the real glasses on, and maybe that is what my blog helps with. Swimming against the current slowly we take off the rose pedaled glasses for ones that gives us better vision, and we fight screaming and kicking the whole way, because everything looks so much better with the rose colored glasses.
That kinda is a choice huh?? You want truth or you want fantasy??
Oh well til next time whenever that is. :)
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. it is raining a bit, but I am going to try and run a little 2 mile run. Hope I can bend at work tonight. :)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
So anyway I was looking at my numbers of blog posts. Last 3 years were in this order. 280,290,300. So far through May I am at 50 entries. So I thought about that a bit. Sometimes when I start thinking my blog sucks, I go back and read a post or two, and then I think it isn't horrible. Yesterday I went back and read a post or two, and it seemed horrible. :) HAHA So it is a sucky blog, and many times before I thought it was an okay blog, or I was just really tired.
Who knows and who cares?? I don't really know what to make of my blog to be honest. It must be different in some ways, as I am different. I thought about some of the difficult times in my life, and everything was always hidden. I know what I was going through, but no one else did. After the final thing I do, nothing will remain hidden. The World will know me at that point, and I will be the World's enemy.
I know these things in my head, but sometimes I think people hate me anyway, and I probably have good reason some of the time.
So that is what I am thinking, and where do I and this blog go from here?? Good question. I've lost my blog mojo, so I definitely don't post too much. I know some things of how life is heading, and the direction we are going, but you cannot see it. Maybe you cannot even feel it.
Anyway my life has a purpose, although as I am now I can do soooooo very little. I have a message that says we aren't as important as we think. We don't do much of value, because what is valued after we are dead??
Of all the things accumulated, and accomplished which of these things will you bring with you?? After you are dead you are naked of all things. As you judged so will you be judged. If you lived by the sword however failingly you also will die by the sword.
Like it says the Garden of Eden is surrounded by 4 great swords, and there only is one way in. If it were possible to work your way into it I would have done it.
That is a lesson of my life too. I suffered a lot to get to the point where I was at in life. Been through a lot of things I wouldn't wish on anyone. A hard path for sure, so you would think I deserve something huh?? What I learned when overcoming the 2nd time is nope. All I've done up to that point meant nothing. If I wasn't given the strength needed in my heart to do the right thing at the right time, I am toast.
Also the only way I can accept this with a happy heart is because of what was done that night several years ago after I gave up. Also another lesson, I cannot be, and cannot do what I am supposed to if I didn't have help.
What does that mean for you?? Maybe what I have been saying all along kinda. No matter which way you dice it up, and gussy it up, and all that, we just are not all that. Life is not all that either, but we got to put the real glasses on, and maybe that is what my blog helps with. Swimming against the current slowly we take off the rose pedaled glasses for ones that gives us better vision, and we fight screaming and kicking the whole way, because everything looks so much better with the rose colored glasses.
That kinda is a choice huh?? You want truth or you want fantasy??
Oh well til next time whenever that is. :)
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. it is raining a bit, but I am going to try and run a little 2 mile run. Hope I can bend at work tonight. :)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Well, I Guess I Better Blog...
Hello, and good afternoon all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. I am blogging for the heck of it. I don't really have anything important to say, or maybe I do. I know some important things about life, but no one really wants to hear about that.
I have no idea which direction this post will go, but I will look inside my heart, and see what is there. For the record, I am not angry. My heart is clear. I am clear, and as always I can feel my being is lit up. It is seen, I am seen, and I feel it. Like Adam before the fall I hide nothing.
In a World full of judging you may wonder where I have the courage to show my less than perfect self without fear. That is the story too huh?? From my scared self who got kicked to the ground after heimleblog who was able to stand back up with help with the Journey. I was scared though wasn't I?? I just wanted to be right, and I did not want to ever be judged again. The evil World won, and it beat me down, and Friends and Family judged me.
The Journey is really a little story of me coming to terms with one more piece of my life. I thought I did all that way long ago, but probably for a very good reason one little thing was held back so I could finish it all while being viewed during these times, and with the people who would look at it besides me. Back in my younger years in the early 90's only I knew what I was thinking, and what I dealt with. My Journey blog was to show others. So one little piece remained of my life I had to go through.
