Hello, and good afternoon all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty okay I'd say. We got a little snow last night, but not quite enough to use my snow blower. I want to use my snow blower, because I haven't used it in several years. It wasn't working, so I always just shoveled. After last Winter I decided to get it fixed. A friend of ours has a small engine business so I had him tune up the lawn mower, and fix the snow blower. Snow blower works, and starts up, and I am ready for snow. :)
It is just a small 2 cycle blower you have to mix oil, and gas, but I am ready.
Other than that not too much going on with me. Out of the blue I have a full 3 day weekend this weekend. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off. I'll be off at 4:00 AM this morning til Monday at 8:00 PM. What will I do what will I do?? I have a couple things around the house to do. I will run. I may look around for other jobs, just to see what is out there. My World is open and free. I would say one of the stories about me the past couple years is I am less and less tied down to stuff.
Some people have jobs, and they tie us down, because we have to eat and stuff, and pay bills. We have houses with mortgages, and apartments with rents. It doesn't end either, because we have forever in our minds so there are retirements to plan for. College isn't cheap, and there are bills. Debts that need to be paid off, etc...
Life is hard. How does one survive with a happy heart? So much to life just weighs on us. That is a disconnect between me and you too. I don't worry about the future. Very little is in my control, and actually I know some things anyway about me and my future, which actually takes a lot of worry out of me. Perhaps too much, but that is only because I don't know the timing of things. For instance, I thought this shit right here. This blog and stuff, I thought it would be done long ago. The plans for my future in my mind were going to be done years ago.
Having said that I still don't worry about it too too much, because I get to wake up like this almost every day. With a heart that is glad, and not worried about too too much. I work, and I can run, and eat, and a lot of the hang ups people have are nowhere near me. The stuff in life that may stress people out probably affects you more than me.
Your future is uncertain. The true answer to your 5 year plan should be I have no fucking clue what will happen in 5 years. I'll work toward this, but who knows how things will look? Some will put their faith in themselves really. I think that is fine in ways, because confidence is a good thing, and willingness to put forth effort is too, but so much to this World is out of your control. Just look at the Country I live in. Sooooo much hate on both sides. What kind of good will come from that?? Hate makes a person's reasoning turn to crap, so EVERYTHING their side says is right. They can't see the forest from the trees type of thing.
There is a big disconnect between me and you. I look at life different, and I see it different. I'd like to take you to my side, because it is better. There is that trust gap though huh?? You have to eat, and make rent payments, and mortgage payments, and you don't think that is known?? You don't think what you need is known, so you don't trust.
I get it. Life has tied you into a web, and there is no way out. Too many responsibilities, and people expect too much from you right now, and you cannot blow that off.
Every part of the chain that ties you down is known. Everything. You got yourself into a big mess called life. You were destined to, because that is how life works. I could go on and on, but really there is a big disconnect between me and you.
I get that you are right, and your reasoning is tight, but there is one thing you don't have, and I bet it is what keeps you wondering, and what keeps you coming back.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. Today will be my first snow run. There may be enough snow when I get back to snow blow too. :) WOOP ;)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Another Day, Another Blog...
Hello, and good morning. How's it going?? Me, I guess I am doing okay. It is still morning, and I am up, and have been up, so I haven't slept as much as I'd like. Not being able to sleep adds stress a bit to life huh?? I was thinking I want to sleep such and such hours, and trust me it was more than 3, and it ain't going to happen. I was kinda stressing about it a bit, but then I realized. It is just one day. I probably won't be that tired. I have had a lot of sleep the last few days, and tomorrow, I can sleep as much as I want. Also I thought too, I have plenty of time to get a run in before I start job #1.
I am enjoying a cup of coffee right now, and I will probably make myself another before my run. So I have had a blog a while. This one here the wait has been around for several years. The day it started, man was I in a good spot. I knew it, and I knew things were good, and there were several years where the blog was about certain things huh??
I'd have to go back, to the first few years to remember, but this was a running blog of sorts, because I ran. I biked some too. It was a blog for at least a year or two about trust and strength. This year if it was about anything it was about failure. The failure of this blog to do what it was meant to do. I blogged about half as much as I used to, and I think I was disappointed. I wanted so much out of people, and they gave very little. I was negative, and not very giving, and I'd say I wanted people to come out of their shell and open up, and be brave, and stuff like that, and it wasn't there.
As a running blog I think this blog is about failure very much too, because for the last several years lets face it, I am a great injured runner, but sucky runner otherwise.
