I Wanted To Sleep Later Than This...

Morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  As the title suggests I wanted to sleep later than this, but I was up.  I typically know when I am up.  I know sleep will not be happening anymore.  That is this time right here, and right now.

I was just thinking of how much time I invest in this little thing here.  A lot huh??  Why you ask??  ummm,  Not sure really.  Is it weird for me to say this is something I am supposed to do??

You have seen me in all kinds of areas too huh??  Can this be done??  I don't want to do it anymore, but really on most days I do feel like doing this.  For whatever reason.

You have seen me be silly, angry, happy, excited.  You have seen me harp on how stupid life, but in a funny way, and typically in a pretty happy way.  I myself have been taken down many roads so it seems.  I have let you see how a guy thinks.  I have been taken to the depths of despair in order to help some people.

My whole life is and has been a learning process.  Really, it seems the whole journey was to show me all the things that are possible.  Show me really the miracles that are available, but to do it in a way where I realize I am not special.  I have done nothing to deserve who I am, and what I am asked to do.

Here I will get a bit weird on you.  I in the early stages of a new and transformed me was very full.  Secure in all things.  Strong in all things.  Full of joy, and I can not even explain to you.  This is after my 6 days of suffering the worst persecution ever.  So yeah,  I thought I was something special.

Then it was all taken away.  I was empty, and very very scared, because I did not want to go back to the place of persecution.  I had no security.  I was given a lesson though.  The persecution came back, and in it a teaching lesson. It was taken away like that.  It let me know who was in charge.  Who had all the power, and who controls things.

The journey was not to trust in my fullness, but to trust in only one.  I didn't always trust btw.  Remember my whole journey was trusting in my energy, I trusted in early blog times.  We trust in a lot of stuff, and our path we take is a hard one where we learn there is nothing on Earth we should trust.  You were asked to throw away your 5 year plan and 10 year plans, and trust there is a wiser course you will be led on.

You won't feel great about doing this btw.  You do have hopes and dreams, and your life is a big deal.  One of the lessons is you don't always do the right thing with a good heart.  "Those who loved me are those who have done what I say."

Crazy stuff huh??  Righteous isn't righteous is it?  Remember I wanted to be right, but I was supposed to be faithful.

I was too.  I did not do one dang thing to overcome what I have overcome.  Hospital, and the end of the Journey.  I still have one final thing to do, and I do not know when it is.  This year, next year??  Could be any.  I have been given a strong and courageous heart not to fear what I must do.

I have not done one dang thing.  All the good I have done has been done for me.  With a blessing too comes basically a Midas touch.  Right prior to going into the Hospital I was given the blessing.  It was something I knew, and something I felt.  I didn't care.  It wasn't that I wanted.  The blessing has made me do some things.  It has made me do hard things I guess.

Crazy things.  I hope that this isn't too hard to understand.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Adding Cory Schroeder and his wife Tracey, and Johnny Garcia and his wife Perle.  They are strong people, and well, Cory and I go way back.  We have known each other a long time.  He is a Bears fan and a Tigers fan.  One of those half good half bad people.  :)

This is just an extra honest something something.  I don't really do baby announcements on this thing, but Beau and Charity had their kid a week or so ago.  I was in my own deal, and never congratulated them on the kid.  Reasons are many.  No one knows them two better than me, and really I was babied out anyway.  Between bloggers I read, and people I work with there have been a billion babies.  Me, I am not really into them too much you know??  

I am not perfect.  I am not always nice, and sometimes my life is about me too you know??

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Now for really really cya cya cya!!   :D    :D

not really the direction I meant to take on this blog update.  Oh well.   :)

Have a good one all.   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

 

Looking Back On The Day...

Good morning all.  How are you doing??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I just had a day yesterday that was just about perfect.  A day where I had energy, I was in a good mood, and I was full of smiles inside.  Just felt pretty good. 

I look back at what transpires on a day like yesterday, and I come away with some things.  One is in our life we have done a lot of stuff.  A lot of stuff is things we would just assume hide from people. 

Just yesterday, I publicly confessed my first sexual relations for all to see.  It was a one night stand at a party.  I was a sophomore in H.S.  I fooled around with a girl.  I didn't go all the way, because that I was going to save myself for.  I never did go "all the way" with someone until my H.S. girlfriend and I broke up.  I was saving myself,  which btw means absolutely nothing.

Saving yourself is all just part of the sacrifices we want to make.  Pretend a H.S boy doesn't have urges is pretty crazy, and pretty naive.

Yet these are things we want to hide, and what I have been dong all along is not hiding stuff.  Even in my darkest hours, when I feel judged by people, I can close my eyes, and See myself be open, and let myself be seen.

The path is crazy hard, because it is a strange one.  We want to show our worth.  We can work toward this or this or this.  There is one who does the work, but we have to let go of ourselves.

I did not know that part was so hard.

The World is a pretty crappy place with pretty crappy people.  We put a lot of faith in the World and ourselves don't we??

See what I mean, about spouses not even knowing each other??  We really don't want to show all the stupid shit that runs through our minds for people do we??  In our World we want to throw a sheet over all our ugly crap, and I have been trying to lift the sheet off.  That is where we really need help.  None are really strong enough to lift the sheet off themselves, because we open ourselves up to being judged, and who wants that???

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Robin Ventura set up his rotation for the Tigers this weekend.  Liriano, Peavy, and Sale.  I was telling Tiger fans this week that this was their week to make a move.  Sox will have like 7 more home games than away games after this week.  So far we have gained a half of game.

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D   

New Day. Same Life... Not A Bad Thing. :)

Morning all.  How is it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  It is a Wednesday.  I am in a pretty good mood. so that ain't too shabby.  :)

I am going to gets me a cup of coffee.  I will pour two cups, but as is the case lately will probably only drink the one.  Hold on.   :)

I had a pretty good day yesterday.  I had fun.  I had a pretty good day at work, and as happens sometimes I felt overwhelmed.  So much stuff I want to do, and so very little time.  Oh well just plug along I guess. 

