Just Some Stuff About Nothing.

I am up at my normal time for a Monday. I just don't have to work today. I have a lot of stuff to do though. It seems like a lot I guess, but I can be done in a couple hours. So much we can do, and so much time we waste. At least in day to day stuff. In the big picture there is nothing we can do. It's all relative.

Yesterday was pretty normal. I worked my Sunday job. I got out a bit early. Planted the rest of my garden. Gardening takes a little tlc. I've been pretty lazy in years past. This year I water things every day. I'll have to fertilize it too soon,  and pretty regularly thereafter.

Life goes on. Day after day. Plug along living out these days. Seems there should be a grand finale huh?  A culmination of these days leads to... our death. No one escapes it.

The terrible part of being me is I know what life stands for. I know what it means. I don't know a lot of stuff, but I know enough that all the noise in the World doesn't mean anything. People place importance in any number of things and it isn't. Collecting money won't help you escape death. You are on a crash course with your end. You will not escape it.

You'll find if you look that nothing really matters, but people are born a creature of this World. It takes a lot for you to not be. It takes a lot for you to not be a slave to it. It isn't in your power either to change you.

The World is made of fluff. It doesn't matter either. The World means nothing.

I don't know. I go on and on though. Apparently for no real reason. So I guess I'll do all I can. I'll go have a day.

Cya.

Just cuz.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Nothing major going on with me at all. I got some stuff done yesterday after work. Cut the grass, water the tomatoes,  cucumbers, beans, and zucchini. Threw some straw around the plants to act as mulch. I had some Coors Lites,  then tacos,  then sleep.

What do I want from a day?  I want my meal to be as good as those tacos were last night.

I don't think I thought of anything particularly interesting yesterday. I think the most important thing on my mind was to get the grass cut. I didn't want that weighing on my mind. Also to take care of the veggies. Oops, cilantro too. Almost forgot about that.

Today I work, and have to transplant a tree. Probably do ribs for dinner. That should be about it. I'll take Hope this morning, and read my book.

I can always dig a bit I guess to try to make my entry not a complete waste of time. I kinda live out my days. There is nothing epic about me or any part of my life. There is nothing epic I need to accomplish. The funny thing is I am still fulfilled. I expect the human experience is to seek for meaning. The funny truth of this is at the end you'll realize there was no meaning. You and I don't matter one bit. It may take your end to see this,  but I've already faced my end. Accepted the worst outcome if that is my lot.

Anyway what I am guessing is you don't know your own insignificance. I know mine. I know I don't matter. If you were to face your end this fact will make you sad. Me enduring two trials I am content with my little life of insignificance. I am not sad about it at all.

You, I am guessing are seeking the epic in life. There is no such thing. None of this really matters. The best you can hope for is a great meal at the end of the day. Watch your veggies grow every day. See the green trees go crazy this time of year.  I'd say have a happy heart, but I know that is not in our power. You have never stood in these shoes I wear.

You don't know what you are missing. Also it makes everything else seem silly kinda.

Anyway. Another cup of coffee,  and my book.

Cya.

To Blog Or Read My Book?

I don't have anything to blog about, so I should just read my book, but I guess I'll try. The most important thing yesterday is I got my garden in. I may throw in some carrots, and more beans, but it is pretty much done. I thought it was going to rain more last night and today,  but the weather changed. I'll have to water it the next couple days.

I find myself needing less sleep. I am staying up later yet still able to get up early. I got stuff for meals for the rest of the weekend,  and really for all of next week too. I have a day off Monday too.

All in all not too shabby. Our last big expense is done too. I saved, and upgraded my dental package. That was an extra $1000, but saved is the operative word. No financing. June is 5 weeks, and Lisa gets paid 3 times,  so we'll be able to save pretty quickly again.

Pretty good when the day to day goes pretty good.

Other than that not much going on. I don't have much to say. Outside of here I think I remain pretty quiet. Maybe I am just not interested in much. I see myself reading more. That might say something. That is more interesting than anything else?  

I got a show on Netflix I like a lot. We watch an episode or two or three. It is why I stay up late I think. Let's watch just one more, and one more after that. I still find myself getting up before my alarm. I think with stiff drinks you need more sleep. Who knew?     ;)

Well this update is dumb. It happens. Now off to my book. 

Cya.

