Mondays!! boooooooo

I want to share a verse from Lisa's best friend daughter.  Her name is Amanda, and she posted this.  I am sure it is a verse, cause she does that a lot, but if not here it is. 

Never gave in, never gave up.  I'm the only thing I'm afraid of.  

Do you ever feel like that??  Do you feel you want to be this awesome awesome person, and you try try try, and you fail fail fail??  I mean we all have these things in us that totally make us imperfect.  Drives you nuts huh??  You wanna be this great person, but how to get there??  I know how to get there, it is what I searched for, and it is something I found.  I don't know that verse made me think of that.   I was in the basement in Normal, Illinois.  Katrina and I were broken up, and I was pretty solo.  My step-mom died, and I was searching for what to do in my life.  I graduated college, but had no idea what to do.  I wanted to be this awesome person, but every time I looked I felt I was so un-awesome.  I guess I had the mirror back then, and it really led me to apologize.  I said I wanna be this great person, but I feel I am a failure, and I feel I am on the wrong side of being on the right side.  I try try try, but I can't.  I need help. 

That is my story, and that is my beginning.  Did you know this weekend is the Irish Jig??  It will be the one year anniversary of meeting the old guy who lost his wife of 50 years or whatever it was.  I sent an e-mail to Dee for some reason the morning before the race.  Wanna know why??  I have no idea, just being a weirdo.  I had no idea after the race, yes it was like 22:06 or something like that.  I have several like that.  Anyway I had no idea I'd be thinking about that old guy after the race.   I am not running that 5K this weekend, because I don't feel 5K fast.  On a brighter note though I will be running a marathon this spring so that is good.  The weather is changing for the better, and that is good.  Things are looking up.  If I don't nail the marathon this spring it is still good training for the fall marathon.  All things are positive. 

It is Monday I feel good, and I gotta do some research for Basketball.  I am playing the tourney with all the cool kids, and I got last place last year.  I know less this year.  UGH!!!   I am doing my research this year dangit.  So I plan on spending more than 6 minutes filling out my brackets. 

I never know my winner until my brackets are done anyway.  Should be fun.  I should stop by Jacob's this Friday, as a sort of 1 year old guy anniversary.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. I went on a bike ride yesterday.  You know me I love being outside.  Our forecast is 40's and 50's as far as the eye can see.  Yayyyyyyyy!!!   :)

For all y'all many many many more xo's...  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Oh and one other thing Amanda was a good swimmer.  You know times twice as fast as mine.  I tried to get her to do tri's, but I think she has bad ankles or something for running.  Oh well.  She is Lisa's best friend's daughter.  I like her, a good kid.  She used to work at I-Hop and got along with that really really friendly waitress too.  small world huh??   :)

Now for really really cya cya cya.   :))

 

Hmmmmm

lol.  Busy day yesterday.   I really don't feel like blogging today.  I ran 16 miles, and Jacob showed up around 5 minutes after I got home.  I took a 4 second shower, and dressed in like 2 seconds, and off we went to the St. Patties Day parade.   We walked in it with some truly Irish people, although they weren't sure how to spell Erin Go Bragh.  Luckily I guessed right.  Ireland Forever.  :)

So I ran 16 miles, and my recovery food was beer.  :)  Not done by the book there I tell you.  Jacob made me eat a couple french fries though.  It was fun, I saw a lot of people.  One thing I saw is two young girls.  Maybe 12 or so.  They were skinny, and they were dancing to some Irish music with some kids.  I was fascinated with them, because they reminded me of Nancy and Olga.  One even had glasses on.  I wanted to ask if they were twins.  :)   They might not have even been sisters.  People were enjoying life, and having fun.  Many people will have to go back to work on Monday while paying $3.50+ gas.  For those who commute, that is a pay decrease.  :)  On this day people were happy, and people had fun.  I met a lady who got divorced after 31 years of marriage.  She looked sooooo happy, it was unbelievable.  I could see openness, and happiness in her face.  Of course the I love you kissing bandit showed up.  :)  I saw Katy too, and said hi. 

One thing you need to know about Jacob is he brings color to this little town of ours.  There aren't many as fun as him.  Everyone who knows him likes him.  He busts everyones balls, and shmoozes old people.  I told him Holland is #2, because there are people like you here.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!!  :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. The Chicago Bulls are really fricken good.  Pretty surprising huh??? 

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  to you alllllllllzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!  :)


Another thing there was a day last summer where I was tweeting and e-mailing some things about being 2/3rds done.  I had a couple days after where I thought of this one blogger quite a bit.  I thought about her a lot.  It tied us together in a way, so she should not worry about anything.  I don't think she is in the signature line, but we iz definitely tied together, and I always have kind feelings for her.  :)  I hope that helps.  :)   Definitely love you tonssssssss!!!   :)  Kinda like the O'Tooles.   :)   Oh, and this past week was a big xo to another blogger who doesn't make my blog very often, but how many had a week about them???   Not many huh??  I am not mad at anything either. 

