Back To Real Life.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I think I'll make a 2nd cup of coffee.  Yesterday went pretty okay. Work was fine. Got a whole 8+hours in. It's sometimes hard to know how much time I'll work on Saturday. My normal stuff takes at least 8 hours. I can't always get in my normal areas, due to people working,  so I do other projects. Anyways, I did other stuff yesterday, and it took me 8 hours.

I was supposed to go to a friend's house to watch football,  but as I was walking inside a guy called,  and said he had time to stop by, and check on my icemaker. So he fixed that about a week earlier than scheduled. Brand new icemaker, and solenoid for the pump I think. It works. Yay.  :)

Then I cleaned up misc. crap on the floor,  put some short pieces of 2x6s to raise my bed up a bit, and got my robot to clean the floors. I have a lot of pets,  so a lot of hair. That thing is amazing. Our floors have never been so clean. If you have the means, I suggest you get one.

Today I work,  which I am glad for. I like working Sundays. If given the choice I'd rather have Monday off than Sunday. This week I have Monday, and Tuesday off. So basically everything is back to normal.

Not much else. I have my typical Sunday stuff to do. Dishes,  laundry, and run. That's it. I feel really good about my normal. I woke up this morning just glad to have this life I guess. It's so easy. It is the New Year almost. I don't think I have any major plans of being a better version of myself. My vacuum robot does one thing for us already. I have been working out for a while. Maybe 6 months. I guess that's good already. One good thing about my workout is even if I am tired, I can bike after work to get it in. So I am pretty consistent. M,W,F are my days.

I could run more maybe, that could be a thing. I may try,  but no promises. Not confident I'll hold up. So maybe nothing new this year, but I made improvements last year.

There isn't a lot for me to worry about. Nothing too stressful in my horizon. Just a simple guy who likes his routine, and has a content heart.

Now I think I'll start my day.  Obviously not a lot going on with me. 

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeee.    :)))

I Made The Stupidest Meal.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was back to normal. I got a little run in before work, my steps were between 25, and 30K. I ate a meal, and it was stupid. Kraft Mac and cheese, kielbasa, pork n beans, croissants,  and a salad. I didn't eat the beans or the salad. It was such a stupid meal to make, and I don't know why that is about the only thing that sounded good to me. I am at the point I am tired of everything we eat. I can't think of anything new.

I'll tell you what though, I felt great. I guess those stupid days are my favorite. I went to bed happy.

Other than that not much. We will have unseasonably warm weather today. Like 50° I think. I'm all for it.  I really got nothing today I guess. I did buy a reeces peanut butter chocolate coffee creamer.  :) I love flavored creamers. At most I'll have one cup of coffee in the morning, so that bottle will last a while.

This is a pretty dumb update. I guess I thought something would pop up, but I really really got nothing.

Yesterday was just your typical dumb day,  and I loved it.

Normally I'd delete this entry, but sometimes I like making you read this stupid stuff.   :)

Enjoy.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeee.   :)))

I Was Not All I Could Be.

2 days off in a row is the worst.  There just is not enough stuff to do. You want to enjoy yourself,  but I don't really enjoy a lot of down time. The World doesn't really impress me, so there is no epic deed that needs to be done.

I am ready to get back to work. I did do a few things yesterday, but not a ton. Took Hope,  got a 4-set workout in. I had lunch,  went shopping. I came home, and the icemaker leaked water in the freezer and fridge, so I cleaned that up, and threw a bunch of shit away.

If you think what fills up your day to day it is pretty boring huh?  part of my problem is I don't really like t.v.  I like movies, but typically after I work on Saturday. I like listening to books, but mostly when I work on Saturday. I am not very good at just sitting down and reading books either.

I am not good at filling up my time, so I guess I'd rather work. Now if that's all we are doing is filling up time, doesn't that seem dumb?  making money, filling up time. Probably a good amount of stuff we do to fill our time makes us feel guilty. There are better things we could be doing.

I am past feeling guilty about stuff. I wake up every morning typically fine. Not worried about yesterday, and not really concerned about today. I'll do my thing,  eat a meal. And fill up my few hours of free time doing something unproductive probably. At least I could do more than I do, but I never really live up to my potential. It doesn't bug me though.

So really I have a life. It is mine to live. I have a purpose, but I am not the director of that plot. Just a vessel being used in a story. I have a pretty big part I spose,  but I am not special in any way. I am not smarter, or brighter, or more creative in anything. I am just your middle of the road creature. I just have a part to play, but the Director decides when that should be.

Not my concern,  so I just do my day to day. When I go do my final part here it will make all my day to day activities to that point not mean anything. Nothing I can do to change that either. So I work,  eat,  sleep, and my heart is fine with it. My heart also places the proper value in my day to day.

