How I Feel Is The Direction I Go...

Hold on, I am going to get a coffee first.  I'll be right back.  Sometimes I have a ton of confidence in myself, or maybe a ton of confidence in how people perceive me, and that let's me really give a lot.  Other times I feel really small, and I shrink down a bit.  I think of a lot of things before I get out of bed, and today was no different.

I realize right now it is impossible for me, and almost anyone else to see eye to eye.  Not as in I am right and you are wrong or visa versa, but definitely different perspectives.  We can probably say that about anyone.  If I think about a previous post, I think the truth about ourselves is an important thing to try and get a grasp of.  That is the mirror I have talked about a long time ago.  I think as a start the mirror is foggy, but slowly but surely as time goes on we get shown more and more stuff, and the mirror becomes cleaner and so does our vision.

I think the hard thing to accept and grasp etc... is the less than perfect in ourselves.  You see truth is a double edged sword.  We accept the good, but the hard part is to accept the bad.  I guess eventually we get to the point where we say here I am.  I am not perfect, and I have flaws.  Like Amy Winehouse I tried to correct.  Also like a Steve Rose btw.  I was unable.  Here is my soft side, my shell is off.  Can you accept a weak person like me??

Yes I think we all can, because in the long run honesty trumps all.  You cannot be perfect, but with a little effort you can be honest and true to yourself.  That is the direction we head.  The most important thing in your life is not how you dress on the outside, but how honestly you deal with the stuff on the inside.  That is what gets looked at.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. Mondays suck, but that is o.k.  I went to bed at like 5:30 last night.  Now I have a big day planned today.  bike to work and back, work,  run Hope, walk Cammie, cut grass, work on tomatoes.  Monday sucked so bad, I didn't even like beer.  :)  Hopefully makes for a better Tuesday tho.  :)

Love you all xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Want to know why Doreen always gets extras???   trust.  She trusts me, and I trust her.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Same with Gina.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

They are two of the strongest girls I know, and you know what??  They too have a shell, and they too have a soft side underneath.  Like everyone they really have to have total trust in their surroundings to show the soft side.  In that respect we all are in the same boat.  We all have no fear showing our shell, the fear is taking the shell off.  The walls we have built.

Now for really really cya cya cya  :D   :D

Zoiks!!  Due to a history Tia and I trust each other too.  She gets my sense of humor like my wife does too.  I almost forgot.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Strawberry Stamps Typically Are Not Made of Marshmallows.

Yeah, these are some of the very important facts that I know that I can teach you.  My guess that is something you would have never thought up on your own.  :)

Anyhoodles I really don't have much today I don't think.  Lesssseeeeee.  I did get a run in yesterday.  The Sunday run seems to work out pretty well with me all things considered.  Saturday is a good day for me to pick up hours, and Sunday Ken runs long, so we each got around 9 miles in.  I start up on a down week for him.  Next week we jump up to 13 miles I think.  Nothing too much to report on the run.  Humidity was high, but temps weren't bad.  I didn't time the run, as my watch band is broke again.  :)  I didn't even measure the distance, but high school around Eldeans Yacht Club is 9 miles, give or take. 

You know what??  There really isn't much on my mind, so maybe I will do that list I tried doing last week.  :)

• I was thinking about all kinds of things before getting up this morning. 
• Totally Normal stuff, although not really.  Hidden stuff
• I think my normal would seem completely bonkers to you.  
• Surprised??   :)
• I forget what people may or may not know, but I guess I told you why I was different now.
• Why I see things differently.  
• I told you what we are doing, and I assume you know.
• You know what you have to do??   Nothing, just go along for the ride.
• You are being shown things probably every day, and you will reach the destination.
• A lot of Ironman stuff going on.  Kim Kim Kim finished one yesterday.
• She was not confident going in.
• Know what I thought this morning??  Her biking this winter.  Boring trainer rides.  
• She did it with a group.  Misery loves company.  
• Grand Rapids Marathon is not out of the question for me.  
• Know what??  I am proud of Penny Nash who ran a 5K yesterday to honor her late Mum.  :)
• Honesty can sometimes seem mean.  It is right though.  
• Don't lie to yourself or to other people about your shortcomings.  
• The legacy of Amy Winehouse.  
• You don't have to tell people about your shortcomings, but don't lie to yourself.  
• As much as possible try not to sugarcoat, because a lot of people struggle with grass is greener. 
• The Grass ain't fucking greener, because your life is lived in your head.  
• The xxxx people are really fricken honest.  :)
• cya later alligator.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  I am running to work today!!!   :)

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Cathrine Enger and her fam.  They don't make the blog much.  She is my friend from Norway.  :)  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for the rest of you too.  :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D

Barometer

That is what feedback is.  It is a barometer, so you can see what direction you are going.  Barometric pressure rising or lowering tells you in what direction the weather is headed.  Good or bad.  That is what communication does too.  It tells you how you are doing.

