Hello, and good morning all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. I am 1000 times different now then when I originally woke up. I woke up, and thought about my blog. I was like this thing is broken. I got nothing, and there is nothing really on my mind.
A switch was flipped on, and then all of a sudden a lot was on my mind. My life, and this blog, and this journey it leads us on.
Some of the things on my mind were about this blog. Where it came from to where it has gone to where it is going. This blog was once upon a time a running blog, and before anything I had a sbr blog believe it or not. Due to whatever reasons my swimming could no longer be. A chronic ache that to this day still remains if I make the swimming motion.
So then it was a running blog kinda, and last week I ran 3 times in 3 days. 2 miles each time, and my knees were achey again. So, is this even a running blog?? Am I chronic knee guy?? I don't know. I will probably buy another new pair of shoes once funds are there. You would think as much as I work the funds would be limitless, but this week starts the new schedule money machine. I get paid every week at my night time job. Every two weeks at my other job, and my wife gets paid every two weeks. This week will be my first time of getting paid for two full weeks at my increased hours at the 2nd job, and it also coincides with the paycheck I still get paid every week, and also Lisa just so happens to get paid this week too. So every other week we get a lot of money coming in. So that is that. :)
Anyway none of that is really important, but I was thinking of my analogy of coin, and life I use. It just so happens I thought of that this morning. I thought of the parable of the 5 coins, and I know who my first 5 were. They were 5 people from the Summer of my discontent. I have no idea what some of them are even doing. Katrina, Lora?? No idea. Jim my brother is dead. I know who the 2nd 5 were too. They happen to come along some 20 years later or whatever. I sorta know what 3 of them are up to. So that is some of the crazy stuff of my life. That it took me so long to couple the old lady giving up her coin to what I already knew to be the 5+5 is kinda crazy. Actually though this whole paragraph is crazy sounding although very real. It is very true, and 100% correct.
I thought this morning of people whose blogs I read. I looked inside myself, and I could see the person I am. I can see the little person inside me who is stronger than he ever would have been if I hadn't done the things I have done, and if I wasn't helped in all the ways I have been helped, and continue to be helped every day. Who knew this heart, which is not in my hands could be what it is. All my courage and all my strength comes from my help. I am in no way the person I would be without it.
I then thought about the blogs I read, and I see very little of the people who do the writing. I cannot see them from what they write. They show so very little, and I realized they cannot see themselves either. You are blind to who you are, and I am afraid it will remain that way, as long as you continue on your same path. The choice is you, or wisdom, and knowledge, and strength, and things like that. There is no other way.
I also thought about what has happened throughout the years. How many deaths have come across my plate here. So many people have lost brothers, and Dads, and Moms and such. It is a tale of two lives too that so much has been done with Steve R's death, and very little from my brother Jim. Definitely not my plan.
I think it is unfair of me, and I don't think the best outcome, but I really am not in charge of the things done am I?? I don't have a plan with this thing, and I don't really have a purpose. I just write the things that are in my heart.
So it is a tale of two people here also. Me and you. I know who I am. I know the story of my life, and I know the direction I go. I know the outcome of my life, and I know the gifts I will eventually receive after I do my last thing. I thought about that this morning too. I hit the alligator on the head 3 times, and then Katrina and I can hug. That happened a long time ago, and I thought how many have I done?? Those 6 days, the hospital. An unfortunate acid trip where I talked to Satan for 6 hours. (My only time for that. I free-based coke or crack once too.)
Ends up Once was the Hospital, and once was at a time when I was working. The end of the Journey. Both times were me overcoming. Not the simple coin you are asked, but when it came to saving my life or going to Hell, I said "Your will" even if it is Hell. I was given the strength to hold onto nothing. I was blinded when the judges took me over, and could not see anything. Blind to everything except to what they wanted me to see. Much how your demons blind you now to who you are. You are overpowered by things inside you which you don't even know about. For me to overcome I needed help. At the right time and the right place I had to say the write things, and it was not in my power to do what needed to be done.
Hospital I thought myself doomed, and for me to wake up the next day was probably the biggest shock in my life. The 2nd time I knew good was done right away, and you know it was then and there the blessing I received right prior to going in the hospital actually took hold.
So much has been done for me, and My strength comes from this whole story, and all this stuff.
It is a tale of two mornings I found something to write, and it is a tale of two people that you know so much about me, and I know so very little about you.
I know the direction you must go, but you want that dang coin of yours huh??