None.    :)

Lol

Anyhoo,  I spose.

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Bye.    :)))

Day #2

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I've been up for a while for some reason. Done sleeping I guess. Today I have day #2 off in a row. I have a few things to get done, but nothing crazy. Already I kinda got a craving for my day off burger and beer for lunch.  :)  I do have to work out at some point. Yesterday was okay as far as days go. Sooo much food.  Just a relaxing day basically.

Today shouldn't be too crazy either. I don't think I thought of anything too significant yesterday. I have absolutely no clue what to blog about today. Maybe nothing.  :)

I sometimes am just chilling, without a worry in the World. I think that is the most natural thing, but I guess really it isn't. People do have stuff to worry about. I have absolutely no stress at all about my future. No anxiety at all. I don't worry about tomorrow,  and I don't worry about today. At some point there will be a better version of me, but I have no say in when that happens. It's basically a waiting game. I guess I do have inside information in this World does not have a good future. I suspect the times won't be pleasant. I don't know how those days will look like however. I remember being told not to be in a rush for these days,  cuz they won't be good. That was a long time ago.

I don't even know what tomorrow will be like, I just know I wake up typically okay. Life is strange in a way, cuz it seems like all avenues lead to a tougher more stressful life. You can't escape it, cuz we make our own avenues,  and our vision is bad. I went a path not of my making, and it helped me become free. I can just be, and not really worry about it.

In our mind is all the things we can see. All the possible avenues. They'll lead you to a difficult,  and uncontent life. There will always be stuff to worry about. I went a way with no vision of the future. No idea what I'd be asked to do. Suffer is what I did. I learned a lot too. I am happy to be who I am, and happy to live my simple life. It is good to be me for sure.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Til next time.

I am up early today so I predict an early bedtime,  and early wake up time tomorrow. 

Anyhoo.

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeee.    :)))

A Day Off.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am doing good. I feel remarkably relaxed. I have the full day off, and nothing real pressing to do. Not sure what I'll do. I can do anything.

Inside my mind I imagine there potentially should be things to worry about, but my mind is clear of all that. If there are things to worry about it never really enters my heart. I guess part of me is the way it is, cuz I am not looking toward better days. There are no future events which must take place to put my heart easier to rest. This is as easy as it gets.

I feel my new year starts now. Christmas is over, so I can start anew I guess. I don't really know what that means for me, so I guess I'll continue as I do now. I think my daily steps can easily fall from ~30,000 to ~20,000. I think I'd like to keep it nearer 30,000. You deal with Summer,  then Fall, Thanksgiving and Christmas,  and then all avenues seem open.

Anyway, a day off seems pretty nice. I work tomorrow,  and have the next two off too.   #wha????   I know right.  I don't know what I'll do. I'll do laundry today. I may seek out a recipe to make something  new. That could be fun.

Anyway, I am just  thinking out loud. Not a lot going on with me. Just living this life, and I guess I never knew it could be like this. In your mind you kinda always want to be on, and I am. You want the assurance that all your actions will end in a good route. That I do have. Received that right prior to going into the hospital, and it finally took route after overcoming the 2nd time, and that is when this blog "The Wait" started. The assurance that I am in a good spot.

Money does not lead one to a quiet and content heart. Fame does not leave one feeling better about themselves as I do me. The secret to life is hidden. Our thoughts are hidden, but I've been open,  and able to be seen for decades.  Moving in the light is living open, and that does not happen til one goes through the eye of the needle.  Even that isn't the end. At least as far as my story goes.

We all fall short, so we all must at some time become the thief. The truth will set you free, but not if you don't face it. The truth is scary. I told you years ago it is the hardest thing you'll ever do.

The World is enticing, and our hearts really are of this World, so we think, and wish according to things of this World.  I suspect people also crave for a quieter easier life. The battle within you. Your silent voice is the one who must win. The little person in you that isn't arrogant, strong, etc...   Just the little kid who finds themself in this World for some strange reason.

There is no true manual to life,  although you've been brought up on some type of one from the World. I found a different way. One in which I followed blindly, and one that led me to great suffering. I will have to suffer one more time too,  at some point. Maybe it approaches, cuz it seems this blog is picking up steam again. Last time you couldn't hang,  but I suspect we picked up others,  so as the promise went, all for good. 

Anyhoo,  I guess that's good. 

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.    :)

Luv Ya's.    :)

MWAH.    :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Byeee.     :)))

It Sure Don't Seem Like Saturday.

