Hello, and good morning. How's it going?? Me I am doing great. I got home early last night, and slept like a champ. Almost 5 square hours, so that has me totally ready to start my day. I have coffee, I will have run, I then will have work, and then I will have burgers on the grill. I think I slept so good, because of the PB&J sammwich I had before falling asleep. It must be it. That is how things work in this galaxy. If we were on Zaphron 14-.3 it would be a sardine sandwich toasted on rye bread you would need.
Anyhoodles now that you have that info I guess we can move on. Now where we?? Oh yeah probably talking about life and stuff. I say a lot of things on here. Are you scared of you?? Are you afraid of what people would think if they knew the stuff you think about?? What makes you tick. I have equated this blog with a mirror. I imagine the purpose is to break you down. Break down your defenses, because you to get to know you more is at first not to like you that much.
Imperfect people with no way at all to turn us into an ideal person.
You are powerless to make you into the ideal person you would want to be. So many bad things in us. So many weaknesses we wish we had control of.
Life is a crazy story huh?? We grow up being taught we are all that. Seek affirmation after affirmation, and the truth is way different. The truth we cannot hide from. We can try via different routes of escape, or by painting pretty pictures of us that people will accept, but when it comes to you vs. the mirror the mirror knows all. It sees all, and maybe that shit we'd assume keep in the dark.
Staying in the dark is one avenue, but the light is where it is at. To get to know us. To deal with the pain of our life, and our shortcomings so we can be cleaned out of all the stuff that holds us down.
I know people want to think their value is more than one coin. To be human is to error.
You want to be the best you; you can be, then you have to deal with you.
Trust me I know enough that maybe it is scary. Maybe the fleeing acceptance in some form or another is all you seek. It is all you want, but to not go the right direction just makes you a worse person.
A human's life is a slippery slope of the Earth taking us down a path to misery, because there will always be something missing.
It is why you are the way you are now. So you will question things. If this is the best life has to offer than it sure kinda sucks huh?? :)
LOL
Okay, time for me to get going.
Laterzzzzzzz
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Friday, May 22, 2015
Not Exactly Ideal...
Gahhhhh, wouldn't you know it?? My night ended at work early last night, so I was able to come home, get to bed, be well rested as I am working both jobs today. Didn't sleep worth crap even though I was tired. My sleep has been pretty whack this week. I could have worked yesterday, but I stayed up, and only slept a few hours, so I would have been worthless.
Today I also go meet up, and do a walk through of my new job, so it will be a busy day. Weekend is shaping up nicely however as I work a few hours on Saturday, and 4-5 on Sunday, and have all of Monday off. So today will finish up my last full week at my current ft job. Next week is short, and next Wed. after that is my last day.
So a lot of changes, and that is always exciting. I look at my post yesterday, and I have a tough message. This is hard. It isn't easy, and you know it surely wasn't always easy for me. If you could look inside my head way back when you could see a young man with questions. Eventually life shrank so much it was just me. I had a desire to be a good person. I really was a loser at this point. Everyone was getting careers and getting married, and doing stuff like that, and I was walking aimlessly. I couldn't see anything of my life. So I just worked. I lived a simple life, but my goal of being a good person wasn't getting nearer. In my mind I had an idea of how I wanted to be, but I was a failure. Too many human shortcomings.
I didn't know that was how it was though. The closer we get to the truth the less we may like ourself. The ideal person we want to be is far away.
I would have liked someone to help me at this point in time. There was no one like me though. My solo journey is how it was supposed to be. Along with it comes a title, and I talked of that before.
So anyway, like I said today my day is whack. I am having my first cup of coffee since Monday though. I don't drink it every day. Especially if my sleep is whack. I'll take Hope for a run too, also first time since Monday.
I am not the best a person can be, but I will be. Whether you come along is up to you. That is your battle. It isn't you vs. the World. It is just you vs. you.
Regardless it isn't easy.
All right I am out.