We paid some bills yesterday, and Lisa had to run some errands.  I was going to cook a special dinner, but Lisa had to go to the grocery store for her Mom, so I told her to pick up a few things for the dinner I planned.  She took too long, and I fell asleep, and dinner was ruined not cooked.  :)  Oh well.  Lisa had to go to a stupid work meeting at 10:00 pm.  Departments have to have a mandatory work meeting every month or two, so they can talk about nothing important and waste their time.  No one likes them, and everyone thinks they are a waste of time.  As with most things it is the direction from "the smart people" up top making rules for the "dumb people" below.  I am pretty sure all the "smart people" were Sociology majors.   :)

So today is another day.  I will bring my big cooler of ice water to work.  I have been doing that lately, and I love love love chugging my ice water at work.  I get thirsty a lot.  Lisa closes, so she gets to sleep in, and have a nice relaxing day before she has to go to work. 

Oh one other thing, I cut the bottom of my foot.  It is a pretty bad cut.  Probably needed stitches, so I am off of running for a bit.  It did feel better yesterday than Monday however.  Probably cuz I didn't run on it.  :)   I ran to work on Monday. 

Yep, this is my blog update, and this is my blog.  Pretty much nothing about nothing.   :)))

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!  :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  Holy Hell I gots nothing for a p.s., and I don't have all day to think of one.  So there, that is the p.s.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D     :D

Have a good one all.   Luv ya's.   :)    MWAH!!!    :)   LOL  

Unplugged...

Good Morning all.  I have been a bit invisible for a while, and to be brutally honest, I was just living "my" life.  I really was not too concerned with what others were doing, and perhaps a bit of I don't care what others are doing.   :)     My life doesn't change too much.  I woke up early Saturday morning, and worked 7 hours.  I woke up early Sunday too.  By 8:30 am, I ate breakfast, lunch, did dishes, folded laundry, cleaned the kitchen, and had a really peaceful solo run.  The solo run was cut shorter than I wanted cuz I had to poop, but it was one of the most enjoyable runs I have had. 

My running season is over.  Like last year it was a whopping one race.  I am in my favorite running time I guess.  Keep up a base.  If my long run of the week is 6 miles.  So be it.   There are those of us out there you know.  When I first started running, I saw a lady run with a dog a lot.  After a couple years I actually talked to her.  Her dog passed, she still runs some days, and walks some days.  She is elderly, tall, skinny, and attractive in her own way.  (probably 10 years older than me)  She doesn't do races, she just runs.  When I saw her walking on my way home from Sundays run she had a smile on her face.  She was enjoying herself.  I think that is how I felt on my Sunday run. 

For the weekend we really didn't do much.  We cooked our meals, and I watched a lot of  movies, and was reading my book.  It is a Fiction book, and if you ever saw "Relic" it was from those authors.  Pretty entertaining, although I am taking my sweet old time with it. 

I also got my haircut yesterday, and ended up having a pretty good conversation with the girl who cut my hair.  I used to be a one girl guy with my haircuts.  I'd get a girl who cut my hair, and make an appointment same time 4 weeks later with the same girl.  May have been 3 weeks.  When she moved on, I'd get another.  I just remembered that yesterday.  I got to know these people pretty well.  The place I go to now is just walk in, and you get who you get.  It is always a girl, and typically they are not too bad looking.  Most of the time interesting too. 

Sometimes life is about the little things huh?? 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  When I do this as often as I do, and take a few days off, I realize the way this thing goes, changes a bit with my change in moods from one day to the next.  Time away gives a fresh perspective.  Wonder if that is true in all things in life???

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D 

Andrew Richards

There is no one who makes my blog with a title, unless it is I love Doreen.  Andrew made my title, because there is no one I know as strong and as honest as him.

He makes my blog every day now in the only way I know how.  xoxoxo

You all can do better.  You won't ever be as strong or as honest as Andrew.  He is special.


Later all.  :)


xoxo

Nancy Close makes it too.  

Sometimes You Just Gotta Sweep The Yanks...

Well yesterday was a different sort of day.  We were one day past our audit at work, so I was super motivated.  We have 3 audits at work each year.  It is an audit of inventory accuracy, and basically a snapshot in how I am doing with my job.  We passed the audit barely, so I definitely could be doing a better job, or keep a better eye on the departments who should be getting 90-100%, and skating by with 80% scores.  The hard departments I spend a lot of time in, and the easy ones I don't.  I put my faith in the easy departments to get their shit done, and they have disappointed this year.  So anyway, I will get my money, and I sent an e-mail to the whole store.  It was mmm  how do you say??   nice ...  diplomatic...   hmmm.  I think I made my point I guess I should say.   ;)

Our 2nd audit came at the very last dates to have them done.  One every four months.  Our first one was Jan 2.  This one was late August.  A big swing.  That means our 3rd one can be in a couple weeks time, so we can make a nice strong push to kick the 3rd one's ass. 

So anyway I didn't run yesterday.  I was up early enough to, but decided not to.  I tried blogging yesterday twice, but there was absolutely nothing to blog about. 

To be honest I am getting fed up with the blogs I read sometimes.  Blogging is supposed to be about life, and everyone wants to pretend life is something viewed through rose colored glasses, and that my friends is a bunch of BULLSHIT. 

If all you got is the stupid fake shit, then my friends you are running away from yourself.  That means you are weak.  It takes courage to look at yourself, and to let yourself be seen.  You need help with this, because from what I can tell you don't have what it takes. 

Just when you thought you were so fucking fabulous...  Oh well,  I can see right through you...

It is early, so maybe I will run before work.  Actually, I definitely am going to run before work.  Today is Thursday, so Lisa and I may be able to see the movie I wanted to see yesterday.  Sounds like a plan. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  Fuck a p.s.  we swept the fucking Yankees. 

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D 

Morning...

Hello all.  You know the routine.  Not much on my mind, but I do have fingers.  I have access to internets, and I am going to gets me a cup of coffee, and see where this leads.  