I usually work every Saturday, but not at the bakery so my Saturday already seems strange. I feel better rested than usual for a Saturday, and I slept just over 5 hours. Yesterday's 8 hour sleep~a~thon was rare. At least for a week day. Yesterday I got most of my work out in. I have an ab machine I like to use, but someone was using it, so I bolted. I worked 10 hours so I thought I'd scrap all my plans. In my mind however I remember I feel good after working out. You feel your muscles being stronger.

That was the day. Work,  workout,  buy Christmas presents chill, eat, sleep.   :)  it's kinda strange thinking about what I may have wanted from life in my younger years. I got it though. I just wanted to feel good. Feel secure in who I am. Happy and ready to start any day I guess.  I think all people want that,  but we cannot create it.

If we could control our insides we'd always feel good. We don't control our insides, and you may wonder why.

Trust me too, I learned very clearly the insides we don't control. Currently I assume you believe you are the master of your thoughts,  but there are internal powers inside you that overpower you. Due to unwritten rules, and maybe even written ones you cannot just be you. If people know how you really thought 24/7 what would they think?  What do you think certain times about your family even?  I assume Instagram is all about the smiles and perfect lives you created, but I know what it's like to be human.

Our hearts aren't that great. The World is built upon lies. Our whole being is built on lying every day. The written and unwritten rules have us acting a certain way, and our insides have us thinking something else.

Our existence is not really very important in the grand scheme, although I suspect we feel our lives are important. 

It is sorta strange I guess writing about what I think, cuz so much of who I am is not cuz of me. So much is just cuz I was willing to go the path I did. Not perfect,  and not a Saint yet, but unbeknownst to me I could still do good labor,  even if I wasn't what I really wished for way back when.

I know a person's shortcomings so in that  way no one can fool me. I know every person falls short of Sainthood even if you want your Instagram accounts to show something different.

It is kinda strange blogging on a Saturday, but today I work an hour later than usual.

Anyways, I guess til next time.

Laterzzz.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.   :)

Byeee.     :)))

7 Hours and 59 Minutes.

That's how much I slept last night. The night before was 5 hours and 29 minutes. My early alarm went off today, and I was like no thanks.   :)  It's been a busy week. Every day is approaching 30,000 steps. Only 2 more days. For those who don't know. I work at a bakery as my full time job. A bakery during Christmas time is ridiculously busy. There are 2 locations this year too.

That being said I still wake up feeling pretty refreshed. I got up before my middle alarm, and I am good to go. As busy as I am I figure people can do a good amount every day, but not if you don't sleep well. Lucky for me I typically sleep pretty good.

Today is a work out day, but I planned on driving today anyway. Good chances of rain, and I am going to get my Christmas shopping done. I just get Lisa gift cards from 3 stores she likes. Book store, her favorite clothes store,  and another one I am not sure of yet. I can always do like Hobby Lobby or Pier 21, but then I end up with a bunch more useless shit in the house. We will see.

Other than that not much.  Just doing this simple thing called life. Work,  eat, sleep etc...  I cannot even predict what next year will be like. As the New Year approaches you kinda feel like you can start over kinda. Change things around a bit maybe in a positive way. At least for a week or two til you get back to your normal again. 

I don't know if I'll do any such thing. I assume I'll wake up every day as I do now.  Refreshed, and ready to start my day.  Work won't be busy for a couple months in a bit. January,  and February typically slow down a bit, so I'll have extra time. I think I'll plan on doing inside shit I want to get to.

Kinda strange people do not have the same outlook on life as me. Day to days don't always start out worry free like mine. I surely wasn't always this way, but it is a gift for me. Life is simple simple for me. It is what everyone wants, but there are no correct manuals in how to go about it. Our inconsistent insides always let us down.

I don't have that problem. In my younger years I always played the consistent part. Always in a good mood,  and always ready for fun,  but it was acting. I wasn't always in a good mood, and sometimes I didn't do stuff that would be good for me.

Now I am pretty consistent,  and I generally feel pretty good about me. How I am now is not in my power to create for myself.

Anyways. I guess I am just getting stuff down.  Ready to start another day. Almost 8 hours of sleep too.  Yikes.  Look out.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

Luv Ya's.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeeeee.    :)))

Waking Up To An Empty Head.

So, I pretty much have nothing on my mind. I checked sports scores.  You wanna know one of the things I enjoy?  When a team just implodes. The Bulls made trades, got young, etc...  They were supposed to show promise, and they are on their 2nd coach this year while sporting the worst record in the NBA. They have had injuries, but one of their best players last night had 6 shots in 30+ minutes of play. It's not like he was dishing assists either. He had 2.  What on Earth is going on there?  Oh, and the new coach benched their 2nd leading scorer for some reason. $30 million down the drain. Since the Bulls are playing so bad I guess I pay attention to the NBA more than once every 1-2 weeks like normal.   Yay NBA.   :)

Yesterday wasn't so bad. I got my workout in, and it wasn't bad.  It was sunny and 45°-- ish. I came home, chilled for an hour, and did dishes. Got my Dad signed up for another 6 months of insurance. We had Chinese takeout for dinner. I cannot even imagine the amount of prep work needed for a Chinese takeout place. Rice, vegetables,  meat, egg rolls etc...  it seemed like a high paced place to work. It was only Wednesday night too.

