Friday, October 31, 2014

In The End, It Doesn't Even Matter...

Remember that song??  Do you ever consider the things we read, and the things we pay attention to, the things we place importance in??  None of these things matter.   The writers aren't changing the world.   Your hobbies aren't either.  Our professions aren't changing things, and nothing we do will change things.   Maybe the song could be changed to in the end we don't even matter.

Sadly that is the truth, although I don't feel sad about it.   Been done already dealt with that.  So if all the things don't matter what is one to do??

Ehhhh, that has been done to death, I am going to make some coffee.  I will brb.   I have no idea what to write about today, but perhaps I'll think of something, or just delete this.  :)   It happens.

Anyway, my stretch of multiple job days is done.  Today, I just have to work a typical 8 hour day.   I was so excited for all the time, I came home from work last night, and had a night cap.   I had enough for 2 small drinks, and drank 1-1/2.  Don't ask me why.  I was celebrating a pretty good 3 day stretch of work, and life really.

Next week I picked up an extra shift too, so I will be working 8 hours on Monday.  It will be another big work week, but that is fine with me.   As long as I can sleep like I have been it shouldn't be a biggie.   I slept good again today too.   I slept til like 1:30.  

So anyway all the minutiae of life.  Work, eat, this and that.  Family stuff to do, my favorite t.v. shows are on.  Doctor appointments, Dentist appointments.  So much horrible stupid bullshit in one day, how do you people survive??

Pay bills, file, invoices, keep track of your finances.  Plan for the unknown future, like you can read the tea leaves.  At some point it all is just Bullshit isn't it??  Hopefully it doesn't take an illness or something for you to realize you spend quite a lot of time doing shit that Society has placed on us.   The people got together, and in trying to make a better and more fair World, just pulled the noose tighter, and made it stronger.   Escaping it is next to impossible.

No wonder everyone is always looking for an escape.   Big long training expeditions, drugs, alcohol, books.  Something to just get out from under the weight of it all huh??

Then the pressure to make it look like you got everything under control.   The World is yours, and you have rocked this life thing.  

Life is stupid and hard enough as it is.   Add kids into the mix, and SHEESH!!

I kinda know what the dark side of life looks like.  It is the last thing people want to show, because it isn't allowed really is it??   Our corporate overlords demand damn near perfection right??  It is why Corporate people wear suits and stuff.   Nothing real about them.   Nothing real about their advertising, and what they believe in is image.   Not the TRUTH, image.  It is what they sell.  

Deny your personality, and your life, and succumb to our bylaws and PRETEND you live a certain way.

The way of the World is not the way of truth.   The way of Corporations is not the way to a better us.   People should be mad, because the systems in place make our life harder and more miserable than it need be.  

1984, hell yeah.   There have always been systems in place though that made life hard.   Religions, and Feudal Systems, and Monarchies and such.   We were never free.  Even during Revolutions the power was handed over to someone lacking perfection.  

The perfect life and the perfect World is out of the reach of Humans, because we suck.   Doncha get it??  

This ain't paradise, and it isn't anywhere near.  

At the end of the day the best you can hope for is to have a happy heart, and even that isn't in your power.  

It is a bad and evil World.   The systems in place are bad, and everyone wants their piece of the pie, but no one is content.  Why??  Our hearts are not made that way.  

Anyway.   Happy Friday.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.   My knee has been kinda bugging me lately, but I will probably get a bit of a run in.   Been keeping it to little 3 milers, just to play it safe.  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D   

Thursday, October 30, 2014

My Laptop Is Kinda Bonky...

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   I slept pretty good again, and slept til 12:30.  I don't have to be at work til 5:00, and the coffee is on.  :)

Anyway I don't really have a ton on my mind at all.  Pretty much nothing, but that doesn't always stop me, so I'll get my coffee, and see what comes out.   Hold on...

Okay I am back, so what is going on with me??  Since yesterday nothing.  I worked, and that went pretty well.  I got a lot done.  I guess that is one thing about me.  What I do in this World for my job isn't important in the grand scheme of things, but many times I enjoy putting forth effort in what I do.

Now as to what is important in the grand scheme of things, I would argue nothing much, because the truth of life = that is one of the lessons people need to learn.

I mean really let's take a look.   Politicians wear suits, and smile, and shake hands with people, and kiss babies and what not, but who are these people??  Tell me that isn't a show.  Actors on stage playing nice.

Rocket Scientists sitting in their cubicles.  Wanting to be the next great Physicist, but pretty much they will live a life the same as many others.  Maybe even sometime waking up to go to work wondering what the Hell He/She is doing.

It is a crazy thing this thing called life, because it seems so big, and we seem so important, and there must be all these great things to do.   It *seems* we should get married and have kids, and yadda yadda yadda, but the truth of this here life is hidden for whatever reasons.

Throughout the ages Religions were definitely a major power and shaper of Society.  They had their leaders dress up in silly costumes.  Who the Hell thought that up??  Wearing a silly costume makes you *look* like you are above reproach huh??

People never really had a chance.   Society has always overpowered people.   The simplest statement ever = "the truth will set you free"  Not so easy as it appears though huh??

What is the truth??   The truth is a crazy crazy thing.   The path one has to make is waaayyyyyy different than you think.   People are of this World, and it takes a lot to open up people's eyes.   The World will tell you that you are special.   You have gifts, and you should do this and that, and the truth will tell you, maybe you are not as good as you should, and could be.

