Thursday, March 27, 2014

Has It Almost Been A Week??

Wow, that is kinda unlike me, but whatever.   I don't really have too too much to blog about.  There is a gap between who I am, and who you are.  It is kinda a big one, and I sorta know how you are, and you have no idea how I am the way I am. 

So the stuff you don't know about me is a pretty big deal.   It is probably something you cannot fathom, and cannot understand.  At one point that may have been a bigger deal for me than you, but I probably consider it now to be a bigger deal for you.   I can see through people. 

All this stuff stems from overcoming the 2nd time.  It put me on the path I am now.   My path my whole life was very narrow.  Very hard, and I had to do some tough stuff.  Walk in spots I did not know, and now everything is taken care of.  Kinda nice you don't have to worry about you huh?? I guess I should say it would be nice huh??

No second guessing, no looking over the shoulder, and no worries about what others think.  What Society thinks.  You know what too??  I will not be a horrible person.   I will not be a selfish person, and I will support those who let people in.   Some won't let people in, because they are afraid.  They will bury themselves in the dirt so no one can see.  Isn't that what it says about the coin??  Faithful will make 5 or so, and others will bury it in the sand, because they were afraid.  

How do you make 5?? You don't.  You cannot, because you are not even strong enough to do the best thing with the coin you have.  Isn't that the old lady and the parable?? 

So how are you coming along??  What is the significant and important things you do with your life?? 

What are the lasting and significant things you put your faith in??  I'll give you a hint.  You put your faith in you.  You trust you, and right now you don't know where that ends. 

Also I know how a person feels on the inside.   It is a closed and blocked off area.  Hard even for you to see.  So much of who you are I bet you probably are afraid to let people see. 

Soooooo much stuff to do, and damn near all of it has to be done for you, because you don't know the steps at all.  

Such a shame. 

Oh well.   I am out.  I am having my 2nd cup of coffee, and then I am taking the Hopester for a walk. 


Friday, March 21, 2014

Lisa's Big Day...

Hello and good afternoon all.  How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good.   I slept pretty good this morning.  I think for more than 3 hours, so that is good.  It is Friday, so I typically don't do the bank, and I will just do the other thing. 

Anyway as to my title, Lisa got a new job, and she gets to put her 2 weeks in today.  She has worked at the same place for over 20 years, and she is ready to move on.   I won't talk a lot about it, because she is happy.   As someone who worked at the same place for over 19 years I just tell her you will totally forget that place, and you may never even want to go back.  

When I think of my life, and I guess our lives that place has little to no significance to who I am.   A minor blip on my path of life, although I guess I met many people there.  People come and people go.  It is a part of life.   So Lisa and I start a new chapter in life.   One where she will be much happier in her job, and her schedule, and how she will be treated.   WOOO HOOOO!!   Happy wife happy life right??   :)

Anyhooooo, what else is going on?? Not too too much, I am still not running, and I guess that is a big deal in a way.  Running injuries.  Run through them??  Rest them??   I realize reading some blogs of people with running issues, we never are really sure.   What is the best course of action??  Some will go to all the witch doctors to try to fix crap.  Not me, that is for sure.   Some will try to stay in shape by running in water.   FUCK THAT!!   :) 

I think after this I may take the Hopester out for just a little 2 miler.   I was trying to bump up from 3 miles and upward, but I had a little set back with my knees.   I have to walk and crouch, and kneel and stuff at work, so I need to be able to be active.   100% of the time I am at work I am on my feet, unless I am taking a shit, so I need my legs to work.  :) 

It is Friday, and I have a cup of coffee.   I know Lisa is probably pretty geeked today.   :)   Should be a good day.   :)

I'll let you know how the run goes. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Was yesterday the first day of Spring??  Well anyway, Lisa's big news has us looking forward to a good Summer.  :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Thursday, March 20, 2014

All In A Day...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.   In case you are wondering I did not run yesterday, because my knees still hurt.   At work was miserable.  Bending down, and especially getting back up.   I am not saying running would have made it feel worse, but I am not sure.   Not sure about today either.   Definitely a different mindset when you feel healthy, and ready to run, as opposed to not sure what will happen if I try to run. 