Laterzzzzzzzzz
Today I also go meet up, and do a walk through of my new job, so it will be a busy day. Weekend is shaping up nicely however as I work a few hours on Saturday, and 4-5 on Sunday, and have all of Monday off. So today will finish up my last full week at my current ft job. Next week is short, and next Wed. after that is my last day.
So a lot of changes, and that is always exciting. I look at my post yesterday, and I have a tough message. This is hard. It isn't easy, and you know it surely wasn't always easy for me. If you could look inside my head way back when you could see a young man with questions. Eventually life shrank so much it was just me. I had a desire to be a good person. I really was a loser at this point. Everyone was getting careers and getting married, and doing stuff like that, and I was walking aimlessly. I couldn't see anything of my life. So I just worked. I lived a simple life, but my goal of being a good person wasn't getting nearer. In my mind I had an idea of how I wanted to be, but I was a failure. Too many human shortcomings.
I didn't know that was how it was though. The closer we get to the truth the less we may like ourself. The ideal person we want to be is far away.
I would have liked someone to help me at this point in time. There was no one like me though. My solo journey is how it was supposed to be. Along with it comes a title, and I talked of that before.
So anyway, like I said today my day is whack. I am having my first cup of coffee since Monday though. I don't drink it every day. Especially if my sleep is whack. I'll take Hope for a run too, also first time since Monday.
I am not the best a person can be, but I will be. Whether you come along is up to you. That is your battle. It isn't you vs. the World. It is just you vs. you.
Regardless it isn't easy.
All right I am out.
Laterzzzzzzzzz
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Just Scratching The Surface...
Hello, and good morning. This has been quite a week really. Really people just scratch the surface of life. For all the posturing to make their mark it seems people miss the whole point.
Why are you here?? If you go with an idea to throw everything out like I told you probably several years ago you can learn some things. It isn't that hard. Whatever is good and right will come back. Whatever is garbage stays thrown out. That is a strange logic of this World.
What is so great about society you want to base your whole being on it. Oh I know the difficult question you have to ask. Lucky for me I questioned things right after College. I wasn't really holding anything, but some stupid diploma, and I still had my job I did during college.
Here is a question for you though. What happens if everything you do. All your activities, and everything you built your life on, what happens if that = zero points??
You are in your ant colony of a World. You think you are special, and your life really matters. You are an important one. What if it turns out you aren't??
Many people walked the Earth. Doing all sorts of stuff. They all die though. Soon to be forgotten, and who gives a crap about halls of fame, and stupid crap like that. When you are dead you don't think once about that kinda stuff.
I'll give you one hint though. When you are dead you will wish you did EVERYTHING in your power to be on the right side of right. In the eye of the needle parable the one with tears knew the end, and the other didn't.
I know the end, and I know it in two ways. It is what clothes me that brief time I was full in spirit. I tasted a glimpse of the people's end. It was temporary, because I had to go down a path where I walked in fear. I trusted being full in spirit, but I was to trust something else. I was secure being full in spirit, and without it I wasn't. As a matter of fact it wasn't until after #2 I did feel secure. Although the blogging before that you'll remember I woke up strong every morning to start the day again.
I will be clothed fully again. Full in spirit, and full of understanding. It won't be a taste of the end, it will be the real deal. I will know the multitudes end, having lived it.
So I learned a lot, and lived a lot of things making the turn way back when. Throwing out society as my savior, and that kind of stuff. I am who I was meant to be. If there is some reason I am here, I am doing it. I've been tested with acts of obedience where I had no vision, but I did what was asked. I played the fool.
However the one good thing I did do was make the turn. I asked when I was told I would be rescued out of every web I got tangled in why?? I thought it was because I suffered this or suffered that. The answer was overcoming me was a big deal.
I had nothing to gain, and it was me just giving. I have this picture in my mind of my future, but I lay it down. Your will, not mine.
It ended up being a quid pro quo really, except I didn't know it. I gave up my coin having no idea it meant anything. I received a much better one in return, although I had no idea I would.
