That 2:30 AM Alarm.

I did NOT think I was going to get up early this morning. That early alarm went off, and WOAH!!  I was out. I tend to get up soon after though. Yesterday I didn't. I slept as late as I could.  Today I guess I could have stayed in bed. I like writing this thing for some odd reason. Also I thought maybe I could run this morning. I am healthy, so I think I can.

Yesterday was a day. Pretty normal outside of sleeping in. I took Hope after work,  checked on my tomatoes, weeded the side of the house,  and made pizza. I was only around 25,000 steps yesterday, but the day before I was around 35,000 steps. It looks promising for hitting my random 72 mile/ week goal.

Outside of that not much. Makes you  wonder why I do this huh?  It's not like I have anything important to say. I don't think I thought of anything real significant I don't think. I do feel when I get home,  and chill for a bit I get a 2nd wind. I take on a project like weeding the side of the garage. It makes me feel good to accomplish something. I'll then eat a meal, and crash. My pizza was really good.

I slept good last night. Let me check. Around 6-1/2 hours. I feel ready to start the day. No major plans. Maybe go frisbee golfing after work if the weather is good.

Yeah, that's about it. Nothing really on my mind. It's a simple life huh? Work, and if the weather is nice I'll go frisbee golfing. I don't have any responsibilities outside of working. Nothing I need to escape from. There is no stress I need to have a break from. I don't have any questions or concerns about life. I don't daydream in what ifs. In life I found what we all seek for. A feeling of contentment. This life does not need to be better. It's good enough as it is. I am not sad,  and I am not lonely. Can you imagine just sitting before work wondering if the weather will let you go frisbee golfing today. That's it. The only concern. Plus you have home projects you can start on. Memorial Day is basically here.

I am 52, and I don't have anything to really worry about. When it came time for me to make life's decisions I had no clue what I was doing. Not sure what I wanted. The World seemed so full of imperfection everywhere. All along what I wanted was just these simple days. Stay busy, stay active, have a meal, and sleep good. I feel good in my own head you know?  I have no baggage. It's All been taken away.

The secret to me is my heart. It's just naturally happy. Well perhaps not so naturally,  but it is different now then the one I was born with. My feeling comes not from me. It's just a gift.

Who knew?  Surely not I. I did not direct this story in the least.

Anyways, I think I'll try and run.

Fun fun.

Laterzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.          :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeee.         :)))

Go Out And Have A Day.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. Yesterday was okay. I worked, cut the grass, and got my tomato plants in the garden, and the steps were over 30,000. A day was had. That is pretty much how I'd draw up my perfect day. We went out to dinner. I had a patty melt, and cottage cheese.  I just checked my sleep, and I got 6-1/2 hours of sleep.

Today is a workout day so I have to do that,  and then I am not sure.  I still have some outside stuff to do.

That's pretty much about it. Not a lot going on with me. Just doing the day by day thing. Not doing anything special. Nothing really special to do. It's just life in this World. 

You know how sometimes you come by a fork in the road. A big decision. Which way do I go?  As I am now any which way I go is the correct one. It don't matter. My path is lit,  and any way is good. It's a pretty good feeling.

You know me though. No forks in my road.  I do my simple day to day. Usually hoping to be around 30,000 steps. Stay busy, chill a bit, and eat a meal and sleep.

I think I'll be able to run Hope instead of walking her soon. I was feeling better,  but I played frisbee golf on Monday, so my groin was sore again,  but only for a day. My muscles are getting used to it.

So yeah a lot of simple thoughts fill my day. Not a lot for me to worry about. 50 is different than 40. 40 you wonder if you made a mark in the World. 50 you don't give a shit anymore. Of course a lot has happened in between. 3 different blogs for one.   :)  

It's pretty easy being me. Not much for me to worry about. The future I don't stress about at all. I guess all is good.

Anyhoo,

Laterzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.          :)

Byeeeeeeee.     :)))

Well Hello. Looks Like We Got Another Day.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was okay. Nothing too crazy. As of now I will be working Mondays starting around 2:00 AM, and I'll have Sundays off. I think I'll like it just fine. The only thing I worry about is getting my Sunday shit done. House cleaned,  laundry cleaned, folded, and put away, etc...  I think it will be okay for me, as every day I work will be early. No more working til 10:00 PM. It's kinda unnatural for me,  and I don't always feel refreshed on my day off.

