Very Little Matters.

What will be will be. You ever get the feeling the World is going along. In whatever direction who knows. Some people think they will make some type of difference, but they won't. It seems we should be important in some way right?  We aren't. Really we all are just living out our days. We tend to figure there must be something important and significant tied to that right?  What if you faced the truth and realized there isn't?  What then?   Many would probably be able to throw out a bunch of garbage they cling to.

Holidays would be a good time to throw out garbage too I bet. What if you don't want to do all the shit you have to do??  You'll do it anyway, cuz it's always been done that way. It's what you do.

Anyway, we will eventually have a new President. He'll be different than anyone else. What will be will be. I have no clue what it will be.

I think just the fact he will be the President says something about people. I am not sure what, but something. It's hard to generalize people cuz everyone is different. Everyone has a story,  but I don't even know if people know their own story. I bet not.

Anyway, I guess I am thinking out loud. Making no conclusions either. Yesterday I got my "Monday" run in. My legs never really loosened up. I just went for 6 miles,  and it felt like it was on tired legs,  so I guess that is what I wanted. Running is way better when your legs aren't tired though.  :)

Today will be another day. I plan on nothing really significant happening again. There will be work. There will be a meal. There will also be sleep.

That's about it. 

Cya.  :)

Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Program.

Talk about having a Monday. Sunday I went to bed early. I like to get my sleep. I slept good too for a few hours , and then I was up. Hour after hour. I had some broken sleep eventually,  but I stayed in bed til the last minute. I still was tired yesterday, and feeling every bit of Monday.

Last night I slept good,  and long. I have a coffee, so this will be a pretty good day. Other than that not much going on. I've been having weird dreams the last two nights. Nothing significant. Just weird.

I run 3 times per week. One of them I can do after two days off. I decided early yesterday to turn my Monday run into a Tuesday run. Mostly cuz my Saturday run accomplished what my Monday run is supposed to. A long run on tired legs. So I thought I better grab my extra day now. It also helps it is supposed to be like 56° today,  and yesterday was rainy and gross.

Another day in the life. Another day where I really am not accomplishing anything. Work,  eat, sleep. Today I'll do it with good rest.

I suppose that is about it. I really should delete this  cuz holy dumb and boring.

I haven't been doing that though.

Later.

This Is An Unfortunate Time.

I have today off. I did not really plan on waking up at 2:00 AM, sit in bed for an hour,  and then get up. If I was working that would be perfect. I am not working though.

Anyway yesterday I had a day. It started with a run. The run was not easy. I ran hard at the turkey trot for 4.97 miles,  and my legs were sore.  I planned on just running 8 miles for my step down week. My quads were not too happy. Of course I had to poo around 4 miles in. I wiped with dry leaves,  which gave me a nice diaper rash feeling all the way home. I stopped running at 7.6 miles,  cuz my legs were wanting to run less and less. The quads were toast. It was a challenging run. I came home showered off my diaper rash which hurt like Hell. Running is very glamorous.

I worked. They didn't get a frozen load I don't think on Thanksgiving so I couldn't change much on the  endcaps. I worked as much overstock as I could.

I watched sportsing,  and made lasagna. Sportsing is pretty dumb. I don't even know why I watch. The game I watched the losing coach was a sore loser,  and the winning coach danced on the field like a 5 year old girl. Pretty dumb.

Things coaches and players don't know is there are no points for these activities. There are no points for me running. There are no points for all the activities done under the sun. It all is filed under shit people do.

There are no points for TV watching,  no points for whatever career you decide to do. Even if your career is collecting money on Sundays to make people think they are washing their sins away. As a matter of fact there are negative points in that career choice, cuz those people are false teachers.

I've said all that before. The path I took actually there are points attached to it. None really you can see here and now,  but my points are collected elsewhere. Held in safe keeping where no one can take them.

I've done this thing here to try and lead people along. Very unsuccessfully too. A failure really,  but that is how it was going to be. I didn't know that.