No path is easy. We trust blindly, but you have me to help, because that is why I am here.
This blog was about trust and strength for a long time. You'll still need it. Your strength you will find in your weakness and fear. Your "greatness" is just some stupid crap society gives medals to.
You are still at the fork. The choice isn't the path less traveled really. We'll call it the path rarely traveled. You know where you stand.
This is long so I cannot correct typos. :)
Laterzzzzzzzz
Why are you here?? If you go with an idea to throw everything out like I told you probably several years ago you can learn some things. It isn't that hard. Whatever is good and right will come back. Whatever is garbage stays thrown out. That is a strange logic of this World.
What is so great about society you want to base your whole being on it. Oh I know the difficult question you have to ask. Lucky for me I questioned things right after College. I wasn't really holding anything, but some stupid diploma, and I still had my job I did during college.
Here is a question for you though. What happens if everything you do. All your activities, and everything you built your life on, what happens if that = zero points??
You are in your ant colony of a World. You think you are special, and your life really matters. You are an important one. What if it turns out you aren't??
Many people walked the Earth. Doing all sorts of stuff. They all die though. Soon to be forgotten, and who gives a crap about halls of fame, and stupid crap like that. When you are dead you don't think once about that kinda stuff.
I'll give you one hint though. When you are dead you will wish you did EVERYTHING in your power to be on the right side of right. In the eye of the needle parable the one with tears knew the end, and the other didn't.
I know the end, and I know it in two ways. It is what clothes me that brief time I was full in spirit. I tasted a glimpse of the people's end. It was temporary, because I had to go down a path where I walked in fear. I trusted being full in spirit, but I was to trust something else. I was secure being full in spirit, and without it I wasn't. As a matter of fact it wasn't until after #2 I did feel secure. Although the blogging before that you'll remember I woke up strong every morning to start the day again.
I will be clothed fully again. Full in spirit, and full of understanding. It won't be a taste of the end, it will be the real deal. I will know the multitudes end, having lived it.
So I learned a lot, and lived a lot of things making the turn way back when. Throwing out society as my savior, and that kind of stuff. I am who I was meant to be. If there is some reason I am here, I am doing it. I've been tested with acts of obedience where I had no vision, but I did what was asked. I played the fool.
However the one good thing I did do was make the turn. I asked when I was told I would be rescued out of every web I got tangled in why?? I thought it was because I suffered this or suffered that. The answer was overcoming me was a big deal.
I had nothing to gain, and it was me just giving. I have this picture in my mind of my future, but I lay it down. Your will, not mine.
It ended up being a quid pro quo really, except I didn't know it. I gave up my coin having no idea it meant anything. I received a much better one in return, although I had no idea I would.
No path is easy. We trust blindly, but you have me to help, because that is why I am here.
This blog was about trust and strength for a long time. You'll still need it. Your strength you will find in your weakness and fear. Your "greatness" is just some stupid crap society gives medals to.
You are still at the fork. The choice isn't the path less traveled really. We'll call it the path rarely traveled. You know where you stand.
This is long so I cannot correct typos. :)
Laterzzzzzzzz
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Out Of Nothing
I may have used that title before, but not really sure. I had a pretty good day yesterday. I got a lot done, and really don't have much to do today. Weed whack the yard, fold laundry, maybe a couple dishes.
Out of nothing is today's post. I don't have much on my mind. Yesterday's post was okay I thought. It is the story of me. Live a life, have my life explode with death, break-ups, my short comings, and wanting answers.
So what happened to me is I made necessary steps that helped remove the paver that blocked my sight. This is pushing 30 years ago like 28 or something. I then went through some things, and lived a life where all was hidden, except for me, and one other.
So here I come out starting with heimleblog, but probably before that too. I had a story, and it is well told.