So anyway that is all done, and that was a long time ago, and this here blog started up. Journey over and the Wait starts up, and I am done. I overcame the 2nd time, and my work was done. I still have one more thing to do, and have to overcome one more time, but it isn't me who does the work, and it will be the one who overcame all those centuries ago overcoming again, because that was the story. It was hidden, and it was not known, and who knows why?
Oh I know I know the crazyness of it. This kid here being raised up to learn these things, and to teach these things, and I tell you what, the last thing I ever wanted was to teach these things, because teachers get judged to a higher standing, but I have help. I have a message that is the truth, and it is the right message, and I have confidence, and faith, and am assured, because I am done. My work has been accepted, and I have been accepted.
You may wonder why those teachers may get judged to a higher standard, and it is because they teach the wrong message. Their message falls short, and many many fall into that trap. They stop the search, because they got the answer, but in reality they don't have the answer, and the teacher taught them false truths.
As one who lived a life of being judged for whatever reason the last thing I wanted was to be judged harsher, and wouldn't you know it I have the confidence and am assured to the degree I am now.
That is my story, and you know my story.
My message is a hard one. I told you the truth is a Bitch, and it goes against everything we were taught, but in your heart you know it is right, as long as you don't shut your heart off. Harden it so to speak. Your heart is used to listen, and out of fear we will harden it so we don't have to listen to the harsh truths.
Things like our life doesn't matter. All our energy used in whatever activities matter not one bit in the scheme of things. You get no points for the life you lived up to this point. We all are imperfect humans with a less than perfect story. My path I took brought me to a place where I came to terms with who I am. I came to terms with my life. I sought the truth, and it found me. I sought for answers and they came to me.
I offer you a hard journey. Nothing easy about it. It is one of fear, and you know mostly probably fear. Life is a harsh thing, and harsh things are done in life, and The way of Society is not the way of higher learning.
I have a blog. It has a story, and it has a message. It may not always be what you want to hear, but I warned you many many times it isn't going to be easy.
My path was hard, and it was horrible, but I stand where I do now, because this was the story laid out for me. This was my path. Not my story, and not my will was done in any of this, because I am way too far short-sighted to know what the heck I am supposed to do. I am too scared to be able to stand with the confidence I do now, but I have help. I am like a little kid again, because I can do no wrong.
It doesn't mean everything I do is right mind you, but all is seen, and all is known, and I have no problem walking in the light. That my friends is confidence, and that came along with other things.
I am not who I am now without the help I had along the way. With a happy heart I accept the uselessness of my life, but with a happy heart I continue to do what I do in any way I can.
So that is that, and that is my blog today, and it is raining. I hazzz some coffee ready so I guess I will drink that.
about those damn dishes. When did I become so lazy about doing dishes?? I am in a bad rut there. Oh well.
cya laterzzz
I have no idea which direction this post will go, but I will look inside my heart, and see what is there. For the record, I am not angry. My heart is clear. I am clear, and as always I can feel my being is lit up. It is seen, I am seen, and I feel it. Like Adam before the fall I hide nothing.
In a World full of judging you may wonder where I have the courage to show my less than perfect self without fear. That is the story too huh?? From my scared self who got kicked to the ground after heimleblog who was able to stand back up with help with the Journey. I was scared though wasn't I?? I just wanted to be right, and I did not want to ever be judged again. The evil World won, and it beat me down, and Friends and Family judged me.
The Journey is really a little story of me coming to terms with one more piece of my life. I thought I did all that way long ago, but probably for a very good reason one little thing was held back so I could finish it all while being viewed during these times, and with the people who would look at it besides me. Back in my younger years in the early 90's only I knew what I was thinking, and what I dealt with. My Journey blog was to show others. So one little piece remained of my life I had to go through.
So anyway that is all done, and that was a long time ago, and this here blog started up. Journey over and the Wait starts up, and I am done. I overcame the 2nd time, and my work was done. I still have one more thing to do, and have to overcome one more time, but it isn't me who does the work, and it will be the one who overcame all those centuries ago overcoming again, because that was the story. It was hidden, and it was not known, and who knows why?
Oh I know I know the crazyness of it. This kid here being raised up to learn these things, and to teach these things, and I tell you what, the last thing I ever wanted was to teach these things, because teachers get judged to a higher standing, but I have help. I have a message that is the truth, and it is the right message, and I have confidence, and faith, and am assured, because I am done. My work has been accepted, and I have been accepted.