So that's that. Not too much going on with me. The people who bought the house next to us a couple years ago were named Steve and Lisa too. The guy was black, and the girl Hispanic. They had 3 kids. I liked them alright. Said hi, and yadda yadda yadda. Then they would fight, house seems to have gone in foreclosure than not. Steve didn't live there anymore. Some black guy came around, and then the police. Every week. The cops took the black guy away. Like 10 of them all with guns. The kids we don't see anymore, and rarely do I see anyone. Yesterday some rough black girl I've seen around walking here and there was living there. She needed help finding her phone by me calling it. She's rough in a thick accent kind of way, and a life of too many cigarettes, and who knows what else. So, that was surprising.

You never really know what makes up another life. No one's life is perfect that's for sure. Last week I cracked 74 miles. Goal is 72, so that's good. I have a lot to do this week. It's not yet Memorial Day, and I don't feel like we really got too much done before Memorial Day last year. I already have my tomato plants, I just gotta get them in the ground. I have to cut the grass today too. It will be busy, and Memorial Day is this weekend so we have to make a ton of stuff for the bakery.

So a quick little look into my life must make it seem boring. I am sure it is like everyone else's. We aren't doing real important stuff. We really all just want to live comfortably. Not too comfortably though. My Dad is retired,  and there isn't a lot of stuff to do to fill up the day. For me it is let me labor, and enjoy my day.

I live comfortably.  I enjoy my day to day typically. Mostly cuz I am active, and I got shit to do. I feel pretty good that way. Doing what I do. I guess this is what I wanted. To be secure. To feel assured. To not have a worry about coulda woulda shoulda. My life is fine, cuz my heart doesn't need anything else.

Just my day to day is cool with me.

I am unremarkable in every aspect. I am fine with that too. I don't want anyone to think I am exceptional.  I don't need that.

Comfortable in my own skin I guess you can say, and happy with my little easy life.   One thing I learned about me long ago is it is good for me to be busy.

Anyway, I gotta take Hope.  72 miles does not just happen automatically.

Laterzzzzzz.          :)

xoxo.             :)

xxoo.         :)

Byeeeeeeee.        :)))

The War On Women.

Well the religious right is on the wrong side again. Still. Always. Women's rights and all, whatever. More importantly it is better for all to just not have kids. Don't fucking do it. Better off are those aborted than to see all the evil done under the sun. Only twice in the Bible will.you see abortion used. The other time Job prayed like I did during those 6 days "please make it so I was aborted before birth" 

The teacher who came had 12 followers. None procreated. The teacher even said it is easier in life to go solo if possible. The multitudes will not have a favorable outcome. Don't fucking have kids. The religious right fight the other sides battle as usual. Have more and more kids. They do the enemies bidding. 

Yes yes yes, when I see people til this day having kids I am not rejoicing. I think people just made their walk harder. I know all the fairy tales.  You were supposed to be on a journey learning other stuff. Why the fuck else would we have gone in the wilderness?  To show the true nature of our existence. Not to have more fucking kids.

I saw abortion in my Twitter feed, and gathered Alabama is on the leading edge of who the fuck wants to live there?  #1 on their list of tourist attractions doesn't even exist. No one travels there for fun. I am 52 so not a biggie to me. I rarely even have sex anymore. Don't really give a shit about it.

I do know my life. It was a struggle just finding myself. Who am I compared to who am I "supposed" to be. If people knew the real me with my fears insecurities etc...  The serious part of me that isn't always trying to have fun will they  still like me?  My first heart break that was hard. The first time Carolynn and I dated. Just a short while, and I blew it.

Life's a struggle. You shouldn't wish it on anyone. The best gift you can give is not making others. Some have already so we go accordingly. Don't think it made your path easier though cuz it did just the opposite.