I then went to bed. Just your typical boring day my heart is happy to live. I did receive my free $200 from my new Savings account. Yay free money.  I am happy to make 2% on my money instead of .1% or whatever. It's not a lot, but it's something. 

You see?  I usually have little simple stuff that crawls through my mind.  I am bad at watching tv, meaning I just don't do it a lot. I am pretty content just living in my own head. When I get home I love chilling, and maybe having a mixed drink.  I think about all kindsa nothing,  and I am happy. Like last night after an hour I did dishes, and checked on car insurance for my Dad, and then we picked up Chinese. I don't think anything real important popped into my mind at all. Everything is just easy. Don't worry about anything I know of.

So this is a silly update,  but my life is pretty simple like this, and I really have no worries about anything. 

Anyways, til next time.   :)

Laterzzz.    :) 

xoxo.    :)

Luv Ya's.    :)

MWAH.   :)

xxoo.    :)

Bye.    :))) 

Am I Pregnant?

I woke up this morning with a weird craving. Sauerkraut. I knew I had a can, and I wanted wanted wanted. I ate half the can, and drank a good amount of juice. Now that is a craving. Not sure if I want a boy or girl. I have to be pregnant. Who else would crave, of all things, Sauerkraut? 

Other than that not much going on. I am kinda dreading today since it is a work out day. We are busy at work, I'll be tired when I get out, and I'll still have to work out. Not looking forward to that feeling. After this week everything chills out a bit. We will have survived the busy Summer, and Christmas.

Our New Year will be upon us in no time. I have absolutely no resolutions at all. This year has been pretty good. I cannot even believe what we got done with the house this year. I don't know what I'll do to keep myself busy this year. It typically will be work, eat, sleep,  but I have free hours to get other shit done. I really don't know what this year will look like.

Typically I feel pretty okay inside. I am fine with me. I am happy to live the days alotted to me. Not really anything to worry about. The World goes on, and it doesn't really concern me. The pressures of life seemingly don't really bother me. People have things to stress about, but my biggest concern is how I will feel as I bike farther away from my house after work to work out. I have no clue what to do for dinner either.

I kinda liked yesterday's blog. Not cuz it was some great update or anything, but I tried to picture in my mind people who I sorta once knew, and what they are doing. Lol who the Hell knows. If they were so inclined they could always see what I am up to. Not much. Just a neat exercise I spose.

So we have the holidays. A new year. I have no clue what this blog was about this year. No major theme I can remember. I know we were in the wilderness so all deeds do not matter.

Oh one thing I thought about earlier. The person I am now  is nowhere near who I would have been, had I not made the turn in the early 90s. I would have been more like you on the inside. What a tangled mess that existence is huh?  Going through the eye of the needle actually also took the log out of my eye. The Spiritual eye is the one that can see in its head. I can see clearly,  but really it is my heart that controls my thoughts. That changed for good once I gave up, and couldn't go on. I learned I am in no way in control of how I feel on the inside. My wilderness years taught me that.  I literally learned I am in no better position than cattle.

You currently have the proverbial log in your mind's eye. Ya kinda are born with it. Ya can't on your own take it out either. I can't help you with that either. After I did this too, or it was done for me rather I was led into some terrifying ordeals. To learn about my path,  and obstacles,  and the order of things. What once was a desire to be good eventually turned into a desire to be saved, and accepting condemnation if that is the will. My heart was nowhere near strong enough to overcome, but I was helped with everything while overcoming.

Anyway my story was a Spiritual one, and I am mostly spirit. On the inside though. Just a regular human on the outside. The sword is written spiritually,  but it looks like human speak. One's eyes have to be opened to see the sword as it is. One has to learn too the sword does not save.

It was always about understanding, and that comes after number 3. Then all tools will be at my disposal. Currently I am pretty powerless toward anything. Kinda just a small voice in the wilderness.

I spose. Might as well get a run in to totally demolish myself today.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

Luv Ya's.    :)

xxoo.    :)

MWAH.   :)

Bye.     :)))

Sometimes You Remember Back.

I swear the last couple days I started thinking about people I sorta got acquainted with doing this thing. As with all things not much stands the test of time. As I am above 50 years old, I am a homebody. I don't really socialize a lot,  but I live in a pretty full house.