I get it, and I know the difficult things you are asked to do, and I know it is a blind step, and I have no idea what things will look like for you. This thing was a blog of trust and strength, and how important is trust?? Not easy. Heck even I was not trusting enough til after the Journey to know my outcome was good. Part of the plan too, because Faith is perfected through trials and tribulations, and my path is where faith and right meet. The Earth cannot stand where these two meet, and it just so happens to meet at the same place where understanding takes place. Where Heaven and Earth meet.
Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. The day I dreamed of the race I won. I went where no one can go, but I was not happy, because there was no one with me. I led you through the final turn, but you could not hang. So on we went, and I am sure we picked up some more people, but the things asked of you still need to be done. A battle between you and your inner demons.
Anyway, that is it for today. :)
HAHA
Have a good one.
Love You All!!! :)))'
xoxoxoxo and xxxxxxx
MWAH!! :)
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Words Do Matter...
Hello, and good afternoon all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. I had a pretty fun night last night, I slept good, and I have to work today and tonight, but I switched things around. Usually I would do job #1 early, and be done, but I am doing it later today. Like 3:00 or 4:00 or so.
If I didn't do it that way today I would finish at like 1:00 PM, and probably have a few drinks and nap before work. None of that is really important, and like everything else in my life it isn't really important.
I used the title for this update, because I said something I thought a lot about the last couple days. I put on one of my last updates, "I am not really friends with her, but I commented on her blog a few times."
Friends. That is a word, and does it really mean anything?? What is a friend?? Go through your FB list. Who the Hell are those people?? Worse yet, how about Twitter?? Who the Hell are those folks??
I started thinking about who my friends are, and you know what?? I know very little about people. I start thinking about this blog and people's blogs I may have commented on in the past, and you know what?? I am an imposter. I don't know who the Hell these people are, and these days I may be as interested in what they are doing as they are interested in what I am doing.
So yeah words do matter, and I don't have any clue what the Heck a friend is, and for the little I know people I would say I have zero friends beside my wife. We live a lonely existence though, because no one knows you, and I dare say you don't know you.
My mind goes back to the Summer of way long ago, where I was asked to go out on my own. I kept having a recurring dream. All the fish in the sea here are dangerous. I don't know what it really meant even to this day, although the things that needed to be done could not be done then, and maybe not at that place too.
I was dumb and stupid though, kinda like I am still to this day, I didn't worry about that stuff. I had answers to find, and crap to go through. People could still see the outside of me during this time, but they had no idea what was going on inside. Those 6 days I was to suffer before that Summer = the same thing. People could see the outside of me, but had no idea what was going on inside.
The inside is the stuff that is looked at. It is the stuff that is deemed important. We all are fucked up in a major way, because we spend sooooo much time trying to make sure the things "appear" to be good on the outside, and there is absolutely zero importance placed upon the shit you place the most importance on.
I find myself with the tables being turned. There was a time where the people whose blogs I read were so important to me. Some were even rockstars in my eyes for a while, and it is one thing I am over. I don't care how your life appears to be on the outside.
I am a lone man in this World. Sent to overcome so I could have the heart of a lion. The strength to be able to stand on my own with no fear.
The strength to walk away from anything. The chains we all were born in were taken off as I overcame my obstacles.
So that is a good day for me. As always I live in the light, because all about me is seen, and I am not afraid of it.
I have no use to try and look good for so and so, because Being strong = holding on to nothing. The important things in my life are the things that happen inside, and maybe that is what I show you little by little.
Who I am.
Anyways that is what I was thinking this morning, and the past few days.
Laterzzzz
If I didn't do it that way today I would finish at like 1:00 PM, and probably have a few drinks and nap before work. None of that is really important, and like everything else in my life it isn't really important.
I used the title for this update, because I said something I thought a lot about the last couple days. I put on one of my last updates, "I am not really friends with her, but I commented on her blog a few times."
Friends. That is a word, and does it really mean anything?? What is a friend?? Go through your FB list. Who the Hell are those people?? Worse yet, how about Twitter?? Who the Hell are those folks??
I started thinking about who my friends are, and you know what?? I know very little about people. I start thinking about this blog and people's blogs I may have commented on in the past, and you know what?? I am an imposter. I don't know who the Hell these people are, and these days I may be as interested in what they are doing as they are interested in what I am doing.
So yeah words do matter, and I don't have any clue what the Heck a friend is, and for the little I know people I would say I have zero friends beside my wife. We live a lonely existence though, because no one knows you, and I dare say you don't know you.
My mind goes back to the Summer of way long ago, where I was asked to go out on my own. I kept having a recurring dream. All the fish in the sea here are dangerous. I don't know what it really meant even to this day, although the things that needed to be done could not be done then, and maybe not at that place too.
