A Pretty Strange Existence.

It definitely is strange being me kinda. I never really feel it, but like before I woke up today I realized the difference between you and I. Not that I am better mind you, but definitely different, and much further along. I don't know your story in the least. There is definitely a step you won't have to make, but what it is I don't know. I am given a title, which I think might have already happened way at the beginning of blogging, but in hidden. At some point nothing is hidden anymore, and that will be the end of the current version of me. What this was all about these past 27 years or whatever. Once I knew how this played out.

Until then however I live out my days. Somehow I pretty much wake up like this all the time. Another day with a content heart, gonna have my day, and excited about it. Not cuz I do anything great or anything, but my heart is just okay with my lot.

How you feel on any given day I don't know. I suspect inconsistent. I remember in my college years I always wanted to be in a good mood. Always happy, and always ready to have fun. That's a lot of pressure for one person to carry, and an untenable position.  So many things I didn't know back then. Now I typically feel in a pretty good mood to start the day. I do find when I run early in the morning I am tired after work. Also at some point in the morning I will be famished. I will need food.

Just a little life here. One I am happy to live. I guess in the whole World I've been given one of the best lives to live in History. It wasn't without suffering,  and without great fear, but where I stand now all is fine. The wilderness days are long gone, and the security I seeked I have. Even before my final act, which if you remember I didn't know possible.

The final act will not be pleasant,  and there will be great suffering. I will have walked in the shoes of who I was to get to know anyway. He was my help, and as the story goes dropping everything to follow was the easiest of all things. Overcoming myself was the challenge.

I was thinking of ways this can go wrong, but I remember how I overcame twice so far. It wasn't from the strength and courage of my own heart,  but a strength and courage I was given to overcome. It isn't me doing the work, I was just present when the judges had their way with me.

Remember my promise I received. I will be rescued out of whatever I get myself into. That was cuz I overcame myself. I went the farthest route possible,  cuz in this way more good is done,  although I lived in great fear for a long time. Endured the wilderness, and trust me I could see clearly there was no redeeming quality in me whatsoever.

To this day there still isn't, but my path is fine. It's just good to be me I guess. Not because I am special,  cuz I am not. I just was willing to go this path, and I know my life didn't matter. It's just a small insignificant thing.

Anyhoo, gotta run.

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Seems Like Old Times.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I definitely got the proper amount of sleep last night, cuz I am most ready to start my day. I am having a coffee, and I don't think I had one yesterday. No biggie. These days I am more likely to have a cup in the morning. For the heck of it.

Anyhoo, not much going on. We are covering a vaca so we will be busy this week. I felt we got a lot done yesterday,  but I feel I worked as I do normally. We worked a bit late,  but nothing crazy.

I returned my book, and got the next one in the series. Picked up a 4x8' piece of lattice, at the local lumberyard. Just your typical day. Relaxed a bit, had dinner, and crashed. I guess just a pretty okay day. Most of mine are like that I guess.

I just had a weird thought kinda. I can't imagine you trying to figure how to always be "on"  what is the secret?  The secret is it is impossible to always be on. I am typically always on, but I did not make myself this way. A little disconnect between you and I. Like you I figured there was a way with effort, diet, labor,  sacrifice~a mixture of each~that would help us feel "on" all the time.  That simply isn't true.

We are born in a vessel of imperfection. Brought up with tales of happily ever after. Infatuations are strong for the first year or so, and the clouds we walk on simply disappear. Some days we are in a good mood,  and some days bad. I suspect many people may not be excited about waking up, and going to work. Everyone kinda wants to find their "into the wild" life. Not a care in the World. No emails to worry about, phone calls,  responsibilities. It is a freedom you seek, but this World is about slavery not freedom. Freedom comes from elsewhere. If you believe in some type of freedom here you have fallen prey to propaganda. No such thing in this World, although it's probably a good buzz word.

There is a freedom and separation you can receive from this World, but it isn't in your power. In all your perceived excellence you really are quite helpless. We all are.

Part of our problem is you cannot know of what I speak,  unless you could live it. To know someone is to walk in their shoes. You cannot as you are walk in mine. I sorta remember yours, and it just ain't a very good pair. In your heart you probably believe you are special in someway, so just right there you believe a lie. You have no idea how many falsehoods are planted in our hearts.

Remember I said for the first time probably a decade ago, the truth will be the hardest thing you ever do. Unfortunately to this day you still cling to lies and falsehood. It's our foundation we were born into. How can you change a poor foundation?  If only someone had a blog to explain this stuff.  A blog is one thing. People willing to take the trip is another. You and the people you know are one coin in many. Many many more came before you. You are not special and unique. Your just a human born into this World not of your choice.

That's as good as a spot to start I guess. At this stage I would hope people see the futility of our lives here. Like that song says, "We are a slave to money than we die" 

There is a way to an upbeat life. It cannot be achieved with your greatness though,  cuz the truth is the way. Your greatness is a lie.

