Hello, and good afternoon all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. I have worked 2 legit 12 hour days with one left. I think of my old schedule, and it was heavy weekend hours, and right now it is heavy T-Tr hours. 33-34 of my ~48+ hours are T-Tr. It is legit work too, so that is good.
I just got the word too, that after this Saturday he found someone for 3 of my weekend buildings. That means I will have 4 hours at the grocery store on Saturday, work Sunday for ~ 2-1/2 hours, and have Monday off. SWEEEET.
I'll take it. I may be a little bit more tired this week too, because yesterday I had to buy a pair of black dress pants for the grocery job. 3rd shift you can wear jeans, but not during the day. I had to go to Kohls around noon. Holy crap was that place busy. Is there typically that many people shopping all the time?? I saw some lady who was old as heck. Sweating profusely, and she bought like 90 items for a grand child or something. Women???!!! If that is what you people are going to turn into, I don't like you. :)
Anyway, today is my last day, and tomorrow I have a day off. My BIL is in town from Hawaii, so I am sure there will be some shenanigans or tomfoolery if you will, taking place somewhere. I am 48 I think still going on 22. Some things will never change with the current version of me. ;)
Anyhoodles, anything else going on with me?? Nope not really. I don't really have a ton of time to think about stuff, but I guess something hit me the other day. When I said "I wouldn't be shown this if I am to be a bad person."
You people never ever walked in those shoes did you?? There being a certain goal in life. Not that my life matters, and not that I am respected while on this Earth, or liked, or whatever. The goal was to not go to the place I already had a taste of when I die. Also to not be an evil person while I am alive.
I don't even think living with those thoughts and those goals are even possible in the state you are. You are totally a part of this World. All the hangups of the frail Human are still YOU. You cannot even change it.
To stare day after day after day at your own condemnation in the face, and at the end of the Summer that which you strived for. I gave up. "You Can Save Yourself, but at the expense of your friends." With the strength given me I said "God's Will be done" Notice the lack of trust I had, I knew I condemned myself. I was on my death bed strapped down. This was the final night of my life, and that was all she wrote. I knew my ending.
Then I woke up.
So, I have lived this type of life. Overcome things like that twice, and Life goes on and there are still old ladies buying stupid blue fucking sweaters to go along with their blue hair to give to a kid, and this is the important things of life??
Errrrmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Ya' Ain't done nothing yet...
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. You see how that is?? The final thing done is when God turns his back on the one who overcame. Remember the last words?? There is no hope in that place where he went.
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
I Love Sleep...
Hello, and good morning all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. I don't have a ton on my mind, but since I am on a bit of a roll sorta I guess I can put something down.
Anyway something I was thinking about this morning is sleep. I love it, and I cannot get enough of it. The more the better. I am not one who always slept a ton, and never really slept in for years, but lately if I can I try. :)
So yesterday was probably a doozy of an entry I gather. Yes I found my way, and yes it was a long time ago, and yes it remained hidden, and much still does remain hidden. There is only one who knows and sees my path. There is only one who understands the ways in which I am different. You cannot see how I am different on the inside, and I can only feel it. Me being how I am I can feel the tingly sensation of what it is like to be me.
I am a different person than you. I have gone through some changes that people will need to go through. Things you cannot do yourself, and things that are not up to you.
That is a big disconnect too. We think we are in charge, and we have the power, and all these things, and the stuff that really really needs to be done you cannot do. This blog has given good information, but we believe in us. We think we have the ability to do all these important things, because we have a brain, and things, but the crazy story of me is also the true state of affairs. Things are not up to us. We are powerless to do the stuff that needs to be done.
I know this blog makes sense, and I know it is a true story telling of true things.
Why me, and why such a nutty story?? I think because all the stories are nutty. Go through them all. Pretty crazy stuff huh??? We are to believe some pretty nutty stuff, and actually my story is just as nutty as them all.
I know I told you once, but during my summer of disconnect one time I was walking at night like I always did, and the Glory of God filled me. I could see things through his eyes, and it was nuts I tell you. Although this was a horrible Summer, and every day was bad, I thought he wouldn't show me this if I was to be a bad person.
Not sure all the whys I needed to see that, but it gave me hope. I still had to go through the hospital ordeal, and I was given a blessing right prior to going in the hospital, and I didn't care. It wasn't what I was after.
As far as I was concerned I don't even think the blessing was anything to me, until after I overcame the 2nd time. I knew then where I stood, and I was assured, because none of the rest of what I do is up to me. I don't have to do anything, and it will be done for me.
So this blog went on and on, and it talked of many things, and it really fell on deaf ears, but it still remains. This blog has been pretty faithful, and as far as the building blocks of patience, endurance, perseverance, steadfastness, and diligence, I think it has been those things.
Where do we go from here?? It is your life, and you have to find out your own truth. When I speak of points you know what I mean. All the activities under the sun we do are worth zero points.
I had a message, and I have spoken it, and I know it is hard to believe, because it puts you in a different position than you thought. You are standing in a much more vulnerable spot than you ever imagined, and there are a lot of lives that passed through you, and what did those lives mean??
