Hello, and good afternoon all. How's it going?? Me, I guess I am doing okay. There were a lot of things on my mind this morning, so maybe I'll go through some of it witch you. :)
So anyway in the news undoubtedly you heard of Robin Williams hanging himself. Guess he had his demons he battled throughout his life. You may question why someone who seemingly had everything would be so troubled.
I am afraid that is life. As people we are depressed. Life should be so much more shouldn't it?? Shouldn't we always be happy, and always be smiling. Shouldn't our jobs always be interesting, and shouldn't we strive for something??
The truth of life is a hard thing. It doesn't mean anything. All the time you spend on this Earth there is no purpose for it. You search high and low for some kind of meaning and some kind of purpose, but there is none. So you better darn well be depressed about stuff. It means you are HEALTHY!! Also you have a HEALTHY outlook.
All that is painted in colors, and all the tales of happily ever after have blinded us since forever. Let's take a look at your kids. Are they happy??? What do they think of life?? When will they start experimenting with stuff?? Kids aren't perfect. They are angry, and they are totally about I want I want I want. Some never really grow up out of that stage either.
So where have we come from and where are we going?? Well, this used to be a running blog, but the wait was always about other stuff huh?? I've been through everything, and I FINALLY realize and UNDERSTAND what Solomon was saying It all is folly. The 2nd time of me overcoming meant I see the totality of what my life means. All my suffering, and all my searching, and all the things I have done still don't matter, because all the things I want are not up to me.
The truths I hold are for the strong. They are not shallow truths that mean nothing. The things I have done were for a purpose. Learn life's hard lessons for a purpose. Learn what life really is about.
Life is about failure. Life is about sadness. Life is about being angry, and life is about us coming to terms with our dark side. Our less than perfect self, and the stuff we really want to hide is the stuff that needs to come out.
When I say you have to overcome your demons you better believe I mean exactly that. There only is one way to do that too. It is a process, and steps need to be made, as I have been saying all along. You have to accept you are not perfect, and throw away any inclination you have to try and show people you are perfect. It is garbage you peddle, and it is that kind of crap that makes the World a shittier place.
How can I help you with how I am, as compared to how you are?? I HAVE NO IDEA!!
This blog doesn't have an agenda though does it?? It is a fluid living thing. The Wait started out one day after my 2nd time, and I had no idea I would be using the terms pull, turn,coin. This thing is a living said like I said, and I know not the direction my heart will take this thing.
This year has been a bumpy ride for us all on this thing. Probably because you must be seeing the true side of yourself. The side that leads to sadness. You don't mean anything. Your life doesn't mean anything, and there is no purpose to your existence.
Yeah, we have to drink the Kool-Aid. If you are sad and disappointed in life, congratulations. You are starting to get good vision.
I know I know I know this is tough stuff, but this journey was always about getting strong right?? Remember how many times I said the truth will be the hardest thing you do, because the truth is such a bitter pill. It leads to a good place though. It leads to wisdom, and strength, and assurance, and to the point where you see the coin for what it really is.
What else would anyone want?? Well, besides all you who hold out for some type of meaning to the activities done here on Earth. Those I cannot help at all. You are unwilling to drink the Kool-Aid.
Anyways I guess that is enough for today.
Sorry for the tough message, but trust me I lived it. I survived it, and you don't even know what my summer of discontent was like.
A lot of my learning came out of the blue. Like a thief in the night so to speak. Without any warning I was thrown to the wolves not knowing my direction, and no seeing any path. The only things in my head were thoughts of the foolish.
The secret to who I am is many things, but I'd say two very important things. The blessing received right prior to going into the hospital. It helped turn my one coin into 5, and than many more I am guessing. Also the night I gave up, and I couldn't do it anymore my heart was taken and placed in better hands than my own.
With a promise of all for good comes a strength, and confidence no one else could muster. You couldn't do it in a million years, also so many other things that need to be done you cannot do in a million years either.
Sooooo, what is your next step???
Okay for realzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz now, I am going to go. Gonna make some coffee. I work both jobs tonight. Have fun. :)
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Especially for Doreeeens. Cuz I wike her a lot. :))
MWAH!!!! :)
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Monday, August 11, 2014
I Guess I Can Post A Blog Entry...
Hello, and good morning (barely). How's it going?? Me, I guess I am doing okay. I don't have anything of much importance on my mind, but I guess I can always throw down a blog entry for the heck of it.