I was dumb and stupid though, kinda like I am still to this day, I didn't worry about that stuff. I had answers to find, and crap to go through. People could still see the outside of me during this time, but they had no idea what was going on inside. Those 6 days I was to suffer before that Summer = the same thing. People could see the outside of me, but had no idea what was going on inside.
The inside is the stuff that is looked at. It is the stuff that is deemed important. We all are fucked up in a major way, because we spend sooooo much time trying to make sure the things "appear" to be good on the outside, and there is absolutely zero importance placed upon the shit you place the most importance on.
I find myself with the tables being turned. There was a time where the people whose blogs I read were so important to me. Some were even rockstars in my eyes for a while, and it is one thing I am over. I don't care how your life appears to be on the outside.
I am a lone man in this World. Sent to overcome so I could have the heart of a lion. The strength to be able to stand on my own with no fear.
The strength to walk away from anything. The chains we all were born in were taken off as I overcame my obstacles.
So that is a good day for me. As always I live in the light, because all about me is seen, and I am not afraid of it.
I have no use to try and look good for so and so, because Being strong = holding on to nothing. The important things in my life are the things that happen inside, and maybe that is what I show you little by little.
Who I am.
Anyways that is what I was thinking this morning, and the past few days.
Laterzzzz
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
To Know Your Place In The World.
Soooo, anyway I wasn't really going to blog today, but as I was sitting drinking my coffee it hit me. One of the things I have that you don't is I know my place in the World. I know what I am about. The search for the mysteries of life are done. I am not looking to make my mark in any way.
I know my place. I know what my life is about, and I know why the heck I am here. The search for happiness, and meaning, and respect, and all the things one would crave I am not seeking. I have a real grasp of life.
Others seek meaning via various avenues. Whether it is in the Political arena, or their jobs, or trying to be the best person Society wants us to be. I get in the Political arena once in a while just because people put way tooooooo much faith in it. Believe things that aren't true. Put faith in things one shouldn't be putting faith in. Trying to be what Society wants you to be?? Welcome to failure. Jobs are just jobs. The World's way to keep you enslaved, and to make you busier and busier so you don't ponder the things you should ponder.
Life is a mess, and people try to make the most of theirs I guess in any way. Try and find some meaning, although they go about it in the wrong way.
I don't know I guess it is a good feeling for knowing my place. I have no unreal expectations of life, and no unreal expectations of me. I don't seek honor in shallow places, and I don't seek for truths in things that don't stand the test of time.
The all knowing, and arrogant already have all the answers, and don't ever have to question anything. That is a big log in the eye. I am not all knowing, but when it comes to my life, and the reasons why I am here I am. These are things I sought out. Answers I searched for. I didn't grab, Society, or Country, or Career to find my answers, and as a matter of fact I threw everything away just in case. Just in case the Whole World is wrong. Turns out it is, and yet people find some nook or cranny of the World to hold onto.
Why?? What else is there??
Indeed, indeed.
Oh well. That is what I was thinking about this morning.
Laterzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I know my place. I know what my life is about, and I know why the heck I am here. The search for happiness, and meaning, and respect, and all the things one would crave I am not seeking. I have a real grasp of life.
Others seek meaning via various avenues. Whether it is in the Political arena, or their jobs, or trying to be the best person Society wants us to be. I get in the Political arena once in a while just because people put way tooooooo much faith in it. Believe things that aren't true. Put faith in things one shouldn't be putting faith in. Trying to be what Society wants you to be?? Welcome to failure. Jobs are just jobs. The World's way to keep you enslaved, and to make you busier and busier so you don't ponder the things you should ponder.
Life is a mess, and people try to make the most of theirs I guess in any way. Try and find some meaning, although they go about it in the wrong way.
I don't know I guess it is a good feeling for knowing my place. I have no unreal expectations of life, and no unreal expectations of me. I don't seek honor in shallow places, and I don't seek for truths in things that don't stand the test of time.
The all knowing, and arrogant already have all the answers, and don't ever have to question anything. That is a big log in the eye. I am not all knowing, but when it comes to my life, and the reasons why I am here I am. These are things I sought out. Answers I searched for. I didn't grab, Society, or Country, or Career to find my answers, and as a matter of fact I threw everything away just in case. Just in case the Whole World is wrong. Turns out it is, and yet people find some nook or cranny of the World to hold onto.
Why?? What else is there??
Indeed, indeed.