Okay where were we??   Oh yeah, this thing.  I don't have much as usual so we will see where this thing goes.  Yesterday was a Monday.  I don't know how most of you are, but many many many many times I wake up ready to take on the World. You know me early morning, I am full of energy zest, etc...  I go to work, and as the 8 hours winds down, I am not always full of zest and energy etc...  That was yesterday to a "T"  I came home, and felt like doing nothing.  Lisa has Mondays off, and she just had a nice relaxing day.  I love that she has Mondays off, and a day to herself. 

I sat and didn't do a damn thing.  She got off the couch, showered, and went to the library.  We had ribs cooking in the slow cooker all day, and I listened to music, and watched a bit of TV.  A day in the life of me.  A typical Monday. 

So anything else??  Nah, not really.  I do think there is a lot to us all, and we really want to have ourselves all figured out.  I know me, and here I am.  I have been saying you don't know you.  You have lived a life up to this point, and you still don't know you.  You try and find a type of consistency, and be able to show that person in public, but you never really are always the same day to day. 

You are a complex person.  You don't have you down, because we never really are as good of people as we would like.  We never are as strong as we should be or as we would like.  The tendency in us is to box ourselves up.  Here I am.  It makes it kind of easy if we can do that huh??  Takes the guess work out of us, but I guess you have to accept there is no possible way you can box yourself up.  You don't know yourself that well.  You have to accept that. 

See how complicated everything is??  The Journey to life, and finding out who we are is full of all kinds of things, and there is things we see day to day, a person as dull witted as a human cannot do what is necessary to figure everything out. 

So all our lives we are supposed to believe we are fabulous as people, and the World is a great place, and I have been saying just the opposite.  We aren't that fricken great, and the World really is a pretty shitty place. 

I have been through a lot for whatever reason to get to this point.  Stuff you have no idea, and why did I have to go through some crazy things like I did??  Not sure. 

It is what it is though, and here I am. 

Anyway it is Tuesday.  We are in a good work time now, as Lisa will be closing on Tuesdays after her Monday off.  She will be working more hours, and hopefully I will be able to still work on Saturdays. 

It is early, and I have time to get a nice run in, and that is what I think I will do. 

Have a good day all.  :)

Luv ya's.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  ooooh.  Sox won last night.  Wonder who they played....    ;)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D  

Later Gaterzzzzzzzzzzzzz    MWAH!!!     :)

You Never Know...

Well, I definitely never know what is in store for this thing I do.  Right now it seems like not a lot on my mind, and nothing much will come out, but we'll see.  I will get my coffee, and see what happens. 

We will start with yesterday and see where it ends.  I had almost as perfect of a day as you can get.  Wake up early.  I did my blog thing, and it was just a Bitch session.  I think people tend to follow the main path.  Whatever group you are in.  The best a person I can be is if I follow this.  Everyone else is doing it.  My best friends do it, and people who I have a lot in common with do it, so it must be right. 

We are followers.  We really are not strong enough to stand on our own are we??  There is a path of strength.  It is a hard path, and it takes a lot of accepting.  You have to accept maybe the status quo is not the right way.  Maybe there is more out there. 

In the Journey of life we really follow, but the journey of life really is all about us.  Don't close your minds and wrap yourself up in a box, because you will miss the best that life has to offer. 

As you will see our life is not our hobbies etc...  Our lives really are what is inside us, and it seems to me that is hard to see, or maybe hard to share.  Life is hard, and you will need help with stuff.  The second you think you have all the answers is the second you really should rethink about things.  The truth lies within you.   It is hidden by all kinds of things.  The day to day busyness of life, and other things. 

Maybe the truth of us is stuff we definitely don't want people to see, because we are ashamed of us.  Don't look at me, I am not perfect, so just look at this here part I show you.  See my good, and I will hide my bad. 

When you keep stuff inside it finds its way out though it seems.  I know mine does.  When I see honesty and truth this thing goes good.  When I see fake, and basically forms of lying this thing goes bad. 

To be strong, and to be honest takes a little help, because humans are really not that strong to overcome much of anything, not even ourselves.  

So be open to life.  Don't fall short of what it has to offer.  Life has the offer of strength and truth, and you can find it.  It is within you and within your grasp.  Stay open.  Almost everything in this World would have you remain closed. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I think a 10 mile run on a Sunday morning may be one of the best things in life.   :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D    

Have a good Monday.   :)

Well I Am Up...

Well it is Sunday morning.  I am up early.  We are doing the 10 mile route by Jerry's house, and that is always a good way to start a Sunday.  I have a lot of stuff to get done today.  Stuff like cleaning and laundry etc... 

For now I will get some coffee, and do this thing.  Don't really have much to be honest, but that never stopped me gabbing with my fingers before.  Brb.   :)

I really have nothing today.  There were some things going through my mind earlier. 

I guess I will be honest, I am a bit angry today.  I don't get people.  What is in us that wants people to think everything is just the best thing ever.  You know those people who put their best foot forward in public, but privately as far as you can tell they are angry like 98% of the time?? 

I am putting this foot forward.  I don't like Bullshit.  All fake appearances don't mean SHIT.  As a matter of fact it is just a way of being a liar.  If you are one of those people who are angry a lot then that means you have issues.  If you are one of those people who always has to be the fun/smiling person, then you have issues too.  I am 46 years old, which actually seems old, but I am done putting up with that SHIT!!

It is time for people to Grow the FUCK up.  Look at yourself with an honest eye.  Throw away your childish view of how you think you "SHOULD" be, and see the real YOU. 

People have issues.  I am just bitching locally here too, so nothing to do with bloggers or anything. 

Anybody ever not even want to open up FB, because you are worried what kind of stupid SHIT you'll see next?? 

I am that way lately.  People make me sick.  :)    LOL

Have a good one all. 

Later. 

Surprise Surprise...

Good morning all.  I have coffee, errr... I am going to get some coffee,  I will brb.  