What do I think of things?? I am bored frequently. Unimpressed always. What can a person do to impress another?? Geesh, I sure don't know. My guess is there is only one thing a person can do to get strength. It doesn't lie within you, and there is nothing for you to grab here to make you stronger. It is a turn, and that is the only thing that matters.
I have no idea how people look at things. I'll give you a hint. You are not right. You are not perfect. You don't have a good heart, and as a matter of fact it is bad. The things in life that make you not as good as you would like overpower you. That little person inside you that wants to be a good person is overpowered by your bad nature to make you a less than honest, weak, mean, vengeful, jealous, and angry person. ( among other things)
On goes life and people suffer a great deal, and many times you see people sitting on the sidelines trying to paint pretty pictures in their coloring books, or suiting up in their football uniforms to look tough. Where are you going with your life?? What are you accomplishing. We already know when it comes to those 12 you do not stand up. Your life is too "rich" to hang with them. You are the rich guy who wanted to hold onto everything.
Don't you see it?? The answer to your life is in the final words of a dieing man. When you get better what will you do??
"I want to do good".
Here is the story. It is not in your power to do good, and as a matter of fact you don't even know what good is. Your view of good is built by this Earth and Society and all the things that don't stand the test of time.
The truth is so fucking hard, because it tells us we don't matter. We are just a person in this World who is going to die, and like all of us before, no one cares. We don't matter.
So when you ask the question what is one to do, I hope you don't believe what you are doing or what you have done actually matter in the deeper questions of life. They don't.
At some point your coin is not all the things I want, but all the things you want to be worth. A life that matters. Your view and the one that matters are different. You are WRONG!! Plain and simple.
I cannot help you at all, and the more you hang on the less I even want to. You have a choice, and many have already made it. I can only but let them walk. I have a direction and a purpose, and to be honest it is totally at odds with how you are now. Most of you.
I try to help you see, but you are stubborn, scared, and weak. When the question came you answered, "I'll keep my life thanks".
You deny it too, because many of you are just sitting in your corner oblivious to everything, because you are too busy coloring in your coloring book.
SHEESH!!
Laterzz
I know I know this blog can get like this, but I am not against throwing a few xoxoxoxoxo's to Doreen. :)) See, I am not allllll bad and mean. :)
Have a good one.
What do I think of things?? I am bored frequently. Unimpressed always. What can a person do to impress another?? Geesh, I sure don't know. My guess is there is only one thing a person can do to get strength. It doesn't lie within you, and there is nothing for you to grab here to make you stronger. It is a turn, and that is the only thing that matters.
I have no idea how people look at things. I'll give you a hint. You are not right. You are not perfect. You don't have a good heart, and as a matter of fact it is bad. The things in life that make you not as good as you would like overpower you. That little person inside you that wants to be a good person is overpowered by your bad nature to make you a less than honest, weak, mean, vengeful, jealous, and angry person. ( among other things)
On goes life and people suffer a great deal, and many times you see people sitting on the sidelines trying to paint pretty pictures in their coloring books, or suiting up in their football uniforms to look tough. Where are you going with your life?? What are you accomplishing. We already know when it comes to those 12 you do not stand up. Your life is too "rich" to hang with them. You are the rich guy who wanted to hold onto everything.
Don't you see it?? The answer to your life is in the final words of a dieing man. When you get better what will you do??
"I want to do good".
Here is the story. It is not in your power to do good, and as a matter of fact you don't even know what good is. Your view of good is built by this Earth and Society and all the things that don't stand the test of time.
The truth is so fucking hard, because it tells us we don't matter. We are just a person in this World who is going to die, and like all of us before, no one cares. We don't matter.
So when you ask the question what is one to do, I hope you don't believe what you are doing or what you have done actually matter in the deeper questions of life. They don't.
At some point your coin is not all the things I want, but all the things you want to be worth. A life that matters. Your view and the one that matters are different. You are WRONG!! Plain and simple.
I cannot help you at all, and the more you hang on the less I even want to. You have a choice, and many have already made it. I can only but let them walk. I have a direction and a purpose, and to be honest it is totally at odds with how you are now. Most of you.
I try to help you see, but you are stubborn, scared, and weak. When the question came you answered, "I'll keep my life thanks".
You deny it too, because many of you are just sitting in your corner oblivious to everything, because you are too busy coloring in your coloring book.
SHEESH!!
