A Lot To Do Today, and That Is A Good Thing...

Hello, and good morning all.   How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.   I haven't got enough sleep for the day, and I work tonight, so I will have to nap before work, but that is okay.   I have a lot to do, and actually I am pretty excited.   Just some more resume stuff, and job applying etc...   I really want to get another job to supplement my current job.  That would be best, but will look for higher paying ones too.   Also I have an idea for a job I might like, so I am thinking of checking out companies directly.   I don't think it would be a job you would find via advertising, it is probably ones the companies go to Universities and recruit.  We'll see.

Anyway that stuff I am kinda excited about, although never before in my life has that whole process ever excited me.  You know though, new jobs, meeting new people, and doing new things.   Nothing wrong with that.

I am also thinking of taking myself out to lunch too.   I feel like some soup of some type.   We'll see. 

Anyhoooodles,  anything else going on with me??   Nah,  you know the same old thing.   Not much really changes too too much with me.

It is nice to wake up excited about life and the possibilities huh??   I know one of the crazy parts of this blog, is it must sound like a downer, but many times I sure am not down at all am I??

My life is one crazy adventure huh??   Guess what too??  Your life will be one crazy adventure too, and you haven't even started yet.   Aren't you excited???   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.   I think I will take myself out to lunch.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya     :D     :D  

Well I Am Up...

 Good Morning.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  I was just about to write a blog about something, but I cannot really find the right words, so I guess I will start over. 

One thing people all have in common is we are all tied up into our lives.  Pulled in many different directions.   Some from the people in our life, and some from ourselves.   It is how life is.   Busy busy, hustle hustle, and many times people really just want a little time to themselves. 

Then we are on this Earth, and we only have one life, and shouldn't we make the most of it??   So what are the best things people can do with their life??  What are some of the things you can accomplish that have meaning??  What is the best thing you can do with your life??

Tough questions huh??  What is one to do?? 

Many of the people I know via blogging or friends or whatever want to work hard at something.   Put in a good effort toward something.   It helps us feel good about ourselves and whatnot.  I like putting in good effort when I am at work.   At home sometimes, and sometimes not. 

I think as I look inside me I see a person who life has broke down.   There is not much to me anymore.   Surely nothing fabulous about me, and that is okay, because This really is the end of all of us right??   No more jobs, and no more uniforms, and no hierarchical standing in society.   We leave as we came.   Empty of all our accomplishments, and titles, and everything.   None of that will be looked at.   What is looked at is how did we treat our neighbor??   How did we treat the people closest to us??   I'll tell you how.   We were not that good.   We need to have a look back, because without it we surely all would perish. 

The path of us is not a good one, because we are not good enough, strong enough, smart enough to be who we really really deep down want to be.   We all long for something to hold onto, and grab onto that has lasting significance, and we yearn for it, but the World still pulls.  

So many things throughout the day to worry about isn't there??  I know. 

The path I talk about is a path that cleans us out.   Helps get rid of all the garbage that ties us down, and clouds our vision.   A path that will totally make you a completely different person than who you are today.   I know you cannot see it, and understand it, and that makes it hard, or actually impossible to comprehend. 

You see faith is much harder than works, because if it is works, we'd all work our ass off to make us the best person ever.   Faith runs on time, and we have no control over time.   That is why words like patience, and perseverance, and, diligence, and steadfastness, and endurance are important words.  Those are the building blocks, and isn't that what this blog is about??   among many other things.  

Anyway, I was thinking of running today, but when I got out of bed I could feel my knee.   I don't really know what to do with it, so I think I will just take the Hopester for a walk.   Want to know one of the worst things about not running??  The lack of appetite.   Food gets boring as the ravenous hunger just isn't there.  boooooo. 

I could ride my trainer, but really when I exercise I love being outside.   Maybe I will bundle up, and take my bike out for a little ride.   That I can do.   I think I will.  

Not sure what else is in store for today, but that is all I gots for today. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.   I really should get some shit done around the house today. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D 

With Limited Vision...

