Same Old Story

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. I am in a bit of a panic. I don't know where my fitbit thing is. I don't take it off at night, and I woke up with it not on my wrist. It realistically could have fallen off anywhere I guess. We went out to dinner too.   :)  I obviously enjoy keeping track of my steps.  If I lost it I'd buy a new one probably.

I got my birth certificates in the mail yesterday, so I am all official like as a person. That too was a thing I was a bit worried about I spose. As far as I know I've never been to Minnesota,  except for some odd reason I was born there.

After calling a random hospital I found out you get MN certificates through the State or something. Fill out a form, and they'll send you one. It's in my fireproof safe. I feel pretty good about getting that done for some strange reason.

Yesterday was okay as days go. We went shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond. I wanted a good set of knives. I was going to spend a good chunk on them too. In the end we realized all we needed was a good bread knife. I do have other good knives, so I saved money there,  and spent a lot on other shit that wasn't even on our radar of things we needed.   ;)

I opened up a savings account. The Discover credit card company is also a bank, and they pay 2%  I put a good chunk there. Also they'll give me $200 free for the amount I deposited three. Free money??  Yes please. My other savings accounts don't pay shit. I have too many banks. It's pretty ridiculous. Chase gave me $500 for jumping through some easy steps, that's why I have that. Discover actually pays interest, so that sold me. Eventually I'll get rid of of a couple. I have 2 more that were my original banks. One took care of the mortgage, which is no more, and one took care of other bills.

So that's that. Not much really going on. I have the next two Sundays off, and I work Monday morning. That is fine. It will be a nice change. 

Not much else on my mind. I pretty much decided I like not having my name tied down. There was some question of would we need to cosign a loan to help Haileys daughter get a house, or actually us taking out the mortgage for them. I realize I like being free of that stuff. We can help with a down payment, but that's it. Their house their signature. Her husband's credit had some dings, but it's been cleared up, and the banker thinks January his numbers should be good. I just don't want to have stuff to worry about you know?  Me being mortgage free is a pretty big deal. My Uncle passing a little over a year ago changed all that for me. He was just living a pretty simple life doing nothing really,  while sitting on A sizeable chunk of assets. John and I did okay in that.

I don't know how much otherwise it changed my life. Financially I am different,  but I don't feel my life is much different. I still work. 2 jobs instead of 3, but that was mostly so I could take one day off/week. Remember last year I had holidays only off. I do enjoy my day off too. I got pretty good raises this year too from both jobs so I make more than last year anyway.

I do like working. For one thing you always have money coming in. Also it helps with a schedule. It works for me, and my heart likes to labor. I feel free at the end of the day to do as I want I spose.

I dunno.

I think I'll take Hope for a little run.

Til next time. 

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeee.    :)))

I Guess Life Keeps Moving.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I guess before I blogged I was thinking of significant and important things going on in my life.  Oops, there isn't anything. I've been sleeping in this week. Just been tired. Monday I stayed up and watched football.

Not really a lot going on besides that. I still just am busy during the week. Yesterday you figure you get up around 4:30AM. After work, I had to work out bike home,  take Hope. I didn't relax til after 4:00 PM. That's 12 hours straight on my feet. I remember leaning down around 8 hours in or so to grab something, and I felt that was a cruel thing to have to do. Lean down when you've been on your feet all day. Sleep is the great equalizer. Today my legs feel refreshed.

One thing that happened yesterday while working. I was just in the flow trying to get shit done, and I realized after work, I don't have a thing to worry about. Nothing to stress about. I will end my work day with an untroubled heart. That is a good,  and relaxing feeling.

I know people have stress in life,  and mine has really been taken away. I have no wishes for glory,  or popularity, or anything really. My day to day is fine. Simple simple. As a matter of fact, I'll probably take a trip somewhere warm this February. To escape the cold for a bit, but this December has been pleasantly mild. November was cold, but mild winter weather is easy.

Things just look good. Life seems easy to me. I don't suspect I was looking for the easy way of life,  but unsuspecting it found me. The key is my heart, and that I don't control. My burdens have all been lifted so to speak. I know you are not in this spot.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Til next time. 