Laterzz
I know I know this blog can get like this, but I am not against throwing a few xoxoxoxoxo's to Doreen. :)) See, I am not allllll bad and mean. :)
Have a good one.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
A Blog Before Work??
Hello, and good afternoon all. How's it going?? Me, I guess I am doing okay. I have been pretty blah since I woke up, but now I feel pretty okay. I do have to admit though that may be my normal. Working 3rd shifts it seems to take me a while to get going when I wake up.
I am not sure if I have ever really discussed working 3rds before. Do I like it?? You know it really isn't too bad. The only thing I worry about is being tired. Do I get enough sleep etc... I don't have a sit down job. I am always on my feet, always moving, so I don't really worry about being tired when working, but I worry about it before going to work. That may be a normal thing.
Anyway I do some thinking throughout the day as is usual. I realize I think about things quite a bit differently than most. I stress things of importance very very different from all. The gap between me and other people is vast. After all these years of blogging, nothing really has happened. You have gotten to know me, but if others have changed it hasn't really been for the better. People have gotten older, and they close themselves up more. The World is watching ready to judge?? I don't know. It seems like the more life goes on the less and less you know people.
You know what I think one of the worst things in the World is?? Spin. I was reading this morning about the Bears and their suspended tight end. My God people say the fakest most horsecrappiest stuff ever.
When did people start making heroes out of other Humans?? Has it always been that way?? My God people are so flawed, and they spin shit to hide it.
Truth is the best thing out there, and the one thing no one wants to show. The best intelligence the people can muster is let's try to make the "appearance" of us look good. Say the right things, and appear to be nice, and we'll go make fun of all the stupid ignorant people under our breath.
There was bombings and stuff going on in Israel. You hear the crap from both sides, and I think the best thing a person can do is picture themselves being born in the Country of whose side you dislike. What information is at your disposal?? If you are in Gaza on the Hamas side, what info were you brought up on. All these people were kids once. Running, and hoping to have fun doing whatever kids do. Same as in Israel. The people got all growed up though. Starting hiding more and more stuff. Started seeking out the "appearance" of stuff instead of the actual truth. Life is a never ending journey of people getting worse and worse. Someday they wake up and realize they are old, and what the Hell happened?? Whatever happened to the good old days, when all we worried about were hippies smoking pot, and The Powers that be starting wars because of the Truman doctrine.
The Hipsters came after WWII, because they saw the World is crazy, and the people are murderers. Truman Doctrine kept wars alive along with the Crazy Uncle Joe.
Now everyone hates everyone else. There are not enough people to kill, but hey the NFL is starting, and these guys are what life is all about right?? The NFL is just around so you can throw your phone at the TV, and kick your dog. :) HA!! Kidding about the dog thing. Those guys aren't Saints, and either is anyone else.
You would thing people might question that about themselves. Why aren't you a Saint?? What the HELL is wrong with you??
Oh well. I am going to go.
Later.
I am not sure if I have ever really discussed working 3rds before. Do I like it?? You know it really isn't too bad. The only thing I worry about is being tired. Do I get enough sleep etc... I don't have a sit down job. I am always on my feet, always moving, so I don't really worry about being tired when working, but I worry about it before going to work. That may be a normal thing.
Anyway I do some thinking throughout the day as is usual. I realize I think about things quite a bit differently than most. I stress things of importance very very different from all. The gap between me and other people is vast. After all these years of blogging, nothing really has happened. You have gotten to know me, but if others have changed it hasn't really been for the better. People have gotten older, and they close themselves up more. The World is watching ready to judge?? I don't know. It seems like the more life goes on the less and less you know people.
You know what I think one of the worst things in the World is?? Spin. I was reading this morning about the Bears and their suspended tight end. My God people say the fakest most horsecrappiest stuff ever.
When did people start making heroes out of other Humans?? Has it always been that way?? My God people are so flawed, and they spin shit to hide it.
Truth is the best thing out there, and the one thing no one wants to show. The best intelligence the people can muster is let's try to make the "appearance" of us look good. Say the right things, and appear to be nice, and we'll go make fun of all the stupid ignorant people under our breath.