People Come,  and people go, and I guess that is part of life. This blog of all things stands the test of time, at least for me. I still do this.  Why?  I still feel like doing it if I wake up on time.

As to people who I once sorta got acquainted with what do I think?  Ehhh, not much really. I have no clue what goes on in people's lives, and I don't really care I spose. I think when I first started this thing I thought people were bigger than life. They have an online personality, and people know them. I do this though, I can't say I have a big online personality,  but if I do this, for a lot of years than none of us are bigger than life. I sure as Hell ain't.

I did think of that a bit the last couple days. I suspect I played the fool at times or whatever,  but I was free to do as will. I still do this though if fool I am, then so be it. I still am, and I still am free to do as I choose. I have no heroes before me. No one I would rather be. I suspect many people struggle through things in life,  and it is in those things people once shared. Now everyone does Instagram I suppose, and I don't.

In life I miss out on nothing. I don't have to share hardships cuz there are none really. I could stand guilty cuz I am not a Saint, but I have no remorse,  cuz I am accepted. I have been judged twice, and you know my story... what it was all about?  Perfection is out of my reach, and impossible without help. As to being a Saint we all fall short. I was willing to go the route of learning,  and I was willing to play the fool too I guess.

I was accepted after overcoming the 2nd time, not cuz I was perfect,  but I endured my lot, and was willing to do what would not be my will if that was the plan.

My heart would be like I want, I want, I want, but I took the other route. Your will, and that made the difference. My coin, I want, I want, I want. Instead take my coin, do with it as you will.

That I did in the early 90s. I didn't know what 2018 would look like. I had plans for 1996. My 5 year plan was awesome.   :)   hahaha.

Anyway all others just run in place. It isn't easy overcoming one self, and I was coming as someone who wanted to be good,  but I really wasn't always successful in that. I am so free to be as I am, and in 1991 I would try to manipulate myself (unsuccessfully) to make me into the person I'd like to be.

I am content in who I am, but my story still isn't over.

Anyhoo,  I spose.

Til next time.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Bye.    :)))

Same Old Story

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. I am in a bit of a panic. I don't know where my fitbit thing is. I don't take it off at night, and I woke up with it not on my wrist. It realistically could have fallen off anywhere I guess. We went out to dinner too.   :)  I obviously enjoy keeping track of my steps.  If I lost it I'd buy a new one probably.

I got my birth certificates in the mail yesterday, so I am all official like as a person. That too was a thing I was a bit worried about I spose. As far as I know I've never been to Minnesota,  except for some odd reason I was born there.

After calling a random hospital I found out you get MN certificates through the State or something. Fill out a form, and they'll send you one. It's in my fireproof safe. I feel pretty good about getting that done for some strange reason.

Yesterday was okay as days go. We went shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond. I wanted a good set of knives. I was going to spend a good chunk on them too. In the end we realized all we needed was a good bread knife. I do have other good knives, so I saved money there,  and spent a lot on other shit that wasn't even on our radar of things we needed.   ;)

I opened up a savings account. The Discover credit card company is also a bank, and they pay 2%  I put a good chunk there. Also they'll give me $200 free for the amount I deposited three. Free money??  Yes please. My other savings accounts don't pay shit. I have too many banks. It's pretty ridiculous. Chase gave me $500 for jumping through some easy steps, that's why I have that. Discover actually pays interest, so that sold me. Eventually I'll get rid of of a couple. I have 2 more that were my original banks. One took care of the mortgage, which is no more, and one took care of other bills.

So that's that. Not much really going on. I have the next two Sundays off, and I work Monday morning. That is fine. It will be a nice change. 

Not much else on my mind. I pretty much decided I like not having my name tied down. There was some question of would we need to cosign a loan to help Haileys daughter get a house, or actually us taking out the mortgage for them. I realize I like being free of that stuff. We can help with a down payment, but that's it. Their house their signature. Her husband's credit had some dings, but it's been cleared up, and the banker thinks January his numbers should be good. I just don't want to have stuff to worry about you know?  Me being mortgage free is a pretty big deal. My Uncle passing a little over a year ago changed all that for me. He was just living a pretty simple life doing nothing really,  while sitting on A sizeable chunk of assets. John and I did okay in that.

I don't know how much otherwise it changed my life. Financially I am different,  but I don't feel my life is much different. I still work. 2 jobs instead of 3, but that was mostly so I could take one day off/week. Remember last year I had holidays only off. I do enjoy my day off too. I got pretty good raises this year too from both jobs so I make more than last year anyway.

I do like working. For one thing you always have money coming in. Also it helps with a schedule. It works for me, and my heart likes to labor. I feel free at the end of the day to do as I want I spose.

I dunno.

I think I'll take Hope for a little run.