You may wonder why those teachers may get judged to a higher standard, and it is because they teach the wrong message. Their message falls short, and many many fall into that trap. They stop the search, because they got the answer, but in reality they don't have the answer, and the teacher taught them false truths.
As one who lived a life of being judged for whatever reason the last thing I wanted was to be judged harsher, and wouldn't you know it I have the confidence and am assured to the degree I am now.
That is my story, and you know my story.
My message is a hard one. I told you the truth is a Bitch, and it goes against everything we were taught, but in your heart you know it is right, as long as you don't shut your heart off. Harden it so to speak. Your heart is used to listen, and out of fear we will harden it so we don't have to listen to the harsh truths.
Things like our life doesn't matter. All our energy used in whatever activities matter not one bit in the scheme of things. You get no points for the life you lived up to this point. We all are imperfect humans with a less than perfect story. My path I took brought me to a place where I came to terms with who I am. I came to terms with my life. I sought the truth, and it found me. I sought for answers and they came to me.
I offer you a hard journey. Nothing easy about it. It is one of fear, and you know mostly probably fear. Life is a harsh thing, and harsh things are done in life, and The way of Society is not the way of higher learning.
I have a blog. It has a story, and it has a message. It may not always be what you want to hear, but I warned you many many times it isn't going to be easy.
My path was hard, and it was horrible, but I stand where I do now, because this was the story laid out for me. This was my path. Not my story, and not my will was done in any of this, because I am way too far short-sighted to know what the heck I am supposed to do. I am too scared to be able to stand with the confidence I do now, but I have help. I am like a little kid again, because I can do no wrong.
It doesn't mean everything I do is right mind you, but all is seen, and all is known, and I have no problem walking in the light. That my friends is confidence, and that came along with other things.
I am not who I am now without the help I had along the way. With a happy heart I accept the uselessness of my life, but with a happy heart I continue to do what I do in any way I can.
So that is that, and that is my blog today, and it is raining. I hazzz some coffee ready so I guess I will drink that.
about those damn dishes. When did I become so lazy about doing dishes?? I am in a bad rut there. Oh well.
cya laterzzz
Thursday, May 29, 2014
WOAH!! What The Heck Is This Thing On My Computer??
Hello, and good afternoon all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. I had a good day off yesterday. I got a lot of sleep last night/ this morning. I am who I am, and feeling how I normally do, which is pretty good.
I am still not running, because my knee still bugs me a bit, but not as bad as after my last run. It doesn't matter. Running isn't what defines me, and as a matter of fact I don't know exactly what does define me. Maybe this blog?? My day to day crap I used to write on here??
Perhaps, I guess what does define me is my life. You know my life, and you know me. I am not afraid of me, and I am not afraid to show you me.
So what are some of the things going through my mind since the last time I wrote anything down. I learned my brother Jim, and my step-mom died about the same age as what I am now. That seems pretty crazy, because I am still young feeling. I still have energy, and I feel relatively pretty good most times.
I am excited for the future, because I know big things will be happening. A lot of interesting things will be happening in people's lives, and it isn't about great career choices, or any of the crap you feel is so important now. The World changes, and life changes, and that is pretty much what will happen.
A lot of people out in the World, and a lot of them are mad. Why can't the people just think like me?? I have the answers right?? Isn't that where a lot of anger comes from?? Other things too are we grow up thinking life is supposed to be a certain way. We have fairy tales ingrained in us from the time we were kids, and fairy tales aren't real.
There are no perfect parents, and perfect kids, and perfect lives, and we don't always feel like very good people do we??
For me and my life it helps me a lot to know I did the right things. It doesn't mean I am right, but I have no worries at all about the direction my life goes. I am in good hands, and I feel very confident, and very assured, and all those kinds of things.
My life is very very much about me, and how I feel, and that is pretty good. I think I am an important person in what I know, and how I am.
All that being said I still know what my life is worth. I know what this blog is worth, and I know how insignificant I am. I am totally cool with that too. My life is pretty simple. I stand here on this Earth, and I am not tied down.
People are always seeking for that paradise. That thing that makes us feel good, and that is probably the best gift I have been given. I don't have to seek anymore. I am not looking, and striving. I have done all I need to do, and my life will go in the direction that was planned.
Whatever I do the path is lighted. No doubts, and no striving after wind. I have nothing to prove to anyone, and paradise is very very much how you feel on the inside. People will travel the World to find the place or area that makes them feel good.
That is a source of your anger too, because we all want to feel good, but we don't always.