There was bombings and stuff going on in Israel. You hear the crap from both sides, and I think the best thing a person can do is picture themselves being born in the Country of whose side you dislike. What information is at your disposal?? If you are in Gaza on the Hamas side, what info were you brought up on. All these people were kids once. Running, and hoping to have fun doing whatever kids do. Same as in Israel. The people got all growed up though. Starting hiding more and more stuff. Started seeking out the "appearance" of stuff instead of the actual truth. Life is a never ending journey of people getting worse and worse. Someday they wake up and realize they are old, and what the Hell happened?? Whatever happened to the good old days, when all we worried about were hippies smoking pot, and The Powers that be starting wars because of the Truman doctrine.
The Hipsters came after WWII, because they saw the World is crazy, and the people are murderers. Truman Doctrine kept wars alive along with the Crazy Uncle Joe.
Now everyone hates everyone else. There are not enough people to kill, but hey the NFL is starting, and these guys are what life is all about right?? The NFL is just around so you can throw your phone at the TV, and kick your dog. :) HA!! Kidding about the dog thing. Those guys aren't Saints, and either is anyone else.
You would thing people might question that about themselves. Why aren't you a Saint?? What the HELL is wrong with you??
Oh well. I am going to go.
Later.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Life Is Pretty Strange...
Hello, and good morning all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing okay. I have been thinking about a lot of stuff this morning. I thought about just tweeting some shit, but figured I'd write stuff here.
Life is strange like I said. I have been up a while. Laundry is done, folded, and put away. Last batch in the dryer. Dishes are clean. I went grocery shopping, and dinner is cooking in the crock pot. That has been done a while ago. I don't have shit to do the rest of the day. I work in 14 hours.
Anyway it comes down to a dang bunny again. Not like the cute Milo, but his shitty son. Not a great personality, and never was much of a family pet really, but he is 10. His neck is bent, and Lisa told me that is a thing, so his last day is today. 10 years with this shit head. I fed him once in a while, but no personality, so he never wanted to be petted or anything. That little fucker dying today makes me sad.
I thought about life a lot. Our hearts are weird huh?? I feel bad for this shitty rabbit, but I still haven't talked to my Dad, and my Uncle will be dying some time from Lou Gehrig's disease. I don't have many thoughts about that, but as I write it now I think about it.
I think that is pretty fucked up in a way. A suffering rabbit. Why do I give a shit more about that in my heart than other shit?? Are all people like this?? With people many times we don't give a fuck??
So much of our life is centered around money. Also I was thinking last night of the biggest financial hustle in the World. Anti-Depressants. I am sure that is a billion dollar industry. If you aren't depressed and lonely some of the time you are probably fooling yourself. Hiding from your sadness, and your lonely existence.
You can live a life just on the surface, but it is empty. How many people hide behind fake smiles, and fake be nices, and stuff like that?? I mean if we could wear our hearts on our sleeve and be totally honest how would we look??
ForMost all of us we'd look like crap. It is why the truth is so hard. Cuz deep down we are just a bunch of shit heads. If there are virtues out there they are out of our grasp.
Life is a crazy crazy thing.
You know what?? For whatever reason it helps me to write this shit. To let you know about me. Seems strange way back when I didn't want people to read this shit or see this shit. I have come a long way though huh??
I could give you the reasons as to why I can do this the way I do it, but I already have. I am a crazy story. My life is a crazy story, and I am pretty blind if it seems bizarre most times, because I see things different. I am not blinded by the crazy hangups the World places around our necks. Overcame that shit a while ago I guess.
Anyway, that is my update, and I am sticking with it. :) xoxo
Life is strange like I said. I have been up a while. Laundry is done, folded, and put away. Last batch in the dryer. Dishes are clean. I went grocery shopping, and dinner is cooking in the crock pot. That has been done a while ago. I don't have shit to do the rest of the day. I work in 14 hours.
Anyway it comes down to a dang bunny again. Not like the cute Milo, but his shitty son. Not a great personality, and never was much of a family pet really, but he is 10. His neck is bent, and Lisa told me that is a thing, so his last day is today. 10 years with this shit head. I fed him once in a while, but no personality, so he never wanted to be petted or anything. That little fucker dying today makes me sad.
I thought about life a lot. Our hearts are weird huh?? I feel bad for this shitty rabbit, but I still haven't talked to my Dad, and my Uncle will be dying some time from Lou Gehrig's disease. I don't have many thoughts about that, but as I write it now I think about it.
I think that is pretty fucked up in a way. A suffering rabbit. Why do I give a shit more about that in my heart than other shit?? Are all people like this?? With people many times we don't give a fuck??