Oh well. That is what I was thinking about this morning.
Laterzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
This Ain't No Thang...
Hello, and good morning all. How's it going?? Me, I am about the same. I am not horrible, but I ain't as good as I can be either. I ran a little two miler this morning. I was thinking whilst working this weekend my back sure feels a heck-u-va lot better than last weekend. Last weekend was pretty brutal working with my jacked back, but those things usually only take a week give or take to get better. I am almost 100%. I still feel a little tightness here and there, but definitely not horrible.
What are some of the things on my mind?? What am I asked to do with this thing here?? Well, really I am not asked to do anything with this. If it is in my heart to blog I blog, and if it isn't I don't. I am in between right now. Luke warm so to speak. I don't really feel like blogging, but it ain't no thang for me to blog either.
You want to know one of the things I thought about this morning?? A blog I read yesterday. Her name is Molly, and her story took a huge turn in the last year. We aren't really friends or anything, but I know who she is, and I have commented on her blog in the past. I was thinking she went from an Ironman type person, where that was everything. She quit her job she hated in the last year, then moved from San Fran I think or somewhere out there to Colorado to go back to school. Her tri year is over now, and she is going to taste some different things in life.
You want to know what I thought about this morning?? If life went South like it did for Anne Frank, she would be able to adapt. She hasn't held onto any part of her life with a death grip, like if it was gone she would die. I get the feeling many of the people I read would die if the most important part of their life left them.
The proof is in the pudding too. People will give you lip service that their spouses, and family, and whatever are the most important things in their life, but it isn't. Some people call personality a type A, but type A = selfish. Selfish to me is weak, because if you are so focused on one thing, then when that disappears you are like a fish out of water. To be strong like an alligator you have to be able to live in any surrounding right??
What parts of your life are just lip service?? Saying the right things so the ever unimportant "what people think" looks good. You will be accepted by the ever judgmental eye of the people who will eventually be 6' under like you. Their judgement does not stand the test of time, because they don't stand the test of time.
Still though you need help to overcome little crap like that.
I like strong people. Selfish = not strong. Selfish is a form of weakness that makes you really blind. It makes you think you are all that, but that is because your focus has made your eyesight really poor.
I find myself these days caring less and less about stuff. It is my path. With better vision of life, comes a better understanding of what is important. It just so happens very little is important. I tell you what too, my heart is in the right hands, because how can someone with my vision still be relatively pretty good??
Quite the miracle huh?? Yet I play my flute of sad songs with this blog, and whatever it accomplishes. Whatever it is worth I surely don't know. It must do something.
At least serve some purpose however minor it is.
Oh well, I ain't gots much today, but thought I'd throw something down.
Today should be a pretty good day. I have very little to do, so I can relax, and not do a damn thing the rest of the day. I have a good schedule this week too. Scheduled only til 5:00 AM every day. That is pretty sweet. :)
Have a good one all. :)))
xoxoxoxo xxxxxxxx :)
What are some of the things on my mind?? What am I asked to do with this thing here?? Well, really I am not asked to do anything with this. If it is in my heart to blog I blog, and if it isn't I don't. I am in between right now. Luke warm so to speak. I don't really feel like blogging, but it ain't no thang for me to blog either.
You want to know one of the things I thought about this morning?? A blog I read yesterday. Her name is Molly, and her story took a huge turn in the last year. We aren't really friends or anything, but I know who she is, and I have commented on her blog in the past. I was thinking she went from an Ironman type person, where that was everything. She quit her job she hated in the last year, then moved from San Fran I think or somewhere out there to Colorado to go back to school. Her tri year is over now, and she is going to taste some different things in life.
You want to know what I thought about this morning?? If life went South like it did for Anne Frank, she would be able to adapt. She hasn't held onto any part of her life with a death grip, like if it was gone she would die. I get the feeling many of the people I read would die if the most important part of their life left them.
The proof is in the pudding too. People will give you lip service that their spouses, and family, and whatever are the most important things in their life, but it isn't. Some people call personality a type A, but type A = selfish. Selfish to me is weak, because if you are so focused on one thing, then when that disappears you are like a fish out of water. To be strong like an alligator you have to be able to live in any surrounding right??
What parts of your life are just lip service?? Saying the right things so the ever unimportant "what people think" looks good. You will be accepted by the ever judgmental eye of the people who will eventually be 6' under like you. Their judgement does not stand the test of time, because they don't stand the test of time.
Still though you need help to overcome little crap like that.
I like strong people. Selfish = not strong. Selfish is a form of weakness that makes you really blind. It makes you think you are all that, but that is because your focus has made your eyesight really poor.