I was thinking about one thing, but let's place it all on the table.  Do you ever wonder what a person's motives might be when they wrap themselves in a cloak of Company, Business, Flag, whatever??

In order to make better profits it is noble, and generally very good to do stuff for one's own company, business or whatever.  We can wrap ourselves around a cloak of whatever and pretty much justify anything. 

We put a lot of faith in what we do is good huh??  I mean the lowly Enron employee wore that cloak with pride.  I assume Cigarette company employees held some type of pride in how popular their brands were.  They had no idea what the researchers were researching. 

I think that is the problem with my life in the 90's.  What is one to do??  I saw farther down the line in all pursuits, and I was like what???? 

We all know the cloak of Religion is probably the worst cloak worn throughout the History of the World.  All are guilty...

What did I end up doing??  It was the Hospital.  It was waiting all those years to start what ended up being  Heimleblog, Journey, and Wait.  It was struggling every day seemingly with Heimleblog.  In struggles I can no way help you understand, but a couple days ago I figured out what it meant.

Life is a crazy thing.  We all can get blinded just going through our normal day to day, and it is hard to see past that.

I notice this thing puts you in a tight place.  I see the way this thing is headed, and I can see the way it is right with the sword.  Not of my doing, and not of my knowledge, but being led in the ways I go.  Enduring the things I have endured in the ways I go, and really given the help I need to get this thing done.  None of my knowledge, and wisdom, and understanding know the ways I go.

Trust is so important, and I have been harping on it for a while.  I know it is hard, because I have been pulling for a long time, and our lives are important to us, and we want to matter, etc...

Trust me,  you will.  :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading !!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  crap, I got nothing, so guess that will have to do. 

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D   :D    xoxoxo   :D  :D     LOL.    :)))

You Are Not Alone.

Life is hard.  So much information.  So much stuff to see.  So much stuff to do.  So much stuff to learn.  How can I make the most out of this one life? 

Are you like me back in the early 90's?   Looking around, and wanting your life to count, but Damn life really seems pretty stupid.  Which avenue would you take to make the most difference?? 

Now look in yourself.  I mean really really look.  Words matter, but not if it is you just trying to put a spin on something.  Every time I talked to my brother Jim, he was always like you know, I have never been more happy.  People are like that, and you can smell BULLSHIT from a mile away. 

Life and History is full of all kinds of crap.  We are more advanced today then the days of serfs and the feudal system, but not really.  Many people are still enslaved to stupid jobs, with no hope of  rising above our slave owners. 

Our whole Economic system is flawed.  We raise money for the Gov't through taxes.  Corporations (legally people, which is just a stupid way of rich people to put less of their stuff at risk) dodge taxes, by whatever way.  Laws are on the books which are ignored.  Banksters get bailouts, and Military gets a huge percentage of the money we don't have, and the money we cannot afford to give them. 

What happens when we finally turn over our last shell and realize this monetary system that has been created has been whipped.  Our final shell shows us we have nothing.  The currency of the World is worth as much as the Weimar Republic Currency. 

Yet some people spend so much time thinking about that stupid crap.  God forbid if you have a lot of stupid debt.  You are in for a stressful life.  What are your dreams??  White Picket fence??  The Hall of Fame of whatever thing you do?  Retirement where you can finally do nothing, and realize that is boring as Hell.  All we strive for and all we go after is nothing. 

Wouldn't you want a heart that looks at life and says everything is stupid.  Wake up and say, you know, today I can run, or maybe not.  Maybe today when I get home I will read and watch movies. 

How does a person overcome themselves??  Say all I think I want, and all I think I hope for don't mean crap.  Well, I guess you have to see the World as being a pretty stupid place.  I trust your eyes have been seeing that right?? 

Confidence spoken/written isn't really confidence if it really isn't there.  You don't know what is the best for you, and that is just a turn in life.  A turn with trust.  You have to see the logic,  right?? 

If there is some reason I am on this Earth, wouldn't it be better to do that than anything else???  

Check and Mate...

That is it for today!!!  :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  I guess I got time to get a little run in .  I have decided to not run the 26.2.  Why???   I don't feel like running 26 fucking miles.  :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are  the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D     xoxoxo    :D  

Morning Blog...

Good Morning.  I have absolutely nothing to blog about right now, but I will get some coffee, and see what comes up.  Hold on. 

Well this blogging thing is pretty easy for me.  I throw down whatever, and let it go.  I sometimes think about what I write throughout the day, and as always that is the hard part of the blog.  It has always been like that since the beginning.  It is just an internal thing with me I could not even begin to have you understand.  It was pretty cool being up yesterday morning, and just letting my whole self be seen.  I just closed my eyes, and hid nothing.  I knew I was good then.  (oh that is weird too, and I cannot help you understand that)

The last several days have been pretty hard, and I am not really sure why.  I mean yesterday was another day where I came home sat on the couch, and didn't want to do anything.  Lisa and I had to do a couple errands after work.  Drop the car off to get fixed, and pick up some groceries etc...  Then we just sat outside.  I listened to music, and she read/slept.  It was a perfect day out, and as it turns out not a bad day at all.  I drank some wine, and cooked some chicken on the grill. 

I haven't run this week yet, and I haven't felt like it, so I am going to get a run in now.  Nothing better than a run before work right??   I think so too. 

I'll finish my coffee first. 

That is it.  Just a little blog update.  Nothing real heavy today. 

cya.  :D  

Sleep In Or Blog??

Well, it was totally a sleep in day if there ever was one, but I just had a bunch of crap running through my mind anyway, so figured I'd get up and get something down. 

I'll have you know I have been off for a bit.  Disappointed??   perhaps.  I opened myself up, and looked inside myself, and let everything be seen.  Not in this blog, but before I got out of bed.  A lot of worries just disappeared kind of.  So that makes me feel better.  I keep thinking shouldn't we be much further along on this thing?? 

The lesson of last week.  The energy was nothing I did, and this blog really isn't anything I do.  Like I told you I don't put a lot of thought in this blog.  I write it down etc.. Whatever pops up.  Okay that sounded weird, but I mean I know some stuff has to be done.  I cannot do anything you know??? 