Anyhoo, best I better take Hope.

Have fun.

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

On The East Side There Is No Shame

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I slept good I think. I also got everything done I wanted yesterday. The front fascia is painted. All doors and trim are up and painted. I finished putting up the rest of the circular tiles above the garage. We ordered more to finish everything, and they'll be in soon. I have the East and West side peaks,  and the back fascia left. A project in its final moments.

I also finished my book. #6 in a series of like 25 or something. I've read the last two, so I may read these instead of listen to them. I have a 17 hour book on tap right now anyway.

So, I guess things are going pretty good. I am staying busy, and getting shit done. I had another huge helping of cucumbers and vinegar fresh from the garden. I am on a roll I guess. Fall approaches,  and everything will slow down a bit. I may even watch more than 5 minutes of tv at that point.

My life I guess is pretty easy. I do as I feel pretty much, and I typically feel like being busy. I don't have much/any anger toward anything. I don't blame any of my past toward some negative thing about myself. I take full credit for who I am. I was not slighted in any way. I am my own person so to speak as far as this World is concerned. I carry no baggage, cuz my life has been gone through with a fine tooth comb.

I live in the light,  and I can be seen. You have no idea what that feels like. It makes life easy. It makes you strong, and it helps you feel good.

I don't have any great deeds in my past. No special moments of such magnitude that makes my life quite unique. I have no redeeming quality either. I was not born on this Earth with special attributes, which make me better than others. I paid my dues though getting to know myself. I threw away all lies and falsehood so I could look at things objectively.

That which could have and should have shaped me I threw away a long time ago. I am not now who I would have been. You are however,  and you still carry a lot of baggage the World threw your way. We all are trapped into that existence. It takes a little on your part to escape it. You have to be willing though, and that is probably the hardest. As time goes on you become more entrenched in life.

In your walk, I am of no help. It is you alone on this Earth coming to terms with the truth. Family is of no use as far as this goes. In the end you have to deal with you. On that path you may get a glimpse of your shortcomings with others.

I really don't know if anyone is willing to take that walk though. The other path that lays everything else useless,  and without points. Yeah all our activities are vanity, but who is so strong to be able to view the truth. I am for one, but I did my time in the wilderness. I suffered through unseen persecutions,  and I accepted the worst judgements,  because I had help, which made me stronger than I could ever be on my own. I was tested, and with help I overcame. I was an ignorant vessel really who was used for this impossible tale. These days I feel are kinda like the dead years in a way. I know my path,  but it seems nowhere near.

I am cool with it though, cuz my heart is pretty okay about stuff.

Anyhoo, gotta run.

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Some Times It Is Just Plain Silly Looking Back.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I finished painting under the eves, so now all we have left is white for the fascia, and a bit of trim. Painting a house is kinda a big ordeal. It takes good weather. We did the majority in one day with the sprayer,  and the other part takes forever. The detail work. It will be good to get it done.

I did think a bit about the past with this thing yesterday. Just a blog that pretty much is just my story I guess. I thought of people I became acquainted with this thing, and it seems pretty silly.

I sorta met a lot of people with this thing, and the majority are just nameless faces now.  That is fine with me I guess. It's how are lives are i guess. We feel we are important for a bit of time, and in the end we find out we aren't.

Our deeds don't really matter. We haven't niched out the perfect life. We haven't become perfect people. We all have that in common. Perfection was out of reach for us. The important things we occupied our time with weren't really important. Our hearts betrayed us, cuz we don't always feel the same day to day. I guess we want happiness, meaning, we want to feel good inside about ourselves.

I do feel pretty good inside about me. I don't feel I do anything important, but my way is accepted. I am accepted, and mostly cuz I was willing to not follow my own path,  also I was able to accept harsh truths.

I guess I was tested, but I had a firm hand leading me on the proper way. The sort of funny thing is this is just my story. No one was ever going to be so important they could change me. If you didn't stick around with me it isn't my loss. All along my path was solo. It made me strong,  and everyone else in the scheme of things not too important. No one had any say in my story. In that regard no one is that important.

I know what will be done through me, but how that happens I have no idea. I am not the maker of the events that will finish this story.  I wasn't the maker of events who shaped it to this point. I don't really know how the days will look as we approach finishing this tale off.

I am not too concerned either. I have my little projects to keep me busy. I have work to do, meals to eat, etc... 

I'll tell you one thing I am thankful for of many. Being strong and content. I guess that too is something we wish for. I don't need to be accepted by anyone, cuz my story already is. I wake up mostly as I did today. Feeling good about stuff, and feeling completely assured of my ways. It isn't in my power to be perfect yet,  but I still am accepted. I don't have to pretend to be perfect,  cuz that is out of reach right now. I suspect that is baggage a lot of people hold onto. You must look the look. You must play the part, cuz if you don't you can be judged. You'll learn you need help to be stronger than the World, and that is one of my gifts I guess. My help was strong enough to overcome. Way back when I guess I was strong enough to overcome myself. My life was before me, but I gave up one coin, and was given a better one. I was blind doing this. I had no clue where it would lead. It ended with me appearing to play the fool I guess, but I ended up not being foolish at all.