So much of our life is centered around money. Also I was thinking last night of the biggest financial hustle in the World. Anti-Depressants. I am sure that is a billion dollar industry. If you aren't depressed and lonely some of the time you are probably fooling yourself. Hiding from your sadness, and your lonely existence.
You can live a life just on the surface, but it is empty. How many people hide behind fake smiles, and fake be nices, and stuff like that?? I mean if we could wear our hearts on our sleeve and be totally honest how would we look??
For
Life is a crazy crazy thing.
You know what?? For whatever reason it helps me to write this shit. To let you know about me. Seems strange way back when I didn't want people to read this shit or see this shit. I have come a long way though huh??
I could give you the reasons as to why I can do this the way I do it, but I already have. I am a crazy story. My life is a crazy story, and I am pretty blind if it seems bizarre most times, because I see things different. I am not blinded by the crazy hangups the World places around our necks. Overcame that shit a while ago I guess.
Anyway, that is my update, and I am sticking with it. :) xoxo
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Life, The Thing With All These Avenues That All Lead To A Dead End...
Hello, and good afternoon all. How's it going?? How's life going for you?? Everything you thought it would be?? Have you nailed it?? Gone down all the right paths, and just enjoying the rest of your self actualization?? Nothing to accomplish, nothing to work on, and just enjoying your happily ever after??
Yeah, that is what I thought.
Somewhere in our hearts is this gap from the truth, and what we think. We think we can do stuff to make things better. Work at this, work at that./ Make a sacrifice here, and a sacrifice there. Maybe kill these people, that should make us feel better. What the Hell is wrong with us??
For one we are humans. We are so fucking fabulous we don't realize how pathetic we really are. We scream from the top of our lungs words like freedom, but it is nowhere near. Life is a hard thing. It is full of failure, and we are the reason for a lot of it. Cannot understand it though. As fucking fabulous as we are it seems we should be able to nail something.
The greatest and most successful lie in the World is the one we tell ourselves daily. I am good. I can accomplish this thing here, which totally is a redeeming type thing to accomplish. Yeah, I suck at this, but look at this redeeming thing here.
Well what if all the redeeming stuff we do only looks good in the eyes of those as imperfect as us?? What if there is one with vision much better than ours, and sees all the shit "real" people don't see. Then what??
Is that for other people to worry about, because you don't have to look at it?? In our eyes the worth of us is Grand. The reality of life is our worth is one coin. Now there are different types of coins. If the tax man comes you can give Caesar that coin. It is probably made of gold or silver. Those should be rendered unto Caesar. The other one. The one I speak of should be rendered elsewhere just as it is written. It isn't yours. It was never yours to keep. A test of life that the multitudes have failed.
What the Fuck else you doing with it??
Sooo why everyone else was notching out some type of life of failure and misery I listened to my calling. I took the right steps, and went in the direction set out for me. I learned the ways of the World, and I found the one true path. A path that is not mine, and my "job" is to teach this stuff. Me?? Who the Heck am I to be able to do this stuff?? No one. I am a nobody destined for nothing great. That is my life, and that is what I am worth. It was how it was always going to be. I was just set aside for something different than the direction my life would have otherwise taken.
It just so happens I was set aside to yell out from the Wilderness these things that no one would listen to, and no one would believe, because that is and always will be the way of the World. If one would take a true look at themselves, and a true look at their life, they may just read this blog and relate.
Can you throw the crap out inside you that makes you think you are all that??
It is where the truth leads.
Anyways I gotta go. I am going to finish my coffee, and then I have to work job #1. I got all the extra stuff done yesterday, so it shouldn't be too bad. The best thing about my life I guess is I never feel like I am missing out. There is nothing I need to accomplish, and I am just living out the rest of my self actualization filled days. :)
xoxoxoxoxo. :)))
MWAH!!!
Laterzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Yeah, that is what I thought.
Somewhere in our hearts is this gap from the truth, and what we think. We think we can do stuff to make things better. Work at this, work at that./ Make a sacrifice here, and a sacrifice there. Maybe kill these people, that should make us feel better. What the Hell is wrong with us??
For one we are humans. We are so fucking fabulous we don't realize how pathetic we really are. We scream from the top of our lungs words like freedom, but it is nowhere near. Life is a hard thing. It is full of failure, and we are the reason for a lot of it. Cannot understand it though. As fucking fabulous as we are it seems we should be able to nail something.