Life is full of harsh truths, and they have been hidden for so long, because the World blinds us to this stuff. The World is a great big lie, and when the ones came to tell a story, and to tell the truth few believed, because we want the World. We want everything in it, and we want to prove our worth, and we want to make our name, and all these things.
Anyway tough stuff for sure.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. I think I will go back to sleep. :)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Anyway something I was thinking about this morning is sleep. I love it, and I cannot get enough of it. The more the better. I am not one who always slept a ton, and never really slept in for years, but lately if I can I try. :)
So yesterday was probably a doozy of an entry I gather. Yes I found my way, and yes it was a long time ago, and yes it remained hidden, and much still does remain hidden. There is only one who knows and sees my path. There is only one who understands the ways in which I am different. You cannot see how I am different on the inside, and I can only feel it. Me being how I am I can feel the tingly sensation of what it is like to be me.
I am a different person than you. I have gone through some changes that people will need to go through. Things you cannot do yourself, and things that are not up to you.
That is a big disconnect too. We think we are in charge, and we have the power, and all these things, and the stuff that really really needs to be done you cannot do. This blog has given good information, but we believe in us. We think we have the ability to do all these important things, because we have a brain, and things, but the crazy story of me is also the true state of affairs. Things are not up to us. We are powerless to do the stuff that needs to be done.
I know this blog makes sense, and I know it is a true story telling of true things.
Why me, and why such a nutty story?? I think because all the stories are nutty. Go through them all. Pretty crazy stuff huh??? We are to believe some pretty nutty stuff, and actually my story is just as nutty as them all.
I know I told you once, but during my summer of disconnect one time I was walking at night like I always did, and the Glory of God filled me. I could see things through his eyes, and it was nuts I tell you. Although this was a horrible Summer, and every day was bad, I thought he wouldn't show me this if I was to be a bad person.
Not sure all the whys I needed to see that, but it gave me hope. I still had to go through the hospital ordeal, and I was given a blessing right prior to going in the hospital, and I didn't care. It wasn't what I was after.
As far as I was concerned I don't even think the blessing was anything to me, until after I overcame the 2nd time. I knew then where I stood, and I was assured, because none of the rest of what I do is up to me. I don't have to do anything, and it will be done for me.
So this blog went on and on, and it talked of many things, and it really fell on deaf ears, but it still remains. This blog has been pretty faithful, and as far as the building blocks of patience, endurance, perseverance, steadfastness, and diligence, I think it has been those things.
Where do we go from here?? It is your life, and you have to find out your own truth. When I speak of points you know what I mean. All the activities under the sun we do are worth zero points.
I had a message, and I have spoken it, and I know it is hard to believe, because it puts you in a different position than you thought. You are standing in a much more vulnerable spot than you ever imagined, and there are a lot of lives that passed through you, and what did those lives mean??
Life is full of harsh truths, and they have been hidden for so long, because the World blinds us to this stuff. The World is a great big lie, and when the ones came to tell a story, and to tell the truth few believed, because we want the World. We want everything in it, and we want to prove our worth, and we want to make our name, and all these things.
Anyway tough stuff for sure.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. I think I will go back to sleep. :)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Monday, October 20, 2014
The Crazy Story Of This Here Person... Me. :)
Hello, and good morning all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. I have a meeting to figure out some type of screwy work schedule for me. I was supposed to do one job 5 days/week, but they never found a replacement for the other jobs I do, so now I will be doing 6 jobs at 5 different places 5 days/week. So we have to figure some kind of screwy schedule.
Anyway I have a crazy story, and it is the crazy story of me. It is how I see things different. This happened quite a long time ago mind you, but this would have been after the turn I made, and other than that I cannot recall the timing of it, but I was just laying in my bed downstairs in the house I lived in Normal,IL. This was probably the time I was alone with Katrina, and I split up for good, and the two deaths I dealt with, because I already made the turn.
Anyway to answer the question what kind of mushrooms I have with my cereal or whatever, as I was just laying in my bed a vision overtook me. I was going through a tunnel thing, and it kept getting narrower and narrower. I saw a light, and it was like an eye of a needle. Very narrow, and I went through it. I had no idea what it meant at the time, but I remember putting my arms around myself thinking, gosh I feel like such a kid.
I later went through some ordeals to make me realize what was going on, and what had happened. I was made into a new person. It was that thing there that made me mostly spirit.
Since this is the crazy story of me I will go farther. I was reading a book. It was a pretty good selling book from some psychiatrist or something, and bam. I have this burning area in my neck. From this little burning thing in my neck were shot thought arrows, which told me I was evil. I was going to be the antichrist, and all this kinda crap. For 6 days this went on. I prayed constantly to let me die. I don't want to be evil, and I don't ever ever want to ever have been born. Please make it be so I was never born before. On and on and on. 6 days, no sleep, and not much eating, just the worst of the worst living inside me persecuting me.
When he left, I was broken, and beat like no ever time before in my life. I was picked up ever so gently. I saw an older guy walking toward me, and he asked me for money. I had like $21 in my wallet, and I gave him the $20. That story has been told, but I knew exactly what happened in that transaction. Be kind unto strangers, because many have entertained angels unaware. I knew that this is what happened, because I was let known it was.