I find myself these days caring less and less about stuff. It is my path. With better vision of life, comes a better understanding of what is important. It just so happens very little is important. I tell you what too, my heart is in the right hands, because how can someone with my vision still be relatively pretty good??
Quite the miracle huh?? Yet I play my flute of sad songs with this blog, and whatever it accomplishes. Whatever it is worth I surely don't know. It must do something.
At least serve some purpose however minor it is.
Oh well, I ain't gots much today, but thought I'd throw something down.
Today should be a pretty good day. I have very little to do, so I can relax, and not do a damn thing the rest of the day. I have a good schedule this week too. Scheduled only til 5:00 AM every day. That is pretty sweet. :)
Have a good one all. :)))
xoxoxoxo xxxxxxxx :)
Saturday, July 19, 2014
What Does It All Mean??
Hello, and good morning. How's it going?? Me, I am so so. I would say I am disappointed in people mostly.
Still believing there is something important to do in this World and this life. It has to mean something right?? I mean why bother?? There is a big picture of life painted in your head. It says everything and anything means something here.
Within our own power we can achieve something, and we will feel good. Sadly if you ever do achieve anything it will feel good for like 2 days, and the achievement no matter how much you kid yourself means nothing.
While everyone was growing up, and perhaps notching out some type of life for themselves I went a different path. One where I learned the truth about me, and my life, and what I am capable of. In things that stand the test of time, I am capable of nothing. My life here on Earth means absolutely nothing. I can count on zero fingers the things here that are of value.
I found the truth of life, and it is not what you expect. Damn, seems like such a shame too?? We have this Brain, and there is this big World, and seems we should be worth something right?? This life should mean something?? We should be capable of great things??
Yeah, it wasn't what I expected, and my path was the worst thing possible. Many of the things I have been through you could not handle as you are right now. No matter what type of effort you put in. I was made different to be able to handle some things, and to be taught some things.
I had to be humbled to learn my place, and I did this under the prying eyes of only one. There was no one I could tell of the things I've been through. It is a crazy story, and that was the chain that kept things a secret.
It is a great deceit being played with your soul that your life is of some significance. You are of more value than the coin I have told you. You would rather listen to what is not true, because it probably makes you feel better.
Sure truth is hard, and yeah there is tough stuff to do, but isn't that what you want?? Worth?? The gift that makes everything you are about, and your life stand for something?? Something besides whatever propaganda you hold to be your truth??
Our lives are filled with the leavened teachings of some form of propaganda. The truth stands on its own. It needs no superficial banners and flags to clothe itself with. It stands for something, because it is better than everything else.
Don't you want what is good?? Don't you want to do the best thing in your life you can?? Well deny yourself and the fabulous paths you can think up. They don't mean anything. There is only one life that means anything, and it is one where you are not the author, manipulator of events, etc...
Why do you want to keep control of basically nothing with your bad vision of the future??
What part of anything you do matters when viewed from 6' under??
You ain't making this World a better place, it isn't in your power. It isn't in your power to make you a better person, so why the arrogance that you are all that??
The best a person can be is not within your power. It don't matter what type of sacrifices you try to make.
Throw out the crap, and grab onto what is true. Sure it takes courage, and yeah it means everything up to this point means nothing, but everything about your life can be used to help you, so really it isn't pointless. Your life to this point. If you hold on though to this World, and grab that as your friend, than yeah your life is headed down a bad direction, and your demons have won, and you will end up a worse person for it.
So yeah, I have lived a life, and found the truth. My purpose was for this, and for some reason I was supposed to do the last thing I would ever want to do. Teach people these lessons.
How could I do these types of things?? Well, confidence comes from being assured. Overcoming twice, and putting everything in hands that are not my own. Assurance that my blessing will make everything I do come out to good. You see the great divide between two things?? Being right, and being faithful. They don't meet at the same place. You are not supposed to be right, because it is not in your power. You are supposed to be faithful which is believing, and being obedient. Surely that is about trust and strength huh??
Those who hold onto their life and this World are lacking both. You believe in yourself and your own "greatness" to its own foolish end.
I have told you many many things. I have not steered you in the wrong direction, because of my help. I ain't nothing special, and that some idiot like me can be used for a purpose is really a crazy thing.
I am sure your weakness is also something I was supposed to learn too. The people used to do the work before were not believed. God had a message then he sent his few people out, and everyone always believed the scribes, and pharisees, and hypocrites who clothed themselves in the right way, and perched themselves high upon a pedestal.