Hello, and good afternoon all.   How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I am a bit tired, because I didn't sleep too well after work, or at all.   We have a guy hooking up Direct TV for us.   We are switching from cable.   It is a long story, but let's just say this.  They upgraded our area with better fibre optics, so our internet will improve, so I had to get a new modem, and along with it comes a good deal from Direct TV.   We save a little money, and the guy has to hook up our Direct TV out in 20 degree weather.   Win Win.   :)  

Anyhooooodles, I run with this thing with limited vision.   From where I stand I always know where point B is.   I've been waiting for 20 some odd years for it, but I don't know how it looks getting to point B.  I always seemingly have a pretty good view inside myself to let you know what is going on with me, but I don't always have a good look inside you, and quite honestly I doubt you do either.  

One thing I notice in some people is a different day a different seeming person.   Not uncommon with us all.   Some days our personality takes on a free spirit fun person, and some days we turn into a little more introspective person, and sometimes we are not happy and stuff like that.  It is enough to drive us batty, and probably one of the reasons our personalities cannot be boxed in. 

Some people call themselves a type A personality, but that is probably, because it is easier to box yourself into one little person, instead of trying to deal with the total us.  I do say that with a bit of distaste in my mouth, because I really don't like it when people try to box themselves in.   It is a shortcut that leads nowhere. 

So with this limited vision I have, and this blog I have I need a lot of trust huh??    Trust my heart will be steered in the right direction, and if things get messy, it is easy for me to grab onto my crutch of me being pretty worthless, and me being able to do very very little. 

With my limited vision though I still know a little bit about you that you don't.   I know the things that make you not all you wish.   I know what overpowers you, and I know the things that drown out your little voice.   The World is a big and loud, and boisterous place.   It really is hard to get to the little old us. 

I don't know the timing of all things for me, but don't you want to get to your little voice??  The one that no matter what is really all alone in this World.   The one who is a big part of your life, but who the World drowns out?? 

It is a pretty good person.   Not a perfect person, but really still a child.   The older we get the worse we get, because more and more stuff drowns us out.

Deep down your heart is sad, because it is a big World.   You were once a little kid, and where is the teaching of truth, and the reality of life??   Nowhere to be found.   We really had to go out on our own, and learn about this cruel World.

We feel secure within the confines of Society, but Society is like the pied piper.   Driving everyone nowhere good.   To their death really, and there was another voice out there.   Teaching of different ways, and different avenues.   It was a quiet voice, and the World still could not drown it out.   People like the truth, even though it has some hard stuff.   It really is what we seek, although we can be enticed easily from all the bells and whistles the World throws at us.  

 Anyway, like I said my vision is not all that great, but I know a great deal.   Some of this stuff is pretty ugly.   The ugly truth kinda thing, and I keep it from you sorta, although I have hinted about it. 

The truth of you is nothing you can fathom.  I think some things have to happen before you can handle the really hard and bad stuff, but if I am any kind of witness, it is a good path.   It leads to a good place.  

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.   Why????   cuz I just kinda like it.   :)))


Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Well Today Is Starting Out Pretty Strange.

Good Morning All.  How's it going??  Me, I am surprisingly doing pretty well.  My sleep is way jacked, and that is why today is strange.   I woke up wide awake at midnight, and watched 3 movies, so I thought I would be sleeping now, but I cannot sleep.   Also I feel really good for some reason.  So that is good.  

Anyhoo, what is going on with me??   Not much.   I think of many things, and I let you in on a lot.   Some is pretty strange I bet, and I think one of the strange things about me is the way I am different.   The way I have been different for a long time, and part of the reason is it is invisible.   You can not see inside yourself like I can see inside me I bet, and you can not feel what I feel.   The inner part of you is hard to get to I bet, and that may be for many reasons.  There is the way we want to appear to others.   There are the things we think about, that we think we probably shouldn't.  There are things inside us we probably wish wasn't there like anger, and hate, and maybe jealousy, and things like that. 