Want to know what I think??  I think we have been going in the same direction.  Blogs haven't changed.  They have been about the same type of stuff.  Going on and on and on.  I don't think you can get to the meatier part of you, unless you would be willing to make the turn.  I think then your eyes would be more clear.  Not by anything you do, but as a gift.  Then you would see clearer, and I bet have a stronger heart to do the  seemingly tough stuff you have to do.  I bet then it would not seem as tough as you think it would be right here right now.   Is that true??  Not sure, but it is what I think.  You have some stuff to do, and you cannot do it like this.  You will need help. 

We will see how this thing goes. 

cya. 

I Wrote Something And Deleted It...

I just wrote a good part of a blog and deleted it.  It was dumb, and stupid, and that means I pretty much have nothing to write.  I know you see what I write, and I have a feeling you know what you need to do.  You need to stop trusting in your own knowledge, and wisdom, and understanding, and trust that as smart as you are there is one who knows more.  One who can lead you in a good and right way.  One who can lead you on a hard course. 

I know what it means.  It means you have to let go of all you believe.  All you base your life on you have to be willing to trust and throw it away.  That is a huge step huh??  I know what it means.  I know what you have to accept, and I have lived it. 

You had no idea faith was so hard did you??  You had no idea what trust really meant did you??  Me either.  I am learning as I go.  I am learning a lot about parts of my life. 

You have tough stuff to do people.  It isn't what you see on the outside.  A lot of garbage out in the World.  Wars and hate, and stuff.  Your journey starts on the inside. 

10 miler yesterday, and I have no idea what my racing plans are.  Maybe none.  Might just keep up my 25'ish base.  Long run Sunday, and runs during the week.  It means I can run on Mondays now too.  I don't need any long'ish runs during the week. 

Life is just life.  As big as our lives seem to us, it really isn't. 

Trust trust trust.  You know trust doesn't even mean trust me anymore does it??  I could care less.  It seems in a way you are being handed over to another.  Life is always a solo endeavor.  You have to trust to make the turn.  Trust you will be in good hands. 

I know it is hard.  Remember, I have been there and done that, and that very first step was not really the easiest thing I have ever done. 

Good Luck. 

Crabby Bitch Man...

One of the problems in doing this damn thing, is you get to see me every day.  Good mood/bad mood.  Everything.  If I am unhappy with something I vent.  I don't always know what makes me mad, but I let it out.  Usually by telling you all you are assholes in some way.  :)

I was in and out of sleep last night, thinking of a lot of things.  Mostly my past.  Things I have been through.  Things I know, and things I think you should know.  I leave a record, because in some way it is supposed to help you. 

Now you see a different version of the story of Moses huh??  How many people would believe him that the shit was going to hit??  Not many huh??    Or the 12 followers who dropped everything when asked to "come follow me" 

The World goes a certain way.  The Atheists, and the Believers, and all in between all go in the same direction.  They put their faith and trust in themselves.  They trust their own knowledge, and their own understanding.  Perhaps there is someone wearing a nice suit who talks in a pretty snazzy way, and people believe and follow him.  Perhaps a person on the tee vee garners respect. 

I say don't go in the conventional way.  Take the road less traveled, because unfortunately it makes "ALL" the difference.  Read your heart, if it tells you a certain thing accept it.  Don't harden it, and say it cannot be, and then try and put yourself on a pedestal.  If you have insecurities good.  Don't bury them away.  All this stuff is about us, and people try and bury themselves in work of some sort. 

All the multitudes of people want to go the easy way.  Follow the masses.  I offer you a hard way.  One that isn't easy, and one that you will not always feel good about yourself, but it is a good honest hard way.  It is a way where you get to learn a lot more than what the masses will learn. 

As my life goes on I see I am losing more and more layers of myself.  Throwing away all the things that make me me.  Why??  None of who I am matters.  I accept that, and I accept my route, and I do it willingly and with a good heart. 

So in all things be strong, it will serve you well.  Strong is honest whatever that means.  It doesn't mean you feel strong, it means being honest. 

The truth of us is we don't want everyone to know us do we??  All our insecurities and all the things that make us seem weak to others. 

Trust in this direction, and don't trust your fears about that.  The masses follow a way that just leads to hate.  Those who go in the direction I say go on a path of love. 

Do you want to be a hater, or would you trust someone to make you a better person?? 

Everything is laid out for you.  The decision is a no brainer to me, but You know I have been through a lot. 

Have a good one.  I really mucked up my training this week.  I am only going 10 miles today.  Maybe I'll just do a couple half marathons.  :)

cya cya   :D   :D 

Blah!!!

Hello,  I am up, because I went to bed early.  I will write this dumb ass blog, even though I think blogging is boring, and it must be as boring to read this as it is to write it. 

Answers answers and answers.  As my life goes on, and I throw myself out there I realize I am alone.  I use no one as a crutch, except one.   The one thing I always wanted in life I guess was not to be alone.  Not to be the only one, and now it doesn't matter. 

If this thing gets weird, and yadda yadda yadda, I don't care.  I need none of you.  Maybe that is what life is all about.  Being able to stand on your own two feet.  I guess I realized it yesterday without realizing what I was realizing.   :) 

Really this thing could have been fun, but I guess blogging isn't everyone's cup of tea.  It isn't anything anyone wants to get involved with.  Cool with me. 

Anyway answers answers answers.  This will be weird, but like I said I am on my own two feet.  What you people think I could care less now.  After my night in the hospital, my brother Jim had a dream.  Me not knowing what was going on, I said "yeah, well I overcame."  Now you remember I overcame one thing, and the rest was basically done for me.  I remember I was arrogant'ish in my response.  So much so I was going to be cast away.  I would have been cast away to, but one interceded on my behalf.  I interceded a few summers ago on another.  I said if this one person cannot go, I don't want to go.  I believe it was the same time on my long'ish run when I said  "My life is worth so little, do with it as you will."  Can't remember exactly, but pretty sure it was. 