So anyway, that is all I have today.
Not anything important, and maybe nothing too interesting, but I don't care.
I gots nothing to prove. :)
Love You All!! :) xoxoxoxo
MWAH!!! :))
I am still not running, because my knee still bugs me a bit, but not as bad as after my last run. It doesn't matter. Running isn't what defines me, and as a matter of fact I don't know exactly what does define me. Maybe this blog?? My day to day crap I used to write on here??
Perhaps, I guess what does define me is my life. You know my life, and you know me. I am not afraid of me, and I am not afraid to show you me.
So what are some of the things going through my mind since the last time I wrote anything down. I learned my brother Jim, and my step-mom died about the same age as what I am now. That seems pretty crazy, because I am still young feeling. I still have energy, and I feel relatively pretty good most times.
I am excited for the future, because I know big things will be happening. A lot of interesting things will be happening in people's lives, and it isn't about great career choices, or any of the crap you feel is so important now. The World changes, and life changes, and that is pretty much what will happen.
A lot of people out in the World, and a lot of them are mad. Why can't the people just think like me?? I have the answers right?? Isn't that where a lot of anger comes from?? Other things too are we grow up thinking life is supposed to be a certain way. We have fairy tales ingrained in us from the time we were kids, and fairy tales aren't real.
There are no perfect parents, and perfect kids, and perfect lives, and we don't always feel like very good people do we??
For me and my life it helps me a lot to know I did the right things. It doesn't mean I am right, but I have no worries at all about the direction my life goes. I am in good hands, and I feel very confident, and very assured, and all those kinds of things.
My life is very very much about me, and how I feel, and that is pretty good. I think I am an important person in what I know, and how I am.
All that being said I still know what my life is worth. I know what this blog is worth, and I know how insignificant I am. I am totally cool with that too. My life is pretty simple. I stand here on this Earth, and I am not tied down.
People are always seeking for that paradise. That thing that makes us feel good, and that is probably the best gift I have been given. I don't have to seek anymore. I am not looking, and striving. I have done all I need to do, and my life will go in the direction that was planned.
Whatever I do the path is lighted. No doubts, and no striving after wind. I have nothing to prove to anyone, and paradise is very very much how you feel on the inside. People will travel the World to find the place or area that makes them feel good.
That is a source of your anger too, because we all want to feel good, but we don't always.
So anyway, that is all I have today.
Not anything important, and maybe nothing too interesting, but I don't care.
I gots nothing to prove. :)
Love You All!! :) xoxoxoxo
MWAH!!! :))
Thursday, May 22, 2014
I Cannot Take You From Point A To Point B...
Hello, and good morning all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing so so. As you may have noticed I don't blog too much anymore, because I don't have anything to say. I have said it all. You have everything you ever need, except maybe some courage. I can't help you with that.
The weak and those who are not strong will hold onto this World. They will believe they have some type of redeeming quality. The ability to work to make themselves better people. They hold onto all kinds of false truths because it is all they know. There is a path to a better you, but it isn't by holding onto you,. this World, and your life etc...
Do you see how little trust you have?? You want to hold onto the World, and currencies, and Society, because it is all you see, and it is all you know. Did you ever stop and consider all the things you have learned that you hold onto as being a truth was taught to you by someone not better than you, and perhaps even worse than you?? Your beliefs and values are that shallow. They are so ingrained into you. Do you see how tight a grip propaganda has on you??
To get to point B from point A you know how to do. You can't hold on though. You can't hold on to all the shallow little things this World has to offer, because don't you see how stupid it all is?? Right??
Choice is a life trying to obtain some selfish goals you "think" are so important, although they will not fulfill you, and a life where you get to see the truth of all, and everything is explained to you. Do you want a fulfilling life?? or do you want to do the cowardly thing the multitudes have done forever and ever and ever??
It is a choice. Not half of one and half of the other. It is a game of poker.
Are you willing to go "ALL IN"??
Remember back in the day I had a blog about trust and strength?? Do you have those??
You need courage too folks, and that is about strength, and when you let everything go that sure is a step of trust.
You have all you need. Have had it for a while. Your life does not matter more than one little coin, no matter how much you pretend. You have no redeeming quality no matter how much you pretend. There is a way you are supposed to go, you just have to do it, and quit being stupid. :)
HAHA
Have a good one all. :) xoxo
The weak and those who are not strong will hold onto this World. They will believe they have some type of redeeming quality. The ability to work to make themselves better people. They hold onto all kinds of false truths because it is all they know. There is a path to a better you, but it isn't by holding onto you,. this World, and your life etc...