Inside your heart is already placed what is needed, but you don't like that small voice in there.   It speaks of things contrary to what I've believed all these years.   It is scary, because I sorta feel secure believing the things that fall short, I've always believed in.

Your beliefs about life and everything come from all kindsa things.   All kindsa things that are from this World, and are all trapped in the same old crap.   The scary silent voice that brings doubt and stuff into you, tries to teach you things that are not part of this World.

Who has the courage to question their whole life and being??

That is probably the biggest failure of people.   The strings can be pulled, and a look at life can be done, but to listen to that little voice trying to help you along in the way, is just too much.

You can see you though, and you must know there has to be something else, and a better way, because people aren't getting any better are they??

The stories make everything seem so easy, and the teachers have made us all stop far short from our search.  I stopped far short of my search way back as a kid too, and it took a lot of life for me to look farther.

A lot of ups, and downs, and some deaths, and a willingness to be the kinda person I wanted to be.   You would think perhaps I was someone special to come all this way, and do what I do, but I know me, and the truth of me.   I am not special.   I am not someone who is above anyone else.   I know I am lucky to have the path I have.   I am lucky to have had a good set of ears, and eyes when I needed them.  

I have come so long, and so many miles from the days when this whole thing started.   Even just blogging too.   You know it was quite a different blog way back when, but somewhere it made a turn, and I bet it is the way it is, because it probably helps people open their eyes.  

As you can see it takes a lot for people to open their eyes, and seek out something better than what we have believed all these years.  

It is simple and makes sense though huh??   If everything is possible, than why are we still the same people just getting older?

There are steps that need to be made, and probably the biggest one is you overcoming your Worldly desire, and trust when you are pulled to go in a better way.  

It could be simpler of course if your heart was different, but that is how it goes.   You were always going to have to overcome yourself, because... well I don't really know.  

We all carry a lot of Worldly baggage though.   Things handed down for Generations, and Society, and Parents, and Peer Pressure, and everything that makes us weak.  

We want to live a life that matters, but you won't find it in any of those things.    A life that matters involves a turn.  A turn from your old ways, and a willingness to find something new and better.  

Anyhooooodles,   I am rambling.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.   I think I will finish my coffee, and get a bit of a run in.   :)   fun fun.

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

If I Were To Plan A Perfect Morning...

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   I have a pretty simple title, because the most important thing to me today is I got a lot of sleep this morning.   I usually get home a little after 4:00AM in the morning, and if I can get a lot of sleep I am happy.   Lisa leaves work around 9:00AM, so I will be woken up between the 8:00-9:00 AM hours, and I just hope to sleep for at least another hour or so after that.   Today I was in between, and the cat laid on my chest, and I was able to sleep all the way til now.   That is good, because I have a busy day with work.   My Tue-Wed-Thurs are pretty busy days as I've discussed in a previous update, but I am happy with that.   I'd call it one of the better routines I have had in a long time.  

The only thing is I won't have enough time for a run, because I slept too much, but that is okay.  Talking to one of the guys at work yesterday it sounds like I will soon have a more normal'ish schedule though.   M-F just 8 hour shifts, and my little grocery thing I do on Wed. and Saturday. We shall see.  

Anyway, what has been going on with me??  Not really much.   My BIL was in town so we did stuff on Sunday, and went to lunch on Monday.   My current schedule has Lisa and I off Sunday and Monday.   Actually all I will do on Saturday is work 4 hours at the grocery store, so I basically have a 3 day weekend every weekend.   I have to work a couple hours on Sunday too, but I can do that in the morning and get it done with. 

So yeah as you can see my life is just as stupid and boring as everyone elses.   :)   I have things to say, and I have said them, but I don't really feel like saying them today.   My heart is at ease, and I have coffee, and I will work for 4 hours, and come home and chill for an hour or so, and then work an 8 hour shift.   Then on Thursday I won't have to work til 5:00 PM. 

So anyway the way my blog works and I work is no secret.  My blog got messed up a bit a while ago, but usually it gets repaired.   I have no time limit, because of the name of my blog.   Time is on my side, and I don't really have to do anything.   I have a history with my blog, and it tells a story, and typically things get fixed if it was meant to be.   Usually when things get messed up then people have some more to do.  

One thing about me is really what I have said all along.  One of the most important things out there is trust.   I need to trust what I read, because to get to the good stuff, I need to read the good stuff.   I'd say mostly the good stuff is just how imperfect our lives are, and what a confusing thing life is in general.   There are no perfect lives, and no path one can take to have a perfect life.   Life is full of ups and downs, and the downs say as much about us OR MORE than the ups.  

Human nature is such a way though we want to show people we are winning life.   We nailed it, and all that stuff, and I can guarantee you, you haven't.   You have not won life, and you aren't winning it, and you are not going to.  

Our lives are a seemingly an endless string of personal failures.   We don't live up to our own standards, and the best a person can be is completely out of our grasp.   We cling to the acceptance of others, and at the end of the day that matters none.   There are no points to what others think, although if we are respected perhaps it makes us feel good, but not totally huh??  Even something as simple as that is striving after the wind, because it never ever really is enough is it??  

Anyway, I guess I am just thinking out loud so to speak.  

