Hello, and good afternoon all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing okay. As to my title my blog is such a way. It has gone on and on for quite a long time, and for me to tell you how things really are seems such a waste of time, because if the truth (which I have told you to brace yourself for) hit you square in the jaw, you would deny it.
"Nah, can't be"
I lived a normal life, and then my life went way not normal. I then lived a hidden life which I was able to learn a lot of the hidden things we don't know while just living here. How is someone supposed to help others along when all they want to do is "HOLD ON" to the safety and security of what they THINK life should be, and only the things they have learned from what they can see??
Yeah, not an easy job, and really if strings weren't being pulled over the last several years, I am sure I would have lost all of you way long ago, and really I feel two ways about this.
Part of me just says screw them. They are helpless, you cannot help them. Nah, come to think of it that is mostly what I think. Screw them. :) HAHA
I've told you before your whole life up to this point you have gotten zero points so far. You haven't done one thing. Yet you go on and on, and life goes on and on, and shouldn't there be more?? I mean seriously throw all the horseshit fairy tales in your mind out, and what is life supposed to be??
What are we really supposed to be doing?? I know I know you have all the answers, and you know your own direction, and you know you are making a "BIG DIFFERENCE" Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you are important, and against the World you stack up like no other, and you have done all the right things, and you are building your own stairway to heaven with all the great deeds, and great things you have done.
Unfortunately I know the truth of life. I know what it means, and I have been given the information of the hidden path that is HIDDEN from this World. It works too, as long as people when at the crux of the moment of choice make the right choice.
That you cannot do, because you don't know what is to be asked. sooooo much security in the things you do, and all your plans, and all your efforts. One of the things I know about you though is if life is going on this way, and you have your future painted by your own hands, how come you don't feel better as a person?? Why must you always be striving after the wind? Isn't it said striving after the wind is for fools??
If you had a chance to make a decision you knew would be 100% right would you do it??
The turn = if there is some reason I am here, let me do that instead of anything else.
A simple formula.
It isn't anything different than the rich dude who was asked to follow, but couldn't because his life was all about the material possessions he acquired.
When those 12 made the turn they weren't right, and they weren't who they were going to be, but they were strong enough to make the 100% correct decision. Not much is known about them after. I know some things about them though. I know the path they had to go on.
Anyway that is how I feel today.
BTW I am not running for those keeping track. My knee still is fucked, and riding my bike to work may be making it worse, but whatevs.
Take what life throws at you. Not a biggie to me.
laterzzzzzzzz
Friday, May 9, 2014
Thursday, May 8, 2014
The Story Of My Life...
Hello, and good afternoon all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. I haven't blogged in a while, and I haven't really felt like it. If that isn't the story of my life I don't know what is. Just when you thought I was tied down somewhere. Doing something that was perceived as being very important to me. Something you knew you would find consistency in me doing. Putting time in etc... I walk. My path is that way. Nothing ties me down. Look at you and your life. Can you name something right now you could not walk away from right now, like say those 12??
Yeah, I know. Trapped in this World and in this life, and there is no way out. Life is a great big web, and we live it and we get trapped. That isn't freedom. Life isn't freedom. Even going all "Into the Wild" doesn't bring about freedom.
There were words out there "the truth will set you free" What does that mean for me?? I looked at life, I saw all there was out there to do, and there was nothing. My vision was a certain way after being pulled via various life things happening in a very short amount of time.
I have to like this blog, and I have to think it does something, but it is a waste sometimes, because of the weakness of people. Your path is known. The web you live in is known. It is known the way in which you should go, but life is full of justifications, and self delusions, and things like that. I know life. I know the way I go. I know what's best for me, and really you don't.
The path one should go is the path that makes them better people. One that doesn't lead to any trophies, or medals, or certificates of achievment. We people are pretty limited in our eyesight. Our hearts are pretty fucked up, because we want stuff now. We want acceptance from our peers, and respect etc... We want people to think we got life nailed down etc... We don't No one nails life. Life is a continuous string of fuck ups, and if we ain't fucking up, then we are just soooooo busy getting our hate on.