Also while walking I always always always saw the birds in the trees. Sitting at the top, and I remembered the parable. At one other time the spirit part of me was full. I had no fears, and I could do anything. I was always happy, and I didn't have a care in the World. I could read the Bible, and know most of what it said. My eyes were opened to see the sword for how it is.
That lasted a very very short time. Me being full in spirit was taken away, and I was terrified. I don't want to let the worst of the worst in me again, and I was vulnerable to this. My greatest fear happened, and the worst of the worst was in me again, and BAM taken out like that.
I learned a lesson. The worst of the worst is powerless. My path was really him being allowed to wreak havoc in me. On and on and on and on many things transpired. The Summer of my discontent many many many more things happened, and it is pretty well documented, so I won't go into it, but as to the mushrooms I eat, it is me being mostly spirit. I see things different, and I have been this way for decades. Most of this was hidden for all these decades, but at some point I think during the Journey it all opened up. The whole story of me was opened up.
My story is I have to bang the worst of the worst on the head 3 times, and then Katrina and I can hug. It was another vision I had decades ago, and it means I have to overcome 3 times. I have overcome twice, and the last one is a doozy. I have to follow along in the footsteps the one who overcame centuries ago. I have to go where he once went, and then I will be made into the best of the best, because it will no longer be me living. I will be perfect, and filled with that which is perfect.
To overcome I must be judged, and sentenced to Hell, and go where there is no hope. I will have the one who overcame with me, and it will be the only way I will survive.
I've known these things for decades. As I was let known outside the garbage room at Bromenn Healthcare the reason my path just turned impossibly hard. It was to save more lives. Not that I do anything mind you. It is all done for me, but my life is such a way that it leads people in the right way.
It is what this blog does too. Life is in this blog here. It is where you will find it, and the answers are here, because my whole life is for this. It is why I am here, and this is what I do.
I don't do it for any accolades or anything like that. My heart is made to do what it does, and it just so happens the controller of my heart has some stuff he wants to teach you. I am a vessel used to finish out the story that was started centuries ago.
My goal was always understanding, and it just so happens I had a lot of years, and a lot of stuff to do to get that. With understanding comes everything. All I ever wanted, also with understanding comes the knowledge of what the heck 666 means.
Let him who hath understanding...
so in things pertaining to the stories told centuries ago I am sorta been singled out to do some important stuff.
As my journey tells you, and everything about me tells you it isn't because I am perfect, or I deserve anything. It is just cuz. It is my story, and it is my job to do these things, and it is my job to do this blog to help people on the way.
Like I said though I really don't do anything. It is done for me.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. You asked for it you got it. :)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Anyway I have a crazy story, and it is the crazy story of me. It is how I see things different. This happened quite a long time ago mind you, but this would have been after the turn I made, and other than that I cannot recall the timing of it, but I was just laying in my bed downstairs in the house I lived in Normal,IL. This was probably the time I was alone with Katrina, and I split up for good, and the two deaths I dealt with, because I already made the turn.
Anyway to answer the question what kind of mushrooms I have with my cereal or whatever, as I was just laying in my bed a vision overtook me. I was going through a tunnel thing, and it kept getting narrower and narrower. I saw a light, and it was like an eye of a needle. Very narrow, and I went through it. I had no idea what it meant at the time, but I remember putting my arms around myself thinking, gosh I feel like such a kid.
I later went through some ordeals to make me realize what was going on, and what had happened. I was made into a new person. It was that thing there that made me mostly spirit.
Since this is the crazy story of me I will go farther. I was reading a book. It was a pretty good selling book from some psychiatrist or something, and bam. I have this burning area in my neck. From this little burning thing in my neck were shot thought arrows, which told me I was evil. I was going to be the antichrist, and all this kinda crap. For 6 days this went on. I prayed constantly to let me die. I don't want to be evil, and I don't ever ever want to ever have been born. Please make it be so I was never born before. On and on and on. 6 days, no sleep, and not much eating, just the worst of the worst living inside me persecuting me.
When he left, I was broken, and beat like no ever time before in my life. I was picked up ever so gently. I saw an older guy walking toward me, and he asked me for money. I had like $21 in my wallet, and I gave him the $20. That story has been told, but I knew exactly what happened in that transaction. Be kind unto strangers, because many have entertained angels unaware. I knew that this is what happened, because I was let known it was.
Also while walking I always always always saw the birds in the trees. Sitting at the top, and I remembered the parable. At one other time the spirit part of me was full. I had no fears, and I could do anything. I was always happy, and I didn't have a care in the World. I could read the Bible, and know most of what it said. My eyes were opened to see the sword for how it is.
That lasted a very very short time. Me being full in spirit was taken away, and I was terrified. I don't want to let the worst of the worst in me again, and I was vulnerable to this. My greatest fear happened, and the worst of the worst was in me again, and BAM taken out like that.
I learned a lesson. The worst of the worst is powerless. My path was really him being allowed to wreak havoc in me. On and on and on and on many things transpired. The Summer of my discontent many many many more things happened, and it is pretty well documented, so I won't go into it, but as to the mushrooms I eat, it is me being mostly spirit. I see things different, and I have been this way for decades. Most of this was hidden for all these decades, but at some point I think during the Journey it all opened up. The whole story of me was opened up.