If this blog is a failure, and my running is a failure, well isn't that just a microcosm of life. Our lives in many ways are failures. We are not as strong as we'd like to be. We are not as courageous. As to virtues which of us has any??
I read a lot of girl bloggers, and there is a disconnect in ways sometimes to how they view a random dude (me) taking an interest in a girls life. Guys are such a way, and girls know it, and that probably is why this blog was so very much about trust. It is what I have said before without it you got nothing. At least as far as I am concerned.
Remember what Olga said to me a few years ago, "I trust you, trust me" That was the quid pro quo that this blog stands on. That was the one in which people failed. From where I stood, and my lack of vision into your life I didn't get it. I couldn't stand in your shoes, and a while ago I blogged about overcoming the first time. Remember my lack of trust. "You can save yourself, but at the expense of your friends"
I said "God's Will be done" My heart felt I was doomed. I knew he'd save the others, but I was to die.
I think I just had a plain old simple heart back then. It was not strong enough to do what needed to be done. Remember after the Hospital my ordeal wasn't over, because I had to go through a physical depression for like a year or so. The energy all came back while I was stripping floors at Bromenn Healthcare. I remember it vividly, and I knew I was free to do as I choose.
You know one of the things I forgot about during the physical depression?? I was not free to do as I choose at all. I had to get to a certain point, and the point was if I am destined for Hell, please let me accept it for that which I deserve.
I am destined for Hell, and I have to accept it this way, so as not to blaspheme. It is the way to victory. I totally forgot about that, but that was a necessary step of mine.
Anyway I am just talking out loud so to speak. I have noticed a new beginning. A new year perhaps. It seems the year of failure is over, and we are back on track kinda. Not that we are anywhere nearer than when we started, but all lives are failures like the thief on the cross. The thief wasn't dead yet, so there still was Hope.
So this blog goes on. I know the direction, and I know how we will go. How it will look I have no idea. What you show I have no idea. How many will fall away I don't know. How many may find their way back I have no idea.
I do realize I have a closer connection to those who I have shared stuff with. I see them easier, and I know them easier. Some are very close, because their life has led them this way. Some are very far, because their life still is very much pretty much ALL about them. They have a long way to go, and actually it will probably be a hard road.
When the vision is poor it takes a lot to open the eyes, and that is just the hard truth about that.
Anyway, as we start a new blogging year, I guess we are in a better position than last year.
This year was the dead year, and maybe this new year will bring us a better year as far as all this goes. More courage for people. More sharing, and less hiding. There is a lot to our lives, and much we want to hide, because of its imperfections.
There was one who was really good at showing that stuff sometimes. Her life was just as imperfect as all of ours, but she was courageous as Hell to let us in.
I even gave her flowers on my blog like once or twice I think. :)
Anyway, I am rambling.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. I am not really excited about the cold weather coming, but I do love when you run in the cold, it makes you not think the cold is so cold later on. At least for me.
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
xoxoxoxo MWAH!!! :)
I am enjoying a cup of coffee right now, and I will probably make myself another before my run. So I have had a blog a while. This one here the wait has been around for several years. The day it started, man was I in a good spot. I knew it, and I knew things were good, and there were several years where the blog was about certain things huh??
I'd have to go back, to the first few years to remember, but this was a running blog of sorts, because I ran. I biked some too. It was a blog for at least a year or two about trust and strength. This year if it was about anything it was about failure. The failure of this blog to do what it was meant to do. I blogged about half as much as I used to, and I think I was disappointed. I wanted so much out of people, and they gave very little. I was negative, and not very giving, and I'd say I wanted people to come out of their shell and open up, and be brave, and stuff like that, and it wasn't there.
As a running blog I think this blog is about failure very much too, because for the last several years lets face it, I am a great injured runner, but sucky runner otherwise.
If this blog is a failure, and my running is a failure, well isn't that just a microcosm of life. Our lives in many ways are failures. We are not as strong as we'd like to be. We are not as courageous. As to virtues which of us has any??
I read a lot of girl bloggers, and there is a disconnect in ways sometimes to how they view a random dude (me) taking an interest in a girls life. Guys are such a way, and girls know it, and that probably is why this blog was so very much about trust. It is what I have said before without it you got nothing. At least as far as I am concerned.
Remember what Olga said to me a few years ago, "I trust you, trust me" That was the quid pro quo that this blog stands on. That was the one in which people failed. From where I stood, and my lack of vision into your life I didn't get it. I couldn't stand in your shoes, and a while ago I blogged about overcoming the first time. Remember my lack of trust. "You can save yourself, but at the expense of your friends"
I said "God's Will be done" My heart felt I was doomed. I knew he'd save the others, but I was to die.