A never ending tale of running in circles. A rat running on that damn wheel on and on and on, yet going nowhere. Man, I bet the rat doesn't even know he/she is in a cage like your whole life is.
Anyway I can take or leave this. Not a biggie to me. It is the story of my life.
I gotta kind of feel like doing it, and that ain't up to me.
Ya'All are lost, and your path well... what is that one parable?? The seed gets tied up in the weeds etc... I forget it all, but that is you. All tied up into the weeds and this World, because there is sooooo much fabulous Shit you need to do. So much chasing after the wind that needs to be done.
Yeah, I know. I get it sorta, but when an opportunity for me came to either chase after the wind, or go another direction, I listened to life. I turned, because there was nothing else out there.
Perhaps I was wise beyond my years, or maybe I was just stronger. Maybe my life wasn't so tangled, but I did this a long time ago. I am 47 now, and back then I was like probably 24 or something.
I guess the day you don't have the answers anymore is the day you probably start getting to be better people and making wiser decisions.
Oh well.
That is all she wrote.
Later all. :) xoxo
Yeah, I know. Trapped in this World and in this life, and there is no way out. Life is a great big web, and we live it and we get trapped. That isn't freedom. Life isn't freedom. Even going all "Into the Wild" doesn't bring about freedom.
There were words out there "the truth will set you free" What does that mean for me?? I looked at life, I saw all there was out there to do, and there was nothing. My vision was a certain way after being pulled via various life things happening in a very short amount of time.
I have to like this blog, and I have to think it does something, but it is a waste sometimes, because of the weakness of people. Your path is known. The web you live in is known. It is known the way in which you should go, but life is full of justifications, and self delusions, and things like that. I know life. I know the way I go. I know what's best for me, and really you don't.
The path one should go is the path that makes them better people. One that doesn't lead to any trophies, or medals, or certificates of achievment. We people are pretty limited in our eyesight. Our hearts are pretty fucked up, because we want stuff now. We want acceptance from our peers, and respect etc... We want people to think we got life nailed down etc... We don't No one nails life. Life is a continuous string of fuck ups, and if we ain't fucking up, then we are just soooooo busy getting our hate on.
A never ending tale of running in circles. A rat running on that damn wheel on and on and on, yet going nowhere. Man, I bet the rat doesn't even know he/she is in a cage like your whole life is.
Anyway I can take or leave this. Not a biggie to me. It is the story of my life.
I gotta kind of feel like doing it, and that ain't up to me.
Ya'All are lost, and your path well... what is that one parable?? The seed gets tied up in the weeds etc... I forget it all, but that is you. All tied up into the weeds and this World, because there is sooooo much fabulous Shit you need to do. So much chasing after the wind that needs to be done.
Yeah, I know. I get it sorta, but when an opportunity for me came to either chase after the wind, or go another direction, I listened to life. I turned, because there was nothing else out there.
Perhaps I was wise beyond my years, or maybe I was just stronger. Maybe my life wasn't so tangled, but I did this a long time ago. I am 47 now, and back then I was like probably 24 or something.
I guess the day you don't have the answers anymore is the day you probably start getting to be better people and making wiser decisions.
Oh well.
That is all she wrote.
Later all. :) xoxo
Thursday, April 17, 2014
What In Life Can You Really Count On??
Hello, and good afternoon all. I have been up a while contemplating whether to blog or not. I used to do this a lot, and now I sure don't. One of the things you really cannot count on.
What else can you not count on, besides things that may have showed up on the bottom of this blog before. ;)
Stock market always rises is a favorite for those whose knowledge of History is like 20 years. Hard work pays off?? I am sure some Enron employees were hard workers.
Look at all the things you believe in your heart to be true. Why do you believe it to be true?? Would you dare doubt EVERYTHING you believe?? Ya kinda have to if you want to learn.
Our whole life is a poisoned learning experience. What we learn really all our life, is teachings of "doctrine" the precepts of men and women. Our learning is flawed, and so are we. All this poisoned learning has put us on a destiny of unfulfilled expectations.