No one wants the truth, because we would rather believe in anything but. Truth is hard, and as tough as you think you are, you really aren't are you?? You would be so much different now if you listened.
I am just one man though. Did what I was asked, and followed the path set before me to where it led.
I don't ask for any accolades, because someone like me is not worth any of that. I am done, but I ain't done you know?? The one thing I wanted for 25 years or so still waits.
Yet you hold on.
To me that is crazy.
Oh well, I guess I better go.
I have to work today both jobs. I am going to go in an hour to the one. I'll be home around 1:00 or so. Gives me time to enjoy the day a bit, before I go to the other job tonight. Both are going pretty well. I guess going into work feeling challenged, and like you want to get stuff done is half the battle huh??
Oh well. Later.
Still believing there is something important to do in this World and this life. It has to mean something right?? I mean why bother?? There is a big picture of life painted in your head. It says everything and anything means something here.
Within our own power we can achieve something, and we will feel good. Sadly if you ever do achieve anything it will feel good for like 2 days, and the achievement no matter how much you kid yourself means nothing.
While everyone was growing up, and perhaps notching out some type of life for themselves I went a different path. One where I learned the truth about me, and my life, and what I am capable of. In things that stand the test of time, I am capable of nothing. My life here on Earth means absolutely nothing. I can count on zero fingers the things here that are of value.
I found the truth of life, and it is not what you expect. Damn, seems like such a shame too?? We have this Brain, and there is this big World, and seems we should be worth something right?? This life should mean something?? We should be capable of great things??
Yeah, it wasn't what I expected, and my path was the worst thing possible. Many of the things I have been through you could not handle as you are right now. No matter what type of effort you put in. I was made different to be able to handle some things, and to be taught some things.
I had to be humbled to learn my place, and I did this under the prying eyes of only one. There was no one I could tell of the things I've been through. It is a crazy story, and that was the chain that kept things a secret.
It is a great deceit being played with your soul that your life is of some significance. You are of more value than the coin I have told you. You would rather listen to what is not true, because it probably makes you feel better.
Sure truth is hard, and yeah there is tough stuff to do, but isn't that what you want?? Worth?? The gift that makes everything you are about, and your life stand for something?? Something besides whatever propaganda you hold to be your truth??
Our lives are filled with the leavened teachings of some form of propaganda. The truth stands on its own. It needs no superficial banners and flags to clothe itself with. It stands for something, because it is better than everything else.
Don't you want what is good?? Don't you want to do the best thing in your life you can?? Well deny yourself and the fabulous paths you can think up. They don't mean anything. There is only one life that means anything, and it is one where you are not the author, manipulator of events, etc...
Why do you want to keep control of basically nothing with your bad vision of the future??
What part of anything you do matters when viewed from 6' under??
You ain't making this World a better place, it isn't in your power. It isn't in your power to make you a better person, so why the arrogance that you are all that??
The best a person can be is not within your power. It don't matter what type of sacrifices you try to make.
Throw out the crap, and grab onto what is true. Sure it takes courage, and yeah it means everything up to this point means nothing, but everything about your life can be used to help you, so really it isn't pointless. Your life to this point. If you hold on though to this World, and grab that as your friend, than yeah your life is headed down a bad direction, and your demons have won, and you will end up a worse person for it.
So yeah, I have lived a life, and found the truth. My purpose was for this, and for some reason I was supposed to do the last thing I would ever want to do. Teach people these lessons.
How could I do these types of things?? Well, confidence comes from being assured. Overcoming twice, and putting everything in hands that are not my own. Assurance that my blessing will make everything I do come out to good. You see the great divide between two things?? Being right, and being faithful. They don't meet at the same place. You are not supposed to be right, because it is not in your power. You are supposed to be faithful which is believing, and being obedient. Surely that is about trust and strength huh??
Those who hold onto their life and this World are lacking both. You believe in yourself and your own "greatness" to its own foolish end.
I have told you many many things. I have not steered you in the wrong direction, because of my help. I ain't nothing special, and that some idiot like me can be used for a purpose is really a crazy thing.
I am sure your weakness is also something I was supposed to learn too. The people used to do the work before were not believed. God had a message then he sent his few people out, and everyone always believed the scribes, and pharisees, and hypocrites who clothed themselves in the right way, and perched themselves high upon a pedestal.
No one wants the truth, because we would rather believe in anything but. Truth is hard, and as tough as you think you are, you really aren't are you?? You would be so much different now if you listened.
I am just one man though. Did what I was asked, and followed the path set before me to where it led.
