Hodge Podge, Mish Mash, and other words I made up. :)

Morning all.  It is Saturday, and this is one of my fave days if I am well rested, and am working, and am running to work and back.  Today all these things are happening.  That gives me 7 miles of running today, which is GREAT.  7 miles before long run Sunday is a good weekend for me.  It is what I want to accomplish. 

So what is going on??  Not much really.  Yesterday I was just my typical bum ass self I am.  I worked, went to bar, had a couple beers, and picked Lisa up from work.  I came home, and listened to music, and had a couple drinks and went to bed, after I ate some fast food.  :)  I am a bum of all bums.  A teal piece of shit, but I do this thing here.  You know me though.  Yeah that is saying something isn't it??  You know me?  Some things you don't know about me are how my life unfolds.  Why do I wake up so early all the time??  Am I disciplined???  No, not really.  I know me though.  I know what I am capable of. 

My mind just went back to my Summer of Discontent, and I am sure I told you a lot of stuff about that.  I had maybe one good night that whole summer.  We played basketball, and for just a little while all my struggles in life were put on hold.  Mind you I was around 130 lbs. at that time, and I was fucking quick as hell.  I was 130 because I was a slave.  I was not free to do one damn thing.  Judged every second of every day.  Everything I did was wrong.  I did what I do now.  I wake up early, but I walked and walked and walked.  Then I worked, and walked and walked and walked.  I ate a meal like every 2 days.  Pancakes, or Toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  I was not even free to eat.  I didn't drink any alcohol or anything.  On the outside I probably looked like the holiest guy in the world.  The most righteous, but inside I felt dirty.  I was the worst person I ever knew, and I wanted to go to a place of suffering so I could be a better person.  I had a good vision of the sword, and I saw what it was.  The garden of Eden is surrounded by 4 great swords, and there is only one who has the knowledge of the sword.  The sword is a dead end track.  He who lives by the sword dies by the sword.  The sword is only good with understanding, and I know that.  That is and what my journey has always been about.  Understanding. 

I wanted that more than anything.  I had 2 dead ends.  One was the night of the hospital.  I was going to die and go to Hell.  The other dead end was the end of the Journey.  I said I am willing to be the worst of the worst, and all the punishment that entails if that is your will.  There is no greater love right??   Night of the hospital was one.  End of the Journey was the other.  Give up my life, with no hope, and nothing but despair.  How does a person do that??  HA!!  You don't.  You cannot, you have it done for you.  Through faith stuff gets done, and you get to know you are not in charge.  You cannot make yourself good.  Remember after the Journey, and btw this happened at work.  I said I am willing.  I knew almost right away good was done.  My spirit lept.  I overcame, but really I didn't do it.  I have one more thing to do.  Go where there is no hope.  Why is that the path??  Don't know.  It is written though.  You can see that is the path if you have eyes to see. 

Forever is in our hearts.  We think we will be alive forever, and we make these great 5 year plans, and you are not assured of 5 years.  Life has struggles, and life has hard patches.  Some days or stretches I get low, and this thing here takes a beating.  I then have to wait.  I know things will get better, and I just let time take care of it. 

We are all good.  If anyone bothered to look, I added two people back yesterday.  Another one today.  When things get weird I don't take it well.  Things are sailing along smoothly, and then boom something weird happens.  Why is it that way??  Because I have a powerful bad voice inside me that can easily make me think the worst.  I am not going to put up with shit.  I have enough horseshit to deal with in life, and I get angry.  All things for good though.  Meaning yeah seemingly bad things can happen, but shit always gets fixed, and We all end up stronger people.  Strong remember is honest.  Trust and honesty goes hand in hand.  Only one is good, so that is shit we have to deal with. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  Don't really have anything, but I can always do this.  xoxoxoxoxoxo.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D