As this has gone on though I owe people less and less. In the wilderness nothing really matters. My deeds have been accepted,  and I am free to do as I choose.

Many are at the mercy of my heart I guess, and my heart is in the wilderness. You'll have to be strong to remain on this path,  but I feel most/all have fallen away already.

That is fine too,  cuz what people do has no bearing on me.

I am just a person whose life went in a different direction than just the normal day to day.  The search for truth helped me find there are no Saints. That is probably what people can't accept. There is a gap between who we are now, and what is possible. The best a person can be. You'll never bridge that gap if you think you already achieved it. You'll never bridge that gap if you think your life is important. You'll never bridge that gap if you believe fairy tales happen in life.

People don't want the truth.  They hide from it.  You'll have to be strong to remain in this game, cuz I am done with the BS.

Anyway today I'll take Hope,  do the leaves,  see a movie and have dinner.

Cya later.

Today Is Different.

So today I work for like maybe 5 hours, and then I have tomorrow off. I just had two days off too. Pretty sweet. I'll be pretty busy til Christmas, and some days off, and New Years, and some days off. After that there won't be many days off, but things will be slow til Spring.

Today will just be a run, work, and dinner. Pretty simple. Yesterday we just went out to supper. That also was pretty simple.

Other than that anything on my mind??  Nope,  not really. I feel I am in a pretty good mood. I don't have a terribly long-run planned today, since it is a step down week. I'll miss the MI game, but that's fine. It is just sportsing. No predictions about that game. Both teams can look good,  and both average. OSU is at home so maybe the edge to them.

More importantly what to make for dinner. I can always go with Lasagna. You can never go wrong there. I have plenty of stuff for meals the rest of the week.

I think tomorrow I'll do another round of leaves. They still haven't done the 2nd round of pick ups by our house,  so that is lucky. That is my weekend planned.

As to other people  I really don't know them. We are just living this life. A lot of questions about life if you think about it. In my story during a time of being pulled I went a different direction. What I learned along the way is everyone and everything is wrong. There is safety in following the multitudes. Many have done it. There isn't much safety going solo really, cuz it is just you. Yeah people get tied up in life.  That is normal. It doesn't mean you still don't have to find your way. Why is life so hard, and the answers so difficult?   I don't know. They are though. There is security in clinging to the World,  but it doesn't last.

From where we are now to where we have to go, I have no idea how that will happen. Seems pretty impossible at this late stage.

There will be more holidays in the future, and more pictures. None really have changed any really. None surely have gotten any better.

Anyway I jot some things down cuz that is what I do.

I have a run to do, and work. Then I have a dinner to make.

Cya later.   :)

xoxo.  :)

So I Turkey Trotted.

It's been a while since I made it to a starting line. This wasn't particularly important to me. I stayed warm in my car til about 5 minutes to start. Went to the back middle of the crowd,  stretched a little,  and got ready.

This was a speed work day. Instead of multiple intervals it was just one interval. My one speed work prior to this race that might tell how fast I would run put me at ~8:30/mile. My chip time was 8:26. Mile 4 approached 8:50, and mile 5 was under 8:00. I didn't shut off my app right away when I hit the finish line. I fumbled with my phone.

There was a hill on mile 4 that blew me up. I knew I had to recover or it was suffer fest to the end. A slow suffer fest. It worked. The girl who passed me on the hill I passed later on. She caught up to me again at the final turn, but there was only 150M give or take, and I had plenty of kick left.

So there. I got work to do. For one I am not particularly fast for me at all. Not horrible,  but not fast. Also I should never blow up on hills. That *should* be a strength  of mine. Speed work done.  Mission accomplished.

The rest of the day I had effort induced fatigue. I watched football,  and we ate a turkey dinner. A pretty good day.

Today I work, I have long run Saturday tomorrow,  and I am off on Sunday. We are going to see a movie on Sunday. So it looks like today will be another day. It looks like it is shaping up to be two more after that too.  :)

Fun fun.  :)

I really got nothing,  so I'll end it there.