I think I just had a plain old simple heart back then. It was not strong enough to do what needed to be done. Remember after the Hospital my ordeal wasn't over, because I had to go through a physical depression for like a year or so. The energy all came back while I was stripping floors at Bromenn Healthcare. I remember it vividly, and I knew I was free to do as I choose.
You know one of the things I forgot about during the physical depression?? I was not free to do as I choose at all. I had to get to a certain point, and the point was if I am destined for Hell, please let me accept it for that which I deserve.
I am destined for Hell, and I have to accept it this way, so as not to blaspheme. It is the way to victory. I totally forgot about that, but that was a necessary step of mine.
Anyway I am just talking out loud so to speak. I have noticed a new beginning. A new year perhaps. It seems the year of failure is over, and we are back on track kinda. Not that we are anywhere nearer than when we started, but all lives are failures like the thief on the cross. The thief wasn't dead yet, so there still was Hope.
So this blog goes on. I know the direction, and I know how we will go. How it will look I have no idea. What you show I have no idea. How many will fall away I don't know. How many may find their way back I have no idea.
I do realize I have a closer connection to those who I have shared stuff with. I see them easier, and I know them easier. Some are very close, because their life has led them this way. Some are very far, because their life still is very much pretty much ALL about them. They have a long way to go, and actually it will probably be a hard road.
When the vision is poor it takes a lot to open the eyes, and that is just the hard truth about that.
Anyway, as we start a new blogging year, I guess we are in a better position than last year.
This year was the dead year, and maybe this new year will bring us a better year as far as all this goes. More courage for people. More sharing, and less hiding. There is a lot to our lives, and much we want to hide, because of its imperfections.
There was one who was really good at showing that stuff sometimes. Her life was just as imperfect as all of ours, but she was courageous as Hell to let us in.
I even gave her flowers on my blog like once or twice I think. :)
Anyway, I am rambling.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. I am not really excited about the cold weather coming, but I do love when you run in the cold, it makes you not think the cold is so cold later on. At least for me.
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
xoxoxoxo MWAH!!! :)
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Out Of Nothing...
Hello, and good afternoon all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. I had a great morning of sleep. I cannot believe I slept til 1:00. All that means is I am well rested. I have several hours before work, and I will be in good spirits, and not tired. I thought I might be a little tired last night, cuz I didn't nap at all, but I wasn't. Work went pretty well, and it was okay.
Reason for my title is I have nothing on my mind, and if anything comes out it is from out of nothing. Kind of like the World huh?? Out of nothing. The Universe and everything. Logic would tell you typically everything doesn't come out of nothing huh??
Anyway, yesterday I had a pretty good run. I don't remember the paces, but all 3 miles were ~8:40 pace I believe. I am not sure if I typically would run that pace as just a standard pace, so I think Hope speeds us up a bit. Not that it isn't a normal pace, because it is about my PR Marathon pace, so it is a pace I have in the past easily sustained. So I am getting in shape, and that makes me just want to run more, but since I am running only 3 milers to stay healthy I will take the day off. Man if I can stay healthy this Spring, how much fun will that be?
Soooooo I always ask the question, what is going on with me?? Nothing at all. It is Tuesday, and I work. Tomorrow I have my long day, which actually ends up being a pretty fun day. A little stressful, because I rush and rush to get as much done as I can at the grocery store. That job is the 100M run, and my other is the marathon. One is all out, and the other is about patience, and taking your time to make sure you do a good job.
Want to know one of the things you will totally never get about me?? How I am the way I am. Never in a million years will you figure it out. I am the way I am, because of things that happened out of nothing "seen". Logic tells us that doesn't happen so how??
It makes things kinda silly in a way, because I know how I am the way I am, and I see people seeking ways in which to be the better version of us. People the whole World around will try to seek answers, and put in some kind of effort to be the person they want to be. Somehow someway we can work our way to the better version of us huh?? Make a sacrifice here or there. So there is that, but the World is pretty gray huh?? So if we spend so much time doing x and y, what are we sacrificing at the other end?? What guilt ridden things are we neglecting??
Life is hard, and with tough stuff to it. We want to believe in something, and we want to believe in the virtues we know we must have somewhere right?? We are this person here, and we want to be good, and stand for something.