If you could just empty yourself of all the noise and garbage that pollutes us, what would be inside you??   What would you feel??   What things are you ashamed of??   Who broke your heart??  What things about your life are disappointing??   You know??  What parts of the happily ever after are not really there?? 

I know I put tough things on this blog, and here is something about me.   I have no agenda with this blog.   It isn't mine really you know??  I wake up and tell you what is on my mind.  A lot of times what is on my mind is my life.   My past, and the things that shaped me.  What really shaped me though is the thing I have been saying forever.  I could never have made me who I am now.  I am not ashamed of me, and I am not afraid of me.   I am not afraid to show my anger if I am mad, and I never really feel ashamed of anything I do.  

I have been given a confidence and a strength that is not my own.  I am a different person today than who I would be if I did not do the things I do. 

I am very very very lucky, and I guess in my heart is to help lead you in the right ways.   To take you along on this unforgettable, and fulfilling journey, that is worth everything you could ever want. 

Why is it hard??  Cuz you cannot see what I see, and you cannot feel what I feel.  That which we see, and that which we know is seemingly safer than that which we don't see. 

A blind step of faith I guess is what people are supposed to do, and it is totally the path less traveled.  It is the only correct path, and you know what??   I am really surprised I feel this good today. 

Anyway it is Friday.  I work tonight, and I tell you what I had a very productive 6 day work stretch before my last two days off.   I feel good about that too.   :)

Anyway,   I guess that is it.   Have a good one all.   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   MWAH!!!    :))

The Blurry Past...

Hello, and good morning.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  I am surprised I am blogging, as I am kinda getting bored with it, but what the heck.   There is another memory I had, and I cannot remember if I ever told the story or not.   I mentioned some stuff recently, and so as you not think I am nothing but a total creep, I guess I'll explain. 

The more I think about this the more I am not sure the age of me.   I had to be over 21, because beer was readily available.   I was home for the Summer from College, so that has me thinking 21, soon to be 22.  Reason I say that is I didn't go home from College.  I stayed the Summers for the most part, so not sure what was going on.   I wonder if this was my in between year.   I had a bad semester and dropped all my classes.  Who knows??   The old this 19 year old kid is on his own for the first time, and wants to have fun.   So I was bound to fuck up, and I did, so there was this whole story of me learning to work, and catching myself from being a complete fuck my whole life.  

Anyway I worked at a drug store for several years.   It was owned by an Indian man named Nalin Shah.  A few years before that a young asian girl would come in with her boyfriend.  One of those girls you could tell was going to be attractive when she got older.   As it happened on this summer of me being 21 we became friends, because we worked at the hot dog place next to the drug store.   I would work at the hot dog place, and then the drug store after.  A black guy worked with us too, and I cannot recall his name, but we became friends too.   I think he took the train from Chicago to work there for the crap money we made.   Strange.   I later found out he basically lived at a crack house.  Always made it to work though.  

Anyway like I said the asian girl and I became friends, and once we actually hooked up, after I went with Clarence I think to the crack house to smoke crack.   I thought we were going to the clubs, but nope.  We free-based crack.   I was the only white guy, and I was wearing khakis.  Needless to say I was nervous.  I took a few hits from the crack pipe, and I was no longer nervous.   These people were all of a sudden my best friends.   Holy Euphoria.   You can see why people got hooked on that stuff.  It was the only time I did that, and I snorted cocaine one time earlier, but never again.   Not enough to get me high I don't think.   I smoked pot for the first time that night too.  Rebelling against the World and against God for the High School break up. 

Anyway I remember me and the asian girl being at a park.   I was drunk, which was not uncommon.  We were just sitting there, and I think she started giving me a back massage.   One thing led to another, and we ended up having a brief affair.  I was 21 and she was 16.  It wasn't really my intention, but those things happen.  I visited her house once, and saw her room, and you can tell she was still wanting to be a little girl kinda, but she also wanted to be grown up, and a woman.   Probably things women deal with as they grow up.  I hope they don't think older men have all the answers, because we try and find our way through our own crap too.  No one has answers, and ain't that the story of my blog.  