This is an abbreviated blog, because I have to run, and I slept in.  I hung out with Beau and Charity for a bit last night, and realized while talking with them I still have secrets.  I think this may be another quid pro quo too.  Once you open up more of my stuff comes out.  I know I have secrets, because I tried explaining something last night, and was unable.  My stuff comes out here.  If I could have explained it I would have, but as of now it is blocked... or maybe it is one of those scary things, that I should keep to myself.  Not sure.

We still gots some work to do, and yeah it isn't always how tough you are, because tough is Amy Winehouse.  She was judged every second of every day.  She failed probably every single day of her life, because she was weak in things pertaining to all kinds of things, but she did not hide who she was.  Her error was she hurt herself.  She never signed a piece of paper that basically says go kill people.  She didn't fuck up the economy and take $700 billion as a bailout, while wearing nice suits, and living in 7 mansions.  She also doesn't get paid millions and millions of dollars to put chemicals in cigarettes to make people more addicted.   If those folks are your heroes you are FUCKED UP!!  Bad eyesight.

I'll take one Amy Winehouse over any 100 dressed up Politician or banksters you throw my way.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  Wait, I am not hungover, and I drank a lot last night.  Another one of those little secrets of mine.  An unnatural bit of energy you might say.  Remember when I said the energy post- hospital returned??  I still have secrets, and some are hard to explain, and hard to understand.  No, I don't do drugs, and I don't take pills.  I usually have a couple cups of coffee in the morning.  That is it.  :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Doreen..... jus cuz...   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Cathrine Yogacat cuz it is her birfday.  :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

For the rest of you toooooo.  :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   :))

I forgot to congratulate.... on here... April and Dan Deeke???  I think for getting married yesterday.  :)

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D

Confidence...

Comes in spurts huh??  I had no idea what I was going to write, and I just thought of that.  Confidence doesn't remain with us always does it??  For me sometimes I feel on top of the world, and everyone likes me, and etc..., and sometimes I don't feel that way.  Maybe one of the things that hurts our ability to be confident is a natural tendency to not be very good communicators.  Maybe we sometimes (myself included) don't say what is on our mind, because we don't want to hurt feelings etc...  Sometimes we act a certain way because we think that is how we think people want us to act. 

Finding out who we are is really not the easiest journey to be honest.  Having a window to our soul usually starts off with cloudy vision to say the least.  Also when you look at yourself there are things you may not like.  Why do I do this??  Why do I think of this??  I don't want to do it, but I do.  You know the I am human and weak thing. 

Well anyway,  I don't have much today.  I am going into work to finish up my project, and stuff.  Other than that not much planned.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  I love posts like yesterday where I give out a ton of xoxoxoxo's.  I don't always feel confident to give out extras though.  :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya  :D   :D 

Stuffing Olives With Used Car Tires... Not So Easy!!!! :)

For the record this will be one of those title first and go from there kind of entries... so ya know.  I am thinking today is a list day.  I don't know why, but what the heck.  I will say a couple things first.  I ran to work yesterday and P.R.'d the run by a minute.  I know I know what the heck??  I haven't been timing my runs, and I did yesterday.  I noticed while running in the heat this week my legs seemed to have good turnover.  The heat wasn't killing me.  Strange huh??  I feel I should be real slow, but actually am running pretty good all things considered.  Where it leads only time will tell.