The greatest and most successful lie in the World is the one we tell ourselves daily. I am good. I can accomplish this thing here, which totally is a redeeming type thing to accomplish. Yeah, I suck at this, but look at this redeeming thing here.
Well what if all the redeeming stuff we do only looks good in the eyes of those as imperfect as us?? What if there is one with vision much better than ours, and sees all the shit "real" people don't see. Then what??
Is that for other people to worry about, because you don't have to look at it?? In our eyes the worth of us is Grand. The reality of life is our worth is one coin. Now there are different types of coins. If the tax man comes you can give Caesar that coin. It is probably made of gold or silver. Those should be rendered unto Caesar. The other one. The one I speak of should be rendered elsewhere just as it is written. It isn't yours. It was never yours to keep. A test of life that the multitudes have failed.
What the Fuck else you doing with it??
Sooo why everyone else was notching out some type of life of failure and misery I listened to my calling. I took the right steps, and went in the direction set out for me. I learned the ways of the World, and I found the one true path. A path that is not mine, and my "job" is to teach this stuff. Me?? Who the Heck am I to be able to do this stuff?? No one. I am a nobody destined for nothing great. That is my life, and that is what I am worth. It was how it was always going to be. I was just set aside for something different than the direction my life would have otherwise taken.
It just so happens I was set aside to yell out from the Wilderness these things that no one would listen to, and no one would believe, because that is and always will be the way of the World. If one would take a true look at themselves, and a true look at their life, they may just read this blog and relate.
Can you throw the crap out inside you that makes you think you are all that??
It is where the truth leads.
Anyways I gotta go. I am going to finish my coffee, and then I have to work job #1. I got all the extra stuff done yesterday, so it shouldn't be too bad. The best thing about my life I guess is I never feel like I am missing out. There is nothing I need to accomplish, and I am just living out the rest of my self actualization filled days. :)
xoxoxoxoxo. :)))
MWAH!!!
Laterzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Since, I Am On A Roll...
For this year blogging twice in 2 days is me being on a good roll. Last Several years me not posting 2 days straight is me on a bad roll. Things have changed as far as that goes. Anyway, since I am on a roll I guess I'll try and throw something down. I don't really have much on my mind though. A lot of times I can go down any avenue, and chances are it may not be what you want to hear.
That is my life, and that is who I am. I have seen what life has to offer, and I know the outcome of all avenues. Seems strange huh?? This Whole World, and us people. Seems like there should be something good for us to do huh?? Something worthwhile??
One only look at the History of the World to know the people have lived quiet lives of desperation. People try to grab onto some faction to help give their life meaning. The factions have all failed you. Whether it be Religion, or Country or whatever. The factions are all flawed. Made up by the frailty of human minds. It doesn't take but a real hard look to know that is true, but that is the point, who has the courage to take "the real hard look"??
What if it takes us down a path where we see this shit is all wrong. Dammit, we want a life, and we want it to matter, and I don't want to just be one of the many pebbles of sand on the beach. Well there is a life that matters, and it is what I have been saying all along. I know you know it is true, but how do you get there??
You need the strength to be able to look at the truth. Accept the lessons it teaches, even if it goes against the current of your whole being. Even if it says everything to this point doesn't mean anything. You have one destination, and it is 6' under. You will not escape it, and why is that even?? Why on Earth are we here being all way more fabulous than the dust and earth we turn into??
So this shit is scary. Somehow someway we have to be worth something right? Somehow we are special?? Solomon probably lived the most fullest life of anyone, and he was the wisest in all the land. He saw the end. He saw the worth of his whole life, and I don't know why you think you will be any different. I would hold that to be a truth, and make decisions based off that.
You can strive for wind all you want, but know the end of it.
Can you imagine me walking the streets in the early 90's. Wondering what is my life to be?? What is one to do?? Well I found myself alone, so I was going to make me the best person I could. Work my way toward that. Little detours helped change my direction. Meeting honest Lora steered me down the path of truth. I grabbed it and realized the truth has to be one of the best things. I let it take me to where it went. I had no idea it would take me down this path.
It is the only path though that is worthwhile. The only way to your happiness, and the only way for you to be fulfilled. That much I know.
What you think you know is a whole different story.
That is my life, and that is who I am. I have seen what life has to offer, and I know the outcome of all avenues. Seems strange huh?? This Whole World, and us people. Seems like there should be something good for us to do huh?? Something worthwhile??