My story is I have to bang the worst of the worst on the head 3 times, and then Katrina and I can hug. It was another vision I had decades ago, and it means I have to overcome 3 times. I have overcome twice, and the last one is a doozy. I have to follow along in the footsteps the one who overcame centuries ago. I have to go where he once went, and then I will be made into the best of the best, because it will no longer be me living. I will be perfect, and filled with that which is perfect.
To overcome I must be judged, and sentenced to Hell, and go where there is no hope. I will have the one who overcame with me, and it will be the only way I will survive.
I've known these things for decades. As I was let known outside the garbage room at Bromenn Healthcare the reason my path just turned impossibly hard. It was to save more lives. Not that I do anything mind you. It is all done for me, but my life is such a way that it leads people in the right way.
It is what this blog does too. Life is in this blog here. It is where you will find it, and the answers are here, because my whole life is for this. It is why I am here, and this is what I do.
I don't do it for any accolades or anything like that. My heart is made to do what it does, and it just so happens the controller of my heart has some stuff he wants to teach you. I am a vessel used to finish out the story that was started centuries ago.
My goal was always understanding, and it just so happens I had a lot of years, and a lot of stuff to do to get that. With understanding comes everything. All I ever wanted, also with understanding comes the knowledge of what the heck 666 means.
Let him who hath understanding...
so in things pertaining to the stories told centuries ago I am sorta been singled out to do some important stuff.
As my journey tells you, and everything about me tells you it isn't because I am perfect, or I deserve anything. It is just cuz. It is my story, and it is my job to do these things, and it is my job to do this blog to help people on the way.
Like I said though I really don't do anything. It is done for me.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. You asked for it you got it. :)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Saturday, October 18, 2014
I Am Up Early, I Have Coffee, and The Laptop Is Handy...
Sometimes the pieces just fall into place for me to do this thing, and I guess today is one of those days. I think about this blog, and what a mess it is. Things got all jacked up pretty bad, and I think about my life, and me, and things are not jacked up at all. My direction is true. I am guided by eyes which are better than mine, and then I think of people. They are guided by whatever miniscule thoughts and understandings their minds can comprehend.
You are the maker of your destiny. The World is in your hands, and you are the shaper, and maker of of your future. You have the answers, and you know your 5 and 10 year plans are true, but they aren't are they?? You aren't really are you??
You have no control of the hidden unseen things, like ebola, and cancer, and any number of other diseases. You have no control of yourself to be a perfect person. Even in your mind you have some kind of theoretical idea of what a good person is, and you cannot even live up to your own standards, and then there is the ultimate justification in Hitler did this, people are doing that, and look at me.
Bad stuff I tell you, we are made of bad stuff. We are a greedy people. There never is enough money in our wallets is there??
So anyway here is the equation. If this thing is a mess, but I am supremely confident in me and my direction. I have absolutely not one shred of doubt about my future, and what I am doing here. Where is the problem??
Where does the problem lie??
There are two paths in the World if one takes a look. The one you are on, and the one I am on. My path just happens to be a path of suffering, and my life had no shortage of it. I was led through the ringer of life to learn some things. I learned a lot of things. I learned the truth of life. I learned the truth of me. I learned my direction, and I learned the way in which I go. I knew the final thing I will do, and I have known it for decades. I sure did not know what my life would look like leading up to that though.
I had no idea what the heck my life would look like as I started these three blogs. Every day was hard, but it was leading people though. Not many, but some, and I have been pounding the pavement with these blogs. On, and on, and on, but this blog falls on deaf ears.
Geeesh, as hard as my life was, it sure wasn't this hard for me to do the right thing. Go in the right direction. Maybe I was made with just a stronger heart. Maybe my life was led in such a perfect way, that at the right time, and the right place everything made sense for me to do the only thing I thought worth anything.
I looked at the World. It was dirty. I tried to see what a good and decent person would do, and I didn't see anything. Everything looked dirty. All paths were closed, because I didn't see any good path.
I was broken, and my life was broken, and there only seemed one thing worth anything. I was going to die at some point.
So I made the turn. If there is some reason I am here, let me do that instead of anything else. So I did, and I do. I learned the History of the people in the World, and I learned the History of the Prophets. I learned what they were up against, and they were up against you. People just like you.
Am I an important person?? As people would view these things perhaps, but I am not at all. I have an important job on this Earth, but who I am is nowhere near who I would have been. I am different. I was made different long ago. The thing that probably scared me the most in my life at one time is something I have lived with for decades. Being poor in Spirit. It leaves me vulnerable in ways, but that night long ago where my heart was placed in better hands then my own left with courage and strength none could ever get on their own. My path led me to trust, because I have been led out of everything I found myself in. Sure I was scared at times, and sure things are pretty crappy at times, but now not really.
I am not perfect, and it is not in my power to be. I have a promise that also improves my confidence, and my strength, and I have used it as a crutch before, because sometimes all I have is me, and my openness.