Also I remember at some point I was told, the walking meant nothing.  I never understood what that meant really, but isn't that what yesterday was about??  I trusted my energy, and the energy is a gift.  That is what those 3 days were about.  To realize, the energy isn't anything I did. 

So anyway, life is something you have to be tough in.  You people don't appear to be very tough. 

Today is a day of me.  Read, movie, etc...   I am not working.  Didn't appear there was a ton of stuff to do when I left Friday, so today is a day of me.   YAY!!

Later...

What Happens During A Bad Week??

A bad week, can only be a couple bad days, but those two days sure make it seem like a bad week.  Actually I don't even think I was really in all that bad of a mood tbh.  I know the Olympic coverage proved to be a sugar coating of life, and that just threw me over the edge.  I had a unmotivated run on Wednesday that I cut very short.  I decided early Thursday to not run, and get a book, and read when I got home from work.  I did that. 

Thoughts that went through my mind?? 

1. Marathons are dumb
2. Why would I even want to train for one??  I have no finishing goals, or time goals. 
3. I hate 20 mile runs.  
4. Time at work is going slow.
5. I wonder if I will see any bunnies or babies I can kick today.   :)    j/k  
6. Do horses really eat hay??  and why??
7. Of course the usual... Can this blog be over????    please????

I guess the dumb ole thing goes on.  I did  not wake up on time yesterday, and I did today, although I slept like shit.  I was kinda into the book I am reading.  So much so, I am thinking of reading tonight too.  Actually planning on just reading tonight.

Hopefully I can get a couple good runs in this weekend, and get back on track.  Not that I really care either way.  There is no guarantee I even show up on Marathon day.  That stuff is not really important to me.  It isn't me being weird.  It is me being different.  Some people like to have their whole life about training for a race, and that seems weird to me, but maybe you are just different.

Also really in life there are only so many important things.  The way things are going maybe it will just be one of those things where a big dose of reality gets thrown at us.  One of those things that kind of forces our eyes open.

Me on the outside looking in I see people want to show their worth somehow.  I did that too, during my bad summer way back when.  I accepted everything already.  i am bad.  I am horrible, and the worst person etc...  I guess I even trusted my energy that made me walk and walk and walk.  I don't know why the physical depression I ever had to suffer through it.  I hated it though folks.  I mean really hated it.  I was extremely pissed, and I picked a fight with God.  I knew it was dumb, but I was pissed.  Maybe that is what happened the day A few summers ago I cursed God.  He brought me back to that place for a few days, and I couldn't do it anymore.  I am done.  That night he took my heart.

Really isn't that what the story is all about.  Not trusting myself.  Not one thing of myself.  Yes, I think it was.  What a long and strange journey it has been, but the author knows what he is doing.  He used time, and was writing a story the whole time, while my own pathetic little understanding had the story all finished a long time ago.

Oh well.  I don't really have a signature line today, so I will just say farewell.

Later all.  :)

In A Mood...

Well, I am in a mood today already.  You want to know why??  No reason really.  Maybe I am just sick and tired of people on the t.v. putting Olympians on some kind of pedestal.  Ummmm, they are just people.  they deal with the same shit in life everyone else has to deal with.  They aren't super human.  Many are genetically gifted, but they aren't humanly gifted.  We all are human, which means we all have the same type of flaws and imperfections. 

As someone who looks for truth in life,  I realize as exciting as the Olympics are the t.v. sure portrays them in an not so honest light,  and that drives me bonkers.  I mean for fuck's sake athletes are people too.  Your life is yours, their life is theirs.  You'd be wise not to have any heroes, because heroes fail in life just like everyone else. 

With that, I am going to get some coffee. 

Anything untrue in life just pisses me off.  You know how people just want to show their good side.  I do this and this and this, and other shit we just hide, because we wouldn't want people to see that.  That shit just pisses me off. 

The strong people in life are the ones who show all.  Don't expect to see any of that shit on the news, or in your Olympic coverage.  Fucking assholes. 

The World is a Fucking stage where everyone plays some type of part.  Eventually we will get to the point where we play the part of us. 

Regardless of what anyone thinks, that is what it is all about. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

I don't really give a shit what kind of day you all have.  :)   Told you I am in a mood. 

Later.   :)

Perfect Day...

Just a quick little update here.  I am doing my absolute favorite time off thing ever.  Taking just a Monday and Tuesday off.  I don't like taking a full week off.  I get out of my routine, and  it drives me bonkers.  So I did a lazy old day yesterday.  I watched like 5 movies or something.  We went out to lunch.  Watched another movie.  I then sat outside, and listened to music.  Lisa putzed in the yard.  We ordered pizza, and that was it. 

I have today off too, but I should actually do some work.  clean the house, laundry etc...

Any heavy stuff today??  No,   nothing really on my mind. 

Well let me explain something about me.  I have lived this life here, and have been doing this blog thing here for a while.  I do get angry sometimes, and for many different reasons.  I think I just try to help with this thing.  If I ever feel like no one reads it, then I sometimes think why bother with this stupid thing.  Sudden unexplained changes are never really good, it is like communicate you know??  Those always are taken as an attack against me. 

Oh well, just a little something.  If you read this, then you know me pretty well I'd think. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Need to get a 10 miler in today.   :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D 

Monday Monday...

I got the day off, and as of right now, I feel like doing nothing.  I feel like being a big 'ol lazy slob.  We'll see if I actually do anything.  I am pretty sure I have nothing today, but I will get some coffee, and we will see...