There is a freedom about me that is just another thing about me. Finding the answers about me, and my life lets me know where I stand. What I am capable of. The truth about me, and my path lets me know it is all out of my hands. I am not capable of doing any of the things that need to get done, and there is a plan that is totally out of my hands, and it will be done, and I will be a vessel used in this story that is being told.
Like I said before it was no small price to pay having to live the life I did, but the reward is crazy, and I barely have even done anything yet. The best of me is still to come.
The best of you will still have to come, if you follow the right path. :)
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. I didn't do the leaves yesterday, I was tinkering around with some lights Lisa wanted to hang. She has 3 fixtures, and I started tinkering with the easiest one to do, and it wasn't easy. :) I got frustrated, and didn't finish any of the 3. :)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Reason for my title is I have nothing on my mind, and if anything comes out it is from out of nothing. Kind of like the World huh?? Out of nothing. The Universe and everything. Logic would tell you typically everything doesn't come out of nothing huh??
Anyway, yesterday I had a pretty good run. I don't remember the paces, but all 3 miles were ~8:40 pace I believe. I am not sure if I typically would run that pace as just a standard pace, so I think Hope speeds us up a bit. Not that it isn't a normal pace, because it is about my PR Marathon pace, so it is a pace I have in the past easily sustained. So I am getting in shape, and that makes me just want to run more, but since I am running only 3 milers to stay healthy I will take the day off. Man if I can stay healthy this Spring, how much fun will that be?
Soooooo I always ask the question, what is going on with me?? Nothing at all. It is Tuesday, and I work. Tomorrow I have my long day, which actually ends up being a pretty fun day. A little stressful, because I rush and rush to get as much done as I can at the grocery store. That job is the 100M run, and my other is the marathon. One is all out, and the other is about patience, and taking your time to make sure you do a good job.
Want to know one of the things you will totally never get about me?? How I am the way I am. Never in a million years will you figure it out. I am the way I am, because of things that happened out of nothing "seen". Logic tells us that doesn't happen so how??
It makes things kinda silly in a way, because I know how I am the way I am, and I see people seeking ways in which to be the better version of us. People the whole World around will try to seek answers, and put in some kind of effort to be the person they want to be. Somehow someway we can work our way to the better version of us huh?? Make a sacrifice here or there. So there is that, but the World is pretty gray huh?? So if we spend so much time doing x and y, what are we sacrificing at the other end?? What guilt ridden things are we neglecting??
Life is hard, and with tough stuff to it. We want to believe in something, and we want to believe in the virtues we know we must have somewhere right?? We are this person here, and we want to be good, and stand for something.
There is a freedom about me that is just another thing about me. Finding the answers about me, and my life lets me know where I stand. What I am capable of. The truth about me, and my path lets me know it is all out of my hands. I am not capable of doing any of the things that need to get done, and there is a plan that is totally out of my hands, and it will be done, and I will be a vessel used in this story that is being told.
Like I said before it was no small price to pay having to live the life I did, but the reward is crazy, and I barely have even done anything yet. The best of me is still to come.
The best of you will still have to come, if you follow the right path. :)
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. I didn't do the leaves yesterday, I was tinkering around with some lights Lisa wanted to hang. She has 3 fixtures, and I started tinkering with the easiest one to do, and it wasn't easy. :) I got frustrated, and didn't finish any of the 3. :)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Monday, November 10, 2014
Monday Monday...
Hello, and good morning all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. I had a pretty good day yesterday. It started off with a little run, and I saw sub:9:00 paces for all 3 of the miles. It was just a normal run too, not pushing it at all. Haven't seen that in a while. So, I am starting to get back to speeds I saw years ago I guess. I did my work thing, and spent a little extra time doing a real good job since it was my last time at that place. I wanted to leave everything in tip top shape. I then watched football, had some wine, and made lasagna.
It isn't anything crazy about my day at all, it was just a good day.
Today I don't have a ton planned. I may get up some more leaves. I was hoping to do it just one more time, but a bunch more fell, and there are still a bunch more that need to fall. I work tonight, but it is only an 8 hour shift, so that is pretty good. I slept late this morning too. :)
Ha!! This update really is about nothing. Sometimes I go on though, and stuff pops up. Stuff in ways I know I am different than you. Makes it kind of weird you know?? Well, no you cannot know.
This is me though. I feel pretty good today. I have my whole Monday ahead of me, and my heart is pretty happy. Same as yesterday I guess.
I think I will make a coffee, take the Hopester for a run, and see where this Monday is headed.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. this may be my most about nothing update ever. :)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
It isn't anything crazy about my day at all, it was just a good day.