For the straight people what are you supposed to do?? Get married have kids, get a job, and live happily ever after right??
What would some of the lessons of Noah teach us?? People were getting married having kids, doing their jobs, etc... instead of listening to the weirdo making the ship.
Just so you know. you would be the same way. You would never ever go on that ship. You have other shit to do. More important stuff to do.
See what I mean?? You think you know how life is supposed to be, but you don't, because your mind is clouded with the precepts of men and women. Everyone has traveled the path you traveled. You are no different than anyone else, except there is this crazy dude here, blogging and blogging and blogging. Went through a hard life to learn a lot of things, because doing this is my job.
One of the things I learned about this blog is the weakness of Humans. The lack of faith in humans. The shallow things we hold onto "pretending" our lives matter.
We look at ourselves as one in a million when really we are just one of the many pebbles of sand on the beach.
There is higher learning and higher teachings, but ya kinda gotta throw all the crap that is in you out. Trust me, we are full of a lot too.
The leaven that you grew up on is poison, and you just don't know it.
One of the things you can count on is this blog when I do it sure is free, but not really is it?? Cuz if you read it than you know too much to deny it.
Right??
Yeah. That should scare you a bit I would think.
Oh well. I am outta here.
Have a good one. :) xoxo
What else can you not count on, besides things that may have showed up on the bottom of this blog before. ;)
Stock market always rises is a favorite for those whose knowledge of History is like 20 years. Hard work pays off?? I am sure some Enron employees were hard workers.
Look at all the things you believe in your heart to be true. Why do you believe it to be true?? Would you dare doubt EVERYTHING you believe?? Ya kinda have to if you want to learn.
Our whole life is a poisoned learning experience. What we learn really all our life, is teachings of "doctrine" the precepts of men and women. Our learning is flawed, and so are we. All this poisoned learning has put us on a destiny of unfulfilled expectations.
For the straight people what are you supposed to do?? Get married have kids, get a job, and live happily ever after right??
What would some of the lessons of Noah teach us?? People were getting married having kids, doing their jobs, etc... instead of listening to the weirdo making the ship.
Just so you know. you would be the same way. You would never ever go on that ship. You have other shit to do. More important stuff to do.
See what I mean?? You think you know how life is supposed to be, but you don't, because your mind is clouded with the precepts of men and women. Everyone has traveled the path you traveled. You are no different than anyone else, except there is this crazy dude here, blogging and blogging and blogging. Went through a hard life to learn a lot of things, because doing this is my job.
One of the things I learned about this blog is the weakness of Humans. The lack of faith in humans. The shallow things we hold onto "pretending" our lives matter.
We look at ourselves as one in a million when really we are just one of the many pebbles of sand on the beach.
There is higher learning and higher teachings, but ya kinda gotta throw all the crap that is in you out. Trust me, we are full of a lot too.
The leaven that you grew up on is poison, and you just don't know it.
One of the things you can count on is this blog when I do it sure is free, but not really is it?? Cuz if you read it than you know too much to deny it.
Right??
Yeah. That should scare you a bit I would think.
Oh well. I am outta here.
Have a good one. :) xoxo
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
To See The World Through My Eyes...
Not exactly what I want to show you, but what is in my heart is in my heart. For me to see how dumb this World is, and to see others trying to hold onto it is really one of the silliest things I have to deal with.
So anyway who told you this life was good?? Who told you this World was good?? Who told you hard effort = a ticket to paradise??
Where do you get the truths you hold onto?? Handed down from Generation to Generation?? What rich white guy do you believe??
Why have this whole big World, and this whole life?? What is the point?? Especially if we are really supposed to be strong like those 12 who walked away from their life to follow the hippy dressed in a robe.
Look at all you hold onto. All your beliefs. Where did they come from?? What makes you think it is true?? How much do you really know??
Does your main truth come from rich white slave owners best thoughts?? A lot of you yes.
Are your heroes painted with false colors??? Yes.
Do you see life for how it really is?? no.