One only look at the History of the World to know the people have lived quiet lives of desperation. People try to grab onto some faction to help give their life meaning. The factions have all failed you. Whether it be Religion, or Country or whatever. The factions are all flawed. Made up by the frailty of human minds. It doesn't take but a real hard look to know that is true, but that is the point, who has the courage to take "the real hard look"??
What if it takes us down a path where we see this shit is all wrong. Dammit, we want a life, and we want it to matter, and I don't want to just be one of the many pebbles of sand on the beach. Well there is a life that matters, and it is what I have been saying all along. I know you know it is true, but how do you get there??
You need the strength to be able to look at the truth. Accept the lessons it teaches, even if it goes against the current of your whole being. Even if it says everything to this point doesn't mean anything. You have one destination, and it is 6' under. You will not escape it, and why is that even?? Why on Earth are we here being all way more fabulous than the dust and earth we turn into??
So this shit is scary. Somehow someway we have to be worth something right? Somehow we are special?? Solomon probably lived the most fullest life of anyone, and he was the wisest in all the land. He saw the end. He saw the worth of his whole life, and I don't know why you think you will be any different. I would hold that to be a truth, and make decisions based off that.
You can strive for wind all you want, but know the end of it.
Can you imagine me walking the streets in the early 90's. Wondering what is my life to be?? What is one to do?? Well I found myself alone, so I was going to make me the best person I could. Work my way toward that. Little detours helped change my direction. Meeting honest Lora steered me down the path of truth. I grabbed it and realized the truth has to be one of the best things. I let it take me to where it went. I had no idea it would take me down this path.
It is the only path though that is worthwhile. The only way to your happiness, and the only way for you to be fulfilled. That much I know.
What you think you know is a whole different story.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
A Blessing And A Curse...
Hello, and good afternoon all. How's it going?? Me, I am fine. A lot on my mind already this morning, and a lot of it is me. I know I know how crazy huh?? So, I know a lot of things. Some of it is pretty bad, and some of it I would just like to keep to myself. Not things about me, but things about people. Human nature. The things that make us less than who we'd want.
I think of how I am, and how you are, and we are different. I was made different a long time ago, and you can never in a million years stand in my shoes, until you are also made like me. I know my standing, and I know my path.
Perhaps another parable. Remember the wineskins?? Yeah, my final thing the wineskin that makes up me will have to be destroyed, and a new one given. The final rebirth if you will. There will be a new me. It will be a better me, and it will be the best a person can be. This thing I will do will not be fun, and it will be much suffering, but from what I gather I should not be afraid. I will have the strength of the one who overcame helping me. It is all written that this is how it happens, but very few have gotten to that point, and in the numbers game, well you know.
So why me?? No reason at all. I am not special, and I am not some great person. I just followed the path of faith, and like everyone else I started out on the the path of right. The path of right is you trying to work your way, and the path of faith is where everything is out of your control. How hard is that to give up?? Control??
Why is it so hard?? We are humans. We are born with an elevated view of ourselves. Human nature. We think we should be able to figure everything out. We can send a man on the moon, but it says nowhere we are the ones who open our own eyes to be able to see the writing for as it is.
I see the sword for how it is, but the best way to view the sword is with understanding, and isn't that what it has always been about anyway?? To get to that point.
My actions and me are selfish'ish in a way, although I guess this blog isn't. My life is very very much about me, but for me to overcome I needed strength to give up my life, and that would help others. At least the first time. The 2nd time was just Here is your option. You are the worst of the worst, and there is nothing you can do about it. What do you say of that?? No hope, and no nothing. "I will do whatever is God's will".
So, I put everything in the hands of one more powerful than me. It is always that little step huh?? Not my will, but yours. Isn't that the final turn too.
Don't think it was really easy for me, and I even had to do some foolish stuff to follow up. I was made to look silly and stuff.
Geesh all this was so long ago though. So there is this whole story here. It goes against everything you want to believe, and it goes against all your hopes, and everything YOU want. A blind step of selflessness, and you have all these other things YOU want to accomplish.
Tough things to do, and you haven't even done one thing yet. You haven't lived one part of the life that is out there for you, because you still are born of this World. It is your home, and the only thing you believe in.
I've steered you in a good direction. Yes I spose it is difficult, because you already have these flawed beliefs, and they are from teachers who told you to stop, even though you haven't even started. They told you, you are good now. Go out and do your best. I had to live a life to find the answers, and I am here to tell you all your teachers were wrong. They told you the wrong things. How hard is that to step away from??