So yeah, I have lived a life.   I fucked up, and had to find my way.  I made it too.   I grew up, and I learned the balance between work and play.   I finished college, and the World was at my feet.   I got the studying thing down, so I contemplated going on to Law School, or something.   Then life pulled, and I listened, and I was asked to do other stuff.   Stuff that was not my plan, and stuff I didn't know. 

Why you think??   Even though I found my way, and I could discipline myself, I still was not a very good person.   I hurt Katrina, and you know that story too right??   I know you know most of it, but my logic is I was not a jealous person.   Katrina was at our party wearing really tight pants or shorts, and flirting with guys.   I was cool with that.  Not a biggie.   Now I realize she liked the attention.   Some cute, and hot blonde was paying attention to me, and she was wearing a mini skirt.   I didn't think Katrina would be jealous, because I am not sure if I would have been if the tables turned.   Well, I was wrong, and that sucked. 

So eventually after our break up, and a couple deaths, and whatnot I decided I just wanted to be a good person.   I worked, and came home and read the Bible every night, only to see myself as not that great of a person.   I was going to work to make me the best person, and I guess I found out that is not within my power.   So as was my calling I was to suffer many things.  None of which were my doing.   Delivered up to the judges twice, and really just waiting for the 3rd time. 

I know people seek meaning in their life, and I wish I could give you a good answer, but there are none.   Whatever your ideas to do with your life are meaningless and pointless.   Our lives are stupid, and we are trapped in Society.  Enslaved to so many things, and afraid to show our true selves, because I think we all are pretty weak.   We all have fantasies and whatnot.   

Oh well, just getting something down from my life.   You people are all very far away, and going down the wrong paths.   The path of you lead to where??  Anyone anyone??  

You have been given good information, but you trust your self I guess.  

Okay, I am going to go.   I have a lot to do today.   laundry and stuff.  I am going to drink a cup of coffee, and take the Hopester for a walk.   I am not running now, because my knee isn't all that great.  No biggie.   My life goes on.  

cya. 

It Is Like A Brand New Blog, and A Brand New Me...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??   Me, I am doing okay.   I am going to take the Hopester for a run in a bit.  it is sunny, and 36 degrees, which this time of year is perfect running conditions.  One of the things in the Winter is you don't have to get your runs in early, because of the heat later.  Actually it may be better to wait.  So that is good. 

Work went pretty well last night.   I had to make some "executive" decisions.   We were a person short, on a night where we could have used 5 and not 3.   A big promo change weekend, so a truck just threw up in the back room.  So I brought out what we I thought the 3 of us could do, and still reasonably get the store looking good for Saturday.   It actually went pretty smooth.   We finished just a little after 7:00, which is when we are scheduled til.  It seems the people there assume we are always just going to stay til 8:00 even though we are scheduled til 7:00.   Most of the employees don't appreciate it.   Schedule says 7:00 we should try to stick to that as much as possible.

On a truck night when we get slammed none of us mind staying late to the get the job done, but if we are just doing stupid crap work  just because, then that seems dumb.  

Anyway, so we did okay.   The back room looks like crap, but it always does when the end caps and "the wall" switch on the same weekend.  The store looked good, and we did what we could.   How did that get received??  Well, first guy in wanted to breathe fire down my throat.   "There was a grocery load", he said.   I was like "yeah we were down a man so I kept a couple skids of paper product, and the bulk stuff in back."   Bulk stuff stays back anyway.   He understood right away.  I guess I am supposed to do something with cigarettes when they come in, and some other thing that nobody ever bothered telling me. 

What happened then??  Oh just some mean girl who works there went off on me.   You are supposed to do this and that and this and that.   No one told me.   So she says, "And you are in charge??"   Well I didn't take to her bitchiness to well.   I don't like mean people, and I already didn't like her, so she is in the shit house.  