The problem is the paver being lifted is such a small part of me, and it was so long ago. We are born in this any colony with the paver blocking our view. It is one of the things you lack. Most people never graduate out of the ant colony. It has been tried, but the message falls on deaf ears.
You will find in life at some point where you went wrong. You will see the hurt you have caused people. It is good to do this now, because like I said you don't have all the time in the World.
There is a lot to do, and you have much to do. Life as you know it with all our posturing to show everyone how great we are, and how great our life is, that should be over.
As you see I can only do so much. I can point you in the right direction, but you actually have to look at yourself.
Are you happy?? Is this life thing really all that?? Why am I so fricken busy all the time doing who knows what??
I know the tale of a life under the paver. It is lonely, and empty, and under the paver no one knows you.
It is sad really. Then we look for heroes, and there are none. Not one is strong enough to save us from our blind life under the paver, save one.
It is a sad existence under the paver. A life closed out from the World.
Yikes!!
Anyway I guess that is it.
We'll see what today brings.
Laterzzzzzzz
Out of nothing is today's post. I don't have much on my mind. Yesterday's post was okay I thought. It is the story of me. Live a life, have my life explode with death, break-ups, my short comings, and wanting answers.
So what happened to me is I made necessary steps that helped remove the paver that blocked my sight. This is pushing 30 years ago like 28 or something. I then went through some things, and lived a life where all was hidden, except for me, and one other.
So here I come out starting with heimleblog, but probably before that too. I had a story, and it is well told.
The problem is the paver being lifted is such a small part of me, and it was so long ago. We are born in this any colony with the paver blocking our view. It is one of the things you lack. Most people never graduate out of the ant colony. It has been tried, but the message falls on deaf ears.
You will find in life at some point where you went wrong. You will see the hurt you have caused people. It is good to do this now, because like I said you don't have all the time in the World.
There is a lot to do, and you have much to do. Life as you know it with all our posturing to show everyone how great we are, and how great our life is, that should be over.
As you see I can only do so much. I can point you in the right direction, but you actually have to look at yourself.
Are you happy?? Is this life thing really all that?? Why am I so fricken busy all the time doing who knows what??
I know the tale of a life under the paver. It is lonely, and empty, and under the paver no one knows you.
It is sad really. Then we look for heroes, and there are none. Not one is strong enough to save us from our blind life under the paver, save one.
It is a sad existence under the paver. A life closed out from the World.
Yikes!!
Anyway I guess that is it.
We'll see what today brings.
Laterzzzzzzz
Monday, May 18, 2015
The Reward For My Lack Of Sleep.
Hello, and good morning. How's it going?? Me, I am doing good. I spent a lot of my Sunday sleeping, but my reward is I am up early Monday to start my day. I am rested, and have coffee and feel good. I'll take it. :)
Anyway I was thinking about some things, and actually I was thinking about me, and my job. What I am here to do. It is my job to go into a colony of ants (people in the World) and tell them what they are doing doesn't matter. There is a bigger plan, and more important work that needs to be done. You've been singled out to do it, you just have to be willing.
The only problem with it is everyone is content doing their ant duties, and quite frankly many think they are the Queen is my guess.
So I have labored several years so far. It seems some ants may be curious here and there, but the message gets lost. An ant's life is a busy life you know. A lot of important things that need to be done. I mean yeah there are risks that some big human may come along, and lift up our paver block of security and crush our World, but that shit only happens in fictional books, and silly stories like Noah, and all those other ones.
The story of the Bible is a messenger telling his take to a colony of ants. Success is limited, because the ants don't see past their paver block security walls.
Lol
What a horrible job I have. :)
You ants are the worst. :) Haha
Xoxoxoxoxo
Xxxxxxxxx
MWAH!!! :)))
I get to take the hopester for a run after my coffee. Fun fun. :)
p.s. I don't kill ants. I figure they serve a purpose, and I am cool with them.
Anyway I was thinking about some things, and actually I was thinking about me, and my job. What I am here to do. It is my job to go into a colony of ants (people in the World) and tell them what they are doing doesn't matter. There is a bigger plan, and more important work that needs to be done. You've been singled out to do it, you just have to be willing.