The Direction From Here.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am okay. I slept good last night. I slept in a bit today kinda. Still up early enough to go to work if I had to, so not really sleeping in crazy. I was going to blog,  then not. Grabbed a 2nd cup of coffee, so I decided why not.

So where do we go from here?  I don't know. I am just going to do my thing. I don't place too much importance in me, cuz I am just one person living a life. Like you all really. We are different though. I know what my life is about,  and I know the importance of it,  or lack there of.

I don't really have anything to prove to you. Unlike you I have no need to strive after wind. All our sacrifices = $0. You can't know that or understand it, cuz you have to travel down far along my path to get there. You seek for points,  and they aren't yours to take. You falsely tally up your points too, because unknown to you zero is the amount you have collected.

No amount of sacrifice will help you. The truth will help you,  but the truth comes with fear. If you have no fear, than your heart is really bad.

The World goes on. You don't make sense of it, cuz it just isn't that great. The World is divided cuz it will always be. People kill as a way to falsely think they collect points.

People falsely teach in weird outfits, and nice suits. They have great make up people to make them look flawless on the outside. They make you feel secure saying they have the answer and the way. Many are under their power. It takes a lot to overcome all the bad leaven you've collected over the years. Everyone is a false teacher too, cuz it is impossible for you not to be. You yourself unknowingly try to lead many astray.

The path of you is a very bad route. You have no idea. It keeps the truth away. Your 10.0 instagram fantabulous Olympic score doesn't mean anything.

In the end we don't mean anything. Somewhere along the way you have to deal with you. Instagram won't help. Make up won't help. Clothes, costumes, and uniforms won't help. You have no idea how lost we are just being born here.

A tough message. I know that. I lived it. Accepted,  and kept moving on. I did not go astray even though my future looked bleak. I was smart to be obedient,  even though I was mad.

Anyhoo. Today I have a day off. I have a split appointment. 9:00 for an impression, and the afternoon to get my final thing. Pretty exciting.

Cya.  :)

Another Post.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I am up way earlier than need be, but I feel I am done sleeping so.

Not much happened this past weekend. I read some books and listened to some books. I worked,  and stayed up later than normal. I tried blogging yesterday,  but it was dumb. I was tired yesterday too,  cuz I stayed up too late. Today,  I am up way earlier than I need to be.

Other than that not much going on. There is a holiday this weekend so I'll get a day off. I have a day off tomorrow,  but for an appointment.

If you want news of my drinking one day a week, that ain't happening. Instead of 3-4 stiff drinks though, I may have 3-4 coors lights. That makes a difference. It is basically like drinking water. You don't really get buzzed, and you don't want to drink much more of that. It gives you the relaxing feeling without the stiff drink stupidity. You don't end up stupid.

Other than that I read a lot. I have a meal, and I've been watching a show on Netflix. We do some cleaning and whatnot and we have some projects.

A boring life for sure, but aren't they all. Everybody in their mind is doing so much important stuff, but you aren't. There isn't anything really lasting and significant to do. You don't know that,  cuz you are a creature of this place. You can't see past uniforms,  and suits,  and clothes. You look on the outside,  and all the important stuff is inside.

Your World is pictures, and the most interesting thing about people is what's on the inside. What is in your inside isn't perfect. Even if you score a 10.0 in your instagram fantabulous Olympic score.

The thing I know about all people is you didn't do it all right. You carved out some little niche in life. It isn't totally what you expected, cuz you today are different than you yesterday. 5 and 10 year plans got jumbled,  cuz you thought you would always be the same. Maybe you are in the same life, but things sure look different than you thought they would.

Wanna know why. Your heart deceives you. It doesn't stay the same. You may try to force it to act in such a way... to keep a high score in your instagram Olympic score, but you don't control it.

You don't control you. Your mind has thoughts you'd like to block out. Things that may be inappropriate if others knew.

We can dress ourselves in acceptable clothes, but what can you do about the inside you? 

Why do you not have any control over you?  I know why.

Hint:  it is a pretty dark secret. The truth is pretty ugly. Some things I cannot really teach you while you are still a creature of this World.

End note:  I just used Instagram as an example. Do NOT follow me on instagram. I don't use it. I once had an account, but I don't use it anymore. I am not the type of person who really cares about pictures. Obviously.

Anyhoo. I guess that's good. 

Have a good one.  :)

The Nameless People.