Have fun.  :)

xoxo.  :)

Why Not??

Decisions get made in weird ways. If I did my speed work really early yesterday, like 2:00 AM, there probably wouldn't be any rain. I slept later, and there was rain. I really didn't feel like running in 35° rain. Pretty much decided to do my speed work on Thursday. Then I thought turkey trot. I looked around, and found an 8K one just the town over. So I'll do that in a while. No clue my time.  It won't be very fast for me at all, but it will count as speed work so.

Other than that yesterday I had another day. Got everything done I wanted, which was a surprise. Days off are kinda nice for things like that. I went to bed early cuz I wanted to get up early,  but also I was annoyed. My wife has been working retail too much or something. Sometimes she gets kinda short,  which I don't deal with very well. I made a little mess and she blew up. Fine I was in the wrong,  but nothing to get crazy about.

I folded all her fucking laundry,  and did her a favor by running an errand for her like an hour before. I don't deal with Bullshit anger very well, so I went to bed.

I woke up today early. I'll take Hope. I am having a coffee, so hopefully I'll get all the poo out of me too before I run.

We are gonna have a turkey, and other stuff. I might rent a movie or two after my race if they are open. I don't think I wanna watch football. I really don't care who wins either game.

That is about it I guess. Not a lot to life is there?   Hearts cannot be controlled,  and I wonder what people feel inside. We are in the wilderness of life. Nothing really matters, and no matter what, we are just filling up time. It doesn't matter how important you *think* anything is.

There are no points in the wilderness, and everything is just folly really. Does that make you sad, mad,  scared??

I don't really know. You are not the best a person can be. Either am I. I know my path though. Your path is of this World. It leads to the grave. That matters. Does it to you?? 

None of your deeds matter. As important as you think your life is it hasn't been. Either has anything you've accomplished. You hurt people, and treated people unfairly. We all have. You judged people,  and you only judge yourself comparing to others.

In your personal journey you still haven't done anything. It is why we are in the wilderness of life. To help you. Even though it sucks.

Later all.  :)

xoxo.   :)

Woah Nellie

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?? Me, I am doing good. I slept a lot last night. I woke up around 1:00 AM, and I thought I was up. I was planning my day. I have my speed work day. I got some stuff to do around the house. I figured that may be tough to do at like 3:00 AM. There actually is a lot I want to do today. More than I'll probably have time for. Anyway my eyes got heavy surprisingly,  and I slept til 6:30. That is pretty shocking.

Last night we went out for a nice dinner. It's been a while. We saw some people we knew. It was fun.

That was about it for yesterday. This update seems to be going down the I should just delete this update,  but I haven't been deleting.

So what else??  Have you seen people getting some kinda US medal for something or another?  Famous people. Most people consider that significant. Medals don't travel with you when you are dead. There are no lasting treasures you will receive in this place. You have a life. Your life is filled with days, and all people die. Even famous ones.

The World is silly like that. You look at the people with medals, and we all think neat. Heroes for us to look at. These people aren't perfect. Their deeds fall short just like yours. It doesn't even matter what kinda clothes they wear.

In the wilderness there is no glamor worth anything. It is just us with our lives.

I am cool with it. I am cool being in the wilderness too, cuz my heart is different than if this life was just me solo.

You cannot be like I am, and you cannot know how. My story cannot be seen with your eyes. My story was in private. I kinda know how you are. Your vision into life is short,  and the vision into you is not really all that good. In your World there are heroes I suspect.

This story is about you. You vs. You. No points come from how you think you stack up against others.

This life is hard, and this journey is not even remotely possible. You are helpless and you probably don't know it. Where you are now is not good enough.

How do you propose to go from point A to point B?  Especially as you stand now,  that isn't even possible.

Anyway, That is good for today.

Laterzzzzzz.   :)