I am making corned beef today in the crock pot.   Gonna have a reuben for dinner.   It was very cheap cheap at the local grocer, so I bought a little one yesterday.   I am the only one who likes it in the house.  

My blog and my life I guess is pretty hard.   Hard, because I have to say things on here that people don't want to hear.   Many may not even want to think about, and many may want to hide from.  That is life.   Did I want to seek these things out??  The truth of life, and stuff like that.   I sure did, but it was also a part of wanting to be a good person.  How does one go about that?? 

You know in my mind there was a certain type of person I wanted to be, and no matter what I could not make me into that.  How are you??   Cool??   "Good Enough"?? 

What are the things in your life that give you value in your life??  That makes your life a good thing.   I don't want the answer being kids, because kids have to grow up and deal with the same Bullshit we all have to. 

Do this do that.   Follow the path of Society, and wake up one day, and realize, GOD this life is stupid.  What am I doing, what am I accomplishing??  What is the point?? 

Imperfect people in an imperfect World, trying to put a good foot forward.   We keep our other stuff hidden many of us, because ... hmmm I guess many reasons. 

You battle yourself, and your demons, and boy are they powerful huh??  I mean why can we not just kick the crap in us that makes us less than we would want to be??   Do you ever wonder what it is inside you that overpowers you??  What is inside you that makes you less of a person than who you would want to be??

Weird shit huh??  As people we aren't very strong are we??  What people and society think of us really means nothing, because we cannot even overcome ourselves.   Overpowered by things unknown, and things outside our control. 

Crazy huh??   There is a way to find answers, and a way to the truth, but wait.   Let me just go and show the World what I am capable of.  We'll worry about all that other crap later.  

Don't you care about that other crap??  Isn't that pretty significant shit?? 

The thing about this blog is it tells a story, and it tells true ways, and true paths, and as always this kinda shit doesn't go over well with people.   Historically always been that way, because well not sure.   That sure would be one of the other lessons of Noah though huh??   People have done some serious shit wrong, and they don't know it.   Few will listen to the truth, and few will believe it.   Many just go their own way. 


That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.   I got some shit to do around the house. Don't really feel like it though.   :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Another Day, and Another Blog Entry...

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going?   Me, I am doing pretty good.   I only have to work the one job today.  They want me to keep more normal hours at the bank.  :)   LOL.  On my days off I'd go in in the middle of the night.   As those of you who know me or have been around these parts for any number of years you know waking up in the middle of the night is not a big deal for me.   Staying awake past 8:00PM sometimes is though.  :) 

So what can you learn from me??  You can learn that I am not perfect.  I am not the best a person can be, yet I still can be used.   None of you are the best a person can be either, and you don't seem to want to be.  

Do you want to just hide in your little World, and not face the truth.   Do you not want to deal with the harsh realities that life has to offer??  Many times people hide in the shell of Society.  It helps make them feel strong and safe I guess, but where does that lead?? 

Many years ago those 12 stepped out of Society to follow someone.  Gave up everything.  Lost their life so to speak so they could find it.  That is the path of the few really.   Made to look the fool.  Isn't that the lesson Noah too??  Made to look the fool, but he was given a strength to stand up to Society.   He was given the strength needed, because the path of the few needs no shortage of strength.   Needs no shortage of courage, and trials and tribulations are no joke.   Internal persecutions are no joke. 

The truth of what we are supposed to be doing is so much way farther than what you think you want to do, or should do.  The truth of your life is a serious thing.   The truth of your existence is a serious thing.   The crap in this World is horseshit.  Nothing here.   No points for any avenues at all. 

Your hearts are not perfect, and your knowledge is not good, and your direction is not good.   Your ability to hold on to your lives for whatever reason.   Fear, cowardice is not a good thing.  

Some are looking for silly little answers coming from the tiniest little crappy info from the Human mind.   Trying to show somehow they have some type of redeeming quality.   Welcome to the nakedness of life.   You have no redeeming quality.   There is nothing you can do to say I am worth this, because of this.   Any equation coming from your mind about what to do with your life = dead end.  