I am going to finish my coffee, and get ready for work.    Is there anything better than that cup of coffee when you first wake up??   Especially if you got a very good amount of sleep.   I don't think so either.

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.  Yesterday I got to run, and it was 60, and sunny.   Don't foresee too many of those left.   :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D 

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

The World, This Life, and Everything.

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going?? Me, I guess I am doing okay.  I have a big day of relaxing planned until I start work at 5:00.  I do two jobs today, but from the same employer.  Tomorrow I do 3 jobs from 2 different employers.   Fun Fun.  :)

Anyway what is going on with me??  Not much.   I have a flute, and I play sad tunes with it.  It is this blog.  The crazy story of me is really really nutty.   You are expected to believe that little old me found his way, and I am a teacher of the truth in a World full of false teachers. 

Why would you believe me?? For one I told you what the sword is I guess, and what it is worth without understanding.   I've used the sword sparingly for this reason.  I don't play a part of any sort.   You won't catch me wearing a suit to look good for the crowd, or you won't catch me wearing a silly costume to stand out from the crowd.  As a matter of fact I am not even a part of any crowd. 

You have this blog here, and it has been around a long time. 

You would think it is worth something huh??  It isn't really, because our lives really aren't worth anything.   A big whole World out there, and you would think there would be something worthwhile huh?? 

There were those 6 days way back when that in one instant changed my life forever.  Nothing was the same again.  I wasn't the same, and I got slapped across the face with the truth of life.   No warning or nothing, just suffering.  No one to tell, and no one to share it with.  

This guy here was set aside for a solo journey.  Am I the only one??  Those were questions that kinda went through my mind, and I didn't need to know the answers probably, and not sure if I even cared.  It is my job to do some things in this life, and I have done them.   I followed this path of life, and really just did what came my way.   In spite of myself stuff got done I guess.  Who am I really to be of any significance??  No one. 

My life has been used for a purpose though.   Not of my choosing, and not of my plan.  It just happens I went and did other stuff too.  Anyways I sit in this great spot now.   I have great promises, and I have been given strength, and what once was my biggest weakness probably is now my greatest strength.  I am solo.   I am tied to no one, and I need no one. 

People need a lot of help, and I cannot really give it.   I am standing on point B, and have been for a while, and you are standing on point A, and cannot make the leap. 

A lot needs to be done, and it isn't me who can do anything really.   You have a lot to figure out, and you are nowhere near figuring it out.   You are tied to this World, and tied to your lives.   In no way free to be who you are, because freedom is nowhere to be found.   You have to live up to certain Societal obligations. 

Anyway I am approaching 50, and the thing I keep thinking is life is pretty gross.   How are our eyes so clouded from the truth to think the existence of us is anything but??  The human is one gross creature.  How could we not think otherwise??  

In a life of zero points how is one to get some??  Not within your power.   All the things that need to be done cannot be done by you.  Probably the best lie the World ever told was saying we were special.   Unique, and these kinds of things.   The truth is far from that.   We are not special.   We are not deserving of anything.   All the effort you put into whatever doesn't mean much. 

It is a silly silly life, and it isn't important.   Even mine is really silly.   It just happens I've been singled out to do important stuff.  Not a big deal.   I know the worth of me without the things I have done.   Nothing.   I guess the World never lured me, because just the way my life played out I guess.  

Anyhooooodles.   I have a big day of relaxing like I said.   A big 3 day stretch of work, so I will need my zzzzzzzs.   :)


Monday, October 27, 2014

Who Are We?? What Are We??

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I woke up from a strange dream this morning.  Me, and my brothers took some kind of shot, and probably some other people.  It was supposed to make us go on some type of hallucinogenic trip of some sort, and help enlighten us.   WEIRD.

Anyway, I think of myself, and who I am, and I am really not a great person at all.   You would think for who I am, and what I have to do I'd be a much better person huh??  I mean I am not horrible or anything.  I don't kill people, and my job doesn't screw over poor people, and make money doing stupid shit, but I ain't perfect.  I don't pretend to be.  I don't work for it, and I don't try to do the impossible. 

Being perfect is not in your power.   Nothing you can do to make yourself perfect, so what would you show??  Some comic version of some grand life huh??  I do this and this, and my life is this and that, and who are you on the inside??  What are you filled with??

It is a hard thing for you to see, because it is very dark inside you.   It is a way I am different than you.  I am very light on the inside.   All of me can be seen, and I am not afraid of it.   Most of you cannot be seen, and it really isn't possible for you to live in the light in your current condition.  

I was once like you, and I know what it is like.   In my younger years when I found myself to be alone the only thing I wanted was to be good.   I wanted to be the best person ever, and I decided to work for it.   It was what my heart seeked, and I guess I found the way, and it sure isn't what I expected.  

For you to go from point A to point B is very simple.   You cannot do it though, because your life is too important.  Too many things to do, and as time goes on I realize I cannot help you, and this is not going at all like I imagined.  

Many are falling away, and that to me is ludicrous. 

To what gain?? 

What on Earth is any of this life worth??  

Ive seen social networking, and I know what a life is worth.   Not much.   It is just a path to the grave, and we fill it with hate, and judging, and comic book versions of some type of paradise, and there is death, and fights, and wars, and you name it. 

This is the good stuff though huh??  Living a life where we are full of dark, and just putting in our time til we are 6' under??  

I don't get it.  