Today I don't have a ton planned. I may get up some more leaves. I was hoping to do it just one more time, but a bunch more fell, and there are still a bunch more that need to fall. I work tonight, but it is only an 8 hour shift, so that is pretty good. I slept late this morning too. :)
Ha!! This update really is about nothing. Sometimes I go on though, and stuff pops up. Stuff in ways I know I am different than you. Makes it kind of weird you know?? Well, no you cannot know.
This is me though. I feel pretty good today. I have my whole Monday ahead of me, and my heart is pretty happy. Same as yesterday I guess.
I think I will make a coffee, take the Hopester for a run, and see where this Monday is headed.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. this may be my most about nothing update ever. :)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Coffee, And A Blog...
Hello, and good morning all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. I am up early, I have coffee, and I guess I am ready to blog. Hold on. Going to go get that coffee.
Okay, I am ready. I have coffee, blankie, and hoodie so I am nice and warm. :)
So, what is going on with me?? Not much, not much at all. I ended up working like 5 hours yesterday, because there was a lot to be done, so I worked a little extra to try and stay "not behind" Retail is fun like that. Always stuff to do. I feel I got a lot done though in that time, so it was fun. I am weird like that. My job currently at the grocery store is to work back stock on Wednesday. I pretty much do the frozen stuff only. Saturday I build a couple endcaps for the upcoming weekly sales. They currently don't have a guy doing my old position, so we scramble to get all that done in my 2 days. The grocery guys do frozen when it comes in, and that just makes their day longer. Sounds like they are close to getting a person to do frozen, so things should be pretty smooth than.
I am really pretty excited these days for the jobs I do, and stuff. Lisa and I are doing pretty good financially. Together we make more than we did at our old job, and currently are on the low end of the pay scale rate too. I like what I do, and it is a good schedule. After today I will be working only 2 jobs for 2 employers, so that is good. Over the last few weeks I dropped working at 5 buildings to only 1, so that is a lot less travel, and I know my job. I know what is expected, and I have an idea of what I will be doing every day I walk in.
Other than that not much going on. I am soon going to take the Hopester for a run. Just a little 3 miler. Trying to keep in a bit of shape, and stay healthy so when Jan 1. comes around, I can come up with a plan for my training. It is Sunday, and I have most of the day off. I have to do a small 2 hour job, and then the day is mine. I don't work til 8:00 PM tomorrow night either, so I can sleep in if I wish. :)
So this is my silly blog. It is much about nothing, but it also is about stuff too. It really is the story of my life I guess. My autobiography. Written over many pages, and many years. I don't really know how it looks to you folks, because that is the thing about blogging, and writing our story. Without feedback we don't know.
What would you see if you looked in my heart right now?? You would see a person who feels really good. I have a happy heart, and it is happy the way it is. I could tell you how I do it, but you already know. Do you believe it?? I don't know.
That night long long ago when I gave up. I could not go back to the emptiness that was my life from way back when. I couldn't do the physical depression again. My heart was taken that night, and it is what leads my way. It isn't always pretty, but that typically is because I see too much fabulousness in the World, and people are toooooo dang good in their own minds.
I know my path, and I know me. I know some of you too, and some things I know about all people is what is inside you. In this way I know you better than you do yourself. I learned what it is to be a person. I learned what we are made up of, and I learned our weaknesses, and I learned our truth. These are things you don't know yet.
Anyway here I am. This person who is lucky beyond words. There is no drug that can make you feel like this when you wake up. Since I am this way, and you are your way I have no idea what it is like to be you. I don't know your darkness, and the things you struggle with.
All I know is it is good to be me, and I am happy to be me. I ain't perfect, and things aren't perfect, but things are pretty okay you know??
I can't complain. It is a pretty great thing to be able to be me. Allowed to feel as I do. All those struggles from my whole life were no small price to pay, but this is a pretty good blessing, to be how, and who I am.
I am thankful I guess, and glad I have done the things I have done. :)
Glad I could help I guess I should say. :)
I still have more to do, but that is for a later date. :)
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. I am thinking one more cup of coffee before my run. :)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Okay, I am ready. I have coffee, blankie, and hoodie so I am nice and warm. :)
So, what is going on with me?? Not much, not much at all. I ended up working like 5 hours yesterday, because there was a lot to be done, so I worked a little extra to try and stay "not behind" Retail is fun like that. Always stuff to do. I feel I got a lot done though in that time, so it was fun. I am weird like that. My job currently at the grocery store is to work back stock on Wednesday. I pretty much do the frozen stuff only. Saturday I build a couple endcaps for the upcoming weekly sales. They currently don't have a guy doing my old position, so we scramble to get all that done in my 2 days. The grocery guys do frozen when it comes in, and that just makes their day longer. Sounds like they are close to getting a person to do frozen, so things should be pretty smooth than.