Yes you are in a tough place, and that is why life is pretty stupid, and has been forever.  

So my life has gone on for quite a while.   Been through any number of things, and made to many times wake up wanting to do this silly old blog.   Do you see this blog though??  Do you see how worthless and pointless it is?? 

You know still to this day my life here on this Earth is only worth one coin.   Now I have had increases made to my coin, but it wasn't my doing.   I don't keep it here.   Any worth I have that is more than one coin is stored in a place where no one could get to it. 

You see that time long ago when I won the race, and I went where no one else could go.   I was alone, but you have to come to this place.   It is impossible to get to, but with grace you will be allowed to enter. 

You see we deserve, well, let's not speak of what we deserve, but since you are alive, you can still find a way.  

I have gone on and on and on with this thing.  

I think sometimes I get annoyed when people go out of their way to somehow say their life matters, and all my work has been done in vain.  Like I said though, I have been accepted.  My life has been accepted, and I am cool with how I am.  

One can only wonder what happens when I am made into the best a person can be.   Maybe that is the strangest thing of all.  I am able to do stuff, even though my crappy little self/life is only worth one coin here.   A worthless piece of junk still being able to be used for a purpose.  

I have no false view of myself and my worth.   I have no false view of my life, and this World.   I don't try to hold onto crappy stuff to try and make my life seem anything more than the miserable little thing it is.   :)   LOL

HAHA.   Okay, I guess that is it.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  time for a shower, and pick up something to cook for dinner.

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D    :D 

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Gas Station Coffee Part Deux...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  I had to run and get gas station coffee again, because I forgot to pick some up the other day.  I have no idea what I am going to do today.  I have to work both jobs, but not sure what I want to do.   I am not going to run, because both my knees hurt a bit this morning.  I am sure they would loosen up while running, but so far it seems I started with a 2 days on one day off thingy~ma~jig.  So that gives me 9 hours to do what I want. 

Wanna know something about me??  I don't wanna do anything.   I don't want to read, and I don't want to watch t.v.  I don't particularly feel like taking the Hopester for a walk, and I don't feel like cleaning up the house.   :)  Are you guys sometimes like that?? 

Life is busy huh??  Damn, so many things we are "supposed" to be doing.  How many times do we just feel like doing nothing??  I guess it won't be like I am doing nothing since I will be working 2 jobs in the overnight hours. 

So let us throw everything away and imagine.   We are here in this World.   We wear clothes, and stuff.   Societal stuff has been handed down from Generation to Generation.  Catholics killing Muslims, and Muslims killing Catholics.   Wars all the time for people to get plunder.  Families farming being enslaved to various feudal serf status.   Whether enslaved to the Church or the State, or whatever.

What is the purpose of this life??  Why is our vision so clouded to realize the majority of the trillions of people who walked this Earth lived a life of misery.   Maybe they had some good days with a nice dinner with Family and stuff. 

What is the purpose of all this crap.   You know what we do??  We seek out a selfish lifestyle that is all about us.  What does it lead to though??  You are still enslaved to some type of rules.  You must be politically correct, whatever that means.   You toe the line.   Do as you are "supposed" to as good as you can, and call it good. 

Weird to think though huh??  Throw everything away, and what do you have??   What do you cling to that gives your life meaning?? 

You know what I cling to??   I cling to all that is inside me.  How I feel on the inside.   I do as I want, and I do as I choose.   My path has been accepted.  My life has been accepted, and I have been accepted.  I don't know how people are, but I hide nothing.  I let it all be seen, because it is how I am made.  

So much of the crap I went through was very hard, and very scary.  An unseen journey.  At times I was taken aside to bare other's burdens.  Sometimes that is some nasty shit, because I have to take all the garbage inside a person, and deal with it.   I see their life, and their suffering, and I see it a lot clearer than they ever have.  