There is a truth out there, and it is not what you expect. It isn't about peaches and cream, and flowers blowing in the wind, and ice cream with strawberries on top, and 2 old assholes sitting on a porch with their rocking chairs drinking lemonade spiked with Russian Vodka.
The truth is ugly, and it is something that needs to be dealt with. Life is hard, and life is miserable in ways, because this World is shit. This life is shit. The people are shit, and no one really gives a fuck, no matter what you say. Society is whack, but people hold that to be the greatest good.
The greatest good is beyond your reach. The caring heart is beyond your reach. The best a person can be is beyond your reach, and that is why steps need to be taken. We must learn our place, and our worth.
Our place is we really are not that good at all. Overpowered by shit that is bad. Our worth is sooooo much less than what you think, because somehow someway we have to be fabulous right?? RIGHT??? I mean what is the fucking point if we aren't??
The point is there are hidden paths that lead to better ways, but you kinda have to choose. The World, and all you can get out of it, or the ways I speak.
You did have the freedom of choice all along, you just didn't know what it meant. You thought the road was easy, and you thought the path to strength, confidence, had to start out with you being just that right??
Strength and confidence is given, and you have to go through hard times, because to see clearly is to see with good vision. To see without horse shit fairy tale truths sucking whatever is worthwhile in your mind away.
You want to look through my eyes?? Do you want to see how much I hate this fucking World, and the fabulous fucking people in it?? I doubt it.
Why the change in me?? Why the change in this blog??
My heart is the way it is, because because because because.... Because of the night after I gave up.
Welcome to the path where you cannot hang your hat on some type of salvation peg anywhere, because it is non-existent.
There is no salvation peg. There is only a journey to the truth, and you have to be willing to go on the ride.
I mean you really should see you are not all you can be right?? I mean there has got to be a way for you to be a better person right?? Where you do more important things than whatever the fuck you do now. Right??
Can I get an AMEN to that???
cya..
So anyway who told you this life was good?? Who told you this World was good?? Who told you hard effort = a ticket to paradise??
Where do you get the truths you hold onto?? Handed down from Generation to Generation?? What rich white guy do you believe??
Why have this whole big World, and this whole life?? What is the point?? Especially if we are really supposed to be strong like those 12 who walked away from their life to follow the hippy dressed in a robe.
Look at all you hold onto. All your beliefs. Where did they come from?? What makes you think it is true?? How much do you really know??
Does your main truth come from rich white slave owners best thoughts?? A lot of you yes.
Are your heroes painted with false colors??? Yes.
Do you see life for how it really is?? no.
There is a truth out there, and it is not what you expect. It isn't about peaches and cream, and flowers blowing in the wind, and ice cream with strawberries on top, and 2 old assholes sitting on a porch with their rocking chairs drinking lemonade spiked with Russian Vodka.
The truth is ugly, and it is something that needs to be dealt with. Life is hard, and life is miserable in ways, because this World is shit. This life is shit. The people are shit, and no one really gives a fuck, no matter what you say. Society is whack, but people hold that to be the greatest good.
The greatest good is beyond your reach. The caring heart is beyond your reach. The best a person can be is beyond your reach, and that is why steps need to be taken. We must learn our place, and our worth.
Our place is we really are not that good at all. Overpowered by shit that is bad. Our worth is sooooo much less than what you think, because somehow someway we have to be fabulous right?? RIGHT??? I mean what is the fucking point if we aren't??
The point is there are hidden paths that lead to better ways, but you kinda have to choose. The World, and all you can get out of it, or the ways I speak.
You did have the freedom of choice all along, you just didn't know what it meant. You thought the road was easy, and you thought the path to strength, confidence, had to start out with you being just that right??
Strength and confidence is given, and you have to go through hard times, because to see clearly is to see with good vision. To see without horse shit fairy tale truths sucking whatever is worthwhile in your mind away.
You want to look through my eyes?? Do you want to see how much I hate this fucking World, and the fabulous fucking people in it?? I doubt it.
Why the change in me?? Why the change in this blog??
My heart is the way it is, because because because because.... Because of the night after I gave up.
Welcome to the path where you cannot hang your hat on some type of salvation peg anywhere, because it is non-existent.