I am really pretty excited these days for the jobs I do, and stuff. Lisa and I are doing pretty good financially. Together we make more than we did at our old job, and currently are on the low end of the pay scale rate too. I like what I do, and it is a good schedule. After today I will be working only 2 jobs for 2 employers, so that is good. Over the last few weeks I dropped working at 5 buildings to only 1, so that is a lot less travel, and I know my job. I know what is expected, and I have an idea of what I will be doing every day I walk in.
Other than that not much going on. I am soon going to take the Hopester for a run. Just a little 3 miler. Trying to keep in a bit of shape, and stay healthy so when Jan 1. comes around, I can come up with a plan for my training. It is Sunday, and I have most of the day off. I have to do a small 2 hour job, and then the day is mine. I don't work til 8:00 PM tomorrow night either, so I can sleep in if I wish. :)
So this is my silly blog. It is much about nothing, but it also is about stuff too. It really is the story of my life I guess. My autobiography. Written over many pages, and many years. I don't really know how it looks to you folks, because that is the thing about blogging, and writing our story. Without feedback we don't know.
What would you see if you looked in my heart right now?? You would see a person who feels really good. I have a happy heart, and it is happy the way it is. I could tell you how I do it, but you already know. Do you believe it?? I don't know.
That night long long ago when I gave up. I could not go back to the emptiness that was my life from way back when. I couldn't do the physical depression again. My heart was taken that night, and it is what leads my way. It isn't always pretty, but that typically is because I see too much fabulousness in the World, and people are toooooo dang good in their own minds.
I know my path, and I know me. I know some of you too, and some things I know about all people is what is inside you. In this way I know you better than you do yourself. I learned what it is to be a person. I learned what we are made up of, and I learned our weaknesses, and I learned our truth. These are things you don't know yet.
Anyway here I am. This person who is lucky beyond words. There is no drug that can make you feel like this when you wake up. Since I am this way, and you are your way I have no idea what it is like to be you. I don't know your darkness, and the things you struggle with.
All I know is it is good to be me, and I am happy to be me. I ain't perfect, and things aren't perfect, but things are pretty okay you know??
I can't complain. It is a pretty great thing to be able to be me. Allowed to feel as I do. All those struggles from my whole life were no small price to pay, but this is a pretty good blessing, to be how, and who I am.
I am thankful I guess, and glad I have done the things I have done. :)
Glad I could help I guess I should say. :)
I still have more to do, but that is for a later date. :)
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. I am thinking one more cup of coffee before my run. :)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Before I Even Thought About Blogging, I Needed To Start My 2nd Cup Of Coffee...
Yep, I was a bit zonked after yesterday. It was a pretty productive day at work though. I am still learning at my new job at how to get better. Anyway, I will have a new schedule starting next week. I will only be working M-F at my one job. I tossed my hat in the ring for an occasional Sunday, but typically M-F, and the grocery store. Saturday is a few hours at the grocery store, otherwise I am off. Sunday typically will be off, and the only long day now will be Wednesday. I like it. I can also work an extra day or two at the grocery store now too to help fill in for vacations, and whatnot if they need it. So that is good news. I figure a more normal schedule = a more normal routine.
Other than that not much on my mind. I re-read my post from yesterday. LOL. See that is the shit that pours out of my mind on a whims notice. It took me like 30 seconds to write, and I didn't even think twice about it.
Maybe that is the telling thing, or at least one of them about me. Back during the Summer of my discontent, and perhaps after surviving it the last thing I wanted to ever do was ever say anything ever again. The sword says you will be judged by what comes out of your mouth, and I was afraid of judgement. I was beaten with judgement, and broken with judgement, and not just the judgement of stupid crap of this life. The real one. The final one.
If you want to know the truth of Heimleblog, and The Journey, I still was terrified throughout the day of what I wrote. Remember how I used to say I always woke up strong ready to blog, but throughout the day I had internal judging. I am bad, and I am horrible, and what if people think this, and shit like that. The difference in the Wait is I don't worry about that stuff. The promise took hold. I have passed out of judgement already, although I will need one more ultimate judgement, and then will come understanding, because I will know the multitude's end, what with having to live it.