Laterzzz.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeeeee.      :)))

A Day Off.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. Yesterday I finished listening to "The Stand"  a 48 hour audible book. I did the first 24 hours, put it down for a month or so, and just finished the last 24 hours. It's not as good as I remember when I was a kid. Maybe cuz you remembered how things would happen. I didn't remember the ending. I read "It" for the 2nd time like 25 years ago, and had the same disappointment. The new movie came out 1-1/2 years ago,  so I started reading it for a 3rd time. I put it down for a bit with half to go. The 2nd part of the movie comes out sometime next year. That's where I am in the book. When they are grownups.

I got most of my shit done yesterday before work,  so a day off is a day off. I am going to make bread with my sour sponge I made by scratch. I think l fucked  up todays bread, so I am remaking another for tomorrow just in case.

That's about it. Today is a day,  and I'll live it. The scales are removed from my eyes. I have no illusions of how a life is supposed to be. I don't feel one side is right and one is wrong, but all are wrong. You won't make right within this World. You are a part of this World though so what else is there? 

I know when my time came I searched for life. I didn't see any really worth anything, so I made the turn. To do whatever I am here to do, cuz all else seemed pointless. All avenues did not lead anywhere of any great value.

In the end I had one coin. One life,  and I gave it up for a better one, cuz I didn't see any other worthwhile thing. Now I didn't have a manual, but life pulled, and I turned. This many years later, seems like quite a story. I had no idea what I was doing mind you. I knew I wasn't any great person. The kind of person I wanted to be was out of reach. All that stuff was placed in my heart,  cuz like I said I wasn't following any manual. I just waited for whatever I was supposed to do.

I wasn't scared when things started up so much a few decades ago, and then I was placed in scary ordeals. Seen by no one but me. A solo journey, cuz I couldn't tell anyone. The Spiritual World was opened up to me, and I had a pretty good idea no one else I knew have seen this. I suspected no one else living either, but I didn't want to think about that.

I knew I stumbled onto the real hidden life, and I couldn't tell or show anyone. There was a short time I thought I could,  cuz I felt at the time I was as good as a person can be.  I was full, and secure. I went in the wilderness being pretty empty. No security.

Anyway, I am just thinking out loud. This World means nothing, and any life doing things in this World means nothing. There is a different truth out there for those who seek for a higher meaning.

It was easy for me, cuz my life was broken, and I would have liked to be a Saint, but it was out of my power. I didn't grade on a curve,  but I graded on my own curve. Who I wanted to be compared to who I was.

The World is noisy, so everyone grades themselves uselessly on the curve of the World. They find their purpose by following someone or some group.

Thinking they are making points all the while being shut out in the game of life. There is more to life than what you have experienced,  and there is more to life than what you can comprehend.

I am living proof, but you cannot see inside me, except I guess a little by what I write here.

A strange thing being me. To be in a way different section of life than you, and you and I being incapable of bringing you here.  Strange indeed.

Anyway,  I guess that's good.

Sorry so long.  (Not sorry)   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Bye.    :)))

The Daily Struggle.

Just kidding. I don't really have a daily struggle. Yesterday I guess was a struggle getting up early. The day  before was pretty busy. A run, work, bike, workout, bike home, etc...  The one thing that stuck out was I wanted to drive to work yesterday. I did not want to bike. Sometimes I think it would be convenient to drive so I can do errands after work,  but I'd still ride my bike, cuz I'd rather do that. Yesterday I wanted to drive, and I was glad it wasn't a workout day. I ran 3 of the last 4 days prior, so I was not going to run either. I guess that means I was tired. The day still ended up being a 28,000 step day.

Today I feel well rested. I'll run, and bike, and workout.  I slept only 5 hours too. It's all I needed. I am done sleeping too, if I went back to bed I wouldn't sleep. I think in my norm it is a rare occasion I'll sleep 8 hours.  I never hit snooze either. If I don't feel like getting up at my early alarm, I have another going off in 1-1/2 hours. If I don't feel like getting up then, there is one more 45 minutes later. Today I felt like getting up. Yesterday I think I got up at the 4:00 AM one.

Really this life is pretty simple.  Not a lot for me to worry about. I am under no strain to be a certain way to others.  I am free to be as I am. I don't really have to be fake or anything. Typically I am in a pretty good mood I feel, so that is a good thing.   The worries of the World have passed me by I guess.