Til next time. 

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeee.    :)))

I Guess Life Keeps Moving.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I guess before I blogged I was thinking of significant and important things going on in my life.  Oops, there isn't anything. I've been sleeping in this week. Just been tired. Monday I stayed up and watched football.

Not really a lot going on besides that. I still just am busy during the week. Yesterday you figure you get up around 4:30AM. After work, I had to work out bike home,  take Hope. I didn't relax til after 4:00 PM. That's 12 hours straight on my feet. I remember leaning down around 8 hours in or so to grab something, and I felt that was a cruel thing to have to do. Lean down when you've been on your feet all day. Sleep is the great equalizer. Today my legs feel refreshed.

One thing that happened yesterday while working. I was just in the flow trying to get shit done, and I realized after work, I don't have a thing to worry about. Nothing to stress about. I will end my work day with an untroubled heart. That is a good,  and relaxing feeling.

I know people have stress in life,  and mine has really been taken away. I have no wishes for glory,  or popularity, or anything really. My day to day is fine. Simple simple. As a matter of fact, I'll probably take a trip somewhere warm this February. To escape the cold for a bit, but this December has been pleasantly mild. November was cold, but mild winter weather is easy.

Things just look good. Life seems easy to me. I don't suspect I was looking for the easy way of life,  but unsuspecting it found me. The key is my heart, and that I don't control. My burdens have all been lifted so to speak. I know you are not in this spot.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Til next time. 

Laterzzz.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeeeee.      :)))

A Day Off.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. Yesterday I finished listening to "The Stand"  a 48 hour audible book. I did the first 24 hours, put it down for a month or so, and just finished the last 24 hours. It's not as good as I remember when I was a kid. Maybe cuz you remembered how things would happen. I didn't remember the ending. I read "It" for the 2nd time like 25 years ago, and had the same disappointment. The new movie came out 1-1/2 years ago,  so I started reading it for a 3rd time. I put it down for a bit with half to go. The 2nd part of the movie comes out sometime next year. That's where I am in the book. When they are grownups.

I got most of my shit done yesterday before work,  so a day off is a day off. I am going to make bread with my sour sponge I made by scratch. I think l fucked  up todays bread, so I am remaking another for tomorrow just in case.

That's about it. Today is a day,  and I'll live it. The scales are removed from my eyes. I have no illusions of how a life is supposed to be. I don't feel one side is right and one is wrong, but all are wrong. You won't make right within this World. You are a part of this World though so what else is there? 

I know when my time came I searched for life. I didn't see any really worth anything, so I made the turn. To do whatever I am here to do, cuz all else seemed pointless. All avenues did not lead anywhere of any great value.

In the end I had one coin. One life,  and I gave it up for a better one, cuz I didn't see any other worthwhile thing. Now I didn't have a manual, but life pulled, and I turned. This many years later, seems like quite a story. I had no idea what I was doing mind you. I knew I wasn't any great person. The kind of person I wanted to be was out of reach. All that stuff was placed in my heart,  cuz like I said I wasn't following any manual. I just waited for whatever I was supposed to do.

I wasn't scared when things started up so much a few decades ago, and then I was placed in scary ordeals. Seen by no one but me. A solo journey, cuz I couldn't tell anyone. The Spiritual World was opened up to me, and I had a pretty good idea no one else I knew have seen this. I suspected no one else living either, but I didn't want to think about that.

I knew I stumbled onto the real hidden life, and I couldn't tell or show anyone. There was a short time I thought I could,  cuz I felt at the time I was as good as a person can be.  I was full, and secure. I went in the wilderness being pretty empty. No security.

Anyway, I am just thinking out loud. This World means nothing, and any life doing things in this World means nothing. There is a different truth out there for those who seek for a higher meaning.

It was easy for me, cuz my life was broken, and I would have liked to be a Saint, but it was out of my power. I didn't grade on a curve,  but I graded on my own curve. Who I wanted to be compared to who I was.

The World is noisy, so everyone grades themselves uselessly on the curve of the World. They find their purpose by following someone or some group.

Thinking they are making points all the while being shut out in the game of life. There is more to life than what you have experienced,  and there is more to life than what you can comprehend.

I am living proof, but you cannot see inside me, except I guess a little by what I write here.

A strange thing being me. To be in a way different section of life than you, and you and I being incapable of bringing you here.  Strange indeed.

Anyway,  I guess that's good.

Sorry so long.  (Not sorry)   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Bye.    :)))

The Daily Struggle.