Do you see how little trust you have?? You want to hold onto the World, and currencies, and Society, because it is all you see, and it is all you know. Did you ever stop and consider all the things you have learned that you hold onto as being a truth was taught to you by someone not better than you, and perhaps even worse than you?? Your beliefs and values are that shallow. They are so ingrained into you. Do you see how tight a grip propaganda has on you??
To get to point B from point A you know how to do. You can't hold on though. You can't hold on to all the shallow little things this World has to offer, because don't you see how stupid it all is?? Right??
Choice is a life trying to obtain some selfish goals you "think" are so important, although they will not fulfill you, and a life where you get to see the truth of all, and everything is explained to you. Do you want a fulfilling life?? or do you want to do the cowardly thing the multitudes have done forever and ever and ever??
It is a choice. Not half of one and half of the other. It is a game of poker.
Are you willing to go "ALL IN"??
Remember back in the day I had a blog about trust and strength?? Do you have those??
You need courage too folks, and that is about strength, and when you let everything go that sure is a step of trust.
You have all you need. Have had it for a while. Your life does not matter more than one little coin, no matter how much you pretend. You have no redeeming quality no matter how much you pretend. There is a way you are supposed to go, you just have to do it, and quit being stupid. :)
HAHA
Have a good one all. :) xoxo
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Some Days I Am Surprised...
Hello, and good morning all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. I was really tired yesterday, so I did not do much. Sleep, wake up, do nothing, and then I thought I am a worthless piece of crap today, so I went out and had a couple beers, came home had a couple more, and went to bed. :) Lisa was out putzing around, and man was I beat.
So this week I am starting my new schedule, and my weekends are going to be busy busy with work. Instead of doing the bank job 5 days out of the week for around 10 hours or so I will be working 10-12 hours on the weekend, also at a higher pay, plus I will be working my other job Friday, Saturday, and Sunday most weeks with an occasional Saturday off. My weekends are going to be crazy busy for a bit, but it leaves my weekdays open, and most of my days off are on Monday and Wednesday. I will definitely like that better. I was thinking when I woke up yesterday tired I would in previous weeks have to go in and do the bank. Blah. Also today I would too. Much much better.
Financially Lisa and I are making the same we did at our previous jobs, if not perhaps more. Also we are on the low end of the pay raise pole, not the maxed out version we were at for like the last 10 years or whatever. Yep, no raise in like a decade at the previous place. Much better. A friend even mentioned to me I seem happier. Hmmmm, I don't really really pay too much attention. I think I go both ways. Some days a good mood, and some days a bad mood. Mostly pretty upbeat I think, but who can tell.
As to my future goals?? HA!! I don't have any. :) There is nothing here I have to accomplish. My bucket list is empty. There is nothing in this World I feel I am missing out on. The strange thing about me and you. I am different though, and have been for a long time. I guess this feeling I have of contentment came from overcoming the 2nd time. I mean I was done. All my struggles and all my work was done, and that is why I called my blog the wait, because none of you are done. You still have miles to travel, and you taking the first step is like impossible, because because because because... because of the fabulous things you "think" you will miss out on.
So here I am on this other side waiting, and it is hard for me to be in your shoes, because my life has been long, and I have been different long. I suffered many things in the past to get where I am at now, and I don't see how the World can be so enticing to you. I mean even during the dead time after my energy came back, and the start up of heimleblog my life didn't mean anything. I knew I had stuff to do, but I was living the life, and waiting. I knew during all this time I had more stuff to do, but I just waited.
Then the original of my 3 blogs started, and I went through many things. A lot of hard days, and as a matter of fact I think most days were pretty hard. So my life went on and on, and I suffered through many hidden things, and now I guess I am wondering how things will turn out for you.
I have given you tough things to think about, and I know it makes sense, and I can guarantee you what I say is true, because this is what my job was. From the time at the garbage room at bromenn Healthcare there was a purpose. To bring more people along. What does it say, "when I return will I find faith on Earth?" The dreaded numbers game.
What does it say also when God spoke to Abraham "and Abraham believed him and it was reckoned as righteousness."