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Legit Days...

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me,  I am doing pretty good.   I have worked 2 legit 12 hour days with one left.   I think of my old schedule, and it was heavy weekend hours, and right now it is heavy T-Tr hours.  33-34 of my ~48+ hours are T-Tr.  It is legit work too, so that is good. 

I just got the word too, that after this Saturday he found someone for 3 of my weekend buildings.  That means I will have 4 hours at the grocery store on Saturday, work Sunday for ~ 2-1/2 hours, and have Monday off.   SWEEEET. 

I'll take it.   I may be a little bit more tired this week too, because yesterday I had to buy a pair of black dress pants for the grocery job.   3rd shift you can wear jeans, but not during the day.   I had to go to Kohls around noon.  Holy crap was that place busy.   Is there typically that many people shopping all the time??  I saw some lady who was old as heck.  Sweating profusely, and she bought like 90 items for a grand child or something.   Women???!!!  If that is what you people are going to turn into, I don't like you.   :)

Anyway, today is my last day, and tomorrow I have a day off.   My BIL is in town from Hawaii, so I am sure there will be some shenanigans or tomfoolery if you will, taking place somewhere.  I am 48 I think still going on 22.   Some things will never change with  the current version of me.   ;)

Anyhoodles, anything else going on with me??  Nope not really.  I don't really have a ton of time to think about stuff, but I guess something hit me the other day.  When I said "I wouldn't be shown this if I am to be a bad person." 

You people never ever walked in those shoes did you??  There being a certain goal in life.   Not that my life matters, and not that I am respected while on this Earth, or liked, or whatever.   The goal was to not go to the place I already had a taste of when I die.  Also to not be an evil person while I am alive. 

I don't even think living with those thoughts and those goals are even possible in the state you are.   You are totally a part of this World.   All the hangups of the frail Human are still YOU.  You cannot even change it. 

To stare day after day after day  at your own condemnation in the face, and at the end of the Summer that which you strived for.   I gave up.   "You Can Save Yourself, but at the expense of your friends."   With the strength given me I said "God's Will be done"   Notice the lack of trust I had, I knew I condemned myself.   I was on my death bed strapped down.   This was the final night of my life, and that was all she wrote.   I knew my ending.  

Then I woke up.  

So, I have lived this type of life.   Overcome things like that twice, and Life goes on and there are still old ladies buying stupid blue fucking sweaters to go along with their blue hair to give to a kid, and this is the important things of life??

Errrrmmmmmmmmmmmmm.   Ya' Ain't done nothing yet...

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.   You see how that is??   The final thing done is when God turns his back on the one who overcame.    Remember the last words??   There is no hope in that place where he went.  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D   

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I Love Sleep...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   I don't have a ton on my mind, but since I am on a bit of a roll sorta I guess I can put something down.  

Anyway something I was thinking about this morning is sleep.  I love it, and I cannot get enough of it.   The more the better.   I am not one who always slept a ton, and never really slept in for years, but lately if I can I try.   :) 

So yesterday was probably a doozy of an entry I gather.  Yes I found my way, and yes it was a long time ago, and yes it remained hidden, and much still does remain hidden.  There is only one who knows and sees my path.  There is only one who understands the ways in which I am different.  You cannot see how I am different on the inside, and I can only feel it.   Me being how I am I can feel the tingly sensation of what it is like to be me. 

I am a different person than you.   I have gone through some changes that people will need to go through.  Things you cannot do yourself, and things that are not up to you.  

That is a big disconnect too.  We think we are in charge, and we have the power, and all these things, and the stuff that really really needs to be done you cannot do.  This blog has given good information, but we believe in us.   We think we have the ability to do all these important things, because we have a brain, and things, but the crazy story of me is also the true state of affairs.   Things are not up to us.  We are powerless to do the stuff that needs to be done. 

I know this blog makes sense, and I know it is a true story telling of true things. 

Why me, and why such a nutty story??  I think because all the stories are nutty.  Go through them all.  Pretty crazy stuff huh???  We are to believe some pretty nutty stuff, and actually my story is just as nutty as them all. 

I know I told you once, but during my summer of disconnect one time I was walking at night like I always did, and the Glory of God filled me.   I could see things through his eyes, and it was nuts I tell you.   Although this was a horrible Summer, and every day was bad, I thought he wouldn't show me this if I was to be a bad person. 

Not sure all the whys I needed to see that, but it gave me hope.  I still  had to go through the hospital ordeal, and I was given a blessing right prior to going in the hospital, and I didn't care.   It wasn't what I was after. 

As far as I was concerned I don't even think the blessing was anything to me, until after I overcame the 2nd time.   I knew then where I stood, and I was assured, because none of the rest of what I do is up to me.   I don't have to do anything, and it will be done for me. 

So this blog went on and on, and it talked of many things, and it really fell on deaf ears, but it still remains.   This blog has been pretty faithful, and as far as the building blocks of patience, endurance, perseverance, steadfastness, and diligence, I think it has been those things.  

Where do we go from here??  It is your life, and you have to find out your own truth.  When I speak of points you know what I mean.   All the activities under the sun we do are worth zero points. 

I had a message, and I have spoken it, and I know it is hard to believe, because it puts you in a different position than you thought.   You are standing in a much more vulnerable spot than you ever imagined, and there are a lot of lives that passed through you, and what did those lives mean?? 