I guess I am grateful for waking up this way. A day I have to live,  and the days are simple. In life I am missing out on nothing,  and I don't really need anything. A meal to finish off my day, and a good night sleep.

I know the World is noisy, and life is busy, but mine isn't. Everything is in slow motion kinda. Nothing for me to get worried about. Work will be stupid busy the next couple weeks,  but that's about it. Then the New Year hits.

So, as you can see I pretty much got nothing. My heart is easy though.

Guess that's good.

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.   :)

Bye.    :)))

Keeping Track Of Stuff.

I was looking at my sleep. My silly watch keeps track of it. I didn't sleep great on Sunday,  and Monday. I went to bed at 7:00PM last night. I felt I got a good night sleep. It was under 6 hours, but I feel pretty well rested. I don't know if this is the typical/optimal sleep ratios,  but I was 3.5 hours light sleep, 1 hour + deep sleep, and 1 hour plus REM. The way I feel today I feel that ratio is pretty optimal for me. Most of my sleep seems to be like that.

I can sleep through a tornado, so I think my light sleep is still pretty deep'ish perhaps.

I was so looking forward to getting my gas bill. I think they said our November was one of the coldest in recent history. Maybe in all of History. I finally got it. It was only $40-something  dollars. The highest I paid last winter was one month a bit over $80. We added a shit ton of insulation last Spring if you remember,  so I am curious how this Winter will go. All windows we didn't replace yet either we got replaced.

I got an update on my November running. I didn't run much in November. I felt my increased mileage days the past week were kinda a workout considering increased mileage was not any great mileage at all. I was falling a bit as to having running legs.  Yesterday's run I felt I was getting back on track. It wasn't so much of a workout as the previous run.  A good sleep, and curiosity has me pretty interested in how my run this morning will go. So, I guess I do keep track of stuff,  and some of this stuff is info just recently made available, like how our sleep is.

Sleep is very important to our overall well being. If people struggle with sleep that has to be tough.

Other than that life goes on.  I wake up,  and do this a lot. I haven't looked at my totals this year, but it is closer to 200 than 100 is my guess. Nowhere near 300, which used to be my norm years ago.

I don't know the significance of things I do here, and how they play out, but I gather in this busy World I am kinda the guy in the wilderness singing a different tune.  The World was busy with challenges and stresses way back too. The guy in the wilderness would only appeal to those looking for a better life than the World seemingly has to offer. An easier, less stressful life.

One lesson of my story is the day my energy returned. I was held in a pretty low place for about a year or so after the Hospital. For those who don't know, after overcoming the first time I was placed in Psychiatric Intensive Care for 6 days. Crazy as a person can be as far as this World was concerned.

I knew I was fine, cuz I knew my story, but the worst of the worst had his way with me. My path has taken me the farthest distance I could go I spose. Remember I asked why did you let me get so far away?  The answer was to save more lives, but I am a vessel. I do none of that stuff. Out of my power.

As low as I could feel, it still was possible to have my energy restored. Also remember when I gave up that one day. I was taken once again to the wilderness, and pre hospital horrible days. That night my heart was taken,  and now the wilderness has no effect on me. The only problem is the World holds no interest to me, so Worldly accomplishments mean nothing to me. You toil in vain, and that is the story of the Wilderness. The futility of it all. In the wilderness I do sing a different song this World does not know and understand.

Anyhoo, I guess that's good.

Til next time. 

Have fun.    :)

Laterzzz.     :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Bye.    :)))

The Days Just Keep Coming.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was a pretty normal day. I did get some shit done I've been waiting to do. I had to get an application for my birth certificate notarized,  and also set up an IRA. Did that at the same bank. I'll eventually need my birth certificate to upgrade my licence for travel. I had Electric Bills from 1998, no birth certificate though. I unloaded all my assinine paper work I held onto for years, but couldn't find my birth certificate. So stupid shit like that. For the record I was born in Winona, MN for some reason.

I got my workout in. 4 sets for each exercise. I felt pretty strong yesterday. Last week I traveled 74 miles through walking, and running. Monday I don't move near as much as other days, so basically 70 miles in 6 days let's say.