Sorry, I haven't been the best commenter on some sites, I still read, but I am way off 100%  :) 

That is it.  More xo's for you all xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   :)

Hope This Works

Some dude was messing with the internet, or cable in the backyard, and now my internet is running slow.  I think that might be the problem, but who knows.  I wanna leave an update though.  I had so many things on my mind this morning, but is there anything as frustrating as a slow connection?? 

You know what?? that really took the sail out of my wind, so that is my blog update today.  Stupid Internet.

 Anyway, yesterday was just bike to work, lunch with Lisa, and chill at home, and sleep a lot.  :)  I am rested for long run Saturday.   :)

Sorry for the bad update, the slow internet really frustrated me.  I don't even know if this will post.  :)  lol

That is it all for today.  :)

cya!!!   :)

Yayyyy It is Friday. :)

I really don't have much to write today, but I'll start with ... well not sure.  I'll start with something after I go get my coffee.  :)

Well  my blog took a drastic turn this week huh??  I sure didn't plan on it.  A day like Sunday I have had before, I never know the time or place.  This here is the tough part for you people to get.  Maybe this is why this blog is scary.  I said if there is some reason I am here, let me do that instead of anything else.  I was given a promise, a promise I would rescue you out of any circumstance you  got yourself into.  Now that isn't a financial mess, or anything like that, but if definitely is flipping the car outside of St. Louis like 6 times with no one seriously injured.  More importantly it is little traps that make me do what perhaps is wrong in his eyes.  So outside the hospital garbage room when I realized I was as bad as bad could be I was angry.  I did what I was told to do.  I stopped hanging around with Lora, and I searched for what I needed to find.  Being dumb like I am, I found it, and kept searching, and kept trying to make it happen.  These things I did were just to help myself.  I was scared, and I was terrified.  So I went up against some scary shit, and was saved, not by anything I did, but what was done for me.  After Jim told me of his dream, I said yeah I overcame, and got in trouble again.  The promise was going to be thrown out, because of my arrogance.  I had one intercede on my behalf, and he used the old forgive him Father he knows not what he does.  Ummmm yeah.   I'd say so.  Still don't.  I don't plan anything I do.  Sunday no,  all the other days???  no.  It just shows up, and I do whatever is needed.  Not by my plan and my will, but just kinda it is done for me, through me.  

I fuck around a lot, to have fun, but if something needs to be done, I am taken aside, and it is done.  Not by my plan like I said.  That was the hard turn I made too, the one where I lost you.  Wanna know why I received that promise??  I asked if it was because I walked into the job promotion interview, was obedient and said no, I will not interview for it.  I told them why too.  I told them I was asked to say no.  Boy did I feel foolish, as you can imagine.  Khien always wondered wth???   He said no it was a different time.  The time when I was praying to get the job.  You know way back then it would have been good money, and Katrina and I would have lived pretty well.  I forgot what the hell her major was, but we would have been o.k.   I prayed I really really really really really want this job.  I want I want I want, but I battled and battled my desires, and my wants, and I said your will though.  Only if you want it for me.  Huh.  I was surprised by that.  He said since you did that I would rescue you out of anything.

That is why this blog is scary.  Things are a lot easier if you believe one line or something, and then say let's try our best huh??  Well shit we all try our best, and you don't believe anything different than Satan believes anyway.  It is o.k. to be on the wrong side of right, because it is really really a simple thing to be saved, although it seems impossibly hard for us, and terrifying.  There is one who is powerful to do all kinds of things.  Just some things to think about, because you want to make sure when we hit the 7th day we enter into his rest.   :) 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. I ain't singling out anyone.

You all are the best.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo.   :)

Shit, forgot the most important part.  I ran to work yesterday.  Probably 9 minute pace, 3.5 miles.  :)

Thinking Out Loud So To Speak!!