Remember what I said after those bad 6 days?? Right prior to those 6 days that old lady in the old people's part of Bromenn Healthcare told me, "I must have the patience of Job to do the job I do."
Remember what I said after?? It is hard to see how good of a person Job was unless one was able to walk in his shoes?? I went through those 6 days, and I learned the truth of Job. I walked in his shoes, and yeah what that lady told me, and what I wrote freaked me out a ton after those 6 days. I was afraid of what I wrote. Terrified actually.
What she says is the final story of me huh?? If it is hard to see how great Job was, unless you walked in his shoes, then my story is I have to walk in the shoes of the one who went before. That is where understanding lives, and that is my story, and my walk, and my path.
It is a big deal too, because I will be judged. Destined and doomed to the worst place.
This is my life, and stuff. These are the things I must do. Makes everything else seem pretty silly huh??
Yeah, I think so too.
What will you bring to the table?? What nuggets of wisdom will you unfold to this story??
There isn't much is there??
The tale of our lives for those who have eyes, and ears. We don't matter, and our lives are silly, although there is serious shit hidden from your faulty hearts. Things you cannot fathom, and things you cannot understand. The World blinds you more and more too, the more you hang on.
Oh well.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. I may go for a 3rd cup of coffee. :P
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Exras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Other than that not much on my mind. I re-read my post from yesterday. LOL. See that is the shit that pours out of my mind on a whims notice. It took me like 30 seconds to write, and I didn't even think twice about it.
Maybe that is the telling thing, or at least one of them about me. Back during the Summer of my discontent, and perhaps after surviving it the last thing I wanted to ever do was ever say anything ever again. The sword says you will be judged by what comes out of your mouth, and I was afraid of judgement. I was beaten with judgement, and broken with judgement, and not just the judgement of stupid crap of this life. The real one. The final one.
If you want to know the truth of Heimleblog, and The Journey, I still was terrified throughout the day of what I wrote. Remember how I used to say I always woke up strong ready to blog, but throughout the day I had internal judging. I am bad, and I am horrible, and what if people think this, and shit like that. The difference in the Wait is I don't worry about that stuff. The promise took hold. I have passed out of judgement already, although I will need one more ultimate judgement, and then will come understanding, because I will know the multitude's end, what with having to live it.
Remember what I said after those bad 6 days?? Right prior to those 6 days that old lady in the old people's part of Bromenn Healthcare told me, "I must have the patience of Job to do the job I do."
Remember what I said after?? It is hard to see how good of a person Job was unless one was able to walk in his shoes?? I went through those 6 days, and I learned the truth of Job. I walked in his shoes, and yeah what that lady told me, and what I wrote freaked me out a ton after those 6 days. I was afraid of what I wrote. Terrified actually.
What she says is the final story of me huh?? If it is hard to see how great Job was, unless you walked in his shoes, then my story is I have to walk in the shoes of the one who went before. That is where understanding lives, and that is my story, and my walk, and my path.
It is a big deal too, because I will be judged. Destined and doomed to the worst place.
This is my life, and stuff. These are the things I must do. Makes everything else seem pretty silly huh??
Yeah, I think so too.
What will you bring to the table?? What nuggets of wisdom will you unfold to this story??
There isn't much is there??
The tale of our lives for those who have eyes, and ears. We don't matter, and our lives are silly, although there is serious shit hidden from your faulty hearts. Things you cannot fathom, and things you cannot understand. The World blinds you more and more too, the more you hang on.
Oh well.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. I may go for a 3rd cup of coffee. :P
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Exras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
This Will Be A Day...
Hello, and good afternoon all. I am surprised I am blogging today, because I have to work at 2:00PM. I was worried this morning about getting enough sleep, because today is going to end up being a 14 hour workday instead of a 12 hour workday. I will be doing 3 jobs from 2 different employers, and all will be me on my feet. :)
One job we are really short. Actually we run with a crew of 4. Currently we only have 3, and we are not sure if the 3rd will be showing up, since he didn't show up last night, and he called in twice in the 8 days he's had the job, and asked for last Friday off too. :) Doubt he shows up. I mean seriously.
I tossed and turned a bit, since I was worried about waking up on time, but I think I'll be okay. Tomorrow I won't have to be at work til 5:00, so I can sleep pretty good tomorrow.
I was thinking yesterday of a disconnect we people have with the absolute truth. Yesterday was a voting day, and I didn't vote. I don't care who is running for what office, and what their plans are for kissing babies and wearing suits.