Not much else besides that. Today will be work,  eat, sleep. I'll run after work. My sleep was weird last night so I stayed in bed for a bit.

My life is pretty easy. Been this way quite a while. Even when I had bills it was pretty easy. I don't remember there being a lot of stress.

I know of some things that make life harder, but people continue down that path. I don't know what a normal person's wishes are. I am pretty far removed from being a "normal" person, so I don't really know anyone too well.

Life's highlights really aren't you know?  There are no points for all the things we toil with. People don't buy it though,  even though it's the truth. People think they are important as well as their life.

So many things we believe that aren't true. Happily ever after. There is someone for everyone. A perfect partner if you will. I suspect people live their lives assuming they are Saints. Better than Hitler counts for something right? 

Hitler was not too far gone he couldn't repent. I am not saying in the end he had a repentant heart, but he could have. The unrepentant heart is currently your downfall. Your hearts are hard, cuz when someone told you the truth, you didn't believe. It's been that way forever.  You aren't better than people in the past. You chose the World over the truth, and now you cannot find your way back. I cannot help you either.

So, what do I think of you. I am who I am. I have my life,  and my story.  I know how my story will go for the most part, but I don't really know how the days will look. I know tomorrow I'll wake up to another easy day probably,  and eventually this story goes on. When I don't know, and I am not concerned.

For the record I did receive a repentant heart after the turn. Who I wanted to be was out of my power, and I saw that person's end. The repentant heart we do not make. Our hearts we don't control. It takes a lot for a person to see the truth,  and courage to accept it. I've been lucky enough to be able to do both, and that pretty much started my journey I guess.

I just wanted to be a good person,  but the story of that went way farther than I ever imagined it would.

I've seen things you don't even know is possible. I've endured things you wouldn't even believe. I've endured though, and now my days are easy.

How you fit into all of this I have no clue really.

I have a day today though. 

Have fun.  :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Bye.    :)))

Blogging On A Sunday??

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Sunday I do try, and blog once in a while, but it is dumb so I delete a lot. This weekend was fine. I worked yesterday, and I work today. I saw a movie after work yesterday, and I made an easy meal. Not much besides that. I already have laundry started,  cuz I like to get my shit done before Monday off. I am also having a 2nd cup of coffee, which I never do. First one tasted really good with toffee creamer.   :)  I'll have the jitters for a while I suppose.

Outside of that not much. I'll do the dishes and clean the kitchen after this. I am going to take Hope for a run too. It should be a pretty okay day.

See, this is how my Sunday blogging is. I get to this point,  and I figure how dumb, so I delete.

It is nice waking up though, starting my day, and having nothing to worry about. I really like working Sunday, cuz I figure I'd probably just drink, and watch football otherwise. Remember how I didn't like days off so much, cuz I just get lazy. I now only have Monday off. I sleep til I wake up,  and Monday is a work out day. I am free after that so I can do whatever. Monday is pretty free that way, and I like it.

I don't really know what other people do with their lives. I am not too concerned either. I know life typically is hard. A lot of noise kinda that makes decisions hard. Should I do this and that?  I kinda want to do this. Maybe you try and go in some type of direction,  but your heart pulls you in more fun less productive ways.

Consistency is good in ways, but it can be boring.  Why can't our hearts just always feel like we are having fun?  Mine kinda does I suppose. My life is fine. Nothing really to worry about. The noise of life is cancelled out for me.

The truth of life is we are unable to make our best life. A care free worry free life we cannot make. Perfection is out of reach too. There is guilt, and anger, and judging etc...  no one did this thing perfect you know. We all struggle with stuff. I wanted perfection,  cuz I wanted security, and to be a good person.

I found perfection is possible, but you don't get it right away. Security is possible too, but there is a lot to endure, and a lot to learn before you get that. At least in my story.  Your story I do not know. It won't be mine. I had to go a long way, but it was for good.

So, what's it mean?  I don't know. It isn't my story,  and I am not concerned with it. I just live out my days til I go, and do the final thing the current version of me has to do. Whenever that is. I suspect it is more conditional on others, and not me.

Not something I need to worry about.

Anyways,  I guess that's good.

Laterzzz.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.    :)

Bye.   :)))