I don't ask for any accolades, because someone like me is not worth any of that. I am done, but I ain't done you know?? The one thing I wanted for 25 years or so still waits.
Yet you hold on.
To me that is crazy.
Oh well, I guess I better go.
I have to work today both jobs. I am going to go in an hour to the one. I'll be home around 1:00 or so. Gives me time to enjoy the day a bit, before I go to the other job tonight. Both are going pretty well. I guess going into work feeling challenged, and like you want to get stuff done is half the battle huh??
Oh well. Later.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
My Biggest Frustration...
Hello, and good morning all. How's it going?? Me, I have been better. I ain't horrible, just been better. The great divide, and the great disconnect. The thing that separates you from me. I am different. I see things different. My whole life has led me this way, and perhaps it is my greatest frustration.
I have blogged on and on and on and on. Mostly what I say falls on deaf ears, or ones which don't believe what I say. The great divide is I cannot see the World through your eyes. I am way too different than you. You cannot see the World through my eyes, because, well that is impossible. I am way too different than ways you can fathom. I helped try bring you along to my path, and that has been a big failure.
It isn't like I have some great big agenda. This thing here is fluid as heck. Remember back in my early blogging days?? Sheesh, I was scared at times people would read my shit.
Heimleblog got a little weird. The Journey was a little too personal, but nothing mattered really. Those of you who were along for the ride knew every day *mostly* I would wake up strong, and be ready to go.
Yeah yeah yeah, I have a ton of confidence. I am not scared of me. If I get a little whacky and crazy I don't double guess it. There is no need, because the impossible has been done. My path has been laid with golden bricks. A blessing does that. You see we are unable to accomplish perfection, so our path will be beset with all kinds of inequities and imperfections. You will not escape it. I had to do many many many things to learn my place, but also to get to a point where I am accepted for me.
Not for my perfection, and my willingness to work, really because like the thief on the cross I was able to throw away the safe, and grab onto the truth.
In that regard he is much stronger. He is am much more wiserer and smarterest than you. I told you truth will be the hardest thing you do, because that shit ain't no fun and games. Ya gotta throw out all the fairy tales, because the greatest gift is the fairy tale yet to be made for you. Your life.
It is a crazy journey, and chances are you will be made to look foolish. Don't worry though. You won't look any more foolish than I think you are already. ;)
HAHA
Anyway people are still looking for the Saints here, and they aren't here. You are not one, and either are anyone else. Accept your journey. We all are the thief on the cross, unless somehow someway you are the one who is perfect?? Was that you?? If so, I apologize.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. As you know I have been doing different things with my jobs. Yesterday I had a ton of stuff I wanted to get done with both. Mostly successful too. I wanted to get one little more thing done last night, but ran out of time. I will have plenty of time to get it done tonight though. Doing new stuff is stressful. Especially when you demand a lot of yourself, but are not experienced enough to know how much time it all takes. Pretty happy with my work yesterday.
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
I have blogged on and on and on and on. Mostly what I say falls on deaf ears, or ones which don't believe what I say. The great divide is I cannot see the World through your eyes. I am way too different than you. You cannot see the World through my eyes, because, well that is impossible. I am way too different than ways you can fathom. I helped try bring you along to my path, and that has been a big failure.
It isn't like I have some great big agenda. This thing here is fluid as heck. Remember back in my early blogging days?? Sheesh, I was scared at times people would read my shit.
Heimleblog got a little weird. The Journey was a little too personal, but nothing mattered really. Those of you who were along for the ride knew every day *mostly* I would wake up strong, and be ready to go.
Yeah yeah yeah, I have a ton of confidence. I am not scared of me. If I get a little whacky and crazy I don't double guess it. There is no need, because the impossible has been done. My path has been laid with golden bricks. A blessing does that. You see we are unable to accomplish perfection, so our path will be beset with all kinds of inequities and imperfections. You will not escape it. I had to do many many many things to learn my place, but also to get to a point where I am accepted for me.
Not for my perfection, and my willingness to work, really because like the thief on the cross I was able to throw away the safe, and grab onto the truth.
In that regard he is much stronger. He is am much more wiserer and smarterest than you. I told you truth will be the hardest thing you do, because that shit ain't no fun and games. Ya gotta throw out all the fairy tales, because the greatest gift is the fairy tale yet to be made for you. Your life.