Okay, so I am back with coffee in hand.  Well not really, because I type with two hands, but you get the idea.  So yesterday I woke up, and had to run.  I planned on going 4 early miles instead of 3, but ran out of time, so I went 3, and then we did 12.  I woke up hating training for a marathon, because last week's run seemed hard.  I was in a good mood though.  My first 3 miles were muggy, and I was thinking toward the end of my next 12 miles were going to be bad.  (temps and humidity cooled as the time went on)

I forgot to get gels again, and didn't eat breakfast, so on my last water stop I put some coffee, and a can of beer.  I chugged 1/2 the can, and you know how good a beer tastes on a hot day after you are sweating and thirsty.  That is how it tasted.  I had one of those days too where the run felt fine the whole time.  An easy 15 miler.  My legs feel good today too, but I won't run.  I am off tomorrow, so I will get a long'ish run in tomorrow.  yay.   :)

Are there other things on my mind??  Sure.  You want to know where my strength comes from??  It comes from trust.  My journey was ALL about Your will not mine.  And after many hard times, and trials etc.. comes trust.  Trust not in myself, because I am not all powerful.  Trust that I know I cannot do anything on my own.  You see I am not a manipulator of events, because I don't need to. 

All lives are personal to us all.  They are solo affairs of types.  Even married people don't know each other all that well.  Communication is hard, because we all have a lot of hang ups as to who we are, and who we think we are supposed to be.  We want to put our best foot forward too, etc..   Look good in front of other people.  The truth of us is a big ole jumbled mess.  Like I said it would be easy if there were a manual, of do this and do that, and work our way to this and that.  It is a Journey though.  Where we travel through distance and time.  We are to trust the one who time  holds no power, because he knows better than us. 

I have no idea how this thing is going to get.  We'll see.  It should be interesting though don't you think??  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Lookeeee here.  Exciting baseball season, and football is around the corner.  Bears drive me bonkers.   :) 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D 

Next 3 Days Off...

WOOOOO  HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  I have the next 3 days off.  How awesome is that??  Pretty awesome I think. 

So, what is going on today??  Not much, but I will do the coffee thing and see what happens.  I know yesterday was a pretty heavy one, and that about life is tough.  Life is full of hard truths, and you can see why honesty = strength, because the honest darn fact about the truth of life is pretty hard. 

Okay hold on, I will brb.  

Okay, I am back with coffee in hand.  I have a lot of thoughts about this blog, and what this is, and I know the easier route is to pretend you don't see this.  The easier way would be if we could just all go back to the way things were, but that is not possible, and that is not the case.  Life moves forward, even if it appears the direction isn't looking good.  That also is trust too huh??  This is a good direction, although it seems hard.  You have plenty of examples in History, and one of my favorites was Anne Frank.  Sure it would have been better if she could go back to the way things were, but all that was out of her control.  Her life was full of some brutal truths.  First to be locked in hiding.  Second to be found.  3rd to be separated from her family. 

I know it would be so much easier if there was a way to work toward where we need to go.  It seems on paper faith is such an easy thing huh??  Actually work is a much easier thing, but it is the wrong way.  Faith uses time, and promises, and believing and trusting in one who is not bound by time. 

With work we can quantify, and gauge, and use things we can understand, and things we have knowledge of.  Faith will teach you other things.  Not all things are easy, and you have to accept that.

All this stuff leads to you being stronger, and also for you to build trust.  With increasing knowledge, and increasing wisdom comes increasing trust.  Some steps along the way are hard.  Accept that.   

There are so many lessons, and I don't want to wield my sword, because I know it is scary.  So, I will keep my sword inside.  I don't need to bring it out, because I have said it before. 

Accept what I have told you, and move on.  Know you are on the right way.  I know when I felt pretty bad outside the Bromenn Garbage room, it was comforting to know I was on the right path.  That was the start of my Summer of Discontent.  Not too many good days after that, and it lead to a bad night, and then a horrible 6 days, and then a horrible year. 

I think knowing you are going in the right direction should be comforting. 

No one said things were easy.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Gots nothing for a p.s.  Oh well.   I guess that will have to do.   :) 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D 

Tweener.

Okay this was a tweener.  I was thinking of staying in bed, and writing nothing, because let's face it, it is my life, and I cannot possibly have much to write about.  Saying that I will get some coffee, and see what comes out.  brb.   :)

Now as you know I just throw stuff down here.  I don't put much thought to it.  Today/ earlier before I got up I was thinking of some things, and it is a bit heavy, and I am not going to go into it, but I see how hard this is.  I think back to my time of going through my life, and there definitely was no vision.  I had no idea the meaning of any parts of my life as I was going through them.  I never knew the importance, and this blog actually gives you a vision of life.  What are some of the hard parts, and why are there hard parts. 

One of the big obstacles of life is we believe in us.  We are smart.  Some of us went to College, and learned the Bullshit we learned there.  Especially if we were Business majors.  ;)   We have to trust not in ourselves.  Not in our own knowledge, and not in our own wisdom, because there are higher thoughts, and higher wisdoms, and higher knowledge than we can attain on our own. 

Oh, I know that ain't easy, because we think we are pretty dang smart.  That is a step of trust too isn't it??  I never knew that, and I never knew the importance of my actions I took.  Most stuff I learned the importance of it later. 

This is a tough road, and I have given you a lot to think about, and yes as you can tell the journey of life is internal.  That is where all the important stuff is, and if you look inside you, I am sure you can see the hate.  You hate people who don't think like you, or don't believe what you believe.  Why is it easy to hate people??  Because they hate you back. 

When you look at your actions do you ever analyze the motives for it??  That is part of your internal stuff too.  The Whole World of believers want to prove that they do stuff for God, and the funny thing is if the believers were really smart they'd realize you cannot do anything for him he can not do for himself.  You all want to show some sacrifice of some sort, and that is not what he wants.  What he wants you cannot do, because what he wants for you is to accept as a gift that which you cannot do on your own. 

But hey, it is just this silly old blog I have been doing for a while.  Banging my head against the tree really, because I have been saying this for a while, but you put your faith in yourself, and that sure ain't the right way.  Trust in one is who you have to trust, but we all are too fabulous in our eyes to not trust ourselves.  That is why the journeys of life are so hard, because it helps open our eyes.  And isn't that what it is all about??  Helping the blind to see.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Going to work today and then I have the next 3 days off.   WOOOOOO!!!    :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D  

I Wonder What This Will Be About...