Why??   Good question.  It is a hard thing we do here.   To see the truth of life is to see the imperfection of life, and the imperfection of people.   It seems to me the quickest way to try and grab meaning is to hate the other side or the other guy, because that makes us the better person??  

So anyway.   I don't really have anything, and I am just writing crap down.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I may just sit and do nothing all day.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D  

Monday, March 17, 2014

Calendar Says March, So I Guess It Is Tourney Time.

Hello folks how's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good.   I was 1-1/2 hours late for work last night.  I was supposed to go in at 9:00 instead of my usual 11:00.  Oooopsie.   I didn't set my alarm for my nap, and Lisa just let me sleep I guess.  :)  They have inventory to do, and really I don't think they missed me all that much for that 1-1/2 hours. 

Anyway it is tourney time, and I usually do a little tourney write up, so people can copy my picks, because typically I come in last place.  :)  Last year to my surprise I actually came in first.   It helps when you pick the winner, and the loser of the Championship game.   You end up percentage wise being at a high percentage Nation wide.   This year I have no illusions.  I should be back battling it out for last place. 

First off, I have Michigan beating UCLA in the Championship game.   There is no reason for that.  I see Michigan having to get by Duke, and Duke isn't as good as they have been in years past.  I assume they are a young team.   Then they will have to get by Louisville, just to get to the Final 4.   I have Iowa State beating Michigan State to get to the Final 4.   UCLA vs. Arizona fill out my final 4.   Why??  Who the heck knows.  Does anyone ever??   Florida cannot make a free throw, so I assume they will run into problems somewhere.  That somewhere is actually UCLA. 

I have some upsets.  North Dakota State over Oklahoma.  Nebraska over Baylor.  BYU over Oregon.  The winner of the Iowa/Tenn play in game moves on.  St. Joes over Connecticut.  I think Iowa State making the Final 4 is a big upset. 

So that is that.   It is always fun watching the tourney, and the worst is when one of your Final 4 teams goes out early.   :)   LOL.   Happens to me all the time.  

Anyhoooo, what else is going on with me??  Not too too much.  I have today off, so not sure what I am going to do.   I plan on getting a little run in, but was going to wait a bit, as it is supposed to warm up pretty nice. Maybe I will run in like an hour or so.   I probably can pick up something to make a meal too.  Not sure what yet though. 

Really not too too much going on.   I cannot believe I have been doing this thing for so many years.  Kinda crazy huh?? 

You know damn near everything about me.   As weird and fucked up as my life has been it really is pretty normal huh??   Nothing too crazy, and nothing too strange.   Do you think that maybe all our lives are just a little like Anne Franks??  Kinda enslaved into our own little World, because the powers that be control so much of our freedom of what we are able to do. 

I mean you really grew up in the World where all we know is 9-5:00 after WWII.  People could make a decent wage, and living, and Capitalism unadulterated just eats itself.  Be free from the love of money and all that and that is what the US really is.   That is the last thing it is free of. 

It is an imperfect World, and our lives are imperfect, and like I did when I graduated I stepped out of all that I knew, and all that I learned.   Basically a what if everything is wrong?? 

Guess what??  It is all wrong.   It sure isn't right.   Lessons were taught Centuries ago, but these lessons are out of our grasp.  You need help to learn and see these lessons for as they are.  

Remember about my dog in  H.S. too.  When Toby died I was angry, and mad, and a bad person for a bit, until Carolynn apologized, because she knew my dog just died.   I bawled like a baby in front of her.   That is a lesson I learned in life.   Life brings some crap along our path, and we have to deal with it, or we become worse people. 

A lot of things need to be done, and like I have said before I cannot do any of it.   I can do this blog, but I don't even know what it does sometimes.  

Well whatever.   Spring is gotta be just around the corner right??    ;)   HAHAHA

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!     :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Don't really have anything for a p.s.   Some days are like that.   :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya     :D     :D  

Sunday, March 16, 2014

It Is A Gas Station Coffee Kind Of Morning...