Also instead of doing my regular job at work yesterday I started a project.  Just redoing some aisles.  For all the complaining I do about my job I actually like it.  I love doing projects too like what I started yesterday.  I have certain things I am supposed to get done every day at work, and I usually do at least 10% of that stuff.  :)  Friday is a free day for me to choose what I want to do, and I usually straighten, organize, and count a section(s).  It is my favorite day of work, so I am always glad to take on special projects.  I always clear it with the head boss just so he knows I am blowing off my job to help out.  He usually always gives me the go ahead, because he knows I always stay busy, and I try my best, and I am also experienced, and know what I am doing.  So anyway I may fake like I hate my job, but I mostly like it.  Coming back from vacations suck, and sometimes Mondays too, but that is normal no matter what we do.

Shit what happened to my list???  Anyway something I just thought about you know when we were little, and we wanted to be important, and change the course of history, become an astronaut, policeman, football player,  whatever??  As humans there really isn't much we can do to change history is there??  In all things pertaining to life and death most of our jobs really are pretty dumb huh??  Not that we cannot enjoy them, but really in many ways it is just a pay check.  Money to live travel, and whatever you may want to do.

There is just this little thing I do here.  I blog my day to day activities for whatever reason.  Just my little way for you to get to know me if interested.  I have been blessed with more than enough courage to show you my less than perfect side.  If I have a good day you see it, and if I have a bad day you see it.  Remember I said honesty is probably going to be the hardest thing you ever do.  You know why??  It isn't always in our power to see what is true.  Believe it or not our whole lives have been filled with propaganda.  Not to the extent that a Joseph Goebbels shoved at the Germans, but still it is just propaganda.  Know why?  People have a tendency to sugar coat things.  Historians are no different.  We want heroes, and we want to make people into heroes. You know what??  None of us really are heroes, and either is anyone else.  Everyone poops ya know??  We all stand on our own two feet.   You are not a great Person, because George Washington was your first President, and you are not a great person, because Winston Churchill was once your P.M.  None of that matters really, because you will become great when you battle through all the deception life throws at your feet, and look at things with clear eyes.  Easy?? no.  Worthwhile, and fulfilling in the end???  yes.

Oh well....  So much for the list.   :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!  :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  Holy Shit I just spent 6 hours trying to think of a p.s. this is all I got.  Hope you like.  :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Jen Gray cuz she disappears sometimes, and she had a little FB update yesterday.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Jules cuz she wants me to visit in Florida  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Doreen never invites me.   >: /   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   Ha ha   :)

Extras for Gina  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Cathrine YogaCat Boskovic  cuz she is fun, and doing a ton of Yoga, and loving summer.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   :)

Extras for Nancy O'Toole, because she is so much more "present" than before.  She is totally the turtle person.  She has this hard shell, she uses for protection, because it is hard to show the stuff that can get hurt.  We all have that fear, but she is overcoming it.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I'd give 'em to Olga, but she can always get them... she is the trust quid pro quo girl.  :D   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Tia too, cuz she likes ice cream  :)  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

For the rest of you too.   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Also the Michigan girls are Mindee, Charisa, and Alili.  You may notice one is missing, but that was not by my choice.  I was told to leave that one.  so ya know.

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D

Since I Am Up...

Coffee in hand, so I guess it is time for me to blog.  I really have nothing to blog about, so I guess I will start off with my day yesterday.  Not much to talk about.  I rode my bike to work and back.  I was hesitating to ride to work, because it was raining.  That put me in a bad mood, because I love getting a workout in before work... even if it is just a little workout.  The rain let up, so I rode my bike. 

Something I thought about yesterday is I am not training for anything long.  I may pick up a half marathon during the season, but since I am not training for a full, I don't need a ton of miles.  That puts into play an old running route I rarely use.  It is a 2.3 miler route.  Haven't used it in years, but it is a perfect route in this heat, because I can take Hope, and not worry about overdoing it.  Also I can get my run in sometimes during the hottest part of the day.  A thing I worried about in the past, but not really so much now.  I haven't been timing my runs, and definitely not logging them.  Why???  no reason really.  You know I used to always want to be over 100 miles every month, and now it isn't a concern.  I wouldn't be surprised if I have been averaging 15-20 miles/week only. 