So anyway I live pretty close to the Heinz factory. Many days you can tell it must be pickle day, cuz you smell the vinegar. I pass it regularly as I bike to work. I probably pass it around 5:20 AM give or take. I often see people walking up to enter the building and start their shift. These are the nameless people. What is their life about?  Many of these people are Hispanic. I wonder what they do for dinner? 

Another Heinz employee is a neighbor of mine. I know this, cuz when I was driving to work on a Sunday around 5:30 AM a whole ago, he was driving too. He parked at the Heinz factory. Yesterday I saw him walking his 2 dogs. He had the blank stare on his face of a nameless person.

I took Hope to the park yesterday. I shot the basketball, and threw a ball for Hope. I think she enjoyed sprinting after it. I came home and relaxed out front. I had a few beers. No one was outside. It was probably the nicest days we had, and no one was outside. What do people do? 

I thought of that this morning before I got up I guess. I had another wake up early day. During and after dinner last night we watched a couple more "How to get away with murder" shows.

A day happened yesterday. I didn't do anything real significant. It was such a nice day out I knew I was going to the park. It's always empty. I knew I wanted to make burgers, cuz we haven't done 'em in forever.

I woke up early today, once again to the surprise of my wife. Where has she been all these years?   Whenever I am a first shifter I typically wake up early.

Today is before me, and I have no idea what little pointless things will make it up. I need to buy tomato plants. It is kinda a pain,  cuz I bike to work. I could always drive, but I hate that. Biking is what I'd rather do. It's just fun in the morning. Driving is a chore. Biking is just fun. A good start I guess.

Anyway, enough of this dumb blog.

Til tomorrow probably.

Have fun.   :)

The Most Significant Thing Yesterday.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am good. I got a good night sleep last night. I think I stayed up later than normal the night before,  cuz I was tired after work.

I remember thinking of sleeping in, and I did. Then I thought maybe I'd over sleep. I worried about that. Instead of sleeping for an extra 3 hours like I thought I just did,  I slept an extra half hour. :)  then I was up.

Anyway yesterday when I was up I kinda just sat there and thought of how I felt I guess. I had a feeling of peace inside. I had nothing to worry about at all. I had the same thought later too. Just doing my thing at work. The work day will end, and my life is filled with very little to no 'have to' 

Hard to explain I guess just very little stress I guess cuz that is how my days are. I think of how other people are, and I know people very little. It is hard for me to step in your shoes cuz all people take your route except me. I went a different way. Everyone starts on the same route. Me too. It is a route of society,  and propaganda. Family pressures to do this and that. Societal pressures to be an upstanding citizen. Perhaps religious pressures. We all at one time are a slave to something.

People strive, join a group. Our group is right. I put forth effort in this. I am a Saint cuz I worked harder than such and such. I'm a Saint cuz I fought for a Country. I'm a Saint cuz I killed for God. Everyone knows the story of Noah. In that regard people who kill for God are dumb. He doesn't need help in that area.

Anyway people are born to be one of the multitudes. To seek a different way you have to throw everything out. Upbringing, society,  religion,  lack of religion. Reason being is it all may be wrong. Why should you be a product of anything else?  You are alone in this World. Accountable for your actions. In the end you'll find nothing was really that important. The important thing is the truth, but the World hides the truth. It is hidden behind centuries and centuries of a bad History. The World colors history in pretty colors.

The World and life is ugly. Our insides are kinda dark. Perfection is not near us. Perfection is the thing most people gloss over. It's not possible so why worry?

Who says it's not possible?   Just cuz you can't do it then it can't be done?

Are you sure?   You gonna bet everything on that,  cuz that is the path you are on. Like everyone else,  except me.

Anyway the most significant thing for me yesterday was I had nothing to worry about. It is a gift from my labor that started somewhere in the early '90s. Probably '90 or '91.

The story isn't done, but my labor is kinda. I know my story,  and these days I have no clue of yours. I don't know what part you play,  and I accept maybe none.

Accepting stuff is easy for me, cuz I had to accept a lot of stuff. Harsh stuff. Faith is perfected through trials and tribulations, and those just made me strong. Not perfect yet, just strong.

Strong enough to stand on my own. I will be weak again when I do my final thing, cuz after that this person will be no more. I will be different. The stuff inside me now that makes perfection impossible has to leave me,  and I have to have the perfect stuff come inside me.

Only one way that happens,  and that story has been hidden for a long time.

Anyway. It is raining, so I'll make another coffee,  and read my book.

Later.   :)