Hello, and good morning all.   How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I had a day off yesterday so Lisa and I did a bunch of cleaning.   There is a lot to cleaning the house, especially in the Winter when you spend all your time inside.  Plus we have a bunch of animals.   Most of them are in serious training for the sleeping championships coming up next month.   ;)  

Anyhoo what is going on with me??  Not too much.  Lisa and I went out to dinner, and that was it.   I was planning on running this morning after this, but I may wait a while, as it is like -4 degrees outside.   Nasty North wind. 

I saw the reverse aging running guy I used to run with here and there.   He used to run anywhere from 60-90 miles per week, and he hasn't run in two months.   Knee issues again.  Seems like me and him have been battling injuries the last couple years.   Every time I see him both of us are coming back from injuries if we are running at all.   He said he put on 15 lbs. too.   It didn't really show, but he had a big jacket on.  15 lbs. for him probably means he weighs like 155 now or something. 

I had some strange thoughts this week somewhere.   I don't remember if it was at work, or while I was sleeping, but I think it was at work.   Out of the blue I thought about my brother Jim.  It was weird too.  I just had a thought he was once a young kid doing young kid shit, and now he is dead.   I don't know how to explain it, but it seemed weird you know??  Here today, and dead.  It may have been a little sad to think, but not too too horrible, because one of the things about me is I deal with the shit I have to.   It is how I am made.  

I also thought about other things like the "Iz" night, and that old dude who lost his wife of like 1000 years and stuff.  A lot of stuff like that actually.  Kinda weird to think that shit stays inside us huh, and we have to deal with it.   Probably the most important thing you have to do.   We were never taught this, and I had to live my fucking life to learn it.   People are searching for answers in accomplishments that mean absolutely nothing, and the answer is right here.  

You have to deal with your life, and the pointless shit you do, and all the mind numbing boring existence we have or you go to your grave with that bullshit in you.   Your ticket to paradise has nothing to do with whatever race, however many times you run/week.   How you looked in front of such and such people.   What kind of acceptance you received from Society.   There is nothing here for you to grab as a crutch.   This World means absolutely nothing.   Your activities mean absolutely nothing.   Our lives mean absolutely nothing. 

You hold on though.  You hold on to all that is false, and all that isn't real, because who wants to go to the other side.   It looks scary from here, and it looks sad, and it must be horrible. 

Oh yeah??  

I am living proof it aint.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.   Now I am going to finish my gas station coffee, and think about when to run.   hmmmm.   Sun is coming out.  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Better Get Going...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I didn't get enough sleep yet, but I can nap before work for a few more hours or so.  I have to get a haircut, and take Hope for a walk, and I am going to treat myself to lunch. 

We have a pizza place not far from where I live that makes the best veggie sub ever.  I am not a vegetarian by any stretch, but I do like a good veggie sub.   I have to work both jobs tonight, so I will have a pretty busy day.   Not horrible, but enough to make it a full day.  

There really isn't anything else going on with me.  I got a run in yesterday morning.   It was another 3-miler.   I was busy doing laundry, and cleaning up and stuff, and I sat down on the couch for a sec.  Hope jumped up on me, and my legs were sore.   You know that kind of sore where you just want to fall asleep??   So I took a nap.   I find it funny I was sore from running a couple 3-milers back to back.  I was walking like the old man I am at work last night.   :)   LOL   I feel much better today, and I will take Hope for a little shake out walk like I said. 

So anyway, I definitely think about many things throughout the day.  That this blog has been a certain way for a long time; well, who can make sense of it??  Why do I go on and on and on??  Surely there is nothing in it for me is there?? 

How about that??   Nothing in it for me.   So how am I the way I am.  What are things that motivate me??  You know I just am the way I am.   Being used for purposes that are not my own.   I don't have any purpose.  I like to help people out in ways, but people don't always know what is good for them, and what is the best direction for them. 

I lived those questions.   After College I pondered what to do.  What do I do with this life??   I am a College Grad, and I can do anything.   Life pulled me, and I listened, and I went in a totally different direction than I would have imagined. 

So I go through all these things, and live a life.   As normal as anyone elses kinda, except for the little extra things I had to go through that no one saw, but one.   That I am made into this person doing this thing for no benefit to myself is something.  