Anyhoo, I guess that's good. 

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.   :)

Sleep Sure Is Our Friend.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I slept in the last couple days. Slept in a bit today too. I think so many days off last weekend threw me off. I slept good last night though. Slept all the way through.

I just checked my bank, and my property tax check went through. No more payments to the house for a year. I worked on the house painting yesterday too. Just finishing the finishing touches, which take quite a long time actually. We get it done though, and it is done.

Also I tried planning our vacation. I think I am going to go to a travel agent though. I don't know enough about that stuff,  and I am going as a tourist. For some reason San Antonio has been in our head to visit. No rhyme no reason just cuz. There aren't many places I really feel like visiting. Vacation is pretty much how you feel on the inside, and I guess my life is a vacation of sorts. I have a pretty good feeling about stuff most times I guess.

I have more stuff to do than time to do it. No strict timetables though,  so nothing to add much pressure. It will be nice to finish the house though.

Other than that not much. I just do not have a lot going on. Work, eat, sleep is my motto. I am lucky I am sitting good financially,  and also lucky I like to work.  Also lucky I don't have any pride that I know of. I am not too proud to do any job.  I like the idea of working, and getting a pay check. I like the schedule of a job too. Filling my day with labor makes me feel fulfilled probably more than anything. I think I also am lucky to feel that way too. When I was at my lowest during the College years, getting a job was what helped me out. Learning to use public transportation helped too. Even as a College graduate my job was cleaning floors,  cuz I didn't know what I wanted to do. Turns out my Saturday job is cleaning floors to this day. I haven't entered into any path that says I am too good to do this or that.

The path I entered was not of my vision. It didn't make me better than anyone, it just helped me know the real truth of stuff.  My heart is more than happy to accept this too.

Anyhoo, gotta run. 

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

So That Is What A Weekend Is Like.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. On Friday we went and saw Firehouse. It is i thought an 80s hair band, but they started in the early 90s. They have a few songs we liked,  so when we paid off our house we figured we'd stay at the casino resort and see their show. It was a pretty small venue, which surprised me, but it was okay.

We dont gamble so we didn't. We walked through the casino. It was filled with mostly aged people, and it had the smell of cigarettes everywhere. A casino is probably the only place in the World you can smoke inside, outside one's home.  It is a good place to people watch.

Yesterday we went to a party at my Bil's house. I drank too much. I am not hungover, but just lazy. I did a shot of vodka for some stupid reason. Maybe 2. I have no idea why. Just in the moment it seemed like a good idea at the time. It was fun. We didn't get everything done with the house. I had to special order more curved tile thingies. They'll be in around 2 weeks from now.  It will look good. Still a bit more painting to do too, but it should be done tomorrow or this week sometime.

I paid our property taxes yesterday which equates to my house payment for the year. $1900 give or take. Our property taxes are pretty low. That's a good thing.  We dont have a municipal tax or anything either. A lot of lake houses though,  so I'd guess those would be high. Holland does offer a lot of services. I am Happy to pay my taxes for them too. From the library to road repairs etc....  they gave us money to upgrade our house too.

Other than that not much. Just doing the life thing. Not really a care in the World. Slowly but surely all our projects are getting finished,  and we can just relax, and have fun.

Anyhoo, I got nothing as usual, but I'll hit publish as I've been known to do for no good reason. :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.    :)

Getting Some More Done.

So yesterday after work, I finished all the exterior blue on the walls. Shortly this job will be done. 2 more windows to paint,  and a door. Have to do white for the fascia and peaks,  and trim out the French door. It may seem like a lot,  but really we can get probably it all done Monday my next day off. Actually I don't work Saturday, so maybe even before Monday. We are going to a concert Friday night. A 80s hair band at a casino near here.  Wake up early Saturday and drive home, who knows?  Today I am going to do the circular shingle thing above the garage. All in all it is pretty exciting getting a big job done. New roof,  house painted, all windows have been replaced. Not too shabby.

Other than that not much. I did go to bed early last night, just to get a really good night sleep. You pick your times I guess. Some people like to stay up,  and sleep as late as they can. I like to wake up early if I can,  and go to bed a bit earlier. Of course I have been doing it that way for years so that ain't anything new.

I do have to say I feel really good getting the house painted. I feel it helped motivate me, and maybe put a little pep in my step.

Life looks really good right now I'd say. At some point in the near future there won't be any projects. Real major ones anyway.

Basically I have nothing to blog about. I will have time to take the Hopester. Also on Sunday I went on a long for me run. It would have been better if it wasn't already 160° at 9:00 AM, but I'll take it.

Anyhoo, I got nothing.

I can still hit publish though.   ;)

Laterzzz.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)