Life is full of harsh truths, and they have been hidden for so long, because the World blinds us to this stuff.   The World is a great big lie, and when the ones came to tell a story, and to tell the truth few believed, because we want the World.  We want everything in it, and we want to prove our worth, and we want to make our name, and all these things.  

Anyway tough stuff for sure.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I think I will go back to sleep.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D 

Monday, October 20, 2014

The Crazy Story Of This Here Person... Me. :)

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good.   I have a meeting to figure out some type of screwy work schedule for me.   I was supposed to do one job 5 days/week, but they never found a replacement for the other jobs I do, so now I will be doing 6 jobs at 5 different places 5 days/week.   So we have to figure some kind of screwy schedule.  

Anyway I have a crazy story, and it is the crazy story of me.   It is how I see things different.   This happened quite a long time ago mind you, but this would have been after the turn I made, and other than that I cannot recall the timing of it, but I was just laying in my bed downstairs in the house I lived in Normal,IL.   This was probably the time I was alone with Katrina, and I split up for good, and the two deaths I dealt with, because I already made the turn. 

Anyway to answer the question what kind of mushrooms I have with my cereal or whatever, as I was just laying in my bed a vision overtook me.   I was going through a tunnel thing, and it kept getting narrower and narrower.   I saw a light, and it was like an eye of a needle.  Very narrow, and I went through it.   I had no idea what it meant at the time, but I remember putting my arms around myself thinking, gosh I feel like such a kid. 

I later went through some ordeals to make me realize what was going on, and what had happened.   I was made into a new person.   It was that thing there that made me mostly spirit. 

Since this is the crazy story of me I will go farther.   I was reading a book.  It was a pretty good selling book from some psychiatrist or something, and bam.   I have this burning area in my neck.   From this little burning thing in my neck were shot thought arrows, which told me I was evil.   I was going to be the antichrist, and all this kinda crap.  For 6 days this went on.   I prayed constantly to let me die.   I don't want to be evil, and I don't ever ever want to ever have been born.   Please make it be so I was never born before.   On and on and on.  6 days, no sleep, and not much eating, just the worst of the worst living inside me persecuting me.  

When he left, I was broken, and beat like no ever time before in my life.   I was picked up ever so gently.  I saw an older guy walking toward me, and he asked me for money.   I had like $21 in my wallet, and I gave him the $20.  That story has been told, but I knew exactly what happened in that transaction.   Be kind unto strangers, because many have entertained angels unaware.   I knew that this is what happened, because I was let known it was. 

Also while walking I always always always saw the birds in the trees.  Sitting at the top, and I remembered the parable.  At one other time the spirit part of me was full.   I had no fears, and I could do anything.   I was always happy, and I didn't have a care in the World.  I could read the Bible, and know most of what it said.  My eyes were opened to see the sword for how it is. 

That lasted a very very short time.   Me being full in spirit was taken away, and I was terrified.   I don't want to let the worst of the worst in me again, and I was vulnerable to this.   My greatest fear happened, and the worst of the worst was in me again, and BAM taken out like that.  

I learned a lesson.   The worst of the worst is powerless.  My path was really him being allowed to wreak havoc in me.   On and on and on and on many things transpired.   The Summer of my discontent many many many more things happened, and it is pretty well documented, so I won't go into it, but as to the mushrooms I eat, it is me being mostly spirit.   I see things different, and I have been this way for decades.   Most of this was hidden for all these decades, but at some point I think during the Journey it all opened up.   The whole story of me was opened up. 

My story is I have to bang the worst of the worst on the head 3 times, and then Katrina and I can hug.  It was another vision I had decades ago, and it means I have to overcome 3 times.   I have overcome twice, and the last one is a doozy.   I have to follow along in the footsteps the one who overcame centuries ago.  I have to go where he once went, and then I will be made into the best of the best, because it will no longer be me living.   I will be perfect, and filled with that which is perfect.  

To overcome I must be judged, and sentenced to Hell, and go where there is no hope.   I will have the one who overcame with me, and it will be the only way I will survive. 

I've known these things for decades.   As I was let known outside the garbage room at Bromenn Healthcare the reason my path just turned impossibly hard.   It was to save more lives.   Not that I do anything mind you.   It is all done for me, but my life is such a way that it leads people in the right way.  

It is what this blog does too.   Life is in this blog here.   It is where you will find it, and the answers are here, because my whole life is for this.   It is why I am here, and this is what I do.  

I don't do it for any accolades or anything like that.  My heart is made to do what it does, and it just so happens the controller of my heart has some stuff he wants to teach you.   I am a vessel used to finish out the story that was started centuries ago.  

My goal was always understanding, and it just so happens I had a lot of years, and a lot of stuff to do to get that.   With understanding comes everything.   All I ever wanted, also with understanding comes the knowledge of what the heck 666 means.  

Let him who hath understanding...

so in things pertaining to the stories told centuries ago I am sorta been singled out to do some important stuff.  

As my journey tells you, and everything about me tells you it isn't because I am perfect, or I deserve anything.   It is just cuz.   It is my story, and it is my job to do these things, and it is my job to do this blog to help people on the way.  

Like I said though I really don't do anything.  It is done for me.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.   You asked for it you got it.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Saturday, October 18, 2014

I Am Up Early, I Have Coffee, and The Laptop Is Handy...