It is a crazy journey, and chances are you will be made to look foolish. Don't worry though. You won't look any more foolish than I think you are already. ;)
HAHA
Anyway people are still looking for the Saints here, and they aren't here. You are not one, and either are anyone else. Accept your journey. We all are the thief on the cross, unless somehow someway you are the one who is perfect?? Was that you?? If so, I apologize.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
xo's!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. As you know I have been doing different things with my jobs. Yesterday I had a ton of stuff I wanted to get done with both. Mostly successful too. I wanted to get one little more thing done last night, but ran out of time. I will have plenty of time to get it done tonight though. Doing new stuff is stressful. Especially when you demand a lot of yourself, but are not experienced enough to know how much time it all takes. Pretty happy with my work yesterday.
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Back In The Day I Had A Blog...
Hello, and good morning all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. I slept a lot last night. I tweaked my back last week, so I have been walking like an old older man than I already am. ;) Working through it was difficult at times, especially since all I do is physical. Always on my feet, always moving, and always lifting. I managed to survive the hardest days, so I guess I'll be okay. I haven't had my back go out on me for a few years. Haven't had much problem since my back surgery a million years ago.
I had a family member die. I wasn't close with her. I didn't know her really. I know very little of her life, and really little of her family. It is my real mom's side, and they are a pretty close knit group from what I gather, but that is a story for a different time, and perhaps a different blog. ;)
From where this thing started to where it is going is quite a trip. Goes to show you how you think things are going to go, to how they really will go is way different than you can imagine.
Remember when this blog here started up, and I was 2/3s done?? The rest will be done for me, because I will have the help of the one who overcame, so all is assured. My path is set. It isn't going how I expected. The third and final thing I thought I would have done a long time ago. My blog is the wait though, so it is a blog of patience.
Tough things need to be done. People have to accept the truth, make the right steps, overcome yourself. Give up your coin for a better coin.
People are too too busy though. Wait, I just have this one thing to do. Let me just do this. Oh man look at all this that needs to be done.
I know I know, you are all too busy to give any time to who you should. Your life, and you are way too important. I get it. I get selfish, and all the virtues you lack.
BUT HEY, at least you are eating gluten free, and you have life nailed. You know what it is all about, and the way your path is going. BECAUSE your vision is better than all others. You are smarter than all others, and you are the master of your own destiny.
Now since you are the master of your own destiny just like Anne Frank, and every other person who walked this Earth. How will you escape death??
The stuff inside you right now that makes you smarter than the ashes and dust you turn into. What happens to that?? Is that all just organic chemistry??
Logic- dust and ashes is what makes who you are today??
So much to do, and any great journey starts with one step. As it so happens for you it is a blind step. One in which you are not strong, because in this World, and this Journey, you have absolutely no idea what happens.
You are not the master of your own domain here. It is a choice. One in which you don't want to make, because you have so many things here to accomplish on Earth.
Not to mention who wants to be humbled??
Oh well.
Later.
I had a family member die. I wasn't close with her. I didn't know her really. I know very little of her life, and really little of her family. It is my real mom's side, and they are a pretty close knit group from what I gather, but that is a story for a different time, and perhaps a different blog. ;)
From where this thing started to where it is going is quite a trip. Goes to show you how you think things are going to go, to how they really will go is way different than you can imagine.
Remember when this blog here started up, and I was 2/3s done?? The rest will be done for me, because I will have the help of the one who overcame, so all is assured. My path is set. It isn't going how I expected. The third and final thing I thought I would have done a long time ago. My blog is the wait though, so it is a blog of patience.
Tough things need to be done. People have to accept the truth, make the right steps, overcome yourself. Give up your coin for a better coin.
People are too too busy though. Wait, I just have this one thing to do. Let me just do this. Oh man look at all this that needs to be done.
I know I know, you are all too busy to give any time to who you should. Your life, and you are way too important. I get it. I get selfish, and all the virtues you lack.
BUT HEY, at least you are eating gluten free, and you have life nailed. You know what it is all about, and the way your path is going. BECAUSE your vision is better than all others. You are smarter than all others, and you are the master of your own destiny.
Now since you are the master of your own destiny just like Anne Frank, and every other person who walked this Earth. How will you escape death??
The stuff inside you right now that makes you smarter than the ashes and dust you turn into. What happens to that?? Is that all just organic chemistry??
Logic- dust and ashes is what makes who you are today??
So much to do, and any great journey starts with one step. As it so happens for you it is a blind step. One in which you are not strong, because in this World, and this Journey, you have absolutely no idea what happens.
You are not the master of your own domain here. It is a choice. One in which you don't want to make, because you have so many things here to accomplish on Earth.
Not to mention who wants to be humbled??
Oh well.
Later.
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