I was thinking this morning, I put in a lot of time blogging, and reading, and commenting on blogs.  I lost another reader, and she was one of the bloggers who I had a very high percentage comment rate on.  If she pours out her soul, and lets everything out, I am surely not going to let that go without comment.  Isn't that what we do??  Unload whatever is in us??  If she does that, I am not going to let that go without comment.  People want support when they do that stuff.  As is was the case  :)    with others, comments don't have to be published.  I made mistakes too, and I was trying to build people up, but that came at an expense.  I wanted to let people know I thought about them, and it made others think I didn't think about them.  What a complete idiot I am .  :)

Anyway as mentioned yesterday, I did my speed work early.  I did a 2.3 mile warm up, it was around 9:10 pace I think.  I wore shorts.  :)   I also did my 4-1.27 mile repeats with 2 minute rest.  I don't think I went very fast.  I guess I'd like to have gone at a 10K pace, but I think I was at a 15K pace.  My legs just weren't really moving that fast, and mentally I had to keep myself from just coasting.  That was weird.  I ended up at 7:39 7:44  7:44  7:39 pace.  It really almost amounted to 4 10:00 runs, or just a bit under I'd say.  It was an easy pace, and my legs aren't sore, and I can probably get a run in today.  Kinda weird, usually after speed day I am toast.  I'd say I am definitely getting stronger, just need to work on speed. 

thinking thinking, and there is nothing left.  :)   cya.   :)

Oh, I made a dinner too, and relaxed with @ Lisa.  She read/slept on the hammock.  :)  lol

A Day Off During The Week

I used to get these all the time, but now I get every weekend off.  I took a vacation day today, because I was supposed to go to a party, but I wasn't feeling in the party mood.   I told Lisa I may not want to go to that thing, and she wasn't too excited about it either.  Her mom fell in her new place for like the 1000th time, and she is sick, and blah blah blah.  Needless to say Lisa had to transport her from the hospital back to her room with the window. 

I guess when I have days like Sundays it takes a while for me to get back up.  I feel better today.  I lost another reader too.  That sucks, it isn't like I have a ton either.  lol.  Maybe 10 or 12.  From what I gather it was a decision made by the couple together.  The male of the couple even went so far as to tell me to stop commenting on her site.  I thought people liked comments,  I guess some do and some don't.  I guess I'll read, but not comment on that sight, and I took the guy off my list.  He doesn't blog much anyway, and screw it. 

Other than that, having the day off, I think I will do my speed work early.  Wednesday speed work is part of the work day.  I don't have a work day today, so I can do my 1.25 mile repeats.  I want to try and do 4 hard, with a warm up and cool down.  It will be interesting to see the times. 

I guess that will be about it for today. 

cya later.  :)

tomorrow probably,  I slept til like 6:30 am today.  :)

Almost Don't Feel Like Blogging.

What happened Sunday happened before.  You remember the old guy who lost his wife of 50 years???  Why would I come home from that 5K, and think about him for no reason, and unload???  I don't know this guy.  I am a guy too, so typically like most men, if I weren't doing something for a reason I wouldn't give a shit just like any other guy.  I have told you everything.  I have told you things I was asked to do, and these things I did.  Sunday was different.  All the times before when emptying my heart, and remember if I was normal, I wouldn't give a shit like most men, I knew why I was crying.  I knew who I felt soooo bad for.  Sunday I had no idea.  I was just crying basically for no reason at all.  That is why I thought what I was doing was for all.  Shit ain't easy is it??  Fucking life really doesn't come with a how-to manual really.  We have it pretty good in a way, but still shit ain't that great is it??  So do what we do.  Enjoy the times where we get to do whatever it is we do. 

Do some people know??  Can the people tell when I took stuff??  I sorta assume they can.  People I took sadness from some were strong people who had a lot to deal with, and some would not have known how to deal with grief.  I even tried to take some from people, but they were more than able to take their own. 

This here is the scary part, some are falling off.  Can't hang with what they need to do.  Want to hide the sad stuff, bury it.  Some don't want to look at it.  This is where you need to be strong.  This is where you need to trust, because you won't be shown more than what you can handle. 

I think some know they didn't look, because after Sundays ordeal I asked Gina why are people hiding???  Why.  I asked her why me and her couldn't be friends??  Is it a big deal to be scared???  No,  even Gina, strong Gina didn't want to look.  So she is one of the strongest girls I know, and even she doesn't want to look at this shit.  No one WANTS to look at this shit, but you just gotta. 

The tough ones are silently readying themselves for the trip.  Can you kinda see it?  I think maybe it would help if you just laid down your hands and said I will look.  I am scared, and I don't like to feel pain, but I will look at what is shown me, because why not??  Wanna know something??  It will help you feel better.  Kinda like a race.  You bust your ass, you feel like shit during the race, but at the end you feel like a million bucks.

Be tough do this shit, and still do all the things you want to. 

It ain't easy, but like I said, you ain't going to be going to your breaking point. 

Good Luck, and I am here, and I am watching.  :)

cya tomorrow.  :)

Oh, btw, I had a shitty run yesterday.  3-miler, but I am going to get a good run in tonight, so maybe tonight will be better.  :)

toodle ooo.   :)   Is that a word??  Hope I spelled it right.  :)