That's the truth,  and that is what we are about. The brutal truth. Not a fairy tales harmony. One's a lie, and one isn't. One is a father of lies,  and one is the other.

Your life is you, not your cause. Time to put your grown up pants on and deal with you.  Fuck Alabama, and don't worry about your cause. The World is a shit hole. First just deal with you.

Anyhoo,  I slept 8 hours last night. Under 30,000 steps. 28,000 +  I did get a lot done around the house. Pretty good day I guess.

Laterzzzzz.          :)

xoxo.           :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.          :)))

The Day.

So yesterday I am pretty sure I used up all my energy. I passed the 30,000 step plateau. My workout at the gym was just a little tougher than usual. (tired)  I did get my home part done, unlike Monday when I forgot,  and chilled. I had no energy for anything else. I was spent. I ate dinner,  and crashed soon after.

Personally I don't think I want to spend all my energy in a day. You don't feel fulfilled you just feel tired. I slept like a champ yesterday. I feel I shouldn't limit what I do. I guess I feel like I want my body to keep up with me. So many variables in any given day. Sleep is always different. My resting heart rate is pretty steady, so I am not fighting anything. Every day can be different though.

At home the last two days I sat outside with my shirt off. It was like 70° and sunny. It's been a while. I probably got a little sun. I do like that part of my day. The sit outside and chill part.

Outside of expending all my energy yesterday nothing crazy happened. Work, eat, chill, sleep. Sleep was good. I had to recharge my watch so I don't know how much I slept. I know I woke up for the first time right before my alarm. I wondered what time it was. I looked at my phone, and 10 seconds later my early alarm went off.  My early alarm is an important part of my steps. Take Hope. I am not running now, cuz of my groin, but I still get steps. Pretty sure I was at 20,000 steps before noon the last couple of days. I'd get home with like 28,000 in hand. Day won.   :)

So there. A day was had. Sleep was good. I am having a coffee ready to start it again. A new day. I feel pretty good about stuff. I am busy, I am active. I feel good about me, and my life. I am not angry toward anyone I know of.  I don't miss anyone. I've lived a life of no regrets I'd say. I haven't been a Saint, but I dealt with all the baggage already. Just living you accumulate it. My life is pretty easy cuz I don't have a lot of anger. I put forth effort in stuff, and that I feel is a good trait. I don't look for the easy way out.

I really got nothing today. Just a guy who woke up from his sleep ready to start another day. I am not fighting for any cause. I guess I am white and male, so it's not like I've been persecuted.   I don't have to deal with that anger I guess. Early on though I threw everything away. My upbringing,  schooling, parents, the World. You name it. A step needed so I can actually stand on my own two feet. No excuses. It's just me now.

Yeah, I guess that throws a lot of garbage away. I reckon that step does not get done often for whatever reason. I don't particularly think it's scary. I figured why should I count on any of that crap?  Turns out it mostly is crap. So basically you all are made up of various piles of crap.  :)

Stinkies.  :)

Laterzzzzzz.        :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeee.         :)))

The Start Of The Week.

My weekly goal is 72 miles of steps. Last week I was 73.5 miles. Mostly on a sore groin. Yesterday was over 13 miles, and 30,000 steps. If I see I passed 30,000 steps it's been a good day. I also got a couple things done outside. I am sure I spent ~ 2 hours doing them. We ordered Pizza Hut for dinner. No one wanted to cook. I barely stayed awake for one episode of its always Sunny in Philly. I started watching it again. From season 1.

I needed a little catch up on sleep. I got just under 7 hours. It was all together at once though, so that's good. It's going to be a long week workwise, but that is fine.  If I can keep getting little shit done at home that helps. Already I put the dishes in the dishwasher. Every plate was dirty. That's not my usual routine,  but sometimes you just want it done.

Other than that not much. Another day is here. I'll be busy. I'll be active. There will be a meal, and some chill time. Just another day. I don't have to find the keys to the Universe, cuz I guess I already did. My future is certain.

I am not looking for meaning to my life.  I don't need acceptance from people. I am confident and strong as I am. I know the value of the life we were born into. Not much. Life is a struggle for all. It's always been people have been surrounded by imperfect people. Getting to the point where one can see their true nature is very very uncommon. We were never taught to look at the truth. We graded on the curve. We separated ourselves with the clothes we wear, and the way our hair is.