Anyway the equation is pretty easy. 2 paths in the World. Everything, and Anything you can think up, and put effort in, and the one of which I speak. People have already picked and chose the one they will go on, and this has made their job even harder. You were wrong, and you didn't believe, and your hearts are hard, and you have to view your ending. You have to become the thief on the cross, and the only difference between him, and you is he knew where he stood. He didn't justify anything, and he saw the end of his days.
If at the end of your life the only thing you want is to do good, and be good, then why not during your life make the turn that would make that possible?? Seems crazy huh??
You want your life to matter, and you want to do big deeds, but when push comes to shove, you can't can you?? That little voice inside you is drowned out by the World and all its glory huh?? Too much to see, and too much to do. So many things to accomplish, and at the end of the day, the path of us is just chasing after wind.
You will never catch up to your dreams. The fairy tales are just that, and never ever ever will you cheat death. It will find you.
So anyway the equation is this. I don't have to do anything, and I can do as I want. If my past is any indication one probably should not underestimate me, or overestimate yourself.
If you think I carry anything with me, or need anything you are mistaken. I have everything I need. I found it a long time ago, and me overcoming the 2nd of the 3 times, just made me assured of my way, and that coincidentally also was the start of the wait.
I am not perfect like I said, but I will be. I will be the best a person can be, and that is the path that was laid out for me. I won't sacrifice for it, or work toward it, or do anything. It will happen when the time is right, and that will happen when you are ready.
You got a lot to do.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. when I say my blog feed is messed up I really mean it. I do not have a lot of people in my feed. Things got a little messy a little while back, and how does one correct it?? God knows I am too lazy to go scrounging around the internet to find people. That is for sure. :)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
You are the maker of your destiny. The World is in your hands, and you are the shaper, and maker of of your future. You have the answers, and you know your 5 and 10 year plans are true, but they aren't are they?? You aren't really are you??
You have no control of the hidden unseen things, like ebola, and cancer, and any number of other diseases. You have no control of yourself to be a perfect person. Even in your mind you have some kind of theoretical idea of what a good person is, and you cannot even live up to your own standards, and then there is the ultimate justification in Hitler did this, people are doing that, and look at me.
Bad stuff I tell you, we are made of bad stuff. We are a greedy people. There never is enough money in our wallets is there??
So anyway here is the equation. If this thing is a mess, but I am supremely confident in me and my direction. I have absolutely not one shred of doubt about my future, and what I am doing here. Where is the problem??
Where does the problem lie??
There are two paths in the World if one takes a look. The one you are on, and the one I am on. My path just happens to be a path of suffering, and my life had no shortage of it. I was led through the ringer of life to learn some things. I learned a lot of things. I learned the truth of life. I learned the truth of me. I learned my direction, and I learned the way in which I go. I knew the final thing I will do, and I have known it for decades. I sure did not know what my life would look like leading up to that though.
I had no idea what the heck my life would look like as I started these three blogs. Every day was hard, but it was leading people though. Not many, but some, and I have been pounding the pavement with these blogs. On, and on, and on, but this blog falls on deaf ears.
Geeesh, as hard as my life was, it sure wasn't this hard for me to do the right thing. Go in the right direction. Maybe I was made with just a stronger heart. Maybe my life was led in such a perfect way, that at the right time, and the right place everything made sense for me to do the only thing I thought worth anything.
I looked at the World. It was dirty. I tried to see what a good and decent person would do, and I didn't see anything. Everything looked dirty. All paths were closed, because I didn't see any good path.
I was broken, and my life was broken, and there only seemed one thing worth anything. I was going to die at some point.
So I made the turn. If there is some reason I am here, let me do that instead of anything else. So I did, and I do. I learned the History of the people in the World, and I learned the History of the Prophets. I learned what they were up against, and they were up against you. People just like you.
Am I an important person?? As people would view these things perhaps, but I am not at all. I have an important job on this Earth, but who I am is nowhere near who I would have been. I am different. I was made different long ago. The thing that probably scared me the most in my life at one time is something I have lived with for decades. Being poor in Spirit. It leaves me vulnerable in ways, but that night long ago where my heart was placed in better hands then my own left with courage and strength none could ever get on their own. My path led me to trust, because I have been led out of everything I found myself in. Sure I was scared at times, and sure things are pretty crappy at times, but now not really.
I am not perfect, and it is not in my power to be. I have a promise that also improves my confidence, and my strength, and I have used it as a crutch before, because sometimes all I have is me, and my openness.
Anyway the equation is pretty easy. 2 paths in the World. Everything, and Anything you can think up, and put effort in, and the one of which I speak. People have already picked and chose the one they will go on, and this has made their job even harder. You were wrong, and you didn't believe, and your hearts are hard, and you have to view your ending. You have to become the thief on the cross, and the only difference between him, and you is he knew where he stood. He didn't justify anything, and he saw the end of his days.
If at the end of your life the only thing you want is to do good, and be good, then why not during your life make the turn that would make that possible?? Seems crazy huh??
You want your life to matter, and you want to do big deeds, but when push comes to shove, you can't can you?? That little voice inside you is drowned out by the World and all its glory huh?? Too much to see, and too much to do. So many things to accomplish, and at the end of the day, the path of us is just chasing after wind.