I have the freedom to do whatever is in my heart, because I can trust it.   I've mentioned that before.  Remember last year or the last two years where this blog was about trust, and strength??  You know what it seems to me this year??   I just be.   Do whatever. 

That is a bit of freedom huh?? 

I know it will lead in a good direction.   I trust my steps, and how I am, because it is not my story.   How does this blog help anyone??  I have absolutely no idea.   Doesn't seem like it does really, but whatever.  

It is a strange story, and I am a strange person for having to tell it, and to live this life of mine.  It is strange that I have to know about all these hidden things, and you have still to learn. 

Life many times is all about what we see, and what we are striving for, but there really is a lot more to us inside huh??   Inside we want to feel like we are made of rainbows and unicorns, and blue skies, and pretty flowers, and nice stuff huh??   We are other things though aren't we??  

Well, anyway.   Hope is on the couch looking like she wants to go on a walk.   Guess I better do that.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  well, nothing really for a p.s.   Hope this passes the test.   ;)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Winging It... Part????

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I have absolutely nothing to write about right now, and I am totally in the air about even posting a blog, but you know, it is kinda a thing I do, so I guess I can wing it for like the 900th time or so.   ;) 

So what is going on with me??  Nothing.  Not a damn thing.   Just doing this life thing.   I work, and sleep, and eat, and drink.  Work is going fine.  Keeps me busy.  I have a lot to do around the house today.  I already started laundry, and I have to clean clean clean.   I will have to take the Hopester for a little run in a bit.  Probably just a little 3 miler.   I ran 3 miles yesterday, and I am sore.   :)  It was at 9:20 pace, which is probably a little fast for running once in like 2 months or so, but that is the pace we ran at.   It feels good to be out of shape.   Where just a little run is work.   Been a long time for that.   I don't know how long I'll be able to run distance wise, because I am not 100% at all.   Things still bug me.   Nothing too horrible, but you never know what they will turn into.   Running many times is just a hope for the best.   At least those of us who tend to get injured. 

Anyhooooo, this year is way different than before.   This blog doesn't seem as important to me.   I wake up, and many times I am like ehhhh.   I can totally take it or leave it, and in previous years when I would wake up, I'd really want to do it.  What does that mean??   No idea. 

I would imagine eventually your walls and defenses will come crashing down.  It will have to happen you know that right??   All who you are on the inside will have to be seen, and there is no defense for it.   Oh people still try, but you try at holding on.   You try at keeping some kind of meaning and importance to your life, but the truth will break you down.   Your life will break you down, and eventually you realize there is nothing here for you. 

All the things you believe in that are good and decent and stuff about life is just a false vision.  A false vision you will have to overcome.   All that is false, and all that is lies is easy to find.   It is everywhere around you.  What is hard to find is the truth.   People want to believe in their better nature, but your better nature is not perfect.   There are no Saints to give you answers.   There are no books to give you what you need.   Nope the answers you need and want are hidden, and once you accept that I bet it will help you a lot.  

I mean you can look in your heart, and see it isn't perfect.   You can look at your life, and feel it falls short.   The truth of life is a feeling like we are missing something.   Shouldn't things have been better???   Shouldn't this Shit be more fun??   Shouldn't I feel better about myself????   Shouldn't I give a crap more about others???  

There is a way to a better you, and it is a choice.   So I guess people are being torn.   Maybe it is because the truth is kinda scary.   Do you want people to know your darker insides??  Your hate and jealousy, and vengeful nature??   Do you want them to know the demons you battle???   Very few do, because the story is the same.   You let people see you they will have ammunition to judge you.   They will, many of them too, I bet.  

So let us take a look at your life.   What are you accomplishing??   What is it doing in the big picture of life??  What path are you going to take to make a difference in anything at all??  

I have hinted at it before.  You aren't accomplishing anything, and you haven't yet.   Your just living this life thing, and there is not much here at all.   Do you believe there is a way to make you a better you??   If only we could work at it.  Boy would that be easy.   As my blog is the wait, and I started it right after I overcame the 2nd time, and why I called it the wait is anyone's guess.   It just hit me to call it that, and I have no idea why??   It came to me a bit later the why. 