So it isn't what you believe it is believing when spoken to that you were spoken to. You don't harden your heart and pretend you didn't hear. The multitudes are guilty of that.
So anyway, those are some of my thoughts. I don't have an easy message, and I don't give you easy answers, or easy paths to follow. Just the hardest thing you will ever do. The truth.
Many always believe such and such a thing and try working their way to building their stairway to heaven, and the path is so much different than you can ever imagine. It is a humble first step that is for sure.
So I think I will make a second cup of coffee, and maybe take the Hopester for a walk.
BTW I would like to thank my brother John for coming from Chicago to go to my friend Dan's funeral thing. Little things like that mean a lot to people, and I am sure Dan appreciates that stuff, and like Lois put on her thing before Steve R's thing. Something about going to the house of sorrow is better than the house of parties and such. Something like that.
That shit is a big deal to people, and it means a lot.
So anyway, I didn't really have much to blog about, but threw some stuff down anyway.
Have a good one all. :) xoxo
So this week I am starting my new schedule, and my weekends are going to be busy busy with work. Instead of doing the bank job 5 days out of the week for around 10 hours or so I will be working 10-12 hours on the weekend, also at a higher pay, plus I will be working my other job Friday, Saturday, and Sunday most weeks with an occasional Saturday off. My weekends are going to be crazy busy for a bit, but it leaves my weekdays open, and most of my days off are on Monday and Wednesday. I will definitely like that better. I was thinking when I woke up yesterday tired I would in previous weeks have to go in and do the bank. Blah. Also today I would too. Much much better.
Financially Lisa and I are making the same we did at our previous jobs, if not perhaps more. Also we are on the low end of the pay raise pole, not the maxed out version we were at for like the last 10 years or whatever. Yep, no raise in like a decade at the previous place. Much better. A friend even mentioned to me I seem happier. Hmmmm, I don't really really pay too much attention. I think I go both ways. Some days a good mood, and some days a bad mood. Mostly pretty upbeat I think, but who can tell.
As to my future goals?? HA!! I don't have any. :) There is nothing here I have to accomplish. My bucket list is empty. There is nothing in this World I feel I am missing out on. The strange thing about me and you. I am different though, and have been for a long time. I guess this feeling I have of contentment came from overcoming the 2nd time. I mean I was done. All my struggles and all my work was done, and that is why I called my blog the wait, because none of you are done. You still have miles to travel, and you taking the first step is like impossible, because because because because... because of the fabulous things you "think" you will miss out on.
So here I am on this other side waiting, and it is hard for me to be in your shoes, because my life has been long, and I have been different long. I suffered many things in the past to get where I am at now, and I don't see how the World can be so enticing to you. I mean even during the dead time after my energy came back, and the start up of heimleblog my life didn't mean anything. I knew I had stuff to do, but I was living the life, and waiting. I knew during all this time I had more stuff to do, but I just waited.
Then the original of my 3 blogs started, and I went through many things. A lot of hard days, and as a matter of fact I think most days were pretty hard. So my life went on and on, and I suffered through many hidden things, and now I guess I am wondering how things will turn out for you.
I have given you tough things to think about, and I know it makes sense, and I can guarantee you what I say is true, because this is what my job was. From the time at the garbage room at bromenn Healthcare there was a purpose. To bring more people along. What does it say, "when I return will I find faith on Earth?" The dreaded numbers game.
What does it say also when God spoke to Abraham "and Abraham believed him and it was reckoned as righteousness."
So it isn't what you believe it is believing when spoken to that you were spoken to. You don't harden your heart and pretend you didn't hear. The multitudes are guilty of that.
So anyway, those are some of my thoughts. I don't have an easy message, and I don't give you easy answers, or easy paths to follow. Just the hardest thing you will ever do. The truth.
Many always believe such and such a thing and try working their way to building their stairway to heaven, and the path is so much different than you can ever imagine. It is a humble first step that is for sure.
So I think I will make a second cup of coffee, and maybe take the Hopester for a walk.
BTW I would like to thank my brother John for coming from Chicago to go to my friend Dan's funeral thing. Little things like that mean a lot to people, and I am sure Dan appreciates that stuff, and like Lois put on her thing before Steve R's thing. Something about going to the house of sorrow is better than the house of parties and such. Something like that.
That shit is a big deal to people, and it means a lot.
So anyway, I didn't really have much to blog about, but threw some stuff down anyway.