You will never catch up to your dreams. The fairy tales are just that, and never ever ever will you cheat death. It will find you.
So anyway the equation is this. I don't have to do anything, and I can do as I want. If my past is any indication one probably should not underestimate me, or overestimate yourself.
If you think I carry anything with me, or need anything you are mistaken. I have everything I need. I found it a long time ago, and me overcoming the 2nd of the 3 times, just made me assured of my way, and that coincidentally also was the start of the wait.
I am not perfect like I said, but I will be. I will be the best a person can be, and that is the path that was laid out for me. I won't sacrifice for it, or work toward it, or do anything. It will happen when the time is right, and that will happen when you are ready.
You got a lot to do.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. when I say my blog feed is messed up I really mean it. I do not have a lot of people in my feed. Things got a little messy a little while back, and how does one correct it?? God knows I am too lazy to go scrounging around the internet to find people. That is for sure. :)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Thursday, October 16, 2014
A Tale Of Two People...
Hello, and good morning all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. I am pretty beat up from work, and running two days in a row. Yesterday I went for a 5 miler, and that is my longest run in quite a bit. I thought of running today, but I am off tomorrow, and I will probably go again tomorrow. I tell you one thing, I was really motivated yesterday on my run. 5 miles with no stops, except when Hope had to take a crap. My pace was like 9:10, so that is a pretty normal pace for me when in shape being about 15 lbs. higher. I am not in shape, and I think a couple good weeks of running, and my easy paces should probably fall into the 8:00's pretty easily. I am just going from past experience.
Anyway, I know some things, and it is plain as day to me. Easy for me to see, and then I look at what you are looking at, and what you are seeing, and we are not on the same page at all. I have done this so long, and the message is pretty much always the same, but we are totally disconnected. You don't get me, and you cannot walk in my shoes. You are nowhere near inside my shoes, and the shoes you wear aren't taking you anywhere.
It is why I kinda am standing on the sidelines, because I cannot do anything. I cannot help you in your life's journey. I try to tell you what is important, but to you your life and everything about you is important. In order for you to see things different I am pretty sure the puller of the strings of life has to take an active role.
I can tell you some harsh truths, but I am kinda tired of it you know?? I know what life is about, and I know things, that no one wants to hear. What use are these things if no one listens? The wait is obviously a waiting game, and as this year suggests it was harder than normal for me this year. I want and expect more from a lot of you, but it is nowhere near you. You have your life, and all the things you've always believed, and I know a lot of the things inside you. I've known some of you pretty darn good, and I know for some there are internal struggles.
At some point I think you people seeked out some type of heaven on Earth type existence, and it isn't here. This is a bad place, with bad things done every day. We can dress ourselves up in the prettiest of clothes, and have the most politically correct status updates or whatever, but there is no getting around you, and what is inside you.
Kinda what I hinted about in my past update is there are no points for the races we train for, and if you go on down the line, there is no points for all the activities one does in relation to this. Many people it is there whole life, and no points come from it. Doesn't seem fair does it?? Some people work very very hard, and do all kindsa things related to this hobby/semi-profession. On the Final day you will bring none of that.
It is why you can see people kinda turning. Questioning things. Is there more?? Is there something more important??
Lives are tied up in various ways. People are ensnared, and there is only one way out, but we trust sponsorship money, and we wouldn't want to give that up. We trust the money we make to keep us safe. Anne Frank's Dad made a pretty good living at one time I believe.
The battle is the little voice inside you that really really wants to be good, and your selfish nature. One side has to win, and it isn't. It is getting creamed in the race of life for many of you.
What can I do??
Not much. :)
I still love some of you though. :)
xoxoxoxoxo
MWAH!!!!
Anyway, I know some things, and it is plain as day to me. Easy for me to see, and then I look at what you are looking at, and what you are seeing, and we are not on the same page at all. I have done this so long, and the message is pretty much always the same, but we are totally disconnected. You don't get me, and you cannot walk in my shoes. You are nowhere near inside my shoes, and the shoes you wear aren't taking you anywhere.
It is why I kinda am standing on the sidelines, because I cannot do anything. I cannot help you in your life's journey. I try to tell you what is important, but to you your life and everything about you is important. In order for you to see things different I am pretty sure the puller of the strings of life has to take an active role.
I can tell you some harsh truths, but I am kinda tired of it you know?? I know what life is about, and I know things, that no one wants to hear. What use are these things if no one listens? The wait is obviously a waiting game, and as this year suggests it was harder than normal for me this year. I want and expect more from a lot of you, but it is nowhere near you. You have your life, and all the things you've always believed, and I know a lot of the things inside you. I've known some of you pretty darn good, and I know for some there are internal struggles.
At some point I think you people seeked out some type of heaven on Earth type existence, and it isn't here. This is a bad place, with bad things done every day. We can dress ourselves up in the prettiest of clothes, and have the most politically correct status updates or whatever, but there is no getting around you, and what is inside you.