The absolute truth is our votes don't matter. Me not voting did not change the course of History, and those who did vote did not either. In a numbers game I would argue if you are a person who can get 10 people to vote, and convince them to get 10 other people to vote, and so on, then maybe you are making some type of civic gesture. Making a difference in a small, but perhaps meaningful way.
Otherwise you are not. Propaganda will have you talk up the voting process, but absolute truth says you are just following without thinking. Telling people you vote is like praying in Public really. There will be no medals of Sainthood in your Future for these actions. There are no medals once you are dead for being a good Citizen. Chances are you aren't perfect anyway.
That is the Shit I think about. Our beliefs are so shallow, and so grounded in silly silly shit that has been handed down for Generations.
We want something to believe in, and all we believe in is the the best Shit humans have thought up since forever.
Silence is deadly, and we all remain silent. All unwilling to throw away the garbage that has filled us since we were kids.
This is what I did right prior to Graduating College. As those who may have been around way back when I first wrote this I threw everything away. All my upbringing and teaching, and everything. Reasoning is if I was born in a racist town in the South with racist parents with only a H.S. education what would stop me from being racist?? Probably nothing, so I threw all the crap out to look at the World objectively.
That led me on the path of my life really. Looking at Shit objectively you will see the truth. It is for your eyes, but you CANNOT hold on to all the Shit you have held onto for your whole life.
There are no medals for what Country you were born in, and there are no medals for damn near anything you can think up on your own. To get points/medals or whatever you have to do a lot tougher shit than you have ever even thought up yet.
You have to come to terms with you and your pointless life, and come to terms with how fragile you, and your future are. Also be willing to learn stuff you probably never even thought up yet.
A willingness to really give up the fabulous you for the hopes of finding a higher knowledge, and a more lasting wisdom, and maybe even understanding.
I guess you can always just continue telling people you vote, or pray in public. Wish everyone a Happy Valentines Day, and shit like that.
Anyway.
Should be a busy day. :)
xoxoxoxo
One job we are really short. Actually we run with a crew of 4. Currently we only have 3, and we are not sure if the 3rd will be showing up, since he didn't show up last night, and he called in twice in the 8 days he's had the job, and asked for last Friday off too. :) Doubt he shows up. I mean seriously.
I tossed and turned a bit, since I was worried about waking up on time, but I think I'll be okay. Tomorrow I won't have to be at work til 5:00, so I can sleep pretty good tomorrow.
I was thinking yesterday of a disconnect we people have with the absolute truth. Yesterday was a voting day, and I didn't vote. I don't care who is running for what office, and what their plans are for kissing babies and wearing suits.
The absolute truth is our votes don't matter. Me not voting did not change the course of History, and those who did vote did not either. In a numbers game I would argue if you are a person who can get 10 people to vote, and convince them to get 10 other people to vote, and so on, then maybe you are making some type of civic gesture. Making a difference in a small, but perhaps meaningful way.
Otherwise you are not. Propaganda will have you talk up the voting process, but absolute truth says you are just following without thinking. Telling people you vote is like praying in Public really. There will be no medals of Sainthood in your Future for these actions. There are no medals once you are dead for being a good Citizen. Chances are you aren't perfect anyway.
That is the Shit I think about. Our beliefs are so shallow, and so grounded in silly silly shit that has been handed down for Generations.
We want something to believe in, and all we believe in is the the best Shit humans have thought up since forever.
Silence is deadly, and we all remain silent. All unwilling to throw away the garbage that has filled us since we were kids.
This is what I did right prior to Graduating College. As those who may have been around way back when I first wrote this I threw everything away. All my upbringing and teaching, and everything. Reasoning is if I was born in a racist town in the South with racist parents with only a H.S. education what would stop me from being racist?? Probably nothing, so I threw all the crap out to look at the World objectively.
That led me on the path of my life really. Looking at Shit objectively you will see the truth. It is for your eyes, but you CANNOT hold on to all the Shit you have held onto for your whole life.
There are no medals for what Country you were born in, and there are no medals for damn near anything you can think up on your own. To get points/medals or whatever you have to do a lot tougher shit than you have ever even thought up yet.
You have to come to terms with you and your pointless life, and come to terms with how fragile you, and your future are. Also be willing to learn stuff you probably never even thought up yet.
A willingness to really give up the fabulous you for the hopes of finding a higher knowledge, and a more lasting wisdom, and maybe even understanding.
I guess you can always just continue telling people you vote, or pray in public. Wish everyone a Happy Valentines Day, and shit like that.
Anyway.
Should be a busy day. :)
xoxoxoxo
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