It has been a long time since I have been over 2/3rds done.   That is one of the crazy miracles too, because all really is possible, and this thing should have been done long long ago.   It isn't done though, and that makes me wonder what this year will hold.   I have no idea. 

The funny thing about this thing here though is you as a person are going to get worse and worse.   You will be more angry, and more of almost everything you don't want to be.   Why??   As a person you kinda have to hit rock bottom I think.   Feel bad enough you are not the person you want to be that you seek out other answers, than what you have been doing all this time.   So there will be hard days, and that I fully expect.  

We shall see though.    Life goes on and so does yours.   Will you show the World your dark side, and your innermost secrets???   We all have 'em.   We all hide 'em, because that is what Adam did when he learned the difference between good and evil.   A silly person in the Garden of Eden is pretty dumb I tell you.   He doesn't know these things, and he doesn't know he is supposed to hide that stuff from the eyes of the World.   The light is the truth, and the truth is some crazy crazy stuff.  We are afraid of the light, because we don't want people to see, but we also do too, because we want to feel accepted and loved, and all that stuff, but there is no easy way is there??  

So anyway we will see what happens this year.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.   I think I am going to make pancakes for breakfast, switch the laundry, and then do my run.   It will be a recovery run, because you know.   I did run 3 miles yesterday.   ;)


Love You All    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya     :D    :D  

Toodle oooooooo.    :) 

Saturday, March 8, 2014

I Was On Such A Good Roll...

Hello, and good morning all...still.   I was really on a pretty good roll of sleeping really good after work, until today.  I slept like an hour, so I will need to nap before work tonight.  Hold on, I got some coffee, so I am going to get it.  I will be right back. 

I think of a lot of things.   I have this life that I live.  If you have been around these here parts you know a lot of it.  The story of me is like the story of you.   It is about our past.   You have been here for however many years, and things have happened.   Now I know, I know I have the ability to think of any number of things at any time.   It helps make my life not boring and not monotonous.  I have the ability to just be, and that is what I was kinda trying to say in my previous post.   I have an important position, and an important job, but not in the ways you think.   Not a job, and title of this World, but other things. 

I can just be, because my heart is in other hands.   I am tied up in good ways and bad ways.  As free as I am, I am not done.   My story is not done, and it is because many of you your story has barely begun.   You are tied to yourself and this World.   Looking to create a name for yourself or whatever, and you don't know what it is that causes you to be weak.  You don't know really the first thing about yourself, because almost everything has always been hidden.  

I know things, and they are not pleasant things.   They are ugly truth types of things, and these are things I tried to shelter for... well since the early 90's.   That I am the way I am, and able to live the life I am is pretty crazy.   I think why are people scattered all over the place.  I realized this morning it probably is much like my day outside the garbage room of Bromenn Healthcare.   Where I wanted to be was in a good safe position, and I was the farthest person away from that.  

I was led on a horrible journey.  It lasted the whole Summer, and the worst of the worst was with me the whole way.   That I was singled out to overcome 3 times is just another story.  There must be something to having everybody be scattered to help bring more along.   That was the answer I got that day way back when.  To be honest I was just searching for myself.  To live in fear day after day after day was horrible.   I am what I am now.   As empty as I was way back when, but not afraid of it.  I am secure.   I trust the right things, and I accept how I am.   Do I want to be a better person??  No.   I have nothing to prove to anyone.   Nothing to prove to myself, because I see what life really is.   I know what it is about.  

How??   That is my story, and that is my life, and that is what it was leading too.   A lot of years, and a lot of life.   As you can tell too nobody's life is more important than yours.   That is how you are, and most people probably don't care too too much about your life, and what you do. 

We are selfish.   We really only care about ourselves, and what is in it for me.   No one is out trying to help people.  Everyone has a story, and chances are much of it is sad.   Your hearts are too hard though, because you still value the wrong things too much.   You trust in the wrong things, and you have an unrealistic outlook on life, and stuff. 