There is no salvation peg. There is only a journey to the truth, and you have to be willing to go on the ride.
I mean you really should see you are not all you can be right?? I mean there has got to be a way for you to be a better person right?? Where you do more important things than whatever the fuck you do now. Right??
Can I get an AMEN to that???
cya..
Sunday, April 13, 2014
I Could Blog, But You Won't Like What I Have To Say...
Hello, and good morning. How's it going?? Me, I am doing okay. So, as to my title. What do I have to say that you won't like??
Oh, just the truth. Things you don't want to deal with, and things you don't want to face. Things like this life does not matter. All the crap you do to fill the day don't matter, no matter how fabulous you think it is.
On this Earth there is nothing worth anything. The only thing of any value is the coin that is made up of you, and you want to hold onto it. You want to use everything that is in you to make some type of non-lasting name in this Earth.
Follow the ways of Society. Follow all the fairy tales you believe in your heart. Follow all the propaganda. I told you Joseph Heller had some important shit to say. he said in a funny way life is stupid. The powers that be are some of the most inane people you will ever meet. The systems in place are flawed, and the people are flawed.
What makes you think people are not flawed?? Have you not seen people?? Have you not seen yourself. There is no "good enough" there is only one truth, and you don't want to face it.
The truth that you and your life are messed up, because this has always been the best Humans can do.
There is a way, and a truth and steps you must make. Kinda gotta get over your self though.
If only you could see what I see, and if only you knew what I knew.
Oh well. I have traveled a long ways in my life to get where I am, and funny my job is to help you along in ways, but you still trust you. Do you see how fucked up we all are??
That is the best you want huh??
ZOIKS!!!
Oh, just the truth. Things you don't want to deal with, and things you don't want to face. Things like this life does not matter. All the crap you do to fill the day don't matter, no matter how fabulous you think it is.
On this Earth there is nothing worth anything. The only thing of any value is the coin that is made up of you, and you want to hold onto it. You want to use everything that is in you to make some type of non-lasting name in this Earth.
Follow the ways of Society. Follow all the fairy tales you believe in your heart. Follow all the propaganda. I told you Joseph Heller had some important shit to say. he said in a funny way life is stupid. The powers that be are some of the most inane people you will ever meet. The systems in place are flawed, and the people are flawed.
What makes you think people are not flawed?? Have you not seen people?? Have you not seen yourself. There is no "good enough" there is only one truth, and you don't want to face it.
The truth that you and your life are messed up, because this has always been the best Humans can do.
There is a way, and a truth and steps you must make. Kinda gotta get over your self though.
If only you could see what I see, and if only you knew what I knew.
Oh well. I have traveled a long ways in my life to get where I am, and funny my job is to help you along in ways, but you still trust you. Do you see how fucked up we all are??
That is the best you want huh??
ZOIKS!!!
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Some Days This Is Hard...
Hello, and good afternoon all. How's it going?? Some days doing this thing is hard. I have absolutely nothing on my mind right now. I have been up a while tinkering around on my phone. Playing silly little games and whatnot. I have had two cups of coffee, and actually am thinking of making a 3rd. Went down pretty well. I typically am a one cup of coffee person, but today, maybe I will go all out.
So, anyway, let me just leave you hanging a bit. Gotta go make that coffee. :)
Okay, I am back. Soooooo, what is going on with me?? Not too much. It is Spring Break around here, so I guess the local grocer is pretty slow during this time. Last night at work was probably one of the easiest nights I will ever have. I left a little before 5:00 AM I think. I came home, and ate a bit of leftover KFC, and slept really good. I was kinda tired when I got home.
Lisa, and I got most of the yard work done yesterday. Just have some stuff in the back to bring to the road. City picks up all that crap next week sometime. It is like we are all ready for Spring now, and temps have really gotten pretty nice. Yesterday was sunny, and close to 60.
So anyway in life we all have these ideas. Ideas of how life is supposed to be. How we are "supposed" to be. Our belief systems really many times are very shallow. All the things we trust are all the things we see in this World. What we read, and what people have told us. We justify our lives, and our actions, and rarely do we ever get a glimpse into our hearts.