Kinda what I hinted about in my past update is there are no points for the races we train for, and if you go on down the line, there is no points for all the activities one does in relation to this. Many people it is there whole life, and no points come from it. Doesn't seem fair does it?? Some people work very very hard, and do all kindsa things related to this hobby/semi-profession. On the Final day you will bring none of that.
It is why you can see people kinda turning. Questioning things. Is there more?? Is there something more important??
Lives are tied up in various ways. People are ensnared, and there is only one way out, but we trust sponsorship money, and we wouldn't want to give that up. We trust the money we make to keep us safe. Anne Frank's Dad made a pretty good living at one time I believe.
The battle is the little voice inside you that really really wants to be good, and your selfish nature. One side has to win, and it isn't. It is getting creamed in the race of life for many of you.
What can I do??
Not much. :)
I still love some of you though. :)
xoxoxoxoxo
MWAH!!!!
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Havent used this thing in a while.
Hello, and good morning all. hows it going?? Me, I am doing okay. I have nothing of any importance on my mind, but what the heck. I am going to get some coffee though, and I will brb
Okay, I am back. so I guess I will start off with a few things from me. I looked at myself in the mirror again yesterday. I looked skinnier than normal, and I saw the resemblance of abs showing, so I stepped on the scale. I am under 167 lbs. First time since 1995 or so. I don't think I am the type of person who will get down to 150 like the younger version of me might. I did this without any serious training. I am healthy, and really I think I did it by working, and being active during the non-eating hours.
Anyway, it has me thinking of taking running a little more serious. You know, have a plan, and all that. That is what I will be working on this fall, and winter, getting ready for spring.
Every time around this time of year, I have to see if there is still a future for the current version of me. I have to muddle around in some low areas, because the final thing the current version of me has to do aint no joke It seems to me this thing goes on, but I know from lessons in my life this shit can change rapidly, and drastically. Thief in the night type shit.
Regardless I am ready whenever. The problem is no one else is. Everyone still clings to their life. My blog is the wait though, and that is what I do. I may be a bit different now, because I don't have a ton of interests. I seek for nothing in this life. Everyone else is still seeking for meaning, but there is none. There is no value in whatever your mind comes up with under the sun. Nothing that will fulfill you either, because it is an impossible task for the current version of you.
I can tell you these things, but it is something you have to learn on your own. Life has tough lessons, and they need to be learned. One of the lessons is even though I am motivated with a little bit of weight success to get in shape, it doesn't mean anything.
There are no points for any of that stuff. Getting in shape, and having racing goals and stuff still mean nothing in questions regarding life, and what this all means. It is just something to do. People always place too much value on damn near everything in their life, and themselves. They also place too much value in people. We were born with bad lenses, and the World keeps us on that path. You will need to be strong to see the truth, because it is probably the last thing you think it is. We are not important. Our lives, and we as people, don't matter one bit.
You try telling people that though. Not an easy job. Also not something people want to believe.
One does what one can.
That is all she wrote for today. I typed this on my tablet too, so if it is fucked up in any way, that is why.
Cya
laptop became handy at the last second, so not as fucked up as it was going to be. :)
LATER!!
Okay, I am back. so I guess I will start off with a few things from me. I looked at myself in the mirror again yesterday. I looked skinnier than normal, and I saw the resemblance of abs showing, so I stepped on the scale. I am under 167 lbs. First time since 1995 or so. I don't think I am the type of person who will get down to 150 like the younger version of me might. I did this without any serious training. I am healthy, and really I think I did it by working, and being active during the non-eating hours.
Anyway, it has me thinking of taking running a little more serious. You know, have a plan, and all that. That is what I will be working on this fall, and winter, getting ready for spring.
Every time around this time of year, I have to see if there is still a future for the current version of me. I have to muddle around in some low areas, because the final thing the current version of me has to do aint no joke It seems to me this thing goes on, but I know from lessons in my life this shit can change rapidly, and drastically. Thief in the night type shit.
Regardless I am ready whenever. The problem is no one else is. Everyone still clings to their life. My blog is the wait though, and that is what I do. I may be a bit different now, because I don't have a ton of interests. I seek for nothing in this life. Everyone else is still seeking for meaning, but there is none. There is no value in whatever your mind comes up with under the sun. Nothing that will fulfill you either, because it is an impossible task for the current version of you.
I can tell you these things, but it is something you have to learn on your own. Life has tough lessons, and they need to be learned. One of the lessons is even though I am motivated with a little bit of weight success to get in shape, it doesn't mean anything.
There are no points for any of that stuff. Getting in shape, and having racing goals and stuff still mean nothing in questions regarding life, and what this all means. It is just something to do. People always place too much value on damn near everything in their life, and themselves. They also place too much value in people. We were born with bad lenses, and the World keeps us on that path. You will need to be strong to see the truth, because it is probably the last thing you think it is. We are not important. Our lives, and we as people, don't matter one bit.
You try telling people that though. Not an easy job. Also not something people want to believe.
One does what one can.
That is all she wrote for today. I typed this on my tablet too, so if it is fucked up in any way, that is why.
Cya
laptop became handy at the last second, so not as fucked up as it was going to be. :)
LATER!!
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
ThIs May Be My Most Boring Update Yet...