Sometimes the pieces just fall into place for me to do this thing, and I guess today is one of those days.   I think about this blog, and what a mess it is.  Things got all jacked up pretty bad, and I think about my life, and me, and things are not jacked up at all.   My direction is true.  I am guided by eyes which are better than mine, and then I think of people.   They are guided by whatever miniscule thoughts and understandings their minds can comprehend. 

You are the maker of your destiny.   The World is in your hands, and you are the shaper, and maker of of your future.   You have the answers, and you know your 5 and 10 year plans are true, but they aren't are they??  You aren't really are you?? 

You have no control of the hidden unseen things, like ebola, and cancer, and any number of other diseases.  You have no control of yourself to be a perfect person.  Even in your mind you have some kind of theoretical idea of what a good person is, and you cannot even live up to your own standards, and then there is the ultimate justification in Hitler did this, people are doing that, and look at me.  

Bad stuff I tell you, we are made of bad stuff.   We are a greedy people.   There never is enough money in our wallets is there?? 

So anyway here is the equation.   If this thing is a mess, but I am supremely confident in me and my direction.   I have absolutely not one shred of doubt about my future, and what I am doing here.   Where is the problem??  

Where does the problem lie??  

There are two paths in the World if one takes a look.   The one you are on, and the one I am on.   My path just happens to be a path of suffering, and my life had no shortage of it.   I was led through the ringer of life to learn some things.  I learned a lot of things.   I learned the truth of life.   I learned the truth of me.   I learned my direction, and I learned the way in which I go.   I knew the final thing I will do, and I have known it for decades.   I sure did not know what my life would look like leading up to that though. 

I had no idea what the heck my life would look like as I started these three blogs.  Every day was hard, but it was leading people though.  Not many, but some, and I have been pounding the pavement with these blogs.   On, and on, and on, but this blog falls on deaf ears. 

Geeesh, as hard as my life was, it sure wasn't this hard for me to do the right thing.   Go in the right direction.  Maybe I was made with just a stronger heart.   Maybe my life was led in such a perfect way, that at the right time, and the right place everything made sense for me to do the only thing I thought worth anything.  

I looked at the World.   It was dirty.   I tried to see what a good and decent person would do, and I didn't see anything.   Everything looked dirty.   All paths were closed, because I didn't see any good path. 

I was broken, and my life was broken, and there only seemed one thing worth anything.   I was going to die at some point.  

So I made the turn.   If there is some reason I am here, let me do that instead of anything else.   So I did, and I do.   I learned the History of the people in the World, and I learned the History of the Prophets.   I learned what they were up against, and they were up against you.   People just like you. 

Am I an important person??  As people would view these things perhaps, but I am not at all.   I have an important job on this Earth, but who I am is nowhere near who I would have been.  I am different.  I was made different long ago.  The thing that probably scared me the most in my life at one time is something I have lived with for decades.   Being poor in Spirit.   It leaves me vulnerable in ways, but that night long ago where my heart was placed in better hands then my own left with courage and strength none could ever get on their own.   My path led me to trust, because I have been led out of everything I found myself in.   Sure I was scared at times, and sure things are pretty crappy at times, but now not really.  

I am not perfect, and it is not in my power to be.   I have a promise that also improves my confidence, and my strength, and I have used it as a crutch before, because sometimes all I have is me, and my openness.   

Anyway the equation is pretty easy.   2 paths in the World.   Everything, and Anything you can think up, and put effort in, and the one of which I speak.    People have already picked and chose the one they will go on, and this has made their job even harder.   You were wrong, and you didn't believe, and your hearts are hard, and you have to view your ending.    You have to become the thief on the cross, and the only difference between him, and you is he knew where he stood.   He didn't justify anything, and he saw the end of his days.  

If at the end of your life the only thing you want is to do good, and be good, then why not during your life make the turn that would make that possible??   Seems crazy huh??

You want your life to matter, and you want to do big deeds, but when push comes to shove, you can't can you??    That little voice inside you is drowned out by the World and all its glory huh??   Too much to see, and too much to do.   So many things to accomplish, and at the end of the day, the path of us is just chasing after wind. 

You will never catch up to your dreams.   The fairy tales are just that, and never ever ever will you cheat death.  It will find you. 

So anyway the equation is this.   I don't have to do anything, and I can do as I want.   If my past is any indication one probably should not underestimate me, or overestimate yourself.  

If you think I carry anything with me, or need anything you are mistaken.   I have everything I need.   I found it a long time ago, and me overcoming the 2nd of the 3 times, just made me assured of my way, and that coincidentally also was the start of the wait.  

I am not perfect like I said, but I will be.   I will be the best a person can be, and that is the path that was laid out for me.   I won't sacrifice for it, or work toward it, or do anything.   It will happen when the time is right, and that will happen when you are ready.  

You got a lot to do.  

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.   when I say my blog feed is messed up I really mean it.   I do not have a lot of people in my feed.   Things got a little messy a little while back, and how does one correct it??   God knows I am too lazy to go scrounging around the internet to find people.   That is for sure.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Thursday, October 16, 2014

A Tale Of Two People...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   I am pretty beat up from work, and running two days in a row.   Yesterday I went for a 5 miler, and that is my longest run in quite a bit.  I thought of running today, but I am off tomorrow, and I will probably go again tomorrow.  I tell you one thing, I was really motivated yesterday on my run.   5 miles with no stops, except when Hope had to take a crap.  My pace was like 9:10, so that is a pretty normal pace for me when in shape being about 15 lbs. higher.  I am not in shape, and I think a couple good weeks of running, and my easy paces should probably fall into the 8:00's pretty easily.  I am just going from past experience. 