Have a good one all. :) xoxo
Sunday, May 11, 2014
General Thoughts And Observations...
Hello, and good morning all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. I had a way way too busy day yesterday with a lot of hours of work, and not enough hours of sleep. I had a funeral type thing to go too, and that was sandwiched between one job, the little sleep I could squeeze in, and starting my 2nd job.
2nd job went okay, but I was on my own, with a little training, and a lot to remember to do some general cleaning in 3 different buildings. I called my supervisor several times yesterday. :) Where is this, where is that. What is the lab?? etc...
Anyhooo, as to the title of my blog I went to a funeral type thing. Reason it isn't a regular regular funeral is because the deceased donated his body to science, and so there was no body. The Science people have them.
So anyway I don't know if any of you know the story here, but due to various reasons there were 3 people who were living pretty unhealthily. Picking up the middle age weight at alarming rates type thing, and you know that is when I got the marathon bug. I wanted to get in shape after my first trip to Hawaii. It all started with an exercise bike. I think when all was said and done I lost 50 lbs. total, and I had a couple friends who lost 100 each I think. We still keep active as we can, and one even did 2 Ironmans, but those two now still do most of their work on the Hockey rink.
So that is the quick version of our History. Dan is the guy who lost his Dad, and I have known him since probably the Winter of '95-'96. When someone loses a family member, or an important life event happens, you get to thinking quite a bit. One of the things I thought about is although knowing Dan for several years, I don't really know him all too well. It appears he keeps a lot of personal stuff to himself. I didn't know if he was close to his Dad or not, and Lisa told me well I think he probably got his love of sailing from his Dad. True. He has a 4 aunts and uncles which I didn't know. I know his one brother, but totally forgot he even had another one.
My best memories of me and Dan are not great parties, or cookouts, or euchre tournaments or weddings, it was those Tuesday evenings driving up to Grand Haven to run 5-mile Hill for an hour or so. Every Tuesday pretty much without fail for two years. You know me too, I don't drive to run if I can help it, especially 20 miles unless it is a special route. 5-Mile Hill is not a hill that goes on for 5 miles, but when you get to the top you can see for 5 miles. It is as steep and nasty of a climb you could ever ask. We used to run the church trails too, and he for a little while was taking care of those church trails. Dan is the type of guy who used to want to get his hands in everything. Wanted to do everything, and know everything, and be in charge of everything. Often overextending himself. There are only 24 hours in the day, and he would volunteer 48 of those hours away type thing.
As with age comes wisdom, and probably the burning desire to not burn yourself out. I was guilty of that too.
Anyway funny the funeral happened between my last post and this one. My last post talked of the turn, and Dan's Dads last wishes while here on earth were the reason anyone would want to do the turn.
He was asked basically in a way if you were all better, what would you want to do first?? His answer. "I would like to do good."
BAM!! I could not have said it any better. when Dad's Dad was looking at the end of his days, he was able to put EVERYTHING in perspective. More than anything I just want to be good.
Isn't that my story?? Isn't that what happened to me after my mom died, and Katrina and I broke up, and my Grandpa died, and all that stuff. Life hit me full force, and the only thing I desired was to be good, and to do good. Didn't really know how to go about it.
Now I do. To be good, and to do good is not in our power. You should be able to see that in yourself. So steps need to be made, and this blog has gone on and on about that.
Harsh strings have to be pulled, because it helps make our vision better. The World is very enticing, and without major things to make us see better the World wins out. Although we all have a desire to do good, the World drowns that out, because there is seemingly so many great things to do.
So you see the choice boils down to do good, or choose the World, and all you can accomplish.
To do good is not at all what you think. It isn't anything you have done yet.
It is all about learning who we are, and our relationship with the World, and our inner demons, and sooo much hidden stuff.
It is a battle within you. That still small voice in you that can easily get crowded out by all the weeds in the World.
Anyway, those are my general thoughts and observations on the things yesterday. Dan and I will go out and have a beer sometime, and talk about old times, and things like that.
One of the things I thought about this blog is I do give you my general thoughts and observations about you. These have always been things people have mostly kept to themselves though huh??
There are so many gifts out there, and most have to do with strength, and honesty, and courage, and all kindsa things like that. I am not who I would have been had I not done the things I have done. I am not yet who I am going to be yet either. That is for another time. Somehow has to do when you are ready.
