The Window To My Soul.

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, been better been worse.   I went on a little run this morning.   It was tweener weather for shorts.  It was like 39 degrees.   I was thinking about shorts, but at 3:30 AM being warm is nice too.  I ended up wearing shorts, and it was fine.  It was windy too.  Nothing on the run.   A little less than 3 miles.  Just playing it safe, til my knee feels better.   9:30 pace or so. 

I was thinking about me the past couple days.   The words "I am a dick" were said from my wife directed toward me.  It was just a joke, but actually we did have an argument that night, and mostly from poor communication on her part.   She was afraid to communicate to me, because she was probably afraid of what I would think.   Communication is like that.   I, a lot of times, am afraid to look at the balance of my checking account.  Why??  I don't want to know in case it is bad news.  That kinda stuff is probably human nature. 

I thought though who cares what my balance is.   I won't be able to change whatever it tells me I have.  So I always say I am strong, but I am afraid of shit too.   I went in to an Automotive place the other day to apply for a job, and I was nervous about that.   Applying for new jobs, you kinda feel like a shmuck.  At least I do.  I also applied for another position at another place.   Just some more part time stuff to supplement the income.  I am typically only working 32 hours at my other job, and I have way too much free time.   Why not get some more money right??  Learn a new company and a new business.   Who knows what kind of opportunities will come up. We shall see. 

I sometimes have to re-read my blog, like this morning.   A lot of times I figure people just think I am a dick, and hate me.  Then I think my blog must be the worst thing in the World.  Then I re-read a bit, and it isn't horrible.  

My blog isn't the only part of me though, and I show all kinds of sides to me.  Whether it be anger, or happiness, or whatever I show it.   I think other people want to show what they want to show.  Hide everything else, and that is the whole thing we are doing.   Getting to a place where we are not afraid to hide stuff.   Why would we hide stuff??  Cuz we are ashamed of parts of us.  We are ashamed of things we have done perhaps, and we definitely are afraid of being judged, but we judge anyway.   I typically judge the judgers.   I figure they deserve it.  

There was a question on one of my application things.  It said are you ashamed of anything you have ever done??   My answer is no. 

I can wear my shoes.   I have dealt with me and everything about me.   I don't hide it or bury it to another part of my brain.   I have told you things I once was ashamed of, but when you deal with you, you accept that.   I accept me, and my journey was long and hard, but I also am accepted.   I had to go up against the judges to get there though.   I had to be willing to go to the place I deserved.   A place none of you think you are going.   It is a step you have to take.  You have to picture yourself to the place where you deserve to go.   Blocked right now, because of your hard hearts, and bad information.   Propaganda if you will.  

Sooooo.  When do we get to the real you?? 

Anytime soon????

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  I am reading a book on Poland.  History is correct, but the characters are Fictional.  It is good.  James Michener is the author.   Gives me something to read.  I go through spurts. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D