Just kidding. I don't really have a daily struggle. Yesterday I guess was a struggle getting up early. The day  before was pretty busy. A run, work, bike, workout, bike home, etc...  The one thing that stuck out was I wanted to drive to work yesterday. I did not want to bike. Sometimes I think it would be convenient to drive so I can do errands after work,  but I'd still ride my bike, cuz I'd rather do that. Yesterday I wanted to drive, and I was glad it wasn't a workout day. I ran 3 of the last 4 days prior, so I was not going to run either. I guess that means I was tired. The day still ended up being a 28,000 step day.

Today I feel well rested. I'll run, and bike, and workout.  I slept only 5 hours too. It's all I needed. I am done sleeping too, if I went back to bed I wouldn't sleep. I think in my norm it is a rare occasion I'll sleep 8 hours.  I never hit snooze either. If I don't feel like getting up at my early alarm, I have another going off in 1-1/2 hours. If I don't feel like getting up then, there is one more 45 minutes later. Today I felt like getting up. Yesterday I think I got up at the 4:00 AM one.

Really this life is pretty simple.  Not a lot for me to worry about. I am under no strain to be a certain way to others.  I am free to be as I am. I don't really have to be fake or anything. Typically I am in a pretty good mood I feel, so that is a good thing.   The worries of the World have passed me by I guess.

I guess I am grateful for waking up this way. A day I have to live,  and the days are simple. In life I am missing out on nothing,  and I don't really need anything. A meal to finish off my day, and a good night sleep.

I know the World is noisy, and life is busy, but mine isn't. Everything is in slow motion kinda. Nothing for me to get worried about. Work will be stupid busy the next couple weeks,  but that's about it. Then the New Year hits.

So, as you can see I pretty much got nothing. My heart is easy though.

Guess that's good.

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.   :)

Bye.    :)))

Keeping Track Of Stuff.

I was looking at my sleep. My silly watch keeps track of it. I didn't sleep great on Sunday,  and Monday. I went to bed at 7:00PM last night. I felt I got a good night sleep. It was under 6 hours, but I feel pretty well rested. I don't know if this is the typical/optimal sleep ratios,  but I was 3.5 hours light sleep, 1 hour + deep sleep, and 1 hour plus REM. The way I feel today I feel that ratio is pretty optimal for me. Most of my sleep seems to be like that.

I can sleep through a tornado, so I think my light sleep is still pretty deep'ish perhaps.

I was so looking forward to getting my gas bill. I think they said our November was one of the coldest in recent history. Maybe in all of History. I finally got it. It was only $40-something  dollars. The highest I paid last winter was one month a bit over $80. We added a shit ton of insulation last Spring if you remember,  so I am curious how this Winter will go. All windows we didn't replace yet either we got replaced.

I got an update on my November running. I didn't run much in November. I felt my increased mileage days the past week were kinda a workout considering increased mileage was not any great mileage at all. I was falling a bit as to having running legs.  Yesterday's run I felt I was getting back on track. It wasn't so much of a workout as the previous run.  A good sleep, and curiosity has me pretty interested in how my run this morning will go. So, I guess I do keep track of stuff,  and some of this stuff is info just recently made available, like how our sleep is.

Sleep is very important to our overall well being. If people struggle with sleep that has to be tough.

Other than that life goes on.  I wake up,  and do this a lot. I haven't looked at my totals this year, but it is closer to 200 than 100 is my guess. Nowhere near 300, which used to be my norm years ago.

I don't know the significance of things I do here, and how they play out, but I gather in this busy World I am kinda the guy in the wilderness singing a different tune.  The World was busy with challenges and stresses way back too. The guy in the wilderness would only appeal to those looking for a better life than the World seemingly has to offer. An easier, less stressful life.

One lesson of my story is the day my energy returned. I was held in a pretty low place for about a year or so after the Hospital. For those who don't know, after overcoming the first time I was placed in Psychiatric Intensive Care for 6 days. Crazy as a person can be as far as this World was concerned.

I knew I was fine, cuz I knew my story, but the worst of the worst had his way with me. My path has taken me the farthest distance I could go I spose. Remember I asked why did you let me get so far away?  The answer was to save more lives, but I am a vessel. I do none of that stuff. Out of my power.

As low as I could feel, it still was possible to have my energy restored. Also remember when I gave up that one day. I was taken once again to the wilderness, and pre hospital horrible days. That night my heart was taken,  and now the wilderness has no effect on me. The only problem is the World holds no interest to me, so Worldly accomplishments mean nothing to me. You toil in vain, and that is the story of the Wilderness. The futility of it all. In the wilderness I do sing a different song this World does not know and understand.

Anyhoo, I guess that's good.

Til next time. 