The only problem with it is everyone is content doing their ant duties, and quite frankly many think they are the Queen is my guess.
So I have labored several years so far. It seems some ants may be curious here and there, but the message gets lost. An ant's life is a busy life you know. A lot of important things that need to be done. I mean yeah there are risks that some big human may come along, and lift up our paver block of security and crush our World, but that shit only happens in fictional books, and silly stories like Noah, and all those other ones.
The story of the Bible is a messenger telling his take to a colony of ants. Success is limited, because the ants don't see past their paver block security walls.
Lol
What a horrible job I have. :)
You ants are the worst. :) Haha
Xoxoxoxoxo
Xxxxxxxxx
MWAH!!! :)))
I get to take the hopester for a run after my coffee. Fun fun. :)
p.s. I don't kill ants. I figure they serve a purpose, and I am cool with them.
Sunday, May 17, 2015
The Midnight Walk.
Hello, and good morning. How's it going?? Me, I am doing okay, but I haven't slept yet. I cannot fall asleep. I went on a 3:00am walk with hope, and read, and played stupid games with my phone. Still no sleep. I am half tempted to go get a bottle, and make a stiff drink to knock me out, but that doesn't sound tempting at all.
So I thought I'd tell you some things I thought about. One being I don't walk much. I run all the time, and never walk. Nothing wrong with a walk. I am also amazed at how all the trees and plants exploded over the last week or two. A 3:00 am walk is kinda nice really.
Unfortunately I did see life though. In my mind as I walked past all the dark houses I saw glimpses of life. Kids with messy bedrooms, playing video games, and doing what kids do. Nothing useful unless you have a gun to their head. Dad's drunk, and wife maybe too. A lot of tv, and Monday morning jobs.
To be honest it all seemed pretty gross. Arguments, and unhappiness, and all I thought was how do people dress this up as good?? What is so great about growing up so you can become a slave to the 4 walls of your house, and the mortgage payment?
You better tackle life with humor, because life is gross, and dangerous, and silly, and all that stuff. I thought how many smiling pics of some stupid life, while we bury our skeletons in shame.
I thought what a weird thing life is , and why do we feel the need to dress it up. I think in the truth you will find happiness, because everything that is a lie brings misery. Misery makes us mad, and makes us hate whatever or whoever the scapegoat of the day is.
I think of the totality of life, and the World, and I count zero activities that are worth a damn. That actually mean anything.
Anyway that is what I thought of.
I'll remember the 3:00 am walk was okay.
So I thought I'd tell you some things I thought about. One being I don't walk much. I run all the time, and never walk. Nothing wrong with a walk. I am also amazed at how all the trees and plants exploded over the last week or two. A 3:00 am walk is kinda nice really.
Unfortunately I did see life though. In my mind as I walked past all the dark houses I saw glimpses of life. Kids with messy bedrooms, playing video games, and doing what kids do. Nothing useful unless you have a gun to their head. Dad's drunk, and wife maybe too. A lot of tv, and Monday morning jobs.
To be honest it all seemed pretty gross. Arguments, and unhappiness, and all I thought was how do people dress this up as good?? What is so great about growing up so you can become a slave to the 4 walls of your house, and the mortgage payment?
You better tackle life with humor, because life is gross, and dangerous, and silly, and all that stuff. I thought how many smiling pics of some stupid life, while we bury our skeletons in shame.
I thought what a weird thing life is , and why do we feel the need to dress it up. I think in the truth you will find happiness, because everything that is a lie brings misery. Misery makes us mad, and makes us hate whatever or whoever the scapegoat of the day is.
I think of the totality of life, and the World, and I count zero activities that are worth a damn. That actually mean anything.
Anyway that is what I thought of.
I'll remember the 3:00 am walk was okay.