Today really is just a simple little update.  I do have some important news though.  Now you remember prior to my brother dieing I got rid of a lot of people in my reader.  "The Crazy Stuff"  Anyway one of them was one of the original 4, and I haven't read her in a bit, but I added her back in.  It is Hard Work Barb's blog.  I found her blog again, via her comment on another of the original bloggers Beth's last post.  Is it a big deal??  To me it is, because it isn't easy for me to add people to my list, and I try to give the bloggers in my list the utmost respect and attention.  My list has changed a lot in the past, and usually for the worst, and usually after a really really really bad day.  I mean delete blog etc... bad day.  Those days come without warning.  FWIW it won't increase my reading much, because Barb is notorious for never blogging.  :)  Also I am not going to read her damn Vineman tri report, because really weren't there too many of those anyway???  Holy crap.   Fricken race reports.   :)   I know she came in 4th though in her AG, and she was happy, so that is good. 

Also I am adding Kim Kim Kim to my signature thing on the Great and Awesome line, because it is Barb's line, and I know how Kim, Barb, and Beth struggled through a 100 mile + ride at Jen H's place this winter.   I am also giving her the smile thing too, because her and Beth went to the same college, and have been friends since... shit.... I think since before I was born.  :)   I wanted to give her 3, because her name is Kim Kim Kim, but that is all I got now.  The thought was there anyway.  :)

Also I am adding Gene Carr and Nate P to Steve R's thing.  Not that they were there, but they are H.S. friends, and just so they get mentioned every day I blog... even if I don't mention their name.  :)  My little way to say they are important.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  rabbits poop a lot.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

p.p.s.  I still want to add the Michigan girls to the signature line, but haven't thought of a way yet, or how I will do it.  So just pretend you are there, until I come up with something formal.  :)

Something Is Different...

I noticed this the days I wasn't blogging.  It seemed like such a normal thing not to blog, and life seemed "normal"  I seemed normal, but I can always close my eyes, and feel I am different.  That being said I can sense there is not much to me anymore.  It seemed I had this endless supply of stuff to give, and now I don't.  What does that mean??  It means I need to get my coffee.  Hold on.  :)

Well let me give some thoughts and observations, because that seems like the best thing to do I guess.  On yesterday's post when I swear a lot, and I call you fuckers, and fuckfaces, I hope you know I am joking.  :)   I mean a lot of you really are fuckfaces, but I wasn't talking about you when I wrote it so don't take it so seriously.  :)

Lisa and I were productive little buggers yesterday.  We didn't get a ton done, but Lisa did some crappy shit that needed to be done, and I got some stuff done too.  Plus I took Hope out for a run in the sweltering heat, and Cammie for a walk.

Want to know something that happened on my vacation last week??  I noticed it has been happening slowly, but surely anyway.  Well you know Greg, and Brian live in Hawaii.  It used to be in years past when you talk to either of them it was always how great everything was.  They brought the truth out this time.  Meaning things aren't always that fucking great.  That just goes to show you, living in paradise is great, but still life still sucks at times.  The life sucks-- shows up in all our lives. 

Why???  There are pressures, concerns, bills, shitty cars, health, you name it.  You can have all the money in the world, and it still won't make you happy.  They get divorced just as much as other people.  At the end of the day no one really knows you, and maybe that is why there is unhappiness.  You know why no one knows you??  You don't know yourself.  Who are you?? 

Anyway something I was thinking about a couple days ago is our sight is cloudy.  We definitely don't have 20/20 eyesight into ourselves.  Our emotions on a day to day basis can be different.  Vision during a bad mood, sees things different than vision in a good mood.  We are not just one person to be lumped in some category.  We are many people, on any given day we can be a different person.  We look the same, but our thoughts are different.  You know how some days you can be a bitch, and some days not.  :)  I use the term you, because I am never a bitch.   Fuck faces.   :)

Anyway truth is a sword that cuts through all our bad vision.  A sword can be used in a good way, and a sword can be used in a bad way.  Truth when directed to ourselves is good.  A sword when directed toward others is bad.  It is the worst.  That is why it says a wise person's eyes are always in their head.  Looking at ourselves.  Why is the truth sword important??  Cause it cuts through all the crap inside us that makes us not see who we are. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  you hang in there kiddo.  A lot of us think the world of you.  :)  xoxoxoxo

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I wasn't going to give extras out today, but I am going to give extras to Kim Kim Kim.  She is a very interesting person.  She shows all kinds of sides to herself.  The reason I am throwing extras to her, is I am going to add her to the signature line, but I don't know in what way yet.  Just my little way to show she is important in my eyes.  :)  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  (sometimes that shit is nice to know)  


Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D