Let's see what it means I am in charge.   I give the manager days off.   I get paid zero cents extra for doing it.   Yeah, I do it for a favor, and I am only as good as I am trained.  I cannot do what no one ever told me before.   FFS.   So I have to put up with that shit, all for a measly  zero incentive, and zero money.   Now you know how crazy of a MF'er I am.  

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.   I also saw tonight we only have two people on, so that sucks ass.  I guess I am just getting the shaft this weekend, and dealing with mean people to boot.  yay. 

This is a new blog, and it is a new me in a way.   All the things you may have seen before you probably won't.  At least that is how I feel now.  It doesn't matter, nothing means nothing anyway.   I can't get that through people's minds.  You want to hold onto this World, and your life, because...   well not sure.   I don't really care.   I have a blog, and a job to do, and I continue to do it.   Everything matters in life, and many of you have lived a life, and you want to forget about your past, because of past mistakes and what not.   Everything is alive, and viewed, and seen, and you cannot run away from you.  

Good thing about my blog and my life is the very very very little I can do.   Just going to do my thing, and we will see if people come with or not.  

At any given moment, I can make any given life turn.   I don't hold on.   Been that way since forever, and it wasn't me who made me this way.  

Oh well.   have fun, and we'll see you later.  

What I Did On My Thanksgiving Break...

Hello, and good morning.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay I guess.   I know my title sounds like I did all these great things, but I didn't do crap.  Yesterday was just the icing on the cake.   I woke up early, and decided to go back to bed.  I slept til like 8:00 or so.   I was planning on running, but didn't.   I sat on my ass and didn't do a damn thing the whole day.   I was playing stupid games on my phone to be honest. 

That isn't really anything different than most Thanksgivings.   Lisa and I typically are pretty lazy.  We had a turkey and stuff, and stuffing, and dressing, and even more stuff, but I didn't eat it all.   Hailey made everything. 

I had to work last night at midnight, so I wanted to nap, and I was so lazy I couldn't even do that.   I was tired when I got home today. 

Anyway it is Thanksgiving here, and a start of a new year for me.   I find life to be tremendously boring at times, so don't expect me to be all excited about all the wonderful  stupid opportunities of great things there are to do in this World.   I have looked at the World.  I have seen what it has to offer, and people keep searching for meaning here.   There isn't any.   This life and this World is one of the silliest things ever.  We still try to wrap it up in a nice package huh??  Put on our pretty wrapping, and a nice ribbon, and bow, and say hey lookeeeee  here.   See my life??    Didn't I do everything right??  

HAHAHAHA  

So what is in store for this year??  I have absolutely no idea. What was last year about??   Did people even do anything??   Anyone get stronger?? Anyone get wiser???   Anyone get more courage???  Most people just got another year older.  One more step closer to the grave.  

What do you expect out of life??   You have been living it long enough I think, how is it going to get better??   How are you going to fill your day with shit that matters?? 

I don't know about this blog.   Last year we stressed strength and trust, and this year we didn't accomplish one damn thing.   More me, me, me.  

So this year we will be starting the 5th year of the blog.   Wonder what this year has in store??   I looked, and I will not hit 300 blog entries this year, and won't hit 290.  I may hit 280.   So many missed blogging days.   :)

LOL.    well anyway, I am just getting something down.  

Have fun, and be good, and I looked at my schedule, and after my 3 days off I am scheduled 6 days in a row.   YIKES.   Tonight will be a hard night, and tomorrow.   Sunday will not be a piece.... ehhhh,  all the work days are pretty hard kinda.  

That is fine though.   Lisa and I are doing fine.   Living the life we have been living forever.  Nothing too stressful.  Lisa's brother Brian will be coming to visit for a few months this summer.   He'll be visiting with us and Greg, and stuff.   That should be fun. 

Other than that not much going on.  

Laterzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz   :)