So anyway I am well rested. I have to work my 2nd job, and I will go in around 8:00AM or so. I also work tonight too, but have all of Monday off. :) WOOOO HOOOOOOOOO
Have a good one all. Love you all. :))
xoxo
2nd job went okay, but I was on my own, with a little training, and a lot to remember to do some general cleaning in 3 different buildings. I called my supervisor several times yesterday. :) Where is this, where is that. What is the lab?? etc...
Anyhooo, as to the title of my blog I went to a funeral type thing. Reason it isn't a regular regular funeral is because the deceased donated his body to science, and so there was no body. The Science people have them.
So anyway I don't know if any of you know the story here, but due to various reasons there were 3 people who were living pretty unhealthily. Picking up the middle age weight at alarming rates type thing, and you know that is when I got the marathon bug. I wanted to get in shape after my first trip to Hawaii. It all started with an exercise bike. I think when all was said and done I lost 50 lbs. total, and I had a couple friends who lost 100 each I think. We still keep active as we can, and one even did 2 Ironmans, but those two now still do most of their work on the Hockey rink.
So that is the quick version of our History. Dan is the guy who lost his Dad, and I have known him since probably the Winter of '95-'96. When someone loses a family member, or an important life event happens, you get to thinking quite a bit. One of the things I thought about is although knowing Dan for several years, I don't really know him all too well. It appears he keeps a lot of personal stuff to himself. I didn't know if he was close to his Dad or not, and Lisa told me well I think he probably got his love of sailing from his Dad. True. He has a 4 aunts and uncles which I didn't know. I know his one brother, but totally forgot he even had another one.
My best memories of me and Dan are not great parties, or cookouts, or euchre tournaments or weddings, it was those Tuesday evenings driving up to Grand Haven to run 5-mile Hill for an hour or so. Every Tuesday pretty much without fail for two years. You know me too, I don't drive to run if I can help it, especially 20 miles unless it is a special route. 5-Mile Hill is not a hill that goes on for 5 miles, but when you get to the top you can see for 5 miles. It is as steep and nasty of a climb you could ever ask. We used to run the church trails too, and he for a little while was taking care of those church trails. Dan is the type of guy who used to want to get his hands in everything. Wanted to do everything, and know everything, and be in charge of everything. Often overextending himself. There are only 24 hours in the day, and he would volunteer 48 of those hours away type thing.
As with age comes wisdom, and probably the burning desire to not burn yourself out. I was guilty of that too.
Anyway funny the funeral happened between my last post and this one. My last post talked of the turn, and Dan's Dads last wishes while here on earth were the reason anyone would want to do the turn.
He was asked basically in a way if you were all better, what would you want to do first?? His answer. "I would like to do good."
BAM!! I could not have said it any better. when Dad's Dad was looking at the end of his days, he was able to put EVERYTHING in perspective. More than anything I just want to be good.
Isn't that my story?? Isn't that what happened to me after my mom died, and Katrina and I broke up, and my Grandpa died, and all that stuff. Life hit me full force, and the only thing I desired was to be good, and to do good. Didn't really know how to go about it.
Now I do. To be good, and to do good is not in our power. You should be able to see that in yourself. So steps need to be made, and this blog has gone on and on about that.
Harsh strings have to be pulled, because it helps make our vision better. The World is very enticing, and without major things to make us see better the World wins out. Although we all have a desire to do good, the World drowns that out, because there is seemingly so many great things to do.
So you see the choice boils down to do good, or choose the World, and all you can accomplish.
To do good is not at all what you think. It isn't anything you have done yet.
It is all about learning who we are, and our relationship with the World, and our inner demons, and sooo much hidden stuff.
It is a battle within you. That still small voice in you that can easily get crowded out by all the weeds in the World.
Anyway, those are my general thoughts and observations on the things yesterday. Dan and I will go out and have a beer sometime, and talk about old times, and things like that.
One of the things I thought about this blog is I do give you my general thoughts and observations about you. These have always been things people have mostly kept to themselves though huh??
There are so many gifts out there, and most have to do with strength, and honesty, and courage, and all kindsa things like that. I am not who I would have been had I not done the things I have done. I am not yet who I am going to be yet either. That is for another time. Somehow has to do when you are ready.
So anyway I am well rested. I have to work my 2nd job, and I will go in around 8:00AM or so. I also work tonight too, but have all of Monday off. :) WOOOO HOOOOOOOOO
Have a good one all. Love you all. :))
xoxo
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