Anyway, I know some things, and it is plain as day to me.   Easy for me to see, and then I look at what you are looking at, and what you are seeing, and we are not on the same page at all. I have done this so long, and the message is pretty much always the same, but we are totally disconnected.   You don't get me, and you cannot walk in my shoes.   You are nowhere near inside my shoes, and the shoes you wear aren't taking you anywhere. 

It is why I kinda am standing on the sidelines, because I cannot do anything.   I cannot help you in your life's journey.   I try to tell you what is important, but to you your life and everything about you is important.  In order for you to see things different I am pretty sure the puller of the strings of life has to take an active role. 

I can tell you some harsh truths, but I am kinda tired of it you know??   I know what life is about, and I know things, that no one wants to hear.  What use are these things if no one listens?  The wait is obviously a waiting game, and as this year suggests it was harder than normal for me this year.   I want and expect more from a lot of you, but it is nowhere near you.   You have your life, and all the things you've always believed, and I know a lot of the things inside you.   I've known some of you pretty darn good, and I know for some there are internal struggles.  

At some point I think you people seeked out some type of heaven on Earth type existence, and it isn't here.   This is a bad place, with bad things done every day.   We can dress ourselves up in the prettiest of clothes, and have the most politically correct status updates or whatever, but there is no getting around you, and what is inside you. 

Kinda what I hinted about in my past update is there are no points for the races we train for, and if you go on down the line, there is no points for all the activities one does in relation to this.   Many people it is there whole life, and no points come from it.   Doesn't seem fair does it??   Some people work very very hard, and do all kindsa things related to this hobby/semi-profession.   On the Final day you will bring none of that. 

It is why you can see people kinda turning.  Questioning things.  Is there more??   Is there something more important??  

Lives are tied up in various ways.   People are ensnared, and there is only one way out, but we trust sponsorship money, and we wouldn't want to give that up.   We trust the money we make to keep us safe.   Anne Frank's Dad made a pretty good living at one time I believe.  

The battle is the little voice inside you that really really wants to be good, and your selfish nature.   One side has to win, and it isn't.   It is getting creamed in the race of life for many of you. 

What can I do?? 

Not much.   :)

I still love some of you though.   :)  



Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Havent used this thing in a while.

Hello, and good morning all.  hows it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  I have nothing of any importance on my mind, but what the heck.  I  am going to get some coffee though, and I will brb

Okay, I am back.  so I guess I will start off with a few things from me. I looked at myself in the mirror again yesterday. I looked skinnier than normal, and I saw the resemblance of abs showing, so I stepped on the scale. I am under 167 lbs. First time since 1995 or so. I don't think I am the type of person who will get down to 150 like the younger version of me might. I did this without any serious training. I am healthy, and really I think I did it by working, and being active during the non-eating hours.

Anyway, it has me thinking of taking running a little more serious.  You know, have a plan, and all that.  That is what I will be working on this fall, and winter,  getting ready for spring.

Every time around this time of year, I have to see if there is still a future for the current version of me.  I have to muddle around in some low areas, because the final thing the current version of me has to do aint no joke  It seems to me this thing goes on, but I know from lessons in my life this shit can change rapidly, and drastically. Thief in the night type shit.

Regardless I am ready whenever. The problem is no one else is. Everyone still clings to their life. My blog is the wait though, and that is what I do. I may be a bit different now, because I don't have a ton of interests. I seek for nothing in this life. Everyone else is still seeking for meaning, but there is none. There is no value in whatever your mind comes up with under the sun. Nothing that will fulfill you either, because it is an impossible task for the current version of you.

I can tell you these things, but it is something you have to learn on your own.  Life has tough lessons, and they need to be learned. One of the lessons is even though I am motivated with a little bit of weight success to get in shape, it doesn't mean anything.

There are no points for any of that stuff. Getting in shape, and having racing goals and stuff still mean nothing in questions regarding life, and what this all means.  It is just something to do.  People always place too much value on damn near everything in their life, and themselves. They also place too much value in people. We were born with bad lenses, and the World keeps us on that path. You will need to be strong to see the truth, because it is probably the last thing you think it is. We are not important.  Our lives, and we as people, don't matter one bit.

You try telling people that though.  Not an easy job.  Also not something people want to believe.

One does what one can.

That is all she wrote for today.  I typed this on my tablet too, so if it is fucked up in any way, that is why.


laptop became handy at the last second, so not as fucked up as it was going to be.  :)


Tuesday, October 7, 2014

ThIs May Be My Most Boring Update Yet...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  I have absolutely nothing on my mind, so if you read this, and read this all the way through, you may be bored, and actually maybe very bored.   Anyway, I am going to get my coffee, so I will brb.

So anyway the story of me is the story of my heart.   A thing that at one time gave a crap.  I trusted it, and I still do.   I am different today then what I was in the past though, and I know the exact reasons.   It is because my heart was leading people in a certain way.  They were supposed to do certain things, and there was an easy path to take.  