Why??   Because you have to give up yourself in order to be on a better path.   The path of you is a blind path.  One where you miss out on so much of life, but you trust it now.  

Can you look out a window, and see how small, and meaningless just one life is??  Can you see the silly existence we live?  There is nothing in this World to accomplish.   The World is not meant to be made a better place, especially by people who do not have any ability whatsoever to accomplish any of that. 

If you can look into the sad eyes of a person in one of their quiet alone times, I bet you'd see life more clearer.   Look at that enticing path out there.   The path of you.   Look how enticing it is, and look at what the History books will say about you.  

Nothing really.   The World is the great deceiver, and we were never ever strong enough, or wise enough to see past it.   You were born into this World needing help, but most of yous is all growed up.   Able to take care of things yourself, but you have not seen what I have seen.   You don't know what I know, and that there is a great divide between you and I. 

Oh well.   I didn't get enough sleep, and I work tonight.   Lisa is doing a girls night out thingy, with Hotel room and everything.   :)   LOL.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!     :)

p.s.  I was going to run today, but I will wait.  Weather is looking pretty good.   Funny how I think mid to upper 30's is awesome weather.   :)  What a Winter.

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya     :D      :D  

Thursday, March 6, 2014

A New Year, A New Blog, A New Me??

No, not really.  All is basically the same.  I have not been running all winter, and I think I decided this morning while cleaning the bank that next week I start up.  I am pretty sure the temps will start being more moderate.  I am healthy, so why not. 

Although I haven't run all Winter by all visual measures  I don't think I gained much if any weight at all.  I am probably somewhere around 178-180.  170 would be a fast weight for me. 

Goals goals goals.  You know when I played Soccer I used to score a lot of goals, but what kinda running goals should I have??   I think I will go for speed.   Anything under a Marathon speed.  I look at my Marathon "career" and you know a lot of crap had to go right.  I had one go right, and my time was like 3:47 or something.   Within me is probably a 3:35 marathon, but things would have to be perfect, and I would have to be in tremendous shape, and well you know.  My body and genetics will not do much better than that.   You know you can train all your life, and do everything perfect, but there are only so many people who will break a 4 minute mile, or a 2:10 marathon. 

I look at my life, and there isn't much here.   It isn't special, although I tell you what, I have lived a tremendous life really.  It is the worst life I know that anyone has lived, but I am where I am right now.   I get answers sometimes of me.  Why I am the way I am, and you know it always comes down to that Summer many many many years ago.   The only blogging people I knew were Beth, Barb, Audrey, and Becky.  I think the 3 B's liked me, and A hated me.   Still does for all the fuck I know, but I read their blogs.   Got a picture into their lives.  On That Summer day I gave up.   Could not do it anymore.   I was soooo pissed.   I went through what I needed to go through.   My life all added up to one thing.   Although I am King, I am not King of my castle.  The blessing I received is not because of a redeeming quality about me.   I am nothing really, but I was taken aside.   To live this life, and be a help to people.  

The crazy funny thing about my life is I never feel like I do anything.   When your path is paved for you though you can do no wrong.   All that is done will lead to good, and that is the craziest fairy tale you can ever imagine.  It is a fairy tale of strength and confidence, and being assured, and all those things. 

None of you have that, and there only ever was one way to get that, but that is your own journey.   You ain't going to live my life, and I ain't going to live yours.   Together we each can help each other out, but it is a together thing.   This isn't a solo thing.   I did the solo thing.   You don't want to do that, and you don't have to.  It is hard.   That was my path though, and I took it.   Yours should be easier, but it won't be easy.   Life is full of hard shit, and no way around it.  

Anyway just touching base.   :)   Not sure how often I will blog, but I will jot some shit down here and there.   If I didn't say it, I start running next week.   :)   yay.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  I don't do FB Birfdays anymore, but yesterday was Charisa's.   You know I wanted to give her some Birfday love, but I am nothing if not disciplined.   :)   HAHA.   

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D     :D  

Have a fab one all.   MWAH!!!    :)))