If you could look inside your heart, what are you missing?? What about life is not all it is cracked up to be for you??
Do you need more money?? Less Bills?? What is it about us that makes much of life boring??
What is missing in your life?? Why are you not content??
It is the same old story with this blog here. I haven't changed. I do what I do. Oh in life you can tweak all kinds of stuff, but at the end of the day you want to be happy and content I would say.
I can almost see inside your hearts kinda. Something is missing huh??
You definitely are not all you can be, but how do you get to all you can be??
Ahhhh, if only someone had a blog to help explain that kinda stuff. Wouldn't that be sweet??
LOL
Oh well. I got some shit to do.
I'll see you later.
Have a good one. :) xoxo
So, anyway, let me just leave you hanging a bit. Gotta go make that coffee. :)
Okay, I am back. Soooooo, what is going on with me?? Not too much. It is Spring Break around here, so I guess the local grocer is pretty slow during this time. Last night at work was probably one of the easiest nights I will ever have. I left a little before 5:00 AM I think. I came home, and ate a bit of leftover KFC, and slept really good. I was kinda tired when I got home.
Lisa, and I got most of the yard work done yesterday. Just have some stuff in the back to bring to the road. City picks up all that crap next week sometime. It is like we are all ready for Spring now, and temps have really gotten pretty nice. Yesterday was sunny, and close to 60.
So anyway in life we all have these ideas. Ideas of how life is supposed to be. How we are "supposed" to be. Our belief systems really many times are very shallow. All the things we trust are all the things we see in this World. What we read, and what people have told us. We justify our lives, and our actions, and rarely do we ever get a glimpse into our hearts.
If you could look inside your heart, what are you missing?? What about life is not all it is cracked up to be for you??
Do you need more money?? Less Bills?? What is it about us that makes much of life boring??
What is missing in your life?? Why are you not content??
It is the same old story with this blog here. I haven't changed. I do what I do. Oh in life you can tweak all kinds of stuff, but at the end of the day you want to be happy and content I would say.
I can almost see inside your hearts kinda. Something is missing huh??
You definitely are not all you can be, but how do you get to all you can be??
Ahhhh, if only someone had a blog to help explain that kinda stuff. Wouldn't that be sweet??
LOL
Oh well. I got some shit to do.
I'll see you later.
Have a good one. :) xoxo
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
I've Been Out Of It...
Hello, and good morning. How's it going?? Me, I guess I am doing okay. I am out of it a bit, and have been for a little bit. Not feeling as spry as I usually do. Not sure all the reasons, but I can typically always count on myself feeling a certain way. I have a routine, and it typically works okay for me, but now it hasn't been. I haven't felt all that great this past weekend.
So today I will change my routine. Maybe add a little rest, and maybe a little more productivity outside of work too. ;) I sometimes wish in ways I would be a better husband in ways like that, but sometimes I am just bored with everything.
Nothing really too too much has changed with me. I still have my knee issues, and last night at work I could feel it, because I ran yesterday morning. I will feel it tonight even though I probably won't run. I will probably bike though.
You want to know what I have been holding onto forever?? Posts like yesterday. I was thinking about why do I do posts like that. Why do I show you the inside of me, when I know the inside of me is not a good thing to look at.
You know my life went on in a certain direction. It was pretty normal'ish looking on the outside although very different on the inside. I knew things I never told people, but my life had goals, and I wanted to accomplish stuff kinda. Everything changed after My Journey blog, and the start of this one here. I did my thing at the end of the journey, and really all was good. I always have this dark cloud kinda, about the final thing I must do, but that is a good thing. A thing leading in a good direction. The only thing different about me now is after overcoming for the second time I learned my place.
I don't matter. I don't have a redeeming quality. I am being led on this path, and I never really deserved anything. I am not some noble person who was picked out because I am special. I learned thorough my ordeals my true worth. Yet to this day as I walk this Earth I am only worth one coin. One life, doing silly little things, and writing silly little blogs. I guess there is some important stuff in here, but still your life is your life, and your walk is your walk, and I've laid out some information it took me a lot of time, a lot of life, and a lot of suffering to learn.