The people didn't listen, and the people went their own way, and now they are in a big pickle.   You may wonder why I don't give a crap like I once did, and it is because today your life looks a lot different than it would if you would have listened to me long ago.   You went the path of you, and now you are all boxed in with no way out.  Your life is harder now than it would have been, and now you seek redemption inside your little box. 

It isn't there, and still there only remains one way out of your current dilemma.  So I guess to ask the question why I don't care when I may have once cared is because the path of you = nothing of value.  

You stand for nothing, and you are worth nothing, and it has always been this way.   You were tempted with greener pastures, and false promises, and unicorns, and rainbows.  You were tempted by your own greatness, and your own arrogance to be the master of your universe.  

You were tempted that you will be the most fabulous person who ever walked the Earth, except you still poop like every one else.   If you have sexual desires you still have sex just like any ordinary raccoon might, or dog, or chimp, or alligator, or rhinoceros.  You are slightly better than the beasts of the field in this regard I guess, because if you wanted to pleasure yourself that would probably be in your repertoire of skills you possess.

So now the ball is in your court.   I can do nothing for you, and I cannot help you in any way at all.   You have your own personal journey to go through, and you are not strong enough for it.   You need every bit of help you can muster, and it isn't something I can provide.  

Oh I know some people will finally get it, and take the right path, because that which is supposed to be done will get done.   It is why I am here.   It is just a seed has been planted, and has been for years, but sadly the weeds and temptations of the World have overpowered the good seed, as it is written.

The good thing about the sword though is forgiveness trumps the sword.   It is the wild card in the game of poker, but no one gets the wild card, unless they are willing to go all in, and maybe even have to prove their obedience.   It wouldn't be anything different than I did many years ago.

So anyway.   It sucks to be you where you stand now.   Coulda woulda shoulda, but your path is hard.  Made harder by only you.   You can blame yourself, and only yourself.

Anyhooooo, I am going to take the Hopester for a little 3 miler.   I got offered a FT position at my non retail job, and I took it.   I knew there was this possibility for months, and I waited.   It finally came through, and it will be like me getting a $2/hour raise.  There is a possibility too of frequent significant raises over the next year or two too, so that is good.

I still kept a couple shifts for my retail gig, because I like the work.  :)


laterzzzzzzzzzzzz  Gaterzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Early Morning With A Coffee...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  It is early morning.  I am up and well rested.  I will be taking Hope for a run, and my coffee is done.  I will brb. 

Okay, sorry to keep you waiting.  Anyway, I didn't really do a lot yesterday on my day off.   I was kinda having a rainy day, whilst it was raining outside.   :)  You damn ENGLISH are always making up words.   WHILST.   come on. 

Anyhoooo, I got a lot of my to do list done.  I was dreading it, because it mainly was paying bills.   We didn't have as much money as I thought in our account, but we got 'er done.  :)  yay.  Power is still on, cable is still on, phones are still on, and gas is still on.   :)   HAHA

I did go back and read my blog from way back when.   Like 2011.  It wasn't horrible, and sometimes I think my blog is horrible, and people hate me, and I am the worst, but I have been saying things for a long time.   They have been the same things. 

You wanna know what I think??   I am here for a purpose.   I am supposed to do some stuff.   I am supposed to help you go through your own journey like I went through mine.  I am waiting to do it, and I want to do it, but you don't.   You are procrastinating.  You are looking every which way, but the right one, because you are afraid, and scared, and you don't have the courage. 

It isn't like I haven't told you how to do it.   It isn't like I haven't told you how to get strength, and how to just trust, but still you hold on, and hold on, and hold on to the World.   Seeking out things that matter none. 

I warned you it was hard.   I told you to trust.   I said there are many hard things to do.  Year after year after year I have been doing this, and year after year after year you have been running in place.   You haven't gone one step, and MAN, I sure hope by now you can see you are going nowhere, and going nowhere fast.  You haven't changed, your life hasn't changed, and you are no better than when we started. 

What can I do??  Not much. 

In a big big World out there, I see there are no people with courage.   The World is a bad place with bad people, and bad information.  You try, and you hope to find a way to be a good person, but you are not.  

You look for trophies from people by showing them the sacrifices you make that mean nothing.  

So yeah, I am mean, because I speak the truth.  I am mean, because if it is a pedestal you want to stand on, I will take it down.  

I have taught you things that came to me with help.  Things like one coin.   The parable of the old lady and the coin, and what these things mean.  People don't get this information just willy nilly.   It came at a price, and the price was my life, and my struggles, and my journey, and everything I had to go through. 

Instead of looking at your inner demons though, you would rather show how you are overpowered by the falseness of fake and fabulous deceitful ways.  You are not an angel, and you are not a Saint.   Your heart is not perfect, and your ways are not great.  

I don't know how often I will blog, because my schedule isn't great for it, and I actually have to turn on my laptop to blog, and I don't do it that often.  :) 

Anyhooooo, today like I said I am going to finish my coffee.   I will take the Hopester for a run, and then I get to work.   I am up early, so I will work early, and get it done, before I go to the other job. 

It should be a good weekend though.   I have a lot to do, so that is always good.   I am kinda excited about getting my legs a bit fatigued with a run. 

For me life is about the little things, and on a day when I feel like this, that is a good thing. 

Anyhoooodles, I was just touching base. 

Laterzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.   :) 


MWAH!!!     :))