Have fun.    :)

Laterzzz.     :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Bye.    :)))

The Days Just Keep Coming.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was a pretty normal day. I did get some shit done I've been waiting to do. I had to get an application for my birth certificate notarized,  and also set up an IRA. Did that at the same bank. I'll eventually need my birth certificate to upgrade my licence for travel. I had Electric Bills from 1998, no birth certificate though. I unloaded all my assinine paper work I held onto for years, but couldn't find my birth certificate. So stupid shit like that. For the record I was born in Winona, MN for some reason.

I got my workout in. 4 sets for each exercise. I felt pretty strong yesterday. Last week I traveled 74 miles through walking, and running. Monday I don't move near as much as other days, so basically 70 miles in 6 days let's say.

Not much else besides that. Today will be work,  eat, sleep. I'll run after work. My sleep was weird last night so I stayed in bed for a bit.

My life is pretty easy. Been this way quite a while. Even when I had bills it was pretty easy. I don't remember there being a lot of stress.

I know of some things that make life harder, but people continue down that path. I don't know what a normal person's wishes are. I am pretty far removed from being a "normal" person, so I don't really know anyone too well.

Life's highlights really aren't you know?  There are no points for all the things we toil with. People don't buy it though,  even though it's the truth. People think they are important as well as their life.

So many things we believe that aren't true. Happily ever after. There is someone for everyone. A perfect partner if you will. I suspect people live their lives assuming they are Saints. Better than Hitler counts for something right? 

Hitler was not too far gone he couldn't repent. I am not saying in the end he had a repentant heart, but he could have. The unrepentant heart is currently your downfall. Your hearts are hard, cuz when someone told you the truth, you didn't believe. It's been that way forever.  You aren't better than people in the past. You chose the World over the truth, and now you cannot find your way back. I cannot help you either.

So, what do I think of you. I am who I am. I have my life,  and my story.  I know how my story will go for the most part, but I don't really know how the days will look. I know tomorrow I'll wake up to another easy day probably,  and eventually this story goes on. When I don't know, and I am not concerned.

For the record I did receive a repentant heart after the turn. Who I wanted to be was out of my power, and I saw that person's end. The repentant heart we do not make. Our hearts we don't control. It takes a lot for a person to see the truth,  and courage to accept it. I've been lucky enough to be able to do both, and that pretty much started my journey I guess.

I just wanted to be a good person,  but the story of that went way farther than I ever imagined it would.

I've seen things you don't even know is possible. I've endured things you wouldn't even believe. I've endured though, and now my days are easy.

How you fit into all of this I have no clue really.

I have a day today though. 

Have fun.  :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Bye.    :)))

Blogging On A Sunday??

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Sunday I do try, and blog once in a while, but it is dumb so I delete a lot. This weekend was fine. I worked yesterday, and I work today. I saw a movie after work yesterday, and I made an easy meal. Not much besides that. I already have laundry started,  cuz I like to get my shit done before Monday off. I am also having a 2nd cup of coffee, which I never do. First one tasted really good with toffee creamer.   :)  I'll have the jitters for a while I suppose.

Outside of that not much. I'll do the dishes and clean the kitchen after this. I am going to take Hope for a run too. It should be a pretty okay day.

See, this is how my Sunday blogging is. I get to this point,  and I figure how dumb, so I delete.

It is nice waking up though, starting my day, and having nothing to worry about. I really like working Sunday, cuz I figure I'd probably just drink, and watch football otherwise. Remember how I didn't like days off so much, cuz I just get lazy. I now only have Monday off. I sleep til I wake up,  and Monday is a work out day. I am free after that so I can do whatever. Monday is pretty free that way, and I like it.

I don't really know what other people do with their lives. I am not too concerned either. I know life typically is hard. A lot of noise kinda that makes decisions hard. Should I do this and that?  I kinda want to do this. Maybe you try and go in some type of direction,  but your heart pulls you in more fun less productive ways.

Consistency is good in ways, but it can be boring.  Why can't our hearts just always feel like we are having fun?  Mine kinda does I suppose. My life is fine. Nothing really to worry about. The noise of life is cancelled out for me.

The truth of life is we are unable to make our best life. A care free worry free life we cannot make. Perfection is out of reach too. There is guilt, and anger, and judging etc...  no one did this thing perfect you know. We all struggle with stuff. I wanted perfection,  cuz I wanted security, and to be a good person.

I found perfection is possible, but you don't get it right away. Security is possible too, but there is a lot to endure, and a lot to learn before you get that. At least in my story.  Your story I do not know. It won't be mine. I had to go a long way, but it was for good.

So, what's it mean?  I don't know. It isn't my story,  and I am not concerned with it. I just live out my days til I go, and do the final thing the current version of me has to do. Whenever that is. I suspect it is more conditional on others, and not me.

Not something I need to worry about.

Anyways,  I guess that's good.

Laterzzz.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.    :)

Bye.   :)))