Hello, and good morning all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing okay. I have absolutely nothing on my mind, so if you read this, and read this all the way through, you may be bored, and actually maybe very bored. Anyway, I am going to get my coffee, so I will brb.
So anyway the story of me is the story of my heart. A thing that at one time gave a crap. I trusted it, and I still do. I am different today then what I was in the past though, and I know the exact reasons. It is because my heart was leading people in a certain way. They were supposed to do certain things, and there was an easy path to take.
The people didn't listen, and the people went their own way, and now they are in a big pickle. You may wonder why I don't give a crap like I once did, and it is because today your life looks a lot different than it would if you would have listened to me long ago. You went the path of you, and now you are all boxed in with no way out. Your life is harder now than it would have been, and now you seek redemption inside your little box.
It isn't there, and still there only remains one way out of your current dilemma. So I guess to ask the question why I don't care when I may have once cared is because the path of you = nothing of value.
You stand for nothing, and you are worth nothing, and it has always been this way. You were tempted with greener pastures, and false promises, and unicorns, and rainbows. You were tempted by your own greatness, and your own arrogance to be the master of your universe.
You were tempted that you will be the most fabulous person who ever walked the Earth, except you still poop like every one else. If you have sexual desires you still have sex just like any ordinary raccoon might, or dog, or chimp, or alligator, or rhinoceros. You are slightly better than the beasts of the field in this regard I guess, because if you wanted to pleasure yourself that would probably be in your repertoire of skills you possess.
So now the ball is in your court. I can do nothing for you, and I cannot help you in any way at all. You have your own personal journey to go through, and you are not strong enough for it. You need every bit of help you can muster, and it isn't something I can provide.
Oh I know some people will finally get it, and take the right path, because that which is supposed to be done will get done. It is why I am here. It is just a seed has been planted, and has been for years, but sadly the weeds and temptations of the World have overpowered the good seed, as it is written.
The good thing about the sword though is forgiveness trumps the sword. It is the wild card in the game of poker, but no one gets the wild card, unless they are willing to go all in, and maybe even have to prove their obedience. It wouldn't be anything different than I did many years ago.
So anyway. It sucks to be you where you stand now. Coulda woulda shoulda, but your path is hard. Made harder by only you. You can blame yourself, and only yourself.
Anyhooooo, I am going to take the Hopester for a little 3 miler. I got offered a FT position at my non retail job, and I took it. I knew there was this possibility for months, and I waited. It finally came through, and it will be like me getting a $2/hour raise. There is a possibility too of frequent significant raises over the next year or two too, so that is good.
I still kept a couple shifts for my retail gig, because I like the work. :)
xoxoxoxoxo
laterzzzzzzzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
So anyway the story of me is the story of my heart. A thing that at one time gave a crap. I trusted it, and I still do. I am different today then what I was in the past though, and I know the exact reasons. It is because my heart was leading people in a certain way. They were supposed to do certain things, and there was an easy path to take.
The people didn't listen, and the people went their own way, and now they are in a big pickle. You may wonder why I don't give a crap like I once did, and it is because today your life looks a lot different than it would if you would have listened to me long ago. You went the path of you, and now you are all boxed in with no way out. Your life is harder now than it would have been, and now you seek redemption inside your little box.
It isn't there, and still there only remains one way out of your current dilemma. So I guess to ask the question why I don't care when I may have once cared is because the path of you = nothing of value.
You stand for nothing, and you are worth nothing, and it has always been this way. You were tempted with greener pastures, and false promises, and unicorns, and rainbows. You were tempted by your own greatness, and your own arrogance to be the master of your universe.
You were tempted that you will be the most fabulous person who ever walked the Earth, except you still poop like every one else. If you have sexual desires you still have sex just like any ordinary raccoon might, or dog, or chimp, or alligator, or rhinoceros. You are slightly better than the beasts of the field in this regard I guess, because if you wanted to pleasure yourself that would probably be in your repertoire of skills you possess.
So now the ball is in your court. I can do nothing for you, and I cannot help you in any way at all. You have your own personal journey to go through, and you are not strong enough for it. You need every bit of help you can muster, and it isn't something I can provide.
Oh I know some people will finally get it, and take the right path, because that which is supposed to be done will get done. It is why I am here. It is just a seed has been planted, and has been for years, but sadly the weeds and temptations of the World have overpowered the good seed, as it is written.
The good thing about the sword though is forgiveness trumps the sword. It is the wild card in the game of poker, but no one gets the wild card, unless they are willing to go all in, and maybe even have to prove their obedience. It wouldn't be anything different than I did many years ago.
So anyway. It sucks to be you where you stand now. Coulda woulda shoulda, but your path is hard. Made harder by only you. You can blame yourself, and only yourself.
Anyhooooo, I am going to take the Hopester for a little 3 miler. I got offered a FT position at my non retail job, and I took it. I knew there was this possibility for months, and I waited. It finally came through, and it will be like me getting a $2/hour raise. There is a possibility too of frequent significant raises over the next year or two too, so that is good.
I still kept a couple shifts for my retail gig, because I like the work. :)
xoxoxoxoxo
laterzzzzzzzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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