Especially coming from a person like me??? It is why my story has taken place for over 25 years. My story stands the test of time, and isn't that what you want for your life?? To grab onto the stuff that stands the test of time??
Truth does. Grab it, even though it is crazy scary.
Fear is a good thing, because it keeps us in our place. Arrogance is a bad thing, because it makes us think we are all that.
So yeah, a lot to do.
You have yet to make the correct step. The battle between what you know is right, and what you want. Selfish, or selfless. Who wins??
That is your story, and we will see how it plays out.
Well, I gotta run. Not really, but a figure of speech. I have been sleeping real good these days. I have a two day stretch now where I work both jobs. Tonight is a short night though. I want Wednesday to be a long night, because it is when I clean, and sort, and organize my whole area. Time to straighten up from the week, and stuff. It can be a short night eventually, but stuff has to get organized first, and they don't give me enough time.
Maybe next week.
Laterzzzz alll. :))) xoxoxo and xxxxxx and all that other stuff. :)
I think of how I am, and how you are, and we are different. I was made different a long time ago, and you can never in a million years stand in my shoes, until you are also made like me. I know my standing, and I know my path.
Perhaps another parable. Remember the wineskins?? Yeah, my final thing the wineskin that makes up me will have to be destroyed, and a new one given. The final rebirth if you will. There will be a new me. It will be a better me, and it will be the best a person can be. This thing I will do will not be fun, and it will be much suffering, but from what I gather I should not be afraid. I will have the strength of the one who overcame helping me. It is all written that this is how it happens, but very few have gotten to that point, and in the numbers game, well you know.
So why me?? No reason at all. I am not special, and I am not some great person. I just followed the path of faith, and like everyone else I started out on the the path of right. The path of right is you trying to work your way, and the path of faith is where everything is out of your control. How hard is that to give up?? Control??
Why is it so hard?? We are humans. We are born with an elevated view of ourselves. Human nature. We think we should be able to figure everything out. We can send a man on the moon, but it says nowhere we are the ones who open our own eyes to be able to see the writing for as it is.
I see the sword for how it is, but the best way to view the sword is with understanding, and isn't that what it has always been about anyway?? To get to that point.
My actions and me are selfish'ish in a way, although I guess this blog isn't. My life is very very much about me, but for me to overcome I needed strength to give up my life, and that would help others. At least the first time. The 2nd time was just Here is your option. You are the worst of the worst, and there is nothing you can do about it. What do you say of that?? No hope, and no nothing. "I will do whatever is God's will".
So, I put everything in the hands of one more powerful than me. It is always that little step huh?? Not my will, but yours. Isn't that the final turn too.
Don't think it was really easy for me, and I even had to do some foolish stuff to follow up. I was made to look silly and stuff.
Geesh all this was so long ago though. So there is this whole story here. It goes against everything you want to believe, and it goes against all your hopes, and everything YOU want. A blind step of selflessness, and you have all these other things YOU want to accomplish.
Tough things to do, and you haven't even done one thing yet. You haven't lived one part of the life that is out there for you, because you still are born of this World. It is your home, and the only thing you believe in.
I've steered you in a good direction. Yes I spose it is difficult, because you already have these flawed beliefs, and they are from teachers who told you to stop, even though you haven't even started. They told you, you are good now. Go out and do your best. I had to live a life to find the answers, and I am here to tell you all your teachers were wrong. They told you the wrong things. How hard is that to step away from??
Especially coming from a person like me??? It is why my story has taken place for over 25 years. My story stands the test of time, and isn't that what you want for your life?? To grab onto the stuff that stands the test of time??
Truth does. Grab it, even though it is crazy scary.
Fear is a good thing, because it keeps us in our place. Arrogance is a bad thing, because it makes us think we are all that.
So yeah, a lot to do.
You have yet to make the correct step. The battle between what you know is right, and what you want. Selfish, or selfless. Who wins??
That is your story, and we will see how it plays out.
Well, I gotta run. Not really, but a figure of speech. I have been sleeping real good these days. I have a two day stretch now where I work both jobs. Tonight is a short night though. I want Wednesday to be a long night, because it is when I clean, and sort, and organize my whole area. Time to straighten up from the week, and stuff. It can be a short night eventually, but stuff has to get organized first, and they don't give me enough time.
Maybe next week.
Laterzzzz alll. :))) xoxoxo and xxxxxx and all that other stuff. :)
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