I am different than all of you, and I have been made this way. I am open, and I am visible, I can be seen at all times, and I know and feel I can be seen. Sometimes I get taken down a not so good road, and sometimes it is from reading some not so good stuff.
I put a lot of trust in people. I trust them to be strong, and to brace themselves for the hard lessons in life. I ask them to not shy away from the tough lessons, because in life above all you are asked to be strong. Life has a bunch of crap to it, and there is no hiding from it.
I know I say things like life doesn't matter, and all our activities matter not one bit in the grand scheme of things, because I know these things to be true.
To look inside me is to see someone who believes life would have been better not to have been lived, but I am here. Doing what I do. I try not to show you all that is inside me, because it is my cross to bear so to speak. (not really sure the spelling of bare, bear??)
There is a story going on, and it is a story of the ages, and it will be done, but the path is not always visible, and most times you cannot see it at all I bet. A tough road for many of us, because it is a path to make us all strong, and many of the things you cannot yet fathom or understand.
Sometimes I think why me?? Why am I this crazy way, and the answer is in this blog. For no reason at all.
Oh well, I guess that is it for today. I hope I feel more my normal'ish self soon. I think after a nice honest days labor tonight at work usually does the trick.
See you all. :) xoxo
So today I will change my routine. Maybe add a little rest, and maybe a little more productivity outside of work too. ;) I sometimes wish in ways I would be a better husband in ways like that, but sometimes I am just bored with everything.
Nothing really too too much has changed with me. I still have my knee issues, and last night at work I could feel it, because I ran yesterday morning. I will feel it tonight even though I probably won't run. I will probably bike though.
You want to know what I have been holding onto forever?? Posts like yesterday. I was thinking about why do I do posts like that. Why do I show you the inside of me, when I know the inside of me is not a good thing to look at.
You know my life went on in a certain direction. It was pretty normal'ish looking on the outside although very different on the inside. I knew things I never told people, but my life had goals, and I wanted to accomplish stuff kinda. Everything changed after My Journey blog, and the start of this one here. I did my thing at the end of the journey, and really all was good. I always have this dark cloud kinda, about the final thing I must do, but that is a good thing. A thing leading in a good direction. The only thing different about me now is after overcoming for the second time I learned my place.
I don't matter. I don't have a redeeming quality. I am being led on this path, and I never really deserved anything. I am not some noble person who was picked out because I am special. I learned thorough my ordeals my true worth. Yet to this day as I walk this Earth I am only worth one coin. One life, doing silly little things, and writing silly little blogs. I guess there is some important stuff in here, but still your life is your life, and your walk is your walk, and I've laid out some information it took me a lot of time, a lot of life, and a lot of suffering to learn.
I am different than all of you, and I have been made this way. I am open, and I am visible, I can be seen at all times, and I know and feel I can be seen. Sometimes I get taken down a not so good road, and sometimes it is from reading some not so good stuff.
I put a lot of trust in people. I trust them to be strong, and to brace themselves for the hard lessons in life. I ask them to not shy away from the tough lessons, because in life above all you are asked to be strong. Life has a bunch of crap to it, and there is no hiding from it.
I know I say things like life doesn't matter, and all our activities matter not one bit in the grand scheme of things, because I know these things to be true.
To look inside me is to see someone who believes life would have been better not to have been lived, but I am here. Doing what I do. I try not to show you all that is inside me, because it is my cross to bear so to speak. (not really sure the spelling of bare, bear??)
There is a story going on, and it is a story of the ages, and it will be done, but the path is not always visible, and most times you cannot see it at all I bet. A tough road for many of us, because it is a path to make us all strong, and many of the things you cannot yet fathom or understand.
Sometimes I think why me?? Why am I this crazy way, and the answer is in this blog. For no reason at all.
Oh well, I guess that is it for today. I hope I feel more my normal'ish self soon. I think after a nice honest days labor tonight at work usually does the trick.
See you all. :) xoxo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