Friday, May 15, 2015
Omigosh
Hello, and good morning. How's it going?? Me, I am doing okay. I would have liked to have slept more, but whatever. Hope, and I have a run date, and not much else. I have a project I want to do, but may wait til Sunday.
My title is because I have nothing today, and maybe even less than nothing. If that is possible. As I was working last night I guess I wished my heart was in life a bit more, but I know it isn't and probably won't be. It helps you drink the kool-aid probably. No one is so very far away except those who are the most arrogant probably. The most all knowing. The curse of being human. We are wrong, but we think we are right.
Our heart pulls, but we hide that in the activities we do, and that we place a disproportionate amount of importance in as compared to the real importance of these activities.
The weak and broken are so much more closer, because that is where help lies. Help lies in your meekness, not your greatness.
I guess my blog has gone a certain way for a long time. I expected some things to remain forever. I guess last night I realized it may not be the case. Fewer and fewer and fewer people are willing, if any.
I totally am willing to give up all the things in this blog, because my priorities were always what my heart wanted to do. I am good you know?? I try to help, and I gather unsuccessfully, but that is okay too, because I have done what was asked, and I did my job. Just happens no one else is willing.
That isn't my fault. I know I have some gifts that help me do more than you, but I didn't ask you to walk in any steps I haven't previously. I just needed you to have the courage to listen to your heart, because your mind tells you horrible stuff.
The truth is a scary thing, because it means everything up to this point is wrong. You are wrong. I have become what I wanted back in the journey days. I have become right. I can walk with a confident heart.
I am not perfect yet like I have said, but you know all things considered 2 out of 3 is not a horrible way to live. The goal was always the gifts from when #3 was done.
I guess it will be with less people than I imagined.
You don't have all the time in the World, and that is a scary thing.
I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. You have no idea the bad decisions you make.
I can only help so much though. It was always going to come down to you vs. you, and I am not in that equation. My heart though is strong, and I will let you people do as you wish, and I have to stay true to me. I will follow the path before me. With or without you.
I tried, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I got no problem with that either.
Okay, I gotta run. Cya.
Laterzzzzzz
My title is because I have nothing today, and maybe even less than nothing. If that is possible. As I was working last night I guess I wished my heart was in life a bit more, but I know it isn't and probably won't be. It helps you drink the kool-aid probably. No one is so very far away except those who are the most arrogant probably. The most all knowing. The curse of being human. We are wrong, but we think we are right.
Our heart pulls, but we hide that in the activities we do, and that we place a disproportionate amount of importance in as compared to the real importance of these activities.
The weak and broken are so much more closer, because that is where help lies. Help lies in your meekness, not your greatness.
I guess my blog has gone a certain way for a long time. I expected some things to remain forever. I guess last night I realized it may not be the case. Fewer and fewer and fewer people are willing, if any.
I totally am willing to give up all the things in this blog, because my priorities were always what my heart wanted to do. I am good you know?? I try to help, and I gather unsuccessfully, but that is okay too, because I have done what was asked, and I did my job. Just happens no one else is willing.
That isn't my fault. I know I have some gifts that help me do more than you, but I didn't ask you to walk in any steps I haven't previously. I just needed you to have the courage to listen to your heart, because your mind tells you horrible stuff.
The truth is a scary thing, because it means everything up to this point is wrong. You are wrong. I have become what I wanted back in the journey days. I have become right. I can walk with a confident heart.
I am not perfect yet like I have said, but you know all things considered 2 out of 3 is not a horrible way to live. The goal was always the gifts from when #3 was done.
I guess it will be with less people than I imagined.
You don't have all the time in the World, and that is a scary thing.
I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. You have no idea the bad decisions you make.
I can only help so much though. It was always going to come down to you vs. you, and I am not in that equation. My heart though is strong, and I will let you people do as you wish, and I have to stay true to me. I will follow the path before me. With or without you.
I tried, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I got no problem with that either.
Okay, I gotta run. Cya.
Laterzzzzzz
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