Life is thankless. My Dad is 84, and what does he have to.live for?  He's 84, and he's living on borrowed time. 84 year olds aren't exactly interesting. You don't really want to hang out with them. He watches a lot of tv. He goes out every day to do stuff. At 84 you really aren't planning for your future.

It's not a sad state it's a dumb state. Pointless. Stupid, people have to endure these types of days. You thought life was this grand thing, but it's dumb. It isn't fabulous in the least. No one is out making this World a better place. There is no such thing. You can't change your end.  6' under is what you cannot labor away.

When your 84 looking back upon your life you'll see it wasn't much to it. You didn't make a mark. I guess I saw that way back when. I saw what life had to offer, so I turned from me, and started on the path actually laid out for me. I had no clue what it would be. As it turns out it was more than I bargained for. When I was living in fear the last thing I would have wanted to do is what I have become. No thank you.

I was trying to escape judgement not go to a place of higher judgement. It would be like sticking hot coals down my shirt for no reason.

I am what I am though. I am fine with it. Confident. Can't imagine how much more I'll have to suffer for it, but I accepted my path. It will be scary I am pretty sure.

Anyway, I am just thinking aloud. Today i have a day as I previously stated. There will be work,  activity,  and a meal. Thankfully I am not 84 so everything isn't completely dumb about my life.  :)

Laterzzzzzzzz.           :)

xoxo.              :)

xxoo.         :)

Byeeeeeeee.         :)))

It's Been A Weekend.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am okay. My sleep has been sorta out of whack. I saw Avengers Infinity War was on Netflix. Also I never saw it. I saw endgame in theaters before infinity war. How did that happen?  I kept thinking after Endgame I must have missed a movie. I did.

I played disc golf on Saturday so I was sore as Hell. Still am. Both sides of my groin. I was practicing my throwing,  and threw wrong on Saturday. I know my mistake though.

Other than that not much. This week will be a long week. We will be shorthanded. Memorial Day is coming up,  so really we should be pretty busy through Labor Day. I cut my grass yesterday. Operation kill the lawn has been scratched. The back yard is atrocious.

Really a lot going on I guess. You know how in your mind you contemplate all the things that need to be done? It would be nice if the guy gets our driveway done soon. Oh, I did replace my 20+ year old gas powered weed whacker. The new one works great. The last one worked 20+ years. Also I have to get the garden going soon. Geez we are redoing one side of our back fence too. So much to do.

Other than that though life goes on. I did think of something last night. I am accepted. My plot is on a crash course. My story will be told. I don't need to have a certain amount of politeness. Basically people have no say in what is going to happen. I am free from concern, like do I have to be considered right?  I have no use to be holier than thou. That fakeness I have no use for. I am not the best a person can be, and I don't have to act it. I wonder what percentage would like to have that burden off their backs.

The knowledge accepted you are not a Saint, and the strength to live accordingly.  Luckily I am not a mass murderer or anything. I just want to enjoy my day to day. Keep busy, have a meal. Do stuff. I don't have any dreams of what my best life would be like. This is it. Being free means I don't have to accept the societal norms FB wants to shove down your throats ad nauseam year after year. Like I voted did you?  Happy Mothers Day etc...  

The World I have no use for. It also has no say in my story,  except that I am not a part of it. I don't listen to its rules of political correctness cuz the World is the fakest thing out there. It's pretty gross really. If people could actually see inside their hearts they'd know like me you aren't a Saint. That is hard though. The proverbial log is still there. The World is still your master.

That you cannot change for yourself. When you were given the option to go the route I told you about, you chose the World. Greatness still eludes you too.

It does me too, but I don't even care. How I live now is way better than I could have imagined. So easy.

Anyway I spose. Where we go from here I don't know. Like my whole life post turn. We are in uncharted waters. I have no clue,  but my direction is good. Security and assurance have been with me since overcoming twice. The strength that comes with it too.

Laterzzzzz.        :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeee.       :)))