Good Morning all.  How's it going??  I am doing pretty good.  I have absolutely no idea what this blog is going to be about, but I am up, and I guess I will write something.  I am going to get something first.  Can you guess what it is??    ;)

So what is up with me??  A lot has happened since yesterday let me tell you.  Not really.  Just another day.  I ran early in the morning.  I was going to go 6+ miles, and went a solid 4, and run walked 1-1/2 miles home, cuz I had to poop.  I had a feeling going out, I may run into troubles, but what the heck.  It was cool.  Our nights are cooling down real nice, so I was going at a pretty good pace.  So much so my legs were fatigued at work.  Not from the distance, but the easy pace in cool weather is quicker than my legs are used to.  Now that is strange to me.  I also took Hope for a little run after work.  That was in the heat, and it was sluggish, but whatever. 

Then I did what we always do.  I am home around 3:00 or so.  I listened to music, and had a couple drinks.  Lisa relaxed a bit, went and got a haircut.  We made tacos, and that was it.  That is how my favorite days go.  Tonight I have a challenging run on trails. 

A day in the life huh??  I guess I have to say I am at peace with myself.  I am not striving after this and after that,  striving after vanity of vanitys.  Why??  well 2 reasons.  That is the end of wisdom.  The nothing really matters.  It would be great if all people were like that I am sure, but it is not with us.  You see my story.  It had a lot of years, and a lot of struggles, and a lot of stuff in it.  This life is/was not empty.  I made a step though, and it was one of trust, although I didn't know it at the time.  As my life was going all I wanted was to be something special.  It is a big World, and I wanted to make my mark, but how??  I looked at life, and I didn't see much in it I liked.  What is one to do?? 

There was a promise made to me too.  He would save me out of any snare I found myself in.  There were a lot too.  Remember me being in a sword fight, and only having a utility knife, while battling those with Hattori Hanzo swords.  I was not going to win that one.  I did ask why I was given that promise.  I thought it was when I said no to the promotion when asked to do so.  It was actually me wanting that promotion, and knowing that would be the best thing for my life.  I want I want I want, but in a battle with my self will I said your will, not mine.  That was it.  I overcame myself, and the rest of my journey through my 2 trials were what??  At the time I needed I said the right thing.  Your will.  Remember I was going to die, and go to Hell.  There was a way out though, I could save myself, but at the expense of my friends.  In my heart and in my head was put the strength to say Your will.  If I go to Hell that is fine.  I was going to die and go to Hell.  My friends were to be saved, but I was broken.  Imagine waking up the next day in the Hospital, and being alive.  There was no hope, and nothing, and here I was alive. 

Remember Jim said I had Mom casket face that night.  I was dead in a way.  Jim was with me in the hospital.  I was going to die, but I asked him if they could take the restraints off me.  I didn't want them. 

The other was I was to be the worst of the worst.  In me was the strength to say Your will.  Not of my doing.  I overcame the first time, and maybe I had help.  Not sure of that.  Maybe I had to make a small step of overcoming myself.  I remember that wasn't easy, and after that everything seemed to be done for me. 

A lot of stuff to life.  Life isn't only what we see either.  There is more that goes on inside you than you even know. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I am going to make something for breakfast.  I am fricken hungry. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D    

Rough Start To The Week...

Hey all, good morning.  How is it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I finally got a good night sleep.  I slept like crap on Monday.  Really, I woke up around 8:30 or so, and checked on the Sox, and then kept checking, so I didn't get enough sleep.  It is so much easier when the Sox suck.  :)  How big of a Sox fan am I??  Weekend is over, so I haven't watched any Olympics, and don't know who won what, although I see girls won Gold in Gymnastics.  Don't care.  I didn't even turn on the tee vee. 

Yesterday when I got home from work, I went into the bedroom to pet Jazz, and all of a sudden it was 2 hours later.  I didn't run yesterday, and as a matter of fact I didn't want to.  I have a schedule of running.  Tues, Wed, Thurs,  and Sat and Sunday.  I am flexible.  I missed the last two Saturdays, and yesterday.  Could I have run?? yes.  Does it mean anything I didn't run??  no.  Did I have a good day anyway??  yes. 

What do I know about me??  I know a lot about my whole life.  I can be brought back to many times of my past and remember them like yesterday.  Can you??  It is so easy for me, and I wonder if others do that too.  Those who read this know a lot about me.  I have let you in on a lot of stuff about me.  For what reason??  I am not really sure.  When you do this type of thing, you tend to sometimes think you are interesting.  Those are the good days, when you feel pretty good about yourself, and sometimes you think you are just weird. 

You know there is a battle going on within you.  Maybe many battles but here is one.  There is you.  The real you.  It is someone who wants to come out of their shell, but also doesn't.  The greatest desire is to come out, but also our greatest fear.  Why is it our greatest fear??  You know you have flaws.  You know you aren't perfect, and you know the World judges.  Being judged is the worst, and it sucks etc..  Stepping out of your shell is hard, but necessary.  Why??  Not really sure, but it is good to let things out into the open.  It is good to bring things to light.  Something that stays in the dark the whole time is??   nothing really.   Garbage. 

We all are guilty of wanting people to only see our fabulous side.  We all are ignorant as to what actually is fabulous.  Our idea of fabulous is whatever fairy tale understanding we believe fabulous to be.  Truth and honesty is fabulous, but we don't always feel fabulous when we let people see our truth, and our honesty. 

You really have to trust in truth and honesty, and that kind of stuff, because all steps in that direction are not easy.  Because at the end of the day what I have been saying.  Trust is better than all your actions.  Trust is a blind step.  A blind scary step.  A step when you do something, and you don't feel all that confident about it, and all that strong. 

Tough has nothing at all to do with whatever you do on a race course.  Tough has to do with how you deal with life. 

The race course means absolutely nothing about life.  Your life is all the stuff you try to hide.  You can see people trying to come out though, and being scared a bit.  I hear you. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  good thing